Accountability and Compassion: Growing Together

Back in my youthful days, leafing through books wasn't my usual pastime. Enthralled by basketball, my world centered around watching the sport on TV or shooting hoops whenever I had a spare moment. However, a pivotal shift occurred when I found myself in Mrs. Katobi's fifth-grade class—an experience that fundamentally shaped my views on accountability and learning.

I vividly recall our conversation:

"What brings you joy?" she asked. "Sports. Especially basketball," I replied.

"Fantastic! Find a book about a basketball player and have a book report ready by Monday," she instructed.

“I don’t have any books on basketball players,” I confessed, assuming it would mark the end of our discussion.

"Alright," she said firmly, "I'll speak to your mother about a library visit." And she did.

Instead of hitting the court after school, my mother drove me to our local library. Mrs. Katobi had already alerted the librarian about my quest for a basketball-related book. Amidst the shelves brimming with literary treasures, picking just one amidst that sea of paper seemed daunting.

The librarian, from Peoria Heights Library, inquired, “Who is your favorite basketball player?”

“Wilt the Stilt Chamberlin,” I answered, not expecting to find anything on him and hoping to swiftly return to the court.

To my surprise, she located an autobiography titled 'Wilt: Just Like Any Other 7-Foot Black Millionaire Who Lives Next Door'.

I'll always be grateful to these two women—Mrs. Katobi and the librarian. They understood what I needed, cared enough to set high expectations, and held me accountable while offering support. Mrs. Katobi's initiative to contact my mother and the librarian alleviated obstacles, showcasing genuine care and support.

The Standard was set, accompanied by care and compassion.

the responsibility was now mine.

This scenario resonates with Paul Zak's insights in Harvard Business Review and the Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, highlighting the significance of oxytocin—a powerful neurochemical. Zak emphasizes that people's decisions to engage are voluntary, even in professional settings. Employees consciously choose where they work, driven by environments that promote oxytocin release through care and respect, or seek more affirming spaces elsewhere.

Zak's research underscores oxytocin as the biochemical foundation of the Golden Rule: "If you treat me well, my brain will synthesize oxytocin and motivate me to reciprocate."

I shared Zak's research on Emotional Intelligence with a client, leading to a discussion where accountability intertwined with empathy surfaced. Acknowledging the importance of setting clear goals and holding individuals accountable with care and empathy fosters engagement—this was our mutual understanding.

The story doesn't end there. Completing the book report, I assumed it marked the conclusion. However, Mrs. Katobi surprised us all. "Class," she announced the following week, "I've just read an intriguing report about a towering basketball player. Scott, come up and share what you learned about Wilt the Stilt."

When I finished, the applause echoed.

Zak's research indicates that celebrating success triggers oxytocin surges and the release of dopamine—a reinforcement chemical in the brain. I wonder if Mrs. Katobi knew she was nurturing a lifelong reader at that moment.

Reflecting on this, who at your workplace deserves empathetic acknowledgment? Whose achievements do you plan to celebrate soon?

If someone you know could benefit from contemplating caring accountability, why not share this blog post with them and initiate a discussion?

How to Hold Each Other Accountable and Still Care

When I was young, I did not do much reading. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, there was just no time for it between watching basketball on TV and playing basketball every other minute that I was awake. When I entered the fifth grade, that all changed because our teacher, Mrs. Katobi was pretty clear that if you wanted to get to sixth grade, some of your time would be spent reading.

I can recall a conversation she had with me:

“What do you enjoy?” she asked. “Sports. Basketball mostly,” I replied.

“Good, find and read a book about a basketball player and give me a book report on Monday.”

“I don’t have any books on basketball players,” I said to her, thinking this would be the end of the conversation.

“Fine,” she said, “I will call your mother and tell her that you need to go to the library.” And she did.

So, instead of shooting hoops after school that day, my mother drove me to our local library.

Not only that, but Mrs. Katobi had also phoned ahead and told the librarian I would be looking for a book about a basketball player. The librarian escorted me over to the biography section where it seemed to me like the sheer number of books on the shelf could keep a kid from ever playing basketball or another sport ever again. Just picking one book from this vast sea of paper was overwhelming.

This librarian at Peoria Heights Library asked me, “Who is your favorite basketball player?”

“Wilt the Stilt Chamberlin,” I replied, thinking that no way would there be a book on Chamberlin, then I would be back on the court in no time.  

She said, “Let me see. I think there is a book on him that came in not too long ago.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” I thought to myself.

Walking over to the shelf, she pulls an autobiography, Wilt: Just Like Any Other 7-Foot Black Millionaire Who Lives Next Door, off the shelf.

I have always been thankful for these two women, the librarian and Mrs. Katobi. They knew what was best for me. They cared enough to set high expectations (at least for a poor kid from the other side of the tracks) and held me accountable. They knew the work I needed to get done and helped me find an interesting way to do it. They did not micromanage the entire work process. Mrs. Katobi cared enough to take some roadblocks out of my way by calling both my mom and the librarian. As I reflect, this really gave me the feeling that she cared enough to make the calls on my behalf.

The bar was set for me. Care and compassion were shown. Then it was up to me.

Paul Zak made an interesting argument about this when he wrote in Harvard Business Review and in the Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, about the powerful neurochemical oxytocin. According to Zak, no matter what you think about people in your organization, the decision to show up is completely voluntary. In our society, people can pretty much do whatever they want to do. Employees are not that different than people who go to church or a grocery store. They, in essence, volunteer to do whatever it is they are going to do.

Sure, in a work organization they are paid. Zak gives insight into this, stating that his research shows, “they choose an organization at which to work.” It is in this realization the brain chemical oxytocin comes into play. The culture of your organization can stimulate oxytocin in your employees through all types of engagement where people feel cared for and respected. Alternately, your work environment may feel more negative, causing people to feel driven elsewhere to a place where they are more valued and appreciated.

According to Zak, his work with oxytocin shows it is the biochemical basis for the Golden Rule. “If you treat me well, my brain will synthesize oxytocin and this will motivate me to reciprocate.”

I shared this research, through the lens of Emotional Intelligence, with a client I was working with. He listened intently, nodded his head, and said, “Yeah, but...”, meaning “I do not agree”. Following the “yeah, but,” came “what we need to do is set clear goals and hold our associates accountable to do what they say they are going to do.”

“Exactly” I agreed. Holding them accountable with care and compassion will get them to want to engage.  

Turns out that is really not the end of the oxytocin story or my story. You see, I read the book, did the report, turned it in, and thought that was it. Assignment finished. I wanted to get back out to shoot hoops. However, Mrs. Katobi pulled a brilliant move.

“Class,” she said that next week, “I have just read the most fascinating report about a very tall basketball player and I thought you all might enjoy learning about him. Scott, why don’t you come up and share what you learned about Wilt the Stilt?”

When I finished, they clapped.

According to Zak, another big surge in Oxytocin occurs when we celebrate success. In addition, another neurochemical gets released called dopamine, which among other things is the brain’s reinforcement chemical. I wonder if Mrs. Katobi knew at that moment she was creating a lifelong, voracious reader.

How about you? Who at work do you need to show you are in empathetic agreement with? What achievement of some other person do you plan to celebrate in the near future?

Perhaps you know someone who needs to think more deeply about this idea of caring accountability. Why not forward them the link to this blog post and have a discussion about it?

How to Hold Each Other Accountable and Still Care

When I was young I did not do much reading. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, there was just no time for it between watching basketball on TV and playing basketball every other minute that I was awake. When I entered the fifth grade that all changed because our teacher, Mrs. Katobi was pretty clear that if you wanted to go to sixth grade that some of my time would be spent reading.

I can recall the conversation vividly. “What do you enjoy?” she asked.

“Sports, basketball mostly” I replied, bearing my entire soul to her.

“Good, find a book about a basketball player and give me a report of what you read on Monday.”

“I don’t have any books on basketball players,” I said to her thinking this would be the end of the conversation.

“Fine,” she said, “I will call your mother and tell her you need to go to the library”

And she did.

So, instead of shooting hoops after school, my mother drove me to our local library.

Not only that, but Mrs. Katobi had also phoned ahead and told the librarian I would be looking for a book about a basketball player. The librarian escorted me over to the biography section where it seemed to me like the sheer number of books on the shelf could keep a kid from ever playing basketball or another sport ever again. Just picking one from this vast sea of paper was overwhelming.

On that fateful day in 1973, the librarian at Peoria Heights Library asked me, “Who is your favorite player?”

“Wilt the Stilt Chamberlin,” I replied, thinking no way would there be a book on Chamberlin and I would be back on the court in no time.  

She said, “Let me see. I think there is a book on him that just came in not too long ago.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” I thought to myself.

Walking over to the shelf, she pulls the autobiography, Wilt: Just Like Any Other 7-foot Black Millionaire Who Lives Next Door, off the shelf.

I have always been thankful for the two main characters in this story; the librarian (I do wish I could recall her name) and Mrs. Katobi.

They knew what was best for me. They cared enough to set a high expectation (at least for a poor kid from the other side of the tracks) and held me accountable. They knew the work I needed to get done and helped me find an interesting way to do it. They did not micromanage the entire work process. Mrs. Katobi cared enough to take some roadblocks out of my way by calling both my mom and the librarian. As I reflect, this really gave me the feeling that she cared enough to make the calls on my behalf.

The bar was set for me, care and compassion were shown, and then it was up to me.

Paul Zak makes an interesting argument about this when he writes in Harvard Business Review and in Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research about the powerful neurochemical oxytocin. According to Zak, colleagues who want to help each other perform better. No matter what you think about people in your organization, the decision to show up is completely voluntary. In our society, people can pretty much do whatever they want to do. Employees are not that different than people who go to church or a grocery store. They, in essence, volunteer to do whatever it is they are going to do.

Sure, in a work organization they are paid. Zak gives insight into this, stating that his research shows, “they choose an organization at which to work.” It is in this realization the brain chemical oxytocin comes into play. The culture of your organization can stimulate oxytocin in your employees through all types of engagement where people feel cared for and respected. Alternately, your work environment may feel more like testosterone rules the day, causing people to feel driven elsewhere to a place where they are valued and appreciated.

According to Zak, his work with oxytocin shows it is the biochemical basis for the Golden Rule. “If you treat me well, my brain will synthesize oxytocin and this will motivate me to reciprocate.”

When I shared this research, through the lens of Emotional Intelligence, with a client I am working with. He listened intently, nodded his head, and said, “Yeah, but...”  In my training as a coach, I know that when I hear the word ‘but” any agreement like the head nodding and the “yeah” has just been discounted to “I DO NOT AGREE”.

Following the “yeah, but,” came “what we need to do is set clear goals and hold our associate’s feet to the fire to do what they say they are going to do.”

“EXACTLY” I agreed. Holding them accountable with care and compassion will have them want to engage.  

Turns out that is really not the end of the oxytocin story or my story. You see I read the book, did the report turned it in, and thought that was it. Assignment finished. Let’s get back out to shooting hoops. However, Mrs. Katobi, probably being the smartest person to ever teach any subject to any student pulled a brilliant move.

“Class,” she said that next week, “I have just read the most fascinating report about a very tall basketball player and I thought you all might enjoy learning about him so, Scott, why don’t you come up and share what you learned about Wilt the Stilt.”

When I finished, they clapped.

According to Zak another big surge in Oxytocin occurs when we celebrate success. In addition, another neurochemical gets released called dopamine which among other things is the brain’s reinforcement chemical.

I wonder if Mrs. Katobi knew at that moment she was creating a lifelong, voracious reader?

How about you? Who at work do you need to show you are in empathetic agreement with? What achievement of some other person do you plan to celebrate in the near future?

Perhaps you know someone who needs to think more deeply about this idea of caring accountability? Why not forward them the link to this article and then invite them to lunch to talk about it?

What Do You Mean They Don’t Trust Me?

I doubt that too many leaders wake up in the morning saying to themselves, “Gee, I wonder how I can erode my team’s trust today?” If they did they would either be pure evil or would be trying to get people to quit their team. To me, it is almost unconscionable that a person who was able to rise to a level of leadership in an organization would stoop to such madness.

The thing I find interesting in my executive coaching practice are the calls I receive asking for suggestions on what can be done when a leader has lost their team’s trust. So, I did some research on organizational leaders regaining trust and here is a brief summary of what I found.

Steps to Regaining Trust

1. Discern the Error. Since most leaders do not get up in the morning hoping to erode the trust of the team, it is important to decipher what went wrong. How small or large is the impact? Did you go back on your word? Are you making changes that people do not understand? Were changes made that were thought to be temporary but now they seem permanent? If the violation of trust is two-sided then some type of conflict resolution will be needed.

2. Assess the Impact. If the violation of trust is localized between one, or two, individuals then move as fast as you can to rectify the situation. Realize that even if it’s just a misunderstanding, word travels quickly in organizations. Try and remedy this as fast as possible. If the transgression is more systemic, then a more formal, systematic plan may need to be put in place.

3. Admit Publicly The Error Of Your Way...Quickly. Once you’ve identified your error, be prepared to make it right. Perhaps one of the most common trust errors is the perception of the leader using inconsistent standards to evaluate contribution. When this happens a leader needs to apologize for any inconsistency and strive for clarity around the standards being set.

4. Listen to Each Other. No matter if the erosion is localized or systemic, good listening skills by both parties are needed. Avoid trying to justify behavior or explaining your intention. There can be time for that level of clarification later. The thing that is needed most at this point is to sit down, show good empathy and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

5. Be Prepared to Apologize. The leader must have a humble posture in order to grant someone else a higher position than they take for themselves. According to Edgar Schein, this can be difficult for a leader because of the formal power granted by the organization where the follower is just expected to implicitly comply.

6. Follow Up with Compassion. According to trust and communication expert, Irina Schultheiss Radu, leaders need to build cognitive trust by showing they are reliable and dependable to work whatever plan has been put into place. At the same time, the leader needs to build affective trust by showing true care and compassion. (Click here to refresh your memory on cognitive and affective trust.)

When a leader finds themselves in trust-issues situations immediate action is needed in order for organizational effectiveness and efficiency to be restored. Are you currently rebuilding trust with your team members? What actions are you putting in place to recover the path toward trust?

If you are a leader who thinks you have lost trust, or you are forwarding this article to someone you feel has lost trust, take heart. In most cases the trust is recoverable. The path is not easy, but if approached with sincerity, restoration is possible.