A few weeks ago my wife and I decided to watch A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood on Amazon Prime Video. I don’t have a lot of specific childhood memories about watching the show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, that the movie is based on. I find this sort of strange because I watched a significant amount of television as a youngster. I just don’t have the memories of the show like I do when watching, say, Ferguson Jenkins throw the first pitch for the Chicago Cubs at 1:05 pm on a specific day. I probably should have some impactful memories because Mr. Rogers Neighborhood launched nationally in the US in 1968, and I was 7 years old, but I do not.
My wife, on the other hand, has very vivid memories of the show. She loved the puppet characters Fred developed in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and the messages delivered to kids on how to be kind, how to respect others, and how to be grateful.
So, when we watched Tom Hanks portray Mr. Rogers in the movie, I was captivated by Fred Rogers' kindness. If I did have a memory of Fred Rogers before that, if I am honest, I would have said he was weak.
I was so wrong.
There is a scene in the movie where the filming of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood is being produced. After the shot, Fred walks backstage to see the video. “That's good,” he says. And then he thanks everyone for their work. It just struck me that these folks were all just doing their jobs and yet he took the time to thank them and I got the sense he meant it to the point that they felt valued. In another scene, he thanks a guy who has a different perspective than his. He does not argue with the guy, does not try to convince him to see it his way, but he just thanks him for sharing his perspective.
As someone who works with leaders on emotional intelligence, this was riveting theater!
Put this genuine kindness (which is displayed throughout the entire movie) Fred exudes, with this scene in a diner where Fred is having lunch with a guy who has lots of problems. The guy describes himself as “broken.”
The guy says to Fred, “You love people like me.”
Fred: “What are people like you? I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life?”
Guy: “Broken people.”
Fred: “I don’t think you are broken. I know you are a man of conviction. A man who knows the difference between what is wrong and what is right….”
What strikes me about all of this is that, at least as Tom Hanks portrays him, Fred Rogers had this genuine empathic perspective for people. For individual people. It seems to me his goal was not to be right, or to be powerful, or to be famous. It seems that Fred Rogers just wanted to understand where others were coming from.
What I noticed as I watched this movie was that Fred Rogers was more than just thankful. Instead, he had a spirit of gratitude. While we often use these words interchangeably in our lexicon, I have started to see them differently. Very much like I am understanding there to be a difference between happiness and joy.
Happiness is contextual and can change moment by moment. Joy is an attitude, a state of mind.
Shawn Taylor, in his chapter in the book titled The Gratitude Project summed up quite well how I am coming to see the difference between thankfulness and gratitude:
“A ‘thanks’ is about courtesy. It is acknowledging that someone has done something for you. I also feel like thankfulness is outwardly focused. I experience it as being transactional. On the other hand, gratitude is simultaneously inwardly and outwardly focused. You appreciate what’s been done to or for you, you appreciate the person or thing for providing you with the assistance or experience, and you recognize how they have made your life better, even if it is just for a moment.”
Giving thanks is contextual and transactional. Gratitude is an attitude of the heart and a state of mind.
You can give thanks and not be grateful. If you are grateful, you are always finding ways to give thanks. Perhaps this is something to reflect on for the Thanksgiving tradition this year?
Around our Thanksgiving tables this year, what if rather than focusing on what we feel is right, or what we believe, we instead tried to understand where others were coming from? Don’t defend yourself. Don’t argue. Resist being proud or smart or right. Just try to understand the other person and be grateful they are in the room with you.
For many of us, me included, this takes a change in what we think AND how we act.
As I reflect on this I am reminded of what C.S. Lewis writes,
“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird. It would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”
The choice for us as leaders is to grow or go bad. Trying to fly as an egg or hatch into a bird seems to be the choice Lewis is saying we have.
Richard Rohr writes,
"You do not think yourself into a new way of living as much as you live yourself into a new way of thinking.” As leaders, if we want to learn to have a heart of gratitude we must start living that way. You can think, and plan, and strategize all you want. It will do you no earthly good in going from an egg to a bird. Nor will it help you grow wings on your shell. You have to crack open the shell and fly.”
Are you curious about how to do this - how to act so you learn how to think?
I might suggest a model for you to consider. What about Fred Rogers? Why not make watching A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood part of your Thanksgiving tradition? I know you will be blessed. I also guarantee it will motivate you to have a heart of gratitude.
If anything, it has to do more for your development as a human than watching the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day.
