I hope everyone had a good Easter weekend. Back to the work week and our own personal development. I want to share some things I learned about leadership from my Mom this week. If you are not considering wellness in your personal development, then you are leaving out a big component of your leadership unexamined that could have an impact on your effectiveness. This week's blog really had a profound impact on me personally.
Things I learned about leadership from my mom:
Culture Matters
My Mom was all about family. We were together all of the time. Not just my parents and siblings, but my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My Mom was a “stay-at-home Mom," and I was also with my grandparents every day. The culture of the family mattered. My Mom created a family culture that oozed safety and security for us as kids.
My good friends and experts on organizational culture, Dr. Boyd Johnson and Dr. Mike Linville will undoubtedly support this notion of the importance of culture in organizations. As will my old boss and good friend Tom Considine, who famously agrees with Peter Drucker that "Culture eats strategy for lunch."
“Culture, Culture, Culture” rings through my mind with the same tone that Jan Brady had in an old Brady Bunch episode, complaining that her sister Marsha got all the attention…”Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!!” Culture definitely needs to get MUCH more attention in organizations than it currently does.
Edgar Schein, the great organizational culture theorist says that in our Western traditions of human nature, humans are social animals with primary social needs*. When these humans come together, if they are to survive, a set of rules and regulations will need to be established to make the environment safe for everyone.
I hope you caught the nuance. The rules and regulations are about making the environment safe. This set of rules and regulations is not about making people feel valued or understood, but safe. Why? My Mom said that because when people feel safe, they are able to perform at maximum capacity. When they feel threatened, their survival mode kicks in, their thinking decreases, and their ability to hear what the leader has to say goes down.
This is why we say when leaders are trying to make a point or provide feedback, it is important to focus less on what you have to say and more on how the person is receiving it. If the person receiving the feedback feels safe, then there is a greater likelihood that your message will be heard. My Mom created an environment of safety and security (with discipline) that allowed for growth and well-being to be nurtured in our family.
Leaders Show Up
You can’t delegate presence. As a leader, you can delegate a lot of things to other people. However, you can not delegate your physical presence when it is needed by your followers. In my family, it didn’t matter what you had going on, you showed up for weddings and funerals. You showed up for birthday parties and baptisms. You went to church every Sunday morning. My parents never missed a sporting event, a theatrical performance, a band concert, etc.
If you want followers to follow you, then you have to show up to what is important to them. Are they making a big presentation, but you are triple-booked on your calendar? Decide to show up to their presentation! Do they have a meeting scheduled with you where they need a decision? Show up to the meeting! Is there a crisis in their life and they need you to listen? Show up and listen!
Leaders Sacrifice
I grew up in a blue-collar, working-class neighborhood in Peoria, Illinois. My parents came from working-class parents who worked on assembly lines. We did not grow up with privilege, status, or great means. Yet I always had new shoes for basketball tryouts, killer birthday parties, and an extra $20 bill in my pocket for gas to drive back to college. My Mom never seemed to have the newest or best, but I feel I always did. My Mom showed up. This created a feeling of caring and support that allowed for risk-taking and freedom.
Followers notice the sacrifices of the leader. They notice when you stay late and help them with a project when you could be off to a social event. They notice when you answer a phone, text, or email from them. They notice when you give of yourself to them when you had other options. What do you think you might get in return for your sacrifices? I would propose that you would get these things: commitment, loyalty, and extra effort.
Interestingly, do you know what is missing in a lot of organizations today? I would suggest these things I learned about leadership from my Mom: commitment, loyalty, and extra effort. I wonder if there is a reason. One thing I would add is that my Mom never expected anything in return. If you expect loyalty, then to me that is a bit coercive. But if you willingly sacrifice as a leader, expecting nothing in return, like my Mom, then you may just get the loyalty and commitment you are looking for.
Homework: Consider the reflection questions posed in the article. After you spend some time thinking about them, see if you notice any changes that you need to make in how you are approaching your leadership.
*Schein, E. (2010). Organizational Culture and Leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. (p. 144).