"One of my clients had a profound impact on my life this week. What I heard him say is:
"Scott I realized that I have to take care of me. I am at my best when I am taking care of myself. I decided that I am going to do yoga when I get up in the morning, and I am going to exercise at noon. I am going to be conscious of my diet and make good choices about what goes into my body."
When I probed for the reason, he continued,
"There has been a lot of negativity in my life recently, and I am just not going to allow it to get me down any longer. I am going to choose the leader I want to be and not be some weak victim of circumstance."
Absolutely Profound.
Choosing positive self-care over a negative circumstantial life perspective. Thanks to the courage of this story, this month I am dedicating the blog to the idea of wellness. We will discuss ways that you as a leader can take a positive self-care position, rather than be a victim of any negative circumstance.
Businessman holding two papers with happy and angry face each on them
According to the National Wellness Institute, wellness is "an active process through which people become aware of, and make choices toward, a more successful existence."
Four things to notice about wellness:
It is an active process. It is something you devote energy to making happen. It is intentional on your part as a leader.
It starts with self-awareness. Are you aware of the moment when health choices present themselves?
Wellness is a choice. You decide to be well in the moment, or say screw it and become a victim of your circumstance.
There is an end game. A successful existence. This is your life. You only get one. Why not make it the very best that it can be?
The National Wellness Institute describes six different dimensions for us to consider as we examine our own wellbeing:
Emotional
Occupational
Physical
Social
Intellectual
Spiritual
This week I want to focus on your Emotional Wellbeing as a leader.
The Story
One of my favorite authors is Martin Seligman. As a past president of the American Psychological Association, he has the credibility from a research standpoint that is really meaningful for me. In addition, Martin is a gifted storyteller who can weave a story together and then bring home a point that has real impact and causes me to pause and examine my own life.
One of my favorite stories that Martin tells is in his book Authentic Happiness. He details the stories of two of 180 nuns who are the subjects of an impactful and noteworthy study on longevity and happiness. If you want all the details, you really need to get the book, it is a great read. Here is the bottom line:
90% of the most cheerful 25% of the nuns was alive at age 85 vs. only 34% of the least cheerful 25%.
54% of the most cheerful quarter was alive at age 94, as opposed to only 11% of the least cheerful.
Studies of longevity are admittedly dicey and very complex from a pure science standpoint. Causality is extremely difficult to make a case for. However, one of the reasons this study is so impactful is that nuns lead very similar life. They eat similar food, they don’t smoke or drink alcohol, they have similar routines. Sure there are some other differences that could account for the results:
Different levels of intellect
Different depths of spirituality
Different outlooks on the future
However, none of these in the research made any difference. The thing that Seligman points out that made a difference in the longevity of the nuns was the amount of positive feelings expressed.
If longevity is at least one measure of a successful existence, then the positive outlook you have on life matters!
Happiness and Emotional Intelligence
In the Emotional Intelligence training that I do as a part of my consulting, one of the attributes we measure is that of Happiness or Wellbeing. In the model we use there are four factors that comprise Wellbeing:
Self-Regard: Believing in yourself and living according to your values.
Self-Actualization: A willingness to learn and grow in accordance with your values.
Interpersonal Relationships: Engaging in mutually satisfying relationships.
Optimism: The ability to respond, recover, and claim a happy state from disappointments and setbacks in life
There are two important considerations as you evaluate your own level of well-being.
The first is that you display as much of these four attributes as you can. Believe in yourself and live according to your values. Learn and grow in areas that really matter to you. Have friends and ensure that there is reciprocity. Realize that things are not always going to go your way. It isn’t if you are going to have a setback in life it is when. What counts is how you respond.
The second is that you have balance between these attributes. For example, you want to make sure that your self-regard is balanced with your interpersonal relationships. If you have a high level of self-regard and low levels of interpersonal relationships, you could come across as prideful and in it for yourself. If you have low levels of self-regard and high interpersonal relationships, then you could come across as needy and not fun to be around.
As you think about the successful life you want to live as a leader, are you choosing to maximize and balance these 4 attributes of emotional health?
Homework:
Rate yourself on a scale from one (low) to 10 (high) on each of the 4 attributes of well-being. Are you maximizing each attribute? Are all four of the attributes in balance with each other? As you reflect on these, what changes would you need to make to live a long and successful life?