Deeper Questions: A Lesson in Listening and Empathy

One ordinary day, my daughter Gretchen sparked a thought-provoking conversation with a simple text message to me. Her inquiry was seemingly straightforward: "If the average person had to choose whether to be bored or stressed, which would they pick?" Little did I know, her question would unravel layers of introspection and self-discovery for me.

Initially, I found myself approaching her question from a narrow perspective, juxtaposing stress with relaxation and boredom with energization. Yet, Gretchen's query challenged me to reconsider these concepts in a new light. It wasn't merely about contrasting states of being; it was about understanding the underlying motivations and preferences of individuals.

In hindsight, I realize that my response missed the mark.

Instead of embracing her curiosity and delving into the heart of her inquiry, I allowed my pride to overshadow genuine connection. My knee-jerk reaction reflected more about my insecurities than it did about empathizing with her perspective.

However, Gretchen's graciousness and patience revealed the true essence of our relationship. Rather than admonishing me for my shortcomings, she offered understanding and insight into her intentions. Her revelations from the exchange shed light on the real question behind her initial inquiry.

This experience served as a profound lesson for me TOO.

It highlighted the importance of active listening and empathy in all communication. Too often, we get caught up in our narratives, failing to truly understand the underlying motivations of those around us.

Moving forward, I am committed to honing my skills in deciphering the question behind the question. Realizing that genuine connection lies in the ability to understand and empathize with others' perspectives, I aspire now to approach every interaction with an open heart and a curious mind.

In the end, it's not just about finding the right answer; it's about fostering meaningful connections built on mutual understanding and empathy. And therein lies the true essence of communication and relationships – a journey of exploration and discovery, guided by empathy and genuine curiosity.

Team Health: Journey to High Performance and Synergy

A few years ago, I found myself at the helm of a discussion with a high-performing team comprised of industry "top guns." These professionals, with a contact list reaching deep into influential customers, had consistently achieved remarkable results, hitting yearly goals well before the third quarter. However, a crucial realization emerged – true excellence and invincibility arise not just from individual prowess but from the collective health of the team.

TEAM HEALTH

Team health, akin to human health, operates on a delicate balance. Just as extreme performance can have detrimental effects on physical health, overemphasizing certain aspects of team performance without considering the holistic system can lead to short-term success and long-term damage.

Reflecting on this concept, I recalled a conversation with a physician friend actively involved with consulting for athletes. He recounted a meeting preparing marathon runners for a race, where 40% of the physician-runners under 55 had heart stents. High performers, regardless of the discipline, must consider all systems contributing to their performance to avoid breakdowns.

My mission, assigned by the organization, was clear – the team needed to recognize themselves as leaders within the organization, requiring self-awareness and self-leadership. This called for double-loop learning, challenging fundamental assumptions and redefining performance.

exploration and advancement

To shift the team's perspective, we explored two ways to encourage learning:

The exploration involved stimulating innovation through exercises like improving listening skills. By listening intensely, the team learned to understand diverse perspectives within the organization, fostering much-needed synergy.

Advancement, on the other hand, focuses on improving existing processes while incorporating innovation. Unhealthy conflict resolution patterns were identified and addressed. Instead of internalizing issues, the team learned to be assertive and flexible in their conflict styles, fostering a healthier and more productive work environment.

As a leader, caring for your team's health is paramount.

Continually exploring and advancing through learning opportunities will not only improve team dynamics but also pave the way for sustained success and organizational synergy.

7 Steps to Effective Leadership Coaching

Have you ever felt the itch to start a new project, only to be held back by the fear of the unknown? Perhaps you have watched others dive into the world of social media branding or hesitated for months before considering starting a blog of your own. You're not alone in this struggle.

I vividly recall this type of internal battle when the idea of starting this blog first crossed my mind. For over a year, I grappled with self-doubt and nagging questions: Should I really start blogging? What do I have to say that is worth sharing? What will others think of my thoughts and ideas?

Then, one day, I stumbled upon a podcast by Michael Hyatt, and his words were a game-changer: "Stop thinking about it and start doing it." Those simple, actionable steps he shared gave me the boost of confidence I needed to embark on this journey. And here I am today, years later, reaping the rewards of taking that leap of faith.

It also got me thinking that there are probably many others like me facing similar challenges. Perhaps you are hesitant to step into the world of coaching because you are not sure where to begin. If only there were a clear, step-by-step guide that could instill the confidence you need to get started, right?

That's where my experience comes into play. I reflected on my initial coaching sessions, and I have distilled some core elements that can make every coaching engagement successful. I've outlined these seven steps below to help you kickstart your journey:

7 Steps to Successful Coaching

1. Begin with an open mind :

   Coaching does not happen in a vacuum. We all bring our biases and preconceptions. But as a coach myself, it is crucial to approach every client with an open mind. See them as whole and healthy individuals. Even if you have received different information from others, focus on what your client is telling you.

2. Get to know your client:

   Effective coaching begins with understanding your client on a deeper level. Learn about who they are, their life story, what they do, and what they hope to achieve. Consider crafting a set of universal questions that you can apply to any client, and consider using personality assessments for additional insights.

3. Confirm with the client:

   Validation is key. It is essential that you verify the collected data with your client, ensuring they are confident that you understand their perspective.

4. Compare the data to a standard:

   Once you and your client agree on the collected data, compare it to an acceptable standard. The client must also agree with this standard. If they do not, the data loses its relevance.

5. Identify gaps:

   Gaps represent the space between your client's current behavior and the agreed-upon standard. They reveal the difference between where the client is and where they want to be. Discuss these gaps with your client, gathering real-life examples to illustrate them.

6. Set a plan to close the gaps:

   When crafting a plan with your client, focus on one or two specific actions. This "Stop/Start/Continue" model can be invaluable:

   • What behaviors should they stop?

   • What should they start?

   • What should they continue?

   Don't underestimate the power of 'continue' - often, clients are already doing many things right.

7. Establish a follow-up date.

   This is where most coaching relationships falter. Set a date for follow-up at the end of each session. It maintains accountability and strengthens the coaching relationship.

Leadership coaching is a valuable skill that helps individuals transform their aspirations into actions. Whether you are a professional coach, a supervisor, or a parent guiding a youth soccer team, these seven steps can make a world of difference in your journey toward success.

Homework

Identify someone in your life who could benefit from your coaching style or think about someone you are already coaching.

Reflect on your coaching approach - have you followed all seven steps for a successful coaching relationship? Are there any areas you have missed? And how can these steps help you improve not only your coaching but also your own personal growth?

Share your experiences; let's grow and learn together.