We all know people who are mostly well meaning, but every once in a while they just seem to not be on the same planet as you. Here is what I mean…
My travel has picked back up a bit and I stayed last night at a Courtyard by Marriott. I like Courtyard okay, but the one thing about this hotel brand is they do not do self-serve coffee. At Courtyard, you have to order from a barista and they serve Starbucks, which is not my favorite coffee. My usual tactic is to order a Cafe Americano, which is a shot of espresso and hot water. Pretty simple.
I am next in line just about to give my order when over my left shoulder comes the person who is the point of this entire post. She doesn’t quite yell, but uses a rather loud and quite needy voice to wail, “Where is the self-service coffee?”
I had a few minutes to kill so I stepped aside, moving two steps to my right and giving her full access to the barista. The young girl serving the coffee explains to her that they do not have self-serve coffee, and I can sense the lady’s frustration growing.
She turns to me and says, “I know I am being rude, but I haven’t had any coffee yet.” (Like I hadn’t already figured that out..) “And I don’t like Starbucks, and the stuff they have in the room isn’t fit for human consumption.” As I stood trying to catch up on what had just happened, she turned on her heel and walked away.
On another planet, to say the least.
The line in the story I want to focus on is her statement, “I know I am being rude, but…”
My guess is that our villain in this story is probably a very nice person. That said, I do have to take a pause and ask myself this question: If we know we are being rude, why would we do it in the first place?
I boiled it down to three options:
Her needs at the moment outweigh mine.
She makes so much money per hour that waiting in line is literally costing her thousands of dollars.
She lacks self-awareness. Even though she acknowledged her rudeness, she doesn’t realize the impact of it.
Self-Awareness
Of my three options above, I’d like to focus on the third choice, because I think we see this in the organizations we work in all the time.
This is the person who knows they walk all over other people, but excuses it as “this is just who I am.” This person may have a strong sense of reality, but just doesn’t have the patience to be empathetic with others on the team. It is not that they don’t have a good idea or desire to hold someone accountable, it is that they see this as the entire mandate without having any care or concern for the other person.
The idea of self-awareness goes beyond knowing what you are doing in the moment and extends to what your leadership impact is in the future.
As a leader, how you show up and what you do in the present moment ought to be considered through the lens of how you want those who follow to respond to you now AND in the future. While the present is important, we cannot forget we will be leading in the future as well.
6 Long-term Self-Awareness Skills
Identifying your emotions and their impact on your actions.
It is not enough to know how you feel. You have to think about the impact on your actions. When someone drops a bomb on you, you must consider not only how you feel, but how those feelings are impacting your behaviors. Your behaviors in the moment are impacting your followers in the future.
Confidently expressing how you feel without relying on others.
As a leader you need to be confident in expressing your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. You also need to be aware of how your expressions will impact others beyond this present moment.
Creating vulnerability in your relationships.
People under your leadership need to know you are real. They need to know who you are. Research shows that for most people, trust is a slow-building, iterative, and layered process that happens over time. According to Dr. Brene Brown, vulnerability involves risk. This is exactly what the people who want to follow you are looking for.
Realizing how your emotions impact your decisions.
We are not always as rational as we desire to be. Stop and think for a moment about the last few decisions you had to make. Now think about the emotions that were involved in them. Did your emotions impact your decisions? Of course they did! But that is not the point. The point is for you to consider their impact on your decision making.
Recognizing your primary coping mechanisms.
Every leader needs coping mechanisms. We need ways to deal with the stress that naturally comes with our role. If you don’t have specific plans to deal with stress when it comes your way, you need one. Leaders who are self-aware can do more than just say they can cope with stress, they can communicate their plan for putting it into motion.
Prioritizing what gives you joy.
Do you know what you love? Do you know what brings you joy? Do you know what makes you happy? Good! Now, do you prioritize it? Before you say yes, take a moment to check your calendar or talk to those loved ones around you. Now, can you say you prioritize what brings you joy?