I don’t know about you, but this last week was a tough one for me. Not hard in a physical way, but more just feeling the weight of what is going on in our world.
Anytime I go through a tough time in my life I am always looking for lessons that I can learn. I really think it is during the tough times in life that we can learn the most about what we need to do to live in wisdom. Last week I wrote quite a bit on the subject of Fear and Wisdom. If you missed it, you can grab that blog by clicking here. I also did a free tool download to help you make wise choices in your life and if you missed that tool you can click here for the free download.
One of those tough lessons for me happened early in my college career. But I have to give you a little historical context for it to make sense.
In high school, I loved chemistry. I really think it was a combination of my teacher, Mr. Valosio, and being able to have a Bunson Burner to play with during the labs. Chemistry just sort of made sense to me for some odd reason. It was fun because all the known elements in the universe were pictured on a poster behind where Mr. Valosio taught. All you had to do was combine two or more of them and “Bam” you had something like water. Combining Carbon and Hydrogen gave way to the very backbone of all life. Again, I know I am weird, but I just got into it.
Hence, like almost anything you enjoy spending time doing, you tend to do pretty well at it. My high school chemistry grades were always pretty good. Just to be clear, my grades in other subjects were not always as good as chemistry, which I think puzzled the guidance counselor when I was making applications to college. She could be puzzled, I really didn’t care, I just liked chemistry.
So when I went off to college and was in Chemistry 101, the lectures were really quite boring. I had already learned everything the professor was talking about, so I decided that attendance at that 8 am class every Monday thru Friday was…well…optional. No one took attendance. There were 400 kids in the lecture hall. I already knew everything they were talking about, so I decided an extra hour's sleep never hurt anyone.
The first test came around about 3 weeks or so into the semester. I went to class that day to take the test.
You couldn’t tell by the grade I got — a “D.”
Mr. Valosio would have been so disappointed in me. I was so disappointed in myself. I loved chemistry. How could this happen?
Part of the deal in Chemistry 101 was if you did not get an “A” on the first test, you had to make an appointment with your lab instructor to go over the exam. So I did.
I walked into Professor Brown’s lab and showed her my test. It was embarrassing for me. Her first question for me cut right to the point. “How much did you study for this test,” she asked?
“I didn’t” was my honest reply. I proceeded to tell her I had all this stuff in high school and I already knew it…Her second statement cut right to the point, “Obviously you don’t know it” she said. “I recommend you find some discipline in your life, Mr. Livingston, or you might just find yourself not a part of the Drake Pharmacy program much longer.”
Some very well-timed words from professor Brown. Quite a stressful moment for me in my young college career. But one I learned from.
5 Strategies for Being Resilient in Stressful Times
I think anytime we go through something difficult, it is all about learning. In order to learn, we have to develop some resiliency. As I reflect on the conversation I had with Professor Brown back then, it would have been easy for me to just quit. Pharmacy was a difficult major. No one would have blamed me and I am sure I could have done something that would not have required an 8am class every day of the week (which I had, by the way, for every semester except one my entire college career).
I know things are tough for you right now. Tough maybe not physically, but for sure emotionally. Everyone is experiencing this COVID 19 in a unique way. So I thought perhaps some strategies might be useful as you navigate these difficult times.
Reframe the context. Most of us are sheltering in place these days. Instead of a burden and feeling the heaviness of being at home, why not make the most of it? My wife and I are taking the opportunity in the evenings to connect with some old friends over FaceTime. I have one client whose family cooked dinner together over Zoom. They all had the same ingredients for the meal and they talked to each other while they cooked, then ate dinner together.
Choose your focus. I am really trying to limit the amount of time I am looking at the news. I am addicted to the story; the epidemiology, the race for a vaccine, the updates on treatments, how it spreads, the whole thing. What I have to do is choose to only look at the news once a day. I do this in the evening after I finish working. I choose to start my day reading scripture and listening to an inspirational or informative podcast. I want to be in the right frame of mind when I start working.
Find the good. There is a lot of seriousness these days. People are dying. People have lost their jobs. Businesses are going under, some to never return. A lot of seriousness. But just because something is serious doesn’t mean we cannot find the good. I am not saying there is something good about someone getting sick or dying. I don’t want you to think I am that dark or so optimistic that I don’t live in the real world. What I am asking you to consider here is whether in the midst of all of this, is there something good? I had a client tell me the other day that he no longer has a 1.5hr commute, so after work, he and his 10-year-old daughter are going for a walk. Now that is a commute that has value! How can you find the good in what is happening in your world?
Helping or Harming? Consider your thought life. Are my thoughts and emotions helping me or harming me right now? I was reading the news the other day I started to get a bit anxious about the impact that COVID 19 might have on my business. What if my clients started to close? What if there was not enough business when things returned? None of that thinking was helping me. So I sat down and wrote out a one-page plan on what I need to do to stay engaged with my clients. If you really are in danger, it is helpful to be afraid. If you are really not in danger, then a plan is a much better idea.
Make stress your friend. We all have stress. If you are feeling it, then it is trying to communicate something to you. If you are feeling cooped up and it is stressing you out, then go outside for a walk. I know its raining, who cares, take an umbrella. If you are feeling lonely, like most of us are these days, then pick up the phone and call a friend. You have friends. If you don’t have a friend, pick up the phone and call me. My point here is that your stress is telling you something. Look it straight in the eye and do something productive and positive that will help to make it go down.
You don’t have to do all 5 of these. This is not a list of steps to walk through. If you are feeling stressed, pick the one you think might be the most helpful.
I picked up the phone after my meeting with Professor Brown and called Mr. Volosio. He talked some sense into me. I thank him to this day for helping me in my time of need and for graduating from pharmacy school.
Next Steps
If you are interested in learning more about these 5 strategies, I’d like to extend an invitation to participate in a (4) session development opportunity, facilitated by me, utilizing Facebook’s video streaming platform. I guarantee there will be no sales pitch or advertising - just content. You can join one of them or all of them, as each session is independent of the others. Join as many as you would like. I would love to have you!
All you need in order to participate is a Facebook account (free to create if you don’t already have one) and a desire to connect and learn. Over the 4 weeks, I plan to cover topics such as:
“5 Strategies for Staying Resilient During Times of Ambiguous Change”
“What You Know About Stress is Killing You”
“Making Wise Decisions in Scary Circumstances”
“Leading with Emotional Intelligence When Stress is High”
To begin, simply CLICK HERE and request to join my private Facebook group. All content will be facilitated within this group each Thursday at 12pm Eastern Time for 4 weeks, beginning Thursday, April 16th and ending Thursday, May 7th.
If you know of a leader who might benefit from this opportunity, feel free to forward them this email. I would love to connect!