3 Reasons People Make Change

As a coach, I'm often asked, "Why do people change?" This question reveals a lot about how we perceive human potential & our role as leaders in nurturing growth. Let's explore three key reasons people change & how leaders can support this process.

The Capacity for Change

Before we dive into the reasons people change, let's briefly touch on our capacity for transformation. Our brains are incredibly adaptable, constantly forming new connections in response to our experiences & choices. This neuroplasticity is the foundation of personal growth. As leaders, understanding our capacity for change can profoundly impact how we approach development in our teams & ourselves.

3 Reasons People Make Change

1. Increased Self-Understanding

When individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves - their strengths, weaknesses, & impact on others - they often identify aspects they want to improve.

In practice, this might manifest as an executive recognizing that their direct leadership style, while efficient in crisis situations, actually suppresses creativity & team involvement in day-to-day operations. By understanding this gap between their default approach & the needs of their organization, they can make intentional changes. 

Leadership Insight: How are you helping your team members gain self-understanding? Are you providing regular, constructive feedback that helps them recognize their impact?

2. Heightened Awareness of Others 

As people become more attuned to how their actions affect those around them, they often feel motivated to change. This increased awareness can lead to significant personal growth and improved relationships.

Picture a leader who's always chasing the next deadline. One day, they notice their team seems stressed & uninspired. And suddenly it clicks: Always rushing for quick wins is hurting the big picture. So they try something new. They start planning further ahead, invest time in their team's growth, & really champion taking breaks & logging off. Soon enough, they see the payoff - a more stable team, more creative solutions, & stronger results across the board.

Leadership Insight: How are you modeling awareness of others in your leadership? Are you creating opportunities for your team to develop & practice this skill?

3. Internal Drive

People with a strong sense of internal motivation are often driven by personal satisfaction and a desire for growth rather than external rewards. This internal drive can be a powerful force for change.

Imagine an executive with a grand vision for their organization's future. They might recognize that to turn that vision into reality, they need to transform their own leadership approach. They begin challenging themselves to be more bold, to inspire more innovative thinking in their team, & to make gutsier decisions. It's their internal drive to create something truly significant that pushes them to grow & change as a leader.

Leadership Insight: How are you tapping into your team members' internal motivations? Are you providing opportunities for growth that align with their personal goals?

Why Do People Change? The Leader's Role in Facilitating Transformation

Understanding why people change is only half the battle. Our job as leaders isn't just to see the potential for transformation - it's to create an environment where change can thrive. Here are a few tricks to help you get started: 

1. Encourage regular self-reflection: Create opportunities for your team to pause & evaluate their progress, challenges, & goals. This could be through guided exercises or dedicated time for introspection.

2. Provide constructive feedback: Offer specific, actionable insights that highlight both strengths & areas for improvement. Make this a two-way street by also soliciting feedback on your leadership.

3. Offer opportunities for skill development: Invest in your team's growth by providing access to training, workshops, or stretch assignments that align with their career aspirations & your organizational needs.

4. Recognize & celebrate growth: Acknowledge the efforts & progress your team members make, not just the end results. This reinforces the value of the change process itself.

5. Model the change you want to see: Demonstrate your own commitment to growth by openly sharing your learning experiences & how you're applying new insights.

As you implement these strategies, you'll find yourself naturally shifting from simply understanding why people change to actively supporting & nurturing that change. This journey will challenge you to examine your own assumptions & see your team members not just as they are, but as they're becoming. It's this perspective - viewing people through the lens of their potential - that truly elevates leadership & drives meaningful transformation.

Moving Forward: Leveraging the 3 Reasons People Change

Leadership & personal growth go hand in hand, & understanding why people change is the thread that ties it all together. By recognizing these three drivers of change & nurturing an environment that champions growth, you're paving the way for both your team & yourself to thrive.

But understanding why people change is just the first step in your leadership journey. The real power comes from applying this knowledge to transform your leadership style & your organization. Navigating this transformation can be challenging – that's where expert guidance can make all the difference.

I’ve invested more than 3 decades helping leaders like you not just understand change, but leverage it to drive personal & organizational growth. Through coaching, you'll learn to:

1. Identify & nurture the catalysts for positive change in yourself & your team

2. Create an environment that supports & accelerates personal & professional growth

3. Develop strategies to overcome resistance to change, both internal & external

4. Transform your leadership style to inspire & guide your team through periods of change

To learn how Dr. Livingston’s expertise in change management & leadership development can help you turn the insights from this blog into actionable strategies for your organization, click here. 

Why Every Leader Should Journal: Insights and Benefits

One summer, I was researching for an article and came across a thesis that used journaling as a research tool for self-discovery among youth football coaches:

A leadership discovery: enhancing Finnish youth football coaches' Effectiveness through the Transformer Research Project

In this study, journaling was used as a tool rather than the primary outcome. As I read through the article, the benefits of journaling became abundantly clear.

THE BENEFITS of Journaling for Leaders

Having worked with many coaching clients over the years, I have frequently recommended journaling as a powerful leadership development strategy. Journaling involves taking time to reflect and write down your observations about how you show up in different situations.

Given the widespread lack of self-awareness in leadership, journaling is a crucial method for documenting your thoughts and feelings about your experiences. It serves as a record of your emotions and thoughts on any given day across various circumstances.

Here are my top five reasons that every leader should journal:

1. Self-awareness: Leaders need to reflect on how they present themselves in different contexts and what triggers their emotions. Despite how well we think we know ourselves, reflection can always reveal something new.

2. Managing Stress: Writing is an excellent way to reduce stress levels. Visual journaling, or what my second-grade teacher Mrs. Carlson called “drawing,” can be even more effective. A 2010 study by Amanda Mercer found that medical students experienced reduced stress and anxiety when they kept a visual journal.

3. Gaining Clarity: When faced with complex issues, writing or drawing can help sort things out. Taking time to clear your mind and put your thoughts on paper or a tablet can clarify your decisions.

4. Prioritizing: Life can get hectic, especially in our Western world, where leaders often struggle to prioritize. Journaling helps you focus by writing down what’s important. It serves as a metaphorical stake in the ground, providing a reference point.

5. Controlling Impulses: Journaling gives you a place to reflect before acting. Before agreeing or committing to something, I turn to my journal to avoid impulsive decisions. It’s a crucial tool for deciding which projects to accept or decline.

A Personal Revelation:

A few days before Father’s Day that summer, while reviewing the aforementioned article, my kids ended up gifting me a journal for Father’s Day. But not just any journal—it was called StoryWorth.

Here’s how StoryWorth works:

• Every week, you receive an email prompt to write about a memory from your past.

• You reply to the email to journal, writing as much or as little as you want. I typically write two or three paragraphs.

• These entries are saved, and you can eventually turn your journaling into a book. After 52 weeks, you could have a cherished book of memories.

The Top Reason ALL Leaders Need to Journal:

Your leadership story IS worth reading.

Navigating Leadership Challenges: Moving Beyond Advice to Empowerment

Introduction:

In the realm of leadership, providing advice often seems like the obvious path to helping others navigate complex situations. Yet, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, authors of "Thanks for the Feedback," shed light on the limitations of advice-giving, emphasizing the need for specificity and context. This raises the question: How can leaders effectively address challenges without merely dispensing advice? Let's explore a more empowering approach that emphasizes understanding, collaboration, and fostering a culture of trust.

Empowering Through Coaching:

Rather than offering quick-fix advice, effective leadership involves coaching individuals to discover their own solutions. Coaching isn't about dictating actions; it's about guiding individuals to unlock their inner wisdom. As Parker Palmer suggests, it's about "pulling out their inner teacher." By refraining from prescribing solutions and instead helping individuals explore their options, leaders empower them to make informed decisions aligned with their unique circumstances.

Understanding Context:

When faced with inquiries about handling leadership dilemmas, it's crucial to resist the temptation to jump to conclusions. Rather than hastily providing answers, take the time to understand the nuanced context surrounding the situation. Delve into the organizational dynamics, team relationships, and external factors shaping the challenge at hand. This deep understanding lays the groundwork for tailored guidance that resonates with the specific needs of the individual and the organization.

Organizational Considerations:

At the organizational level, effective leadership entails aligning team objectives with strategic goals. Reorganization should stem from a clear strategic rationale, driven by shifts in internal or external dynamics. Merely reshuffling teams without addressing underlying issues risks perpetuating dysfunction and escalating costs. Leaders must assess whether the benefits of reorganization outweigh the disruptions it entails, ensuring that organizational integrity remains intact.

Fostering Collaborative Dynamics:

Within teams, fostering a culture of collaboration is paramount. True collaboration isn't about everyone being involved in everything but rather about trusting each other's expertise and contributions. Leaders play a pivotal role in nurturing this culture by fostering trusting relationships and upholding team standards. Encouraging open communication, embracing vulnerability, and instilling confidence in team members create a fertile ground for collaboration to flourish.

Accountability and Conflict Resolution:

In the face of conflict or underperformance, leaders must navigate with finesse. Accountability rests not solely on the individual but on the collective responsibility of the team. Leaders should encourage a culture of peer accountability, where team members hold each other to high standards. Addressing individual shortcomings requires a delicate balance of coaching and mentorship, guided by the overarching goal of fostering growth and improvement.

Conclusion:

Navigating leadership challenges demands a departure from conventional advice-giving towards a more nuanced and empowering approach. By embracing coaching, understanding context, and fostering collaborative dynamics, leaders can navigate complexities with confidence and efficacy. Ultimately, it's not about having all the answers but about empowering others to find their own path to success.

Unlocking Leadership Excellence: 7 Essential Questions Every Leader Should Reflect On

In the fast-paced world of leadership, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and forget the importance of stepping back to reflect. Yet, purposeful reflection is not just a luxury for leaders; it's a necessity. It's what separates good leaders from truly exceptional ones.

As a leadership coach, I often ask my clients a simple yet profound question: How good are you at spending time in purposeful reflection? The reason for this inquiry is clear: leaders are adept at reflecting on the work in front of them but often neglect critical reflection on the processes that drive that work forward.

Consider this scenario: a leader meticulously reviews the talent in their organization but fails to reflect on their own biases or the overall outcome of their efforts. This lack of introspection can have far-reaching consequences, not only for the leaders themselves but for the entire team.

So, what can leaders do to bridge this gap and cultivate a culture of reflection within their organizations?

It starts with asking the right questions.

Here are seven essential questions every leader should reflect on:

1. Confirmation Bias: Are you seeking out proof that confirms what you already believe, rather than challenging your assumptions?

2. Hindsight Bias: Are you relying on outdated information or past mistakes to inform your present decisions?

3. Gender Bias: Are you unconsciously discriminating against individuals based on gender stereotypes?

4. Anchoring Bias: Are you allowing past experiences to unfairly influence your perceptions of current situations?

5. Available Thought Bias: Are you falling into the trap of defending your ideas simply because they were the first to come to mind?

6. Role Modeling: Do you see yourself as a role model for your team, and are you setting a positive example for them to follow?

7. Work/Life Balance: Are you unintentionally sending mixed messages about work/life balance by your actions?

Reflecting on these questions isn't just about self-improvement; it's about fostering a more inclusive and effective leadership style. It's about recognizing our own biases and blind spots and taking proactive steps to address them.

As leaders, we owe it to ourselves and our teams to pause, reflect, and strive for excellence in everything we do. So, take some time today or this week to ponder these questions. Challenge yourself to dig deep, confront your biases, and emerge as a stronger, more self-aware leader.

Remember, leadership excellence isn't achieved overnight, but with dedication and reflection, it's well within reach!

Unlocking Change: Understanding Your Team's Change Style

Slow down, take a deep breath, and think for a minute about this question:

As a leader, what is the single most important thing you are trying to change in your organization?

Do you have that ONE thing in mind? Now write it down.

In my work as an organizational consultant and executive coach, I often work with leaders who have several things they are trying to change at the same time. They are trying to make their organization more efficient and more focused, and they want to have their employees think in a new or different way.

It would be fairly easy to lead if you only had to make one change at a time, and you could do this linearly and synchronously. No one I know in leadership has this luxury though.

Change is all around you, coming at you from every side:

• Budgets change

• People change

• Expectations change

• Visions change

• Customers change

• Products change

• Regulations change

• Bosses’ minds change

Often all of these types of changes can happen at the same time. Sometimes you are in complete control of these changes, and other times you feel like you are in more of a reactionary position.

No matter the position you find yourself in, as a leader, one thing is clear, part of your calling is to be able and willing to change.

Style Preferences:

One of the things I have been thinking more about over the past several months is not necessarily the types of changes or even my level of control over them, but more so about how my team members and customers approach change in general. In our organization, we have a lot of changes going on sometimes all at once:

• We add new team members

• We launch new websites

• We take on more projects

• We add new courses to our teaching repertoire

• We start to do executive coaching in new industries and with new clients

Change is everywhere.

However, I have been trying to focus less on the “what” that is changing and more on the “how” each person on my team responds to change.

Let’s face it. Some of you are change junkies. Change gives your brain a huge dopamine rush and you get an overwhelmingly positive feeling when things are changing. Some of you like to move so fast that you end up getting several steps ahead of everyone else and you are forced to slow down or lose others completely. Others of you realize that change is imminent, but you have more of a slow-and-steady-wins-the-race approach.

Experts on change agree that while there is no one-style-fits-all approach, each of us has our own approach that we are more comfortable with when it comes to change.

Change Style Indicator:

A tool that I use to better understand the change styles of my team is the “Change Style Indicator”. This is a simple and easy-to-use assessment you can look up online that gives people a glimpse into their style preferences when they are faced with change. The assessment takes less than 10 minutes to complete, then you are scored on a change style continuum of three styles that represent distinct approaches when responding to change. The continuum ranges from a Conserver Style to an Originator Style, to a Pragmatists Style, occupying the middle range of the continuum.

I have found that working with my team in light of this assessment has helped us to manage all the changes we are facing more productively. While this tool does not give any indication of whether or not we are good at change, or even if our styles are effective for the type of changes we are facing, what it does for me as a leader is:

• Allow me to approach everyone on my team as an individual in the ways they like to approach change

• Get a better feel for the underlying emotions and anxieties associated with the change

• Better understand some of the natural conflicts that arise between team members based on the changes they are facing

• Get better at responding, helping to enhance collaboration, and even encouraging the team to innovate more

I asked a member of my team to answer a few questions about their perspective on the Change Style Indicator.

1. How easy was this assessment to take and how long did it take you to complete it?

   It only took me about 15 minutes, including the time to read the instructions. The questions are straightforward and ask you for the response that immediately comes to mind. There are no "right" or "wrong" answers, you are just asked to be candid in your responses.

2. What is one thing that you learned about yourself from the assessment that you didn’t already know?

   I have utilized several personality and communication style assessments, but I've never taken one directly related to dealing with change. I enjoyed reading the detailed results report, which indicated I am a "Pragmatist" with a "Conserver" orientation. This means that I prefer the kind of change that happens for practical reasons, and I want to make sure any change is a group effort, keeping in mind what is best for the team.

3. How can you see yourself using this assessment as you influence others on our team?

   The results report provided a useful outline of my strengths and weaknesses when dealing with change. This is helpful for my work in the future as it gives me tools to explain to other team members how I can best contribute to change within our organization. If everyone on my team utilizes the Change Style Indicator, it can help us when planning our work so that the assignments and expectations are tailored to suit the strengths and weaknesses of each team member.

4. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to be more influential as a leader in their organization?

   Self-awareness is an essential skill for any leader. When working with a team, you not only have to understand yourself but you have to also be able to adapt your style when necessary to get the best results with your group. The Change Style Indicator is a useful key to self-awareness in managing organizational change.

Simple tools like this can be quite effective in helping us as leaders to assess our teams and what the best approaches might be to maximize our change opportunities.

Takeaway:

Go back to the change that you wrote down at the beginning of this post. Now think about all the people on your team who are affected by that change. What words would you use to describe the way they approach change? I think taking some time and assessing how people respond to change can make all the difference in how effective we are as leaders in making change happen.

Embracing Critical Thinking: Beyond Misconceptions and One-Liners

In a world fraught with discord, where misinformation often fuels our debates, there's one consensus we could strive for - acknowledging Gene Roddenberry's genius. As the mastermind behind Star Trek, Roddenberry not only crafted captivating characters but also imparted profound wisdom through their dialogue.

Amidst the quips and adventures of Dr. McCoy, Mr. Scott, and Captain Kirk, it's Mr. Spock's rationality that resonates deeply in today's tumultuous times. His assertion, "In critical moments, men sometimes see exactly what they wish to see," serves as a poignant reminder of our innate biases.

We're prone to cherry-picking facts to fit our narratives, as evidenced by popular misconceptions like the efficacy of Vitamin C in boosting immunity or the visibility of the Great Wall of China from space. However, as Dr. Diane Halpern aptly notes, in this era inundated with information, critical thinking has never been more imperative.

Yet, critical thinking demands more than a cursory Google search. It necessitates introspection and discernment. Take, for instance, the misconception surrounding Vitamin C. While anecdotes may tout its benefits, a deeper inquiry reveals the nuanced truth: our immune systems function optimally without artificial "boosts."

So, before we cling to long-held beliefs or perpetuate anecdotal evidence, let's cultivate humility and curiosity. In a world inundated with noise, it's our commitment to critical thinking that will illuminate the path forward. Let's embrace the humility to say:

“I don’t know, but I am open to learning more.”

Embracing Growth: Understanding the Dynamics of Personal Change

In my coaching practice, a common inquiry I encounter is, “Can people truly change?” It's a query that resonates deeply, especially in organizational settings where the belief persists that individuals are inherently static, like leopards unable to alter their spots. However, science tells us otherwise. With every cell in our bodies regenerating every 7 to 10 years, the potential for change is undeniable.

But beyond the capability for change lies a more nuanced question, “Can people choose to grow?” The answer lies in individual agency and the conscious decision to evolve. Yet, amidst this journey of self-transformation, a crucial consideration emerges.

Will others acknowledge and accept this change?

Reflecting on my experiences, I've witnessed individuals navigating profound transformations for various reasons, encapsulated by three key motivations:

1. Intentional Evolution: Often, the motivation for change arises from a dissonance between one's intentions and their impact. An example is someone whose communication style inadvertently fosters misunderstanding despite their genuine intentions. Recognizing this misalignment can serve as a potent catalyst for personal evolution.

2. The Threshold of Pain: For many, change becomes imperative when the status quo no longer serves their aspirations. Whether escaping toxic relationships or unfulfilling careers, the discomfort of stagnation propels individuals towards transformative action.

3. Aspiration for More: Some individuals aspire for a life of greater significance, driven by an insatiable thirst for growth and opportunity. However, entrenched perceptions and past reputations can impede their trajectory, necessitating organizational support and recognition of their potential.

Despite the myriad of motivations driving personal change, the true litmus test lies in our capacity to accept and embrace these transformations. While we may profess openness to change, implicit biases and entrenched beliefs often cloud our perceptions, hindering genuine acceptance.

Ultimately, the responsibility rests not on changing others but on understanding and supporting their journey towards self-realization. By fostering environments conducive to growth and acknowledging the multifaceted nature of personal evolution, we can cultivate a culture of acceptance and empowerment.

So, the next time you ponder the question of change, perhaps shift the focus inward.

Can you wholeheartedly embrace the transformative journey of those around you?

After all, the true measure of change lies not in its occurrence but in our willingness to embrace it.

Team Health: Journey to High Performance and Synergy

A few years ago, I found myself at the helm of a discussion with a high-performing team comprised of industry "top guns." These professionals, with a contact list reaching deep into influential customers, had consistently achieved remarkable results, hitting yearly goals well before the third quarter. However, a crucial realization emerged – true excellence and invincibility arise not just from individual prowess but from the collective health of the team.

TEAM HEALTH

Team health, akin to human health, operates on a delicate balance. Just as extreme performance can have detrimental effects on physical health, overemphasizing certain aspects of team performance without considering the holistic system can lead to short-term success and long-term damage.

Reflecting on this concept, I recalled a conversation with a physician friend actively involved with consulting for athletes. He recounted a meeting preparing marathon runners for a race, where 40% of the physician-runners under 55 had heart stents. High performers, regardless of the discipline, must consider all systems contributing to their performance to avoid breakdowns.

My mission, assigned by the organization, was clear – the team needed to recognize themselves as leaders within the organization, requiring self-awareness and self-leadership. This called for double-loop learning, challenging fundamental assumptions and redefining performance.

exploration and advancement

To shift the team's perspective, we explored two ways to encourage learning:

The exploration involved stimulating innovation through exercises like improving listening skills. By listening intensely, the team learned to understand diverse perspectives within the organization, fostering much-needed synergy.

Advancement, on the other hand, focuses on improving existing processes while incorporating innovation. Unhealthy conflict resolution patterns were identified and addressed. Instead of internalizing issues, the team learned to be assertive and flexible in their conflict styles, fostering a healthier and more productive work environment.

As a leader, caring for your team's health is paramount.

Continually exploring and advancing through learning opportunities will not only improve team dynamics but also pave the way for sustained success and organizational synergy.

Empowering Your Boss: A Unique Approach to Leadership Development

During one of my Leadership 360 interviews, a direct report posed an uncommon yet thought-provoking question: "How can I help my boss become a better leader?" This query struck a chord as it showcased a genuine desire to contribute to the supervisor's professional growth—an inquiry I hadn't encountered in my nearly two decades of conducting such interviews.

Navigating the fine line of confidentiality, I recognized the need to offer guidance without compromising the privacy of my client's developmental journey. The direct report's eagerness to support her boss's leadership evolution inspired a tactful response.

My Response

My advice centered on fostering self-awareness—a key element in any leader's development. I proposed that she, with a level of trust and willingness to take some risks, help her boss recognize instances where he exhibited strengths or areas he aimed to improve.

For instance, if the boss acknowledged a tendency to micromanage, she could, at an opportune moment, express her observations: "Boss, it seems like you might be micromanaging right now. Is that intentional?" The ensuing silence suggested contemplation, but her eventual commitment to the idea revealed her willingness to contribute positively.

The essence of my counsel lay in aiding leaders to perceive the change they sought. Encouraging self-awareness proves invaluable in leadership development, offering a profound gift to those aiming to refine their skills.

What About You?

Reflecting on this scenario prompts a broader perspective on personal development. While our focus often revolves around our personal growth, extending support to others can be equally gratifying. Consider shifting from problem-solving to inspiring awareness in those around you.

In conclusion, take a moment to inquire how you can assist your leaders in their development. Their responses might not only surprise you but also invigorate your journey of self-improvement.

Evaluating Leadership Momentum: Reflections, Trends, and Future Pathways

The holiday period between mid-December and mid-January often sees a lull in new coaching or training engagements. It’s a period I've come to utilize for reflection and planning, a time to ponder on the trajectory of my coaching practice for the upcoming year while working with existing clients and welcoming new ones.

As I stand on the threshold of a new year, pivotal questions arise: How many new clients will I engage with? Who will they be? What shape will my coaching practice take in the months ahead? Contemplating these queries is vital for proactive planning, ensuring a successful journey both for me and my clients.

Beyond client engagements, I dedicate time to scrutinizing the nature of the work I’ve undertaken in the past year. Examining my calendar reveals numerous instances of teaching, training, facilitating, coaching, and content creation. Yet, I confront a challenging query: Is this work still relevant? Is it impactful for those who seek my guidance in fostering leadership within their organizations?

Personal reflection becomes paramount. Analyzing how I allocate my time and comparing it with what truly brings me fulfillment in my professional life is integral. In this pursuit, I borrow from the concept of momentum—an idea not only confined to finance but also applicable to assessing relevance in various domains.

My reflective journaling has led to several observations:

Drawing from a financial newsletter I follow, momentum signifies the tendency for recent performance to persist shortly. Analogous to objects in motion staying in motion, it represents an objective measure for strategizing based on real data rather than impulsive decision-making prompted by fleeting external influences.

Emotional Intelligence Endures: The significance of emotional intelligence remains pivotal in leadership development. Dan Goleman aptly encapsulates this by emphasizing EQ over purely cognitive abilities. Organizations often overlook this crucial aspect while emphasizing skill sets and intelligence.

1. Relational Empathy Deficit: In our polarized world, understanding diverse perspectives seems to have taken a back seat. Leaders are increasingly entrenched in their viewpoints, neglecting the skill of empathizing and comprehending others' perspectives, causing a rift in ineffective leadership.

2. Adapting to Ambiguity: Turbulent times necessitate flexibility. Leaders are confronted with ambiguity and change, requiring emotional adaptability and support for their teams amid uncertainty.

3. Nurturing Talent Connections: The current robust job market underscores the importance for senior leaders to actively engage with and nurture talent within their organizations. This involves more than just assessing returns on investments; it's about fostering connections and understanding the aspirations of the workforce.

I invite you to share your thoughts on these observations or contribute your unique insights about your organization. Let's connect and delve into these observations or explore your perspectives as we embark on the possibilities for next year.

Warm regards,

Scott

Empowering Teams: Redefining Leadership in Times of Work Overload

As the year winds down and the festive season is here, it is common to witness a prevailing feeling among colleagues and team members. Many express sentiments such as:

• “Let's shelve this until next year; I'm at full capacity for now.”

• “Our team feels stretched thin with everything happening at the moment.”

• “There's an overflow of priorities on everyone's plate right now.”

• “I'm undervalued amidst the chaos; there seems to be a lack of recognition for the small but essential efforts. No one says thank you anymore.”

While reading this, reflect on how you and your team might be feeling:

• Overwhelmed?

• Underappreciated?

• Stressed for various reasons?

Job Crafting and The Research

Amidst these sentiments, a relatively new concept in leadership discussions has emerged—job crafting. This concept of job crafting has been hailed for fostering motivation, self-actualization, and a sense of purpose in work.

Research in The Leadership Quarterly by Elizabeth Solberg and Sut Wong delved into employees' perceptions of their ability to craft their roles amidst work overload. In simpler terms: Can individuals adjust their job responsibilities when feeling overloaded?

Job crafting is often seen as proactive behavior, reflecting self-initiation to instigate necessary changes. However, it is not always anticipative; rather, it is a response to the current workload. Reacting to the present workload seems more common than strategically shaping future responsibilities. The "tyranny of the moment" significantly influences our ability to craft our roles according to our needs.

The study highlights two crucial factors when employees feel overloaded: their perception of a positive resolution and the leader's need for structure.

Considering leadership and follower dynamics, accountability plays a pivotal role. Employees coping with work overload require both adaptability and the initiative to alleviate it.

However, it’s not just the follower's accountability that matters. The leader's control also significantly impacts the team. Research by Dragoni and Kuenzi suggests that leaders who display controlling behavior influence followers to exhibit less freedom or autonomy. Essentially, the more controlling the leader, the less likely the follower will exhibit the freedom to ease work overload.

In times of overwork and stress, maybe the blame doesn't entirely fall on the holiday season or even year-end tasks. Perhaps, it’s the leader's need for control. When leaders exude excessive control, it heightens the workload further, compelling followers to rely more on their guidance.

As a leader, consider this:

• How can you loosen control of the reins and empower your team?

• What value might granting your team more freedom bring to the overall effectiveness of your team?

I think that this holiday season, the gift of letting go of control might not only relieve stress for all but also foster a more empowered and productive team dynamic.

Empowering Leadership Growth: Supporting Your Boss's Development

In a Leadership 360 interview I did last year, a direct report posed a question that had never been asked in nearly two decades of my coaching career: "How can I help my boss become a better leader?" This unexpected inquiry underscored a profound desire to actively contribute to their supervisor's growth and development.

Confidentiality in my coaching sessions is paramount, yet I sought a way to honor the question without compromising my client's privacy. My response pivoted towards fostering self-awareness, a foundational aspect of leadership growth.

Supporting Your Boss's Development

"I believe the most impactful support you can offer your boss is through fostering their self-awareness," I advised. "If your boss has already highlighted their strengths and areas for improvement, consider gently pointing out moments when those aspects manifest."

Encouraging her to navigate this delicate path of offering feedback, I elaborated with an example: "If your boss has expressed a desire to reduce micromanagement, gently address the behavior at that moment. Help them recognize, without coaching or changing them, when they exhibit such tendencies."

The power of guiding leaders to perceive the change they aspire to make is an invaluable gift.

This experience prompted a broader reflection on our roles in personal development. Instead of solely focusing on our growth, why not explore ways to support others in their journey? Shifting the focus from problem-solving to inspiring awareness of opportunities can spark transformative change.

What about you?

I urge you to consider initiating conversations with your leader about supporting their development. Their response might illuminate new avenues for personal growth and invigorate your self-development journey too. By actively engaging in the growth of those around us, we not only contribute to their success but we may also find newfound inspiration for our personal development.

How can you help your boss grow as a leader today?

Mastering Sustainable Change: 5 Steps for Ongoing Success

In the hustle and bustle of this time of year, with Thanksgiving last week and Christmas and the Holidays ahead, many employees in the United States find themselves approaching performance review time in their professional lives. For over-achievers especially, this period can be filled with anticipation and anxiety. Despite pouring our best efforts into our daily tasks, the outcome we get might not always align with our perceived dedication and hard work.

Achieving recognition as a top performer at your workplace can often feel difficult to achieve, which leads us to a proactive question: "What changes can I make to secure more recognition next year?" However, sustaining change is not just about momentary shifts; it requires a strategic approach for lasting transformation.

Here Is Where We Enter the 5 Steps for Ongoing Success:

1. Crafting a Long-Term Value Proposition:

   It is crucial to recognize the lasting value of any change. This involves challenging our personal belief systems and understanding the long-term benefits of them, not just the short-term gains.

2. Experiment with New Behaviors:

   Rather than blindly adopting new behaviors, experimenting with various options allows for more informed decisions. This prevents the need to unlearn and relearn, ensuring the chosen behavior aligns with personal goals.

3. Embrace New Behaviors Across Diverse Settings:

   Embody and put into action these freshly adopted behaviors in a wide array of situations and environments. Sustainability thrives when new behaviors are practiced in different situations. Adapting new behaviors to diverse scenarios solidifies integration into daily routines.

4. Establishing Relational Feedback Loops:

   Change does not occur in isolation. Seeking feedback from various relationships provides valuable insights and fosters a supportive environment for habit formation.

5. Recognizing Milestones and Embracing Achievements:

   Celebrating milestones and acknowledging accomplishments are so important. Whether it is an individual triumph or a shared success, embracing progress significantly strengthens positive change.

Would you like to contribute more strategies for maintaining sustainable change? Feel free to share your insights or experiences in the comments below. Let's start a dialogue to nurture long-term, positive success.

7 Steps to Effective Leadership Coaching

Have you ever felt the itch to start a new project, only to be held back by the fear of the unknown? Perhaps you have watched others dive into the world of social media branding or hesitated for months before considering starting a blog of your own. You're not alone in this struggle.

I vividly recall this type of internal battle when the idea of starting this blog first crossed my mind. For over a year, I grappled with self-doubt and nagging questions: Should I really start blogging? What do I have to say that is worth sharing? What will others think of my thoughts and ideas?

Then, one day, I stumbled upon a podcast by Michael Hyatt, and his words were a game-changer: "Stop thinking about it and start doing it." Those simple, actionable steps he shared gave me the boost of confidence I needed to embark on this journey. And here I am today, years later, reaping the rewards of taking that leap of faith.

It also got me thinking that there are probably many others like me facing similar challenges. Perhaps you are hesitant to step into the world of coaching because you are not sure where to begin. If only there were a clear, step-by-step guide that could instill the confidence you need to get started, right?

That's where my experience comes into play. I reflected on my initial coaching sessions, and I have distilled some core elements that can make every coaching engagement successful. I've outlined these seven steps below to help you kickstart your journey:

7 Steps to Successful Coaching

1. Begin with an open mind :

   Coaching does not happen in a vacuum. We all bring our biases and preconceptions. But as a coach myself, it is crucial to approach every client with an open mind. See them as whole and healthy individuals. Even if you have received different information from others, focus on what your client is telling you.

2. Get to know your client:

   Effective coaching begins with understanding your client on a deeper level. Learn about who they are, their life story, what they do, and what they hope to achieve. Consider crafting a set of universal questions that you can apply to any client, and consider using personality assessments for additional insights.

3. Confirm with the client:

   Validation is key. It is essential that you verify the collected data with your client, ensuring they are confident that you understand their perspective.

4. Compare the data to a standard:

   Once you and your client agree on the collected data, compare it to an acceptable standard. The client must also agree with this standard. If they do not, the data loses its relevance.

5. Identify gaps:

   Gaps represent the space between your client's current behavior and the agreed-upon standard. They reveal the difference between where the client is and where they want to be. Discuss these gaps with your client, gathering real-life examples to illustrate them.

6. Set a plan to close the gaps:

   When crafting a plan with your client, focus on one or two specific actions. This "Stop/Start/Continue" model can be invaluable:

   • What behaviors should they stop?

   • What should they start?

   • What should they continue?

   Don't underestimate the power of 'continue' - often, clients are already doing many things right.

7. Establish a follow-up date.

   This is where most coaching relationships falter. Set a date for follow-up at the end of each session. It maintains accountability and strengthens the coaching relationship.

Leadership coaching is a valuable skill that helps individuals transform their aspirations into actions. Whether you are a professional coach, a supervisor, or a parent guiding a youth soccer team, these seven steps can make a world of difference in your journey toward success.

Homework

Identify someone in your life who could benefit from your coaching style or think about someone you are already coaching.

Reflect on your coaching approach - have you followed all seven steps for a successful coaching relationship? Are there any areas you have missed? And how can these steps help you improve not only your coaching but also your own personal growth?

Share your experiences; let's grow and learn together.

Build a Culture You Can Be Proud Of

“Oh, the comfort…the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure word, but pouring them all right out, just as they are…chaff and grain together…certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

- George Elliott

As leaders and those who support, mentor, and coach other leaders, I often wonder how well we are living up to those poetic words of George Elliott above. I know Elliott was talking about friendship in his poem, but I do think there is also a great application for those of us involved in leadership.

How We Can Apply Elliott’s Poetry to Our Leadership Lives

Provide Feelings of Safety:

Basic neuroscience tells us that if people feel threatened, they will shut down and protect themselves. This means that if they feel attacked, put down, let down, shut out, disrespected, or judged, the chances that they will be able to perform or even listen to what we are saying as their leaders are slim to none.

If you want your followers to trust you with the issues of their heart (and those that matter to your business), then a culture that creates a feeling of safety is essential. If you create a culture where people can only bring you what you want to hear, this is not a place of safety. This means that people would only feel safe telling you what you want to hear, which can be a huge problem both in friendship and leadership. If you want the trust of your followers, creating a feeling of safety is critical.

Authentic Leadership:

In my training and coaching work, this is a leadership theory I hear used almost as much as “Servant Leadership”, meaning that the servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first, and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible. Leaders will say, “I just want to be myself. I don’t want to have to pretend and be somebody I am not. I want to live out my own morals and my ethics as I lead.” I think this is what Elliott is saying about friendship in the quote at the beginning. A friend is someone who shows up just as they are - no pretense and no judgment. They show up with just the ability to be with the other person to listen to and support them. This means that followers can feel free to tell you what they think, and they know that you as their leader will listen without punishing or penalizing them.

Chaff and Grain:

The grain is the good stuff inside a stalk of wheat. The chaff is the outer covering and is not useful for nutrition. This metaphor is that of good and bad, useful and not useful. The leader, coach, or mentor is able to take in the good and the bad together. The follower has developed enough trust in the leader that they can share in both the good and the bad, knowing that the leader will take them, sift them, and let the things that are not helping blow away while savoring the good stuff.

Homework:

• How are you doing in your leadership, mentoring, or coaching in creating a safe, authentic environment where the good and the bad can be shared?  

• What are you leaving on the table by not creating this type of culture?

• Have a discussion with a trusted advisor about ways you may be inhibiting trust in your organization.

• How might you be creating barriers to the performance of your followers because they do not feel safe?

Will These Three Ideas Help You Succeed?

What questions have you been asking yourself as you build your success story? Perhaps one is, “As HR Vice President, what does leadership development look like?” Or, “As a sales leader, how can I balance work and family?” Or possibly, “As a Church Pastor, what do I need to do to grow my congregation?”

These are tough, yet realistic problems that we face as professionals, but I think we need to reframe the questions.

Any coach (whether formal or informal, external or internal, paid or volunteer, executive, life or organizational) must have the skill of listening and then reframing questions. Reframing a question provides a different perspective on the issue at hand.

As a coach, it is my job to reframe questions in order to help you get to the heart of the matter. Rather than asking about leadership development, I would challenge you to ask the real question, “What do I need to do to get promoted to my next role in the company?”

Or if you’re a sales leader, what I really hear you asking is, “If I sacrifice time with my family, will it be worth it financially?”

Or to the pastor, I would reframe the question as, “What should I be doing to grow my church?”

Please don’t misunderstand my point. I do think that people want to know how you approach things, how you set goals, how you solve problems, how you prioritize resources, and how you assess risk. But, the answers they want will direct back at themselves. Enter the world of what psychologists call self-efficacy.

Three ideas

Self-Efficacy is a fancy term for belief in yourself, and confidence in the capabilities and talents you have been given and developed. Studies have shown that the confidence you have in your capabilities affects your performance and is linked to happiness, satisfaction, and well-being. All of these attributes in one way or another link to success.

Research published in the December 2016 issue of the “Consulting Psychology Journal” outlines that you can help those you coach to be more successful by following three simple ideas:

1. Invest the Time: The confidence of the person increases as the coaching relationship evolves over time. As you coach others over the course of your conversation, notice how their confidence increases toward the coaching objective. When it does, make them aware that you are seeing this increase in confidence.

2. Say it Out Loud: The more the client verbally articulates their confidence, the higher the achievement of the goal actually becomes. “I am going to do this” types of statements show confidence in the client's ability. The more they make commitments out loud, there is an increased likelihood of believing in themselves.

3. Ask the Right Question at the Right Time: In this study, questions asked by coaches fell into three categories:

   • Open-ended - “What do you want to do?"

   • Proposing Solutions - “Could you search for other companies that offer better possibilities?”

   • Provide Support - “You know what? That sounds like a great idea."

The research points to proposing solutions as the only effective method of triggering self-efficacy statements in the very first coaching session. While the other two methods are also valid, they merely enhanced the confidence of the other person throughout the coaching engagement.

As you work with and coach others on your team, especially if you have more of a long-term relationship, focus on asking them open-ended questions and providing support for the ideas they bring to the table. Too many of us fall into the trap of proposing solutions because it makes us feel better about ourselves or like we added real value.

I would argue that the value you bring is the investment of time and the belief in the person you are coaching. The research says that the value of you proposing solutions early in a coaching relationship does little to improve the confidence or belief in the mind of the person you are working with.

How would your work environment change if you focused on building the confidence of others in your organization? Will these three ideas we discussed help you succeed?

When you are coaching others, resist the temptation to make the coaching about you by offering advice and providing them with solutions. Really focus on practicing open-ended questions and providing your client with the support they need.

Two Helpful Tools for Improving Team Health

A few years ago I had the opportunity to facilitate a discussion for a team on how they could become healthier as this team.

They were by all accounts high performing - made up of “top guns” from the industry. They were a group whose contact list went three and four layers deep into important and influential customers. They had done a remarkable job as a team, pulling their share of the weight for what needed to be done in the organization. They were hitting all of their yearly goals by the third quarter of that year.

The premise for team health is that there is a synergy that happens where the team can do amazing things that no single member could ever achieve on their own. When there is team health there is a feeling of invincibility.

This is when there is a chance for performance to increase

On the flip side, when teams are not healthy, like when certain aspects of performance become overemphasized, other parts of the systems that make us human can become damaged. And while it may look like we are performing, the results are short-term. Worse, the synergy that is anticipated never happens.

I had a conversation with a physician friend about this idea of extremes in performance when it comes to human health. This physician is actively involved with athletes in a consulting capacity and recalled a meeting he was in preparing a local community for a race. This race is fairly well known so, as you can imagine, the health of the athletes is really important. The people in charge of the race convened a committee of 20 physician marathon runners and my friend chaired the committee. The interesting thing about the group of physician-runners was that all of them were under the age of 55, and that of the 20 runners, about 40% (8) of them had heart stents. High performers in any discipline have to think deeply about all of the systems that go into their performance. Failing to do this will put undue stress on one aspect of the system, ultimately causing a breakdown in the ability to perform.

My Story

The objective given to me by the organization that hired me was clear: The folks on this team needed a perspective that they are leaders in the organization. To achieve this, they needed to learn to better understand themselves and lead themselves as leaders.

Those of you who love to study how organizations learn will recognize the task as one that involves double-loop learning. The group I was working with needed to examine some of the basic assumptions they had about themselves and then how the organization defined performance. Double-loop learning encourages teams to ask clarifying questions about how they identified the problem, what processes they used to understand the problem, what they can learn from the problem, and how they can apply that learning in the future.

To get this team to see their performance in a new way, they needed to think differently about what this term means and then develop some new ways of going about their work.

Two Ways To Encourage Learning

Two ways that leaders can foster learning on teams are: by providing opportunities for exploration and for advancement.

1. Exploration stimulates innovation, new ways of thinking, and creative processes to develop new products or incorporate new technology. One of the exercises I took this team through was how to be better listeners. I gave them some guidelines on how to listen better and focus on the needs of the other person. Then they were given a listening partner and a set amount of time in which they were to do nothing but listen to the other person. We did three rounds of these questions and each time the questions got more difficult to just sit and listen to.

   The idea here was to give the team a new way of thinking about listening. As a leader, it is good to have a perspective or opinion but know that the broader organizational teams also have opinions and ideas. The takeaway for this group is that if they listened with more intensity, then they would understand the perspective of others on the team and be able to create the organizational synergy that senior management was expecting.

2. Advancement is when teams look for ways to improve existing processes or products while incorporating innovation and creativity. Leaders encourage team learning through experimentation, providing resources, implementing reflective practices, and celebrating victories during the learning process. One of the unhealthy behaviors that had surfaced on this team is that when something did not go their way, rather than engaging in healthy conflict, they internalized and awfulize the issues. So if one of their members was inadvertently left off of a meeting invite list, rather than be more assertive and reach out to the meeting organizer, the team would say, “It is not our place to get invited, if they don’t value our input then that is their fault.” As a team, we worked on understanding our individual conflict styles and then improving processes where they needed to be flexible from their default conflict style.

As a leader, it is your responsibility to care for the health of your team. It is my hope you will continually be looking for ways to use exploration and advancement tools to improve the health of your team.

A Surprising Thing About Coaching

Surprise is an interesting emotion. Unlike disgust, which carries a negative theme, or happiness, which emotes a positive feeling.  Surprise is an emotion that can go either way, positive or negative, and can also shift from negative to positive in the blink of an eye.

Here is an example:

“Surprise, you are getting a raise!” Unexpected and positive. How fun!

“Surprise, we are downsizing and your services are no longer needed.” Unexpected and negative. Not so much fun.

I can even recall when my wife Kim told me we were going to have our third child around over 30 years ago… ”Surprise, I am pregnant!” I think those were her words. 

“Holy Crap!” This was unexpected and I had a feeling of fear, replaced in a nanosecond by a feeling of overwhelming joy. Then, “Really, that is amazing!” followed by an unexplainable feeling of love and closeness with my spouse.

Surprise has a way of intensifying our other emotions

According to Ingred Fatell Lee, author of the book Joyful: The Surprising Power Of Ordinary Things To Create Extraordinary Happiness, the element of surprise acts like a magnifying glass for joy by giving the tiny pleasure heightened significance.

Surprise is one of the six primary emotions identified by psychologist Paul Ekman and is necessary for a human because it can quickly divert our attention from one thing to another. Surprise is a kind of warning signal to say “Hey, pay attention to this new thing, that other thing you were concentrating on needs to be unprioritized, and this new thing needs some focus.”

Surprise ranges in intensity from amazement to a mild distraction.  

I Was Surprised

I once had a conversation with a friend who was trying to get a better idea of what my coaching business was all about. “Tell me what you do again?” he asked.

“In a nutshell, I help people get an idea of what their leadership looks like,” I told him.  “By using some assessments, and interviewing people they interact with, I give them a mosaic of what their leadership looks like. I then come alongside them and help them make any changes they see in their approach.”

“And they pay you for that?” He said to me, rather surprised!  “Sounds like you get paid to be people’s friend.”

Interestingly, I had just read an interesting and quite provocative article by Christopher Shelly titled “A Friend Officiated Our Wedding And Now My Husband’s Dead.” (Isn’t that title a bit surprising?) Here is a link to the article if you are interested: A Friend Officiated Our Wedding And Now My Husband’s Dead.

To save money this couple….

• Hired a friend to officiate their wedding. It is a disaster, but they saved money.

• Hired a friend to cater the reception. It is a disaster, but they saved money.

• Hired a friend to fix the transmission in their car. It is a disaster but they saved money.

• Hired a friend to do open heart surgery on her new husband….

I think you can see where this is going.

I once heard Dave Ramsey, the author of Total Money Makeover, say, “If you own a $200 car then you can afford to try and fix it yourself. If you own a $20,000 car then you probably should have a professional work on it.”

Like this, can you coach people in your own organization? Sure you can! And I would even argue that a culture of coaching in an organization is a very positive thing.  Don’t be surprised. When you need a professional, hire one. 

An Effective Strategy to Stop "Awfulizing"

I can remember as a young 18-year-old driving from Peoria, Illinois where my family lived, to Des Moines, Iowa, the home of Drake University. I was a very young college student in my second year of Pharmacy school. I had decided to not take the interstate and instead to meander along the back roads through some small towns in Illinois and Iowa. The ‘66 Chevy Belair I drove I had inherited from my grandfather, was named “Old Blue” because right before it was passed down to me, he had taken it to get a $99 paint job and he chose a baby blue color.

I was only about 60 miles from home when all of a sudden Old Blue didn’t want to go any faster than 35 miles an hour. The speed limit at the time was 55 miles an hour on those highways and cars were passing me by. During those years as a “young macho driver”, this really embarrassed me. In those days, driving fast was just what we did. My memory is that speed limits seemed more like suggestions than laws. I even had a theme that I drove by: “Nobody passes Old Blue!” It wasn’t macho that I was feeling at that moment, however. It was actually something just a little short of terror. What was wrong with this car? What had I done? 

My mind starts racing:

• Did I forget to change the oil?

• Had I blown the engine?

• Did I put the wrong kind of gas in the tank?

• All of this, however, was secondary. My biggest fear was that my dad was going to kill me.

Awfulizing

I was awfulizing because my Dad was not literally going to kill me, but that real feeling came from somewhere.  It was probably because I was the first-hand witness when my brother wrecked my dad's prize Cadillac by speeding and hitting something that almost tore the transmission out of the car and we seriously thought my dad would kill him. He did not.

In reality, my dad was a really kind and loving person. He would do anything for anyone at any time. I can remember going with him to fix people’s hot water heaters after dinner on a random Saturday night or tagging along to help his friends build houses or work on their cars. Alongside this positive trait of his was a strong sense of responsibility. If he told me or my brother to do something, we had better do it. While he didn’t use the exact words, he expected it to be done with excellence. I think that gene still gets expressed in my work today. 

strategy

This is probably my first recollection of the experience of the term awfulizing. I use it now to describe when something goes wrong and the event, which normally isn’t that bad in reality, all of a sudden becomes a catastrophe in someone’s mind. 

Examples from my story include:

• All of a sudden my car won’t go over 35mph.

• I probably forgot to change the oil and without an oil change, the engine will blow up. When the engine blows up, I will have destroyed the car.

• This was my grandfather’s car and a gift to me to care for. If I don’t care for this car, I will be seen as irresponsible by my dad, who I thought wanted to kill my brother for wrecking his Cadillac.

What is the strategy or the solution?

This is the point where emotion takes over from reality. This emotion can cause someone to be afraid of the wrong thing.  Can they stop this awfulizing so they can think more rationally?

Turns out, psychologists have actually studied this phenomenon. What happens is that our feeling of anxiety doesn’t have the ability to create probabilities. For example, based on the situation of my car not going over 35mph, there was probably only a 10% chance my dad would actually be very upset. And then there was also a 15% probability that I had just forgotten to change the oil. 

My brain, when my car wouldn’t go over 35mph, became very anxious. I couldn’t rationalize that there was almost no chance that the reason that this car wouldn’t go faster is that I missed an oil change. My brain associated car problems with my lack of knowledge (or memory), and created the short-term anxious feeling that can actually build and build on itself. Something small can become something quite large in our minds very quickly.

Some examples are:

• That report that was due yesterday might have you fired if you turn it in late.

• That bill you forgot to pay will put you in bankruptcy.

• That customer you forgot to call will now close their account with you.

• Forgetting to change the oil right after the 5000th mile has your engine blowing up.

So, we awfulize. We “make a mountain out of a molehill”, as my grandma used to say. Our emotions have a way of making something quite small into something quite large and neither of these are actually real.

Remedy

As it turns out, there was just a mechanical issue with the car.  As you probably have already guessed, it had nothing to do with the engine, the oil, or anything else that I was worried about. The timing chain had broken and the transmission wouldn’t shift out of second gear. It was not a big deal in reality, about a $140 dollar repair back then.

For everyone who tends to awfulize more than they want to admit, I want to introduce a couple of practical tools that I use in my executive coaching practice when my clients are in an awfulizing mode.

1. Practice good self-care.  There is no substitute for lowering these stressful moments through prevention. Just like changing the oil in the car can keep the engine from blowing in the future, so can taking care of yourself. This self-care might not take the awfulizing away completely, but it can lessen its effects and frequency. You can practice:

   • Getting 7-8 hours of sleep.

   • Eating a balanced, nutritious diet.

   • Do some weight-bearing exercises or yoga.

   • Practice relaxing or working on deepening your spiritual practices.

2. Implement a “stop” method. 

   • A stop method is a process that can help you get your rational thinking mind back. The first step has you stop the awfulizing and disconnect from the emotion at the moment.

   • Take a deep breath. Focus on someone else who needs your empathy.

   • Propose a question to yourself and reframe your circumstances. 

3. Report the facts. 

   • Take the temporary feeling of anxiety that you have and report just the facts.

   • Don’t just report the inflammatory facts that you want them to be, but the real facts of the situation.

Had I known any of the strategies like the ones above, I likely could have saved myself hours of emotional turmoil. Why did it take me over 50 years to learn this? Deal with the facts as they are, try and resolve the issue at hand, and relax. Stop awfulizing. You got this!*

*I want to take time here to acknowledge something very important. There are people who have clinical anxiety and are under the care of a physician. They are not just stuck in a case of awfulizing. If that is you or someone you know, there are great mental health professionals that can help you get the relief that you need.

Your Story Is Worth Reading

Happy June! A few days before Father’s Day back in June one year, I was doing some research for an article and I came across this thesis that used journaling as a research component for self-discovery in youth football coaches.

A leadership discovery: enhancing Finnish youth football coaches' Effectiveness through the Transformer Research Project

While in this study, journaling was a tool and not the primary outcome, I realized as I glanced through the article many of the benefits of journaling came through very clearly to me.

Benefits of Journaling for Leaders

As I have worked with my coaching clients over the years, I have recommended this leadership development strategy to so many of them. Journaling is nothing more than taking some time to be reflective and to write down how you observe yourself showing up.

Because the lack of self-awareness is so prevalent in leadership, journaling is a key way to document what you think and how you feel about what is going on in your world. It really can be used as a stake in the ground to preserve your thoughts and emotions on any given day across a number of circumstances.

These are my top 5 reasons that every leader should journal:

1. Self-awareness: Leaders need to be reflective of how they show up in different contexts and what triggers their emotions. No matter how well we think we know ourselves, we can always learn something new upon reflection.

2. Managing Stress: There is nothing like writing when it comes to lower levels of stress. Perhaps even better than writing is visual journaling or what Mrs. Carlson, my second-grade teacher, would have called “drawing.” In a 2010 study with medical students, Amanda Mercer found a reduction in stress and anxiety when medical students kept a visual journal of how they were feeling.

3. Gaining Clarity: I find that when I am faced with issues that have multiple inputs and layers of complexity there is nothing like writing or drawing to help me sort things out. Just taking the time to clear my mind and put it on paper or my tablet really helps me to clarify what it is that I am even having to decide.

4. Prioritizing: Life, especially in our Western world, can get really crazy with so many priorities that some leaders find it hard to decide to turn right or left. Journaling can help you prioritize what is important and to stay focused because you have it written down. You put a metaphorical stake in the ground and now have something to come back to.

5. Controlling Impulses: A key benefit of keeping a journal is having a place to go to before you act. I like to just go to my journal before I agree or commit to something so that I have the ability not to be impulsive. My journal is an important place I turn to before I say yes to a project that I should be saying no to.

Mind-Blown

Recall that it was a few days before Father’s Day when I was reviewing this article I mentioned above. Then Father’s Day happened. And for Father’s Day, my kids bless me with, you guessed it, a journal.

But not just any journal. This one was called StoryWorth. As an orientation, here is how StoryWorth works:

• Every week you get an email journal prompt to write about a memory from your past.

• All you do to journal is reply to the email you get. You can write as much or as little as you want on the topic. Usually two or three paragraphs in my case.

• These journal entries are then saved for you and you can eventually turn your journaling into a book if you want. At the end of 52 weeks, you could have a book of memories to cherish for years to come.

At the top list of reasons that leaders need to journal: Because your leadership story IS worth reading.