How do you measure your own emotional intelligence during a change process? This article provides 5 questions you can ask yourself to assess your own emotional intelligence when you are undergoing a change in your life.
I am just finishing up teaching a group of doctoral students in a class on organizational change for Indiana Wesleyan University. In this class one of the assignments is to document a change process they and a friend are going through. The goal is for them to study at a very deep level what a change process feels like and how the process can be measured.
We all know that change, especially for adults, is hard. We also know that if we track our data, and have the right measurement, progress, or a lack thereof, can be motivating. What becomes motivating is the emotional energy you get when you see the change. Your brain loves the fact that you are doing it! Let's be really clear, change is emotional. So, why not be intelligent about it?
What I was particularly intrigued by with the process the students are documenting is the variety of changes that they chose to write about. Some are writing about physical changes to include weight-loss, diet changes, and exercise routines. Others chose topics like Spiritual Formation such as spending more time in Bible reading or in prayer. Some even noticed it was time to change how they spend their money and are making some financial changes.
When the students write this paper, one of the things I look forward to commenting on (remember, feedback is a gift) is their motivation for the change. Sure they have to do this to pass the course, but beyond this I am looking for them to explain what their “why” is for the change.
Change theorist John Kotter, in his 8 step change process, says the first thing that needs to happen for any change is that a “sense of urgency” has to be established. Your “why” you want to change has to be big enough to overcome where you are now.
I have this really good friend who is a golfing buddy of mine. He desperately needs new golf clubs. I have been talking with him for months now to go get measured for clubs so that when spring comes around he will be ready to play some serious golf! He says, “No, I’m not good enough. When I get better at the game, I will get fitted for new clubs.” Personally, as his friend and golfing buddy, I think new clubs would really help him. It doesn’t matter what I think! If he is not ready, if his sense of urgency is not high enough he will not change. Period. Drop the mic!
Question 1
How confident am I?
According to Dr Steve Stein and Dr Howard Book in The EQ Edge, self-regard is knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and liking yourself, “warts and all”.
How secure is your inner strength? If you are going to make a change, doing so from a position of strength can have a big impact on the success of your outcome. Where do you need to strengthen your confidence to prepare for the change you need to make?
Question 2
How am I coming across?
“Without influence there is no leadership.” -Dr Ken Boa
“Leadership is defined as change.” -Dr Jim Freemyer
Being self-directed and independent allows you to own the change you want to make. If you are appropriately assertive in a positive way in what you want and it is the right thing for you to do without causing harm to others, then what is holding you back? Where do you need to express how important this change is to you and own it?
Question 3
Who is on my team?
”When we feel a shared sense of vision with others around us, we are in pursuit of common direction, purpose and goals. When we feel a shared sense of compassion, we feel cared for by others.” - Dr Richard Boyatsis
Who do you have on your team that is sharing the vision you have for change? Who is on your team cheering you on? Where do you turn for support when things get tough? It is almost impossible to get the change you desire on your own. You need community!
Question 4
What am I doing to manage my impulses?
“Even when people see that the “old right thing” is now wrong, they fail to move if they do not see the new right thing. Even when people finally acknowledge the need for change, and even see the new direction, they often still fail to move.” - Dr J Stewart Black & Dr Hal Gregersen
We all experience dark days when we are in the middle of change. It is so easy to just go back to the old way of doing things. Fighting through this negativism and staying positive and proactive is a lot. Impulse control is the ability to resist or delay an impulsive drive or a temptation to act. How do you stay composed, avoid becoming rash, or even angry when things just are not going the way you planned?
Question 5
When are the times I need to be resilient?
”Well-being needs to be anchored in strengths and virtues, these in turn must be anchored in something larger.” - Dr Martin Seligman
“A worldview is not just a set of basic concepts but a fundamental orientation of the heart.” - Dr James Sire
Change is hard. Times are going to get tough. It is during these difficult times in any change process you need to be resilient. Where do you get your hope for the future? Often times people will say that you have to “want it bad enough.” I am not so sure it is just pure desire. Being resilient in change goes deeper than desire. It goes to the very core of what you value. Questions like “what is your hope anchored in?” OR “how do you determine what is right and wrong for you? What is good or what is not good for you?” It is in these deeper questions that we often find our true “why” for a change and can be resilient when the going gets tough.
To aid you in your journey to develop your own emotional intelligence I wrote a journaling experience. This journal is jam packed with provocative questions, case study reflections, and interesting quotes to aid you in your own personal growth and development. If you are interested you can find the journal by clicking here.
Want to know more about emotional intelligence? Visit my website at www.drscottlivingston.com.
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