The One Big Mistake Every Leader Makes

Have you ever noticed that it is the really simple things in life that trip us up? I know it happens to me, and if you stopped to think about it, you may notice that it happens to you as well. Most leaders I know are expert at something:

• Getting the most out of the resources they have.

• Driving profit.

• Developing other leaders.

• Thinking strategically.

• Casting an inspirational vision.

• Coaching others to higher levels of performance.

• Leading teams in tactical execution.

• Building and maintaining trust.

• Content or knowledge virtuoso.

You may be an expert in an area, but it is important to remember that your team is likely not anywhere close to your level of expertise, nor are they mind readers.

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My Story

I was doing an emotional intelligence 360 feedback program last week. My partner and I had 40 young leaders in the room participating in a process where they get feedback from their supervisor, peers, and direct reports across 15 distinct emotional intelligence traits.

This is no insignificant day for these young leaders. Many of them are getting feedback from these organizational relationships for the very first time. More often than not, this feedback is telling the young leader that they have significant areas of development in order to become the effective leader they want to be.

One of these leaders came up to me at a break and said, “Scott, my feedback is telling me that I need to have better interpersonal relationships, especially with my peers. Can you give me some advice on how I can improve in this area?"

My knee-jerk reaction was to start to provide advice from my training and experience. I was so excited to provide my expertise in this area that I began telling this young leader what they needed to do to have mutually satisfying relationships. Thankfully, I noticed the blank stare on this young leader’s face. I was completely overwhelming them with the advice I was giving.

I stopped mid-sentence and asked …”When it comes to interpersonal relationships, what doesn’t seem right to you?”  She went on for about 3 minutes describing her thoughts and analysis. This young leader went on to describe for me that she was struggling to make a personal connection. When she had a meeting with her peers, she just wanted to get right down to business. She felt like spending time on “chit chat” was not productive in the midst of her busy day.

So here is the lesson from the story: I was overwhelming her with my expertise! I had all this knowledge and how to and just started to dump it all on her. Once we stepped back and I asked the probing question, “…what doesn’t seem right to you?” she immediately started to add some specificity to the problem and we were able to come up with 2 practical things she was comfortable trying to improve her interpersonal relationships.

Where I Went Wrong

As I was thinking about this interaction, I realized that I had fallen into the trap of the Leadership Expert! In my training and coaching practice, I have developed an expertise, such that I could do much of my work without much effort. It almost comes naturally to me at this point. And yet, even as an executive coach with a doctoral dissertation in executive coaching I just assumed I knew what the problem was.

It is really important for me to remember that the participants in my class are just beginning their journey. They are still getting used to the language of leadership. They are just getting feedback, many of them for the first time. Where I am in my practice and where they are as young leaders are two entirely different places.

That One Big Mistake

I had made the One Big Mistake Every Leader Makes…Not realizing those I lead are at different stages of development.

Scientists claim that it takes at least 10,000 hours of study, experimentation, and practice paired with coaching and advice from individuals in that field before you become an expert in an area.

10,000 hours equals 6 years spent on the subject full-time, 8 hours a day, 200 days per year. Few of us have dedicated this kind of time to a field so for most of us it takes 10 to 12 years to develop our expertise.

So why are we holding young leaders to such a high standard of evaluation?

Instead of always being evaluative and judgmental, why not use more of a coaching and development perspective?

Try This Remedy

Edgar Schein, in his book Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, gives leaders sage advice when leadership conversations go wrong.

1. Do less telling.

2. Learn to do more asking.

3. Do a better job of listening.

Here are three suggestions to practically implement Schein’s advice:

1. Do less telling by learning to let go of your need to be heard as an expert. What is driving your need to be right or heard? Replace your directive style with inquiry.

2. Learn to do more asking by making your questions open-ended. “What doesn’t seem right to you” or “Tell me more about what you are saying."

3. Do a better job of listening by practicing empathy. Give them your full, undivided attention while keeping in mind where they are in their development.

Homework: Identify a relationship you have struggled with at work. As you are in conversation with this person, give up your expert position and ask some open-ended questions. Focus on improving the strained relationship. Let go of the outcome of the subject you are working on and focus on the quality of your questions and your listening ability. By making this kind of investment in others, your work may actually become easier. If you have some success with this I would love to hear about it. Send me an email or better yet make a comment below so everyone can benefit from the conversation.

7 Things You Know About Leadership That Are Wrong

I was having a conversation this morning with an executive coaching colleague, Joanne Bond. She is a masterful coach who has proven over the years to be able to ask just the right penetrating question at just the right time. If you are looking for an experienced executive coach Joanne is amazing and you can find out more about her at JoanneBondCoaching.com. In our discussion, we were talking about developing a workshop on “how not to lead." The idea would be to have people come into a workshop and train them on absurd skills just to make a point.

Businessman pressing leadership button at his office. Leadership concept, toned photo.

For example, the training could include a role-play where a leader who says they have an open door policy has an employee knock on their office door and ask if they have a minute. The leader says "Sure, come on in." The employee enters the room and starts talking... We would train the leader to:

• Stay seated behind their desk.

• Not make eye contact with the person.

• Keep their eyes focused on the computer screen while they continue to type.

• Mumble words like Umm and Hmmm (shows active listening).

• Interrupt the person at least 3 times in the first few minutes they are in the office on a completely unrelated topic.

• Agree to do something that you never intend to follow-up with.

If you remember Fireside Theater from the 1970’s “Everything You Know Is Wrong” album, you get the idea. In this recording the comedians make satirical comments on contemporary culture such as:

• The Aztecs invented the vacation

• Men and women are the same sex

• Your brain is not the boss

Ok, so I think you get the idea.

Here are my top 7 examples of the wrong way to lead:

1. Create a confusing vision. Why not spout out your 2 paragraph vision one time at a mid-year staff meeting and never bring the topic up again? Then, at the end of the year, take people's bonus away because they just aren’t connecting with where the organization is going.

2. Intentionally misalign expectations. Why not give someone on your team a specific instruction, maybe even write it down, then when they do it tell them that they misread what you wrote.

3. Deliberately micromanage. Give one of your followers a task and check-in every 15 minutes to see how they are doing. You could even mix up your check-ins with different modalities so they would never catch on. The first one could be a text, the second a phone call, and the third an email. They will never even suspect it is micromanaging if you mix it up like this.

4. Abdicate responsibility. Develop a mantra of “The Buck Stops With You." Get really good at blaming others for what is wrong. While you are at it, if something should go right, why not just take the credit for it?

5. Celebrate mediocrity. Bring in donuts and have a party because you are the 4th best in your community at what you do. You could hold a book burning for all the references everyone owns on how to create change, get unstuck, or strive for excellence in execution.

6. Create a culture of compliance vs commitment. Invite everyone to a training where we teach people the rules. All they have to do is follow the rules no matter what and they keep their job. Develop an exercise in the training where people are punished for solving problems on their own. Create a group discussion around the benefits of doing the job the way we did it 5 years ago.

7. Encourage platitudes vs constructive Conflict. Who doesn’t want to work with nice people? Who cares if customers don’t get what they asked for? At the end of the day, we just want everyone to get along.

It seems rather silly when the opposite behaviors of what we espouse as good leadership are exposed. Yet many of the examples in the list above I have observed with my own eyes. I bet if you step back and think, you could find examples that might fit as well. Or even come up with your own contrast.

The question becomes, what change do you need to make so that a bad leadership behavior is turned around?

Homework: Pick one of the 7 examples of the wrong way to lead and be over the top with the right way to do it this week. Perhaps you put in your calendar to send an encouraging note regarding vision to everyone on your team every week. Maybe you have had some wins on your team that have not been celebrated that need recognition. If you decide to take on this homework I would love to hear your story. Please share it in the comments below or send me an email.

Best Hopes, Scott

That One Leadership Thing...

This one thing is something we don’t think very often about, but stirs deep inside all of us. Our thoughts about this one thing are usually precipitated by a reflective question when we are deep in contemplative thought:

• What am I doing here?

• What value am I bringing?

• What is next for me?

• What impact have I had on those around me?

If we have a pulse, we can not help but consider this one leadership thing from time to time: Leadership Legacy.

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One very common definition for a legacy is "something we are handing down to others." This "something" can be property, like when a great aunt leaves you a sum of money from her will. The "something" can be a tradition, like a student that attends the same school as a parent. In our context, this "something" is a value that makes life better for the benefactor.

Leadership Legacy

I want to think for a moment about what you are leaving to those who follow you.

My thought here is not around all of the great ideas and intentions you have. It is not about your quarterly, three-year, or five-year plan. It is not about the sleepless nights, or stress you are feeling in the moment.

Rather, it is about your impact. Not only your day to day impact but your overall impact as a leader.

The Question

What do you want you want to pass on to those who are in your sphere of influence?  What do you want to give them? What value do you want to impart to them?

Here is what I am sure about:

You will pass on something to your followers. You will. Intentional or not, they will remember you for something. You must choose whether you will intentionally pass on something of value, or leave your legacy to chance.

The Story

Nearly every morning I try to spend at least 30-minutes in reflection, Bible Study, and prayer. It is how I like to start my day. I feel more centered when I do this.

Sometimes I just study a chapter in the Bible by reading and meditating. Other times I use a study book. Currently, I am reading The Art of Living Well by Ken Boa and Gail Burnett. In the introduction of this book, Gail talks about when she was young and the worst thing the average teenager could do was to cheat on an exam. As she had children of her own, her self-proclaimed discipline focus was “the war on drugs." She did everything in her power to keep her kids from becoming involved in drugs. When her kids became adults she was really glad to know they did not get involved in drugs and equally shocked to discover they had been guilty of cheating at school from time to time.

The assumption Gail had made was that her kids would naturally pick up her ethical value against cheating. Similarly, as leaders we often assume that others in our organization must share the same fundamental truths and values.

What about YOU?

Is there anything in your leadership life that you are assuming the people in your organization just know? How intentional are you being about what kind of legacy you are leaving behind?

Homework

Sit for 30-minutes every day next week. Grab your Bible, or an inspirational book, and search your leadership life. Ask yourself what it is that you really want to pass on to your followers. What would it look like for you to be intentional about building your legacy around your values?

5 Visioning Mistakes Leaders Make

My wife and I are enjoying a beautiful fall drive in central Indiana today. We drove up from Florida to surprise and celebrate our daughter Gretchen’s 25th birthday. If you want to see what a surprised 25-year-old actually looks like, click here. I do enjoy fall. Fall colors. The crisp fall air in Indiana. Apple cider. College football. Playoff Major League Baseball (Go Cubs!). Fall is an amazing season.

For me, fall also brings working on my 1, 3, & 5-year business plan. My clients are busy putting training, speaking, and coaching engagements together in their organizations. In addition to planning next years activities, I have been working on setting a new vision for my organization.

I know visioning is a leadership topic that gets a lot of press, and not all of it is good. Much of it is confusing, such as do you establish a mission for your organization and then set a vision, or does the vision of the leader establish the mission the organization undertakes? I don’t want to get caught up in this chicken or the egg argument. Actually, I think both can be true.

Choices of a businessman

Rather, I would like to spend some time reflecting with you on common vision setting mistakes I have seen leaders make in the past. Each of these common mistakes I have either made myself or been associated with leaders who could have gotten better results if they had paid closer attention to these elements.

When most leaders think of vision, they turn to creating the vision or casting it to followers. While both of these are important elements, rarely are these specific items where the problem lies.

It Is Not Vision Creation

Vision gets created in a variety of different ways.

At times, the leader gets an inspirational or even divine intervention. In these cases, the leader is often in a reflective or meditative state, and a vision will be provided to them regarding the direction the organization needs to take. Other methods for vision creation are more organic, and the vision will evolve from the existing work being done in the organization.

Vision can also be created by groups that the leader pulls together. I helped create a vision for a drug and alcohol task force a few years ago using an open meeting concept. (If you want to learn more about open meetings you can click here and go to a blog I did on the subject several months ago.) Using this process, group members decide together what they want the vision of the organization to become.

In all my experience with vision creation, rarely have I seen a statement that was the issue. In fact, I can not think of one example of a leader or a group who actually created a bad vision. The issues for vision not becoming reality do not rest in the creation process. If things don’t go right in the implementation of the vision, the actual vision itself can come into question as being the right one. Rather than the actual vision getting the blame, maybe we as leaders need to dig a little deeper into the question of why our vision is not working.

The 5 Mistakes

The following are simply five common mistakes that I have found to be common in my experience and observation. If you have other thoughts or have seen other things, why not drop me a line in the comments section below? I would love to hear from you and learn from your experience.

1. Not describing where the vision originated. In my estimation, this boils down to pure arrogance on the part of the leader. The image followers have is that you were sitting on a mountain and received the vision for the organization from on high. I am not saying that this cannot happen, but if it does you need to communicate it to those in your organization. Followers need sufficient detail in order to understand and have trust in where you are taking them. Some will follow blindly, but most will not. As you provide detail on how you arrived at your vision, you will earn their trust. The Fix: Spend time providing detail around the vision to your followers so they can catch your enthusiasm for where the organization is headed.

2. Lack of role clarity for inner circle followers. Those in your inner circle must have clarity about what their role is going to be in making the vision a reality. Those who are direct reports to you must be able to articulate and own the entire vision, from the creation process to the communication and implementation. There must be accountability within this inner circle. In no way can the leader come up with, own, and implement alone. Development, creation, ownership, and implementation must be an organizational process.The Fix: Everyone in the inner circle must have specific accountability for an aspect of vision implementation.

3. Lack of personal belief in the vision. Many of you who read this blog do not have direct impact or influence on the vision for your organization. In many cases, it is handed to you to embrace and make reality. Others in your organization need to know that you embrace the vision. I don’t think it is true to say that you have to agree with every small detail around implementation. However, it is vital that you believe in the vision and overall direction the organization is headed. If not, you probably need to do some reflection on whether you are in the place you really want to be. If you do not like the vision, influence it. If you can not influence it and you don’t like it, then maybe your calling is elsewhere.The Fix: Reflect on how you personally believe in the vision of your organization. Write out your thoughts. If you don’t believe in the vision, get out. You will only be a barrier to performance in the long run. If you need to leave the organization, this exercise will help you articulate what you believe so you can match this with the next group you associate with.

4. Abdication of the vision. Here is one I heard recently: “This is Pastor Eric’s vision for our church!" May these words never be uttered in your organization, whether you lead in a Fortune 500 company or a local church. The words you never want to hear are that those in the masses have not bought in and owned the vision for themselves. If ownership of the vision does not get passed down, the likelihood of the vision becoming reality is quite small.The Fix: Everyone in the organization needs to be accountable for how they are implementing the vision in their own organization. As you interact with subordinates, have conversations about what they are doing to own and make the vision a reality.

5. Devaluing Encouragement. People in the organization need to know that you believe they get the vision. Far too many leaders cast a vision then move on to something else. There is power in vision and the people need to know you believe it! The best way to build positive momentum around the vision is to articulate it, then catch people doing it. When you catch them, why not tell them, and everyone in the organization, that you caught them? Again, there is no better way to get the behavior you are looking for than to communicate success. Period.The Fix: Catch people implementing the vision and celebrate it with the world!

P.S. Some of you are working on personal vision for your career and your life. I think some of the same issues occur in personal visioning work. You may have to make some adaptations, but I do think the issues are worth thinking through.

Homework

Study the 5 mistakes leaders make when it comes to visioning. Write a 3 bullet point action plan that can turn your mistake into learning, and eventually a success.

Example: After reflecting, I realize that I have not fully owned my organization's vision. As a result, I am going to:

• Sit with my supervisor to ensure I can clearly articulate the meaning and intention of the vision.

• Hold a meeting with my direct reports to connect what we do on our team with the vision of the organization.

• Assign staff members to make presentations on how what they do links to the vision of the organization.

If you try this homework, we would love to hear how it is working for you. Why not leave a comment below and let us know how it is going for you?

Are You Making This Leadership Mistake?

“I can’t believe I got pulled into my bosses office the other day and accused of being a micromanager, when in my performance review last year I was praised for my attention to detail," was part of the conversation I had with a client a few weeks ago. Have you ever had a strength of yours be called into question as a barrier to your leadership?

• "You have a lot of energy" becomes “At times he is over-bearing."

• “You are such a team player” becomes “You can not deliver what you are responsible for."

• “You are so flexible” becomes “You do not have a mind of your own."

• “You have such a sense of hope” becomes “You see the world in rose colored glasses."

In all of these cases, the leader has a strength that became a barrier to leadership.

How does this happen?

Thinking about right solution. Young man is standing against blackboard with drawing weight.

Imbalance Diminishes Effectiveness

I ran across an interesting quote the other day while researching what it means to be a versatile leader:

“Leadership consists of opposing strengths, and most leaders have a natural tendency to overdevelop one at the expense of another. This resulting imbalance diminishes their effectiveness." (Kaplan & Kaiser, "Developing versatile leadership,” MIT Sloan Management Review, 44(4))

The definition I use for leadership is: "Leadership is a process that gets results via a relationship between a leader and a follower."

What Kaplan and Kaiser are saying is that leaders are relying too heavily on one strength over another strength and that this imbalance is creating a barrier to an effective leadership process.

Have you observed this in leaders you work with or maybe even in yourself?

The stories will go something like this:

• “He is smart and a real expert in his field, but he needs to pay more attention to the relationships with those on the team." / Imbalance between intellect and interpersonal relationships.

• “She is self-confident and has a clear sense of direction while showing little to no empathy along the way." / Imbalance between self-regard and empathy.

• “He is so compassionate and caring about the people, its just that nothing ever gets done." / Imbalance between people and results.

• “She is so flexible and calm, but it seems like she just isn’t aware of the tension we all are feeling." / Imbalance between flexibility and stress tolerance.

You can see the contrasts!

When a leader is highly results driven, which we all want, the people who are working to achieve the results can become a distant second in priority. This is often unintentional on the part of the leader, but this lack of intention does not lessen the impact that those on the receiving end feel. These imbalances are often caused by being strong in an area where there is nothing to keep the strength in check.

It would look something like this:

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My Phone Rings

As an executive coach, the conversation with HR support or the direct supervisor will usually include a statement that goes something like this: “We really like the individual. They provide a lot of value to the organization. They just seem to lack emotional intelligence."

What this means is that a leader is delivering or has historically delivered results, but feedback into the organization is saying things could even be better if there was some tempering of the quality that is valued.

Emotional Intelligence seems to be quickly becoming the buzz word catch all phrase for when a leader's strengths are out of balance, creating a barrier to their leadership. The emotional intelligence model I use in my practice was developed by Revue BarOn and is published by Multi-Health Systems.

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It is comprised of the following 15 Competencies:

Each of these competencies can be a real strength for you as a leader. The question is, are you over reliant on a strength to the point that it is becoming a barrier to your performance?

Assessment Tool

Since leadership is both results and people-oriented, we need a tool that helps us assess both factors. Karol Wasylyshyn, in her book Destined to Lead, has put together a results/behavior matrix that I have found very useful in helping leaders to see this imbalance. In this model, results and behaviors can either be positive or negative.

Four results are possible from this combination: 1. Results +/Behaviors+ 2. Results +/Behaviors - 3. Results -/Behaviors + 4. Results-/Behaviors -

For our purposes here we are going to assume the leader is getting results, so we will focus on whether or not the appropriate behaviors are evident. (If you want the full explanation of the matrix I do recommend Karol’s book as there are a number of excellent leader development tools.)

Because we are assuming results are positive, then we are really talking about 2 scenarios: 1. Positive Behaviors 2. Negative Behaviors

The scenario that most often we are concerned with when it comes to performers is that of positive results and negative behaviors.

Wasylyshn says, “These people can be high maintenance, sour others with their cynicism, or otherwise erode team performance.” These negative behaviors then become the barrier that Kaplan and Kaiser identified.

Bringing strengths into alignment is a leadership attribute that can pay huge dividends in overall team performance. Why not look at development using one strength to balance another so that leaders get performance results with people rather than instead of them?

Homework

Perhaps someone on your team is achieving results but not maximizing team performance. Can you identify one of their strengths that is out of balance? How could you coach them on bringing that strength into balance by using another strength they possess?

I would love to hear your story. Please leave a comment below and let us know how this balancing act is working for you!

Why a Great Leader Is a Transparent Leader

[guestpost] I made a new friend a while back! His name is Bryan Miles. After attending a webinar Bryan did on delegating work to your assistant, I thought it would be cool if I could connect my readers to Bryan's thinking. I have found Bryan to be a teacher who has a way of making things very simple and implementable. Bryan is the CEO & Co-founder of Miles Advisory Group (a parent company to the companies of eaHELP and MAG Bookkeeping) and is blessed to run this company with his wife, Shannon. Prior to starting MAG, he worked for companies in the tech and construction industries including Cogun, a national church construction company as the VP of Consulting. Bryan blogs at BryanMiles.me.  If you would like to guest post on my blog, click here for more information. [/guestpost] When you lead others, whether that’s at work, at home, or in your organization, there will come a day when those who follow you will want you to be open and transparent with them. In fact, in today’s business climate, they’re probably going to demand it.

Those you lead are not trying to gain the upper hand in your relationships – they just want to grow closer to you.

Two successful entrepreneurs interacting at meeting

I’m not talking about holding hands and crying, or putting on some fake display of emotion. That’s the last thing I’m talking about. I’m talking about the open, pure, raw moments when you, as the leader, open up and share your heart – your thoughts, fears, hopes, issues and dreams.

It’s a fine line to walk as a leader. Since transparency isn’t always about sharing all your issues or the junk in your heart and head that you’re still processing. It’s being open, transparent, and clear with your thoughts and your thought process so those you lead will be even more enthusiastic about following you.

Doesn’t transparency equal weakness?

“But, wait,” you might be thinking – “Doesn’t sharing my thoughts and my doubts make me weaker as a leader? Will they still follow me if I admit I don’t always have it all together?”

They will – trust me. Here’s how I know:

1. My blog is transparent. I tell you there what I’m thinking, sensing, and dealing with as a man, father, husband, friend, and leader. I constantly get emails, messages,and texts thanking me for my posts and my transparency. People hunger for the real you. Give it to them.

2. One of the most-viewed TED Talks ever is on the topic of vulnerability by Brené Brown. With more than 15 million views and subtitles in 47 languages, this talk shows that vulnerability and transparency are important topics – ones we have to pay attention to as leaders. Her book The Gifts of Imperfection is a solid read for leaders as well.

3. Michael Hyatt, one of the biggest voices in leadership and publishing in this decade, consistently show the personal side of who he is in his life, work, marriage, and family. He’s the real deal and people follow him because of his transparency. And – by the way – he’s exactly the same in person as he is online.

Transparency is not weakness – it is a gift!

When is the last time you shared your soul – your hopes, dreams, junk and issues – honestly with someone else?

Stop thinking that you are weak when you open up and share. You’re actually the opposite – you’re incredibly brave to let someone else in. Chances are, when you do, you’ll find someone as desperate as you are to share and connect on a meaningful level.

Industrial Age leadership principles and the “shut up and just get the job done” mindset are things of the past. Today’s leaders must be more open and transparent with their teams. Showing people the real you as a leader will be required more and more as younger employees (who had transparent parents and role models in their lives) enter the workforce.

Rip off the Band-Aid. Show your wounds. Show your heart! Be transparent.

What you’ll find is a team of people – professional and personal – who are ready to jump in and help you, walk beside you, and strive with you to accomplish great things.

When the Chips Are Down

Sometimes it feels like nothing is going your way.  Does that sound like you, at least some of the time? Let's examine your “self-talk” and see if there is some application to how you lead. Talk about a guy who always seemed to have things going against him. George Washington would be that guy in my eye.

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I just finished reading a really good historical account of George Washington’s life during the Revolutionary War. It is called “Washington’s Revolution: The Making Of America’s First Leader” by Robert Middlekauff. If you like historical accounts of leaders, this is a good one. Middlekauff does a nice job of moving through Washington’s early life and his Revolutionary War experience with enough detail to give a picture of what was happening without the overwhelming feeling that some historians can give with granular minutia of every fact.

Uphill Battle and the Chips were down

I had forgotten what an uphill battle Washington fought to overcome the Brittish ground and naval forces. In addition to fighting the British, Washington was constantly battling the politicians in the states and in Congress, his own soldiers and officers, as well as the natural elements in the northeast.

Many times, it would have been so easy for him to just quit. Give up. Forget it. Say it was not worth it. But he never did. There was a burning inside of this leader to see the war through to the very end.

Of course, the Brittish represented the main occupying enemy in the leadership story of George Washington. He constantly battled a superior army and an even more imposing force with the British Navy. While we don’t have a good indication of Washington’s self-talk, he could have sounded like many of us:

• The Brittish have a bigger Navy.

• The Brittish have better-trained soldiers.

• My first military campaign was a failure.

• Congress won’t allocate a pension for my officers.

• We just lost 3 battles in a row.

• My guys can’t hold a line to save themselves.

• Where are the French, anyway?

• We are fighting without bullets, food, horses, coats, or shoes.

A Word of Caution for Leaders

As leaders, we have to be very careful how we talk to ourselves. The intimate little conversations that you have with yourself are called your explanatory style. In his psychological classic, Martin Seligman says there are two basic ways of looking at the world: with an Optimistic or Pessimistic Explanatory Style. According to Seligman, pessimists believe:

• Bad events will last a long time

• Bad events undermine everything they do

• They are at fault for anything that goes wrong

A person with an Optimistic Explanatory Style, on the other hand:

• Sees defeat as a temporary setback

• Believes the reason for defeat is isolated in a single event

• Understands that the setback is not their fault

Seligman says that these optimistic people “are unfazed by defeat. Confronted by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge and try harder."

This is exactly what I was experiencing as I read Middlekauff’s account of George Washington. No matter what circumstance, bad luck, untimely event, or even the French, Washington seemed unfazed.

5 R’s to Ridding Yourself of Negative Thinking

It isn’t doing you any good to dwell on the negative as a leader. Here is a process I work through when I feel the chips are down:

Step 1. Report the facts. Just write down the facts as you know them. No emotion. Just the facts. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up.

Step 2.Recount the emotion. Now put the emotions you felt. All of them. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up. This caused me to feel disrespected.

Step 3.Result of the emotion. What impact did the emotion have on you? Here is a template you can use, just fill in the blank for yourself: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This cause me to (negative outcome). Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that no one ever has respected my time.

Step 4.Ruckus. The idea is to argue with yourself that the negative self talk is not in your best interest. The solution is to create a little chaos for yourself.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Now argue with yourself. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors ever have respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me.

Step 5.Refocus. Now you must get yourself out of this dread zone of negative thinking. It is time to have more optimistic self talk.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Argue with yourself. Now create a new and positive reality. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors have ever respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me. Jack is late because he has many priorities. I should talk with Jack about the priorities he has and where I fit into them.

I get the sense that it would have been really easy for George Washington to let negative self-talk get in his way. Yet it seems as though it is this characterisc of a positive explanatory style, optimism, and the belief that the end goal was worth the fight, that shaped his judgment and decision-making.

How about you? When the chips are down, how do you talk to yourself?

Homework

Here is your assignment:  Think about a time now or in the recent past where things are not going your way. Use the 5-Step process outlined above and see if you can turn your negative thinking into a positive explanatory style. If you have some success with this, I would love to hear about it. Please comment below and let us know how this worked out for you.

Action

Why not click on this link and download my ebook, Optimistic Thinking? It is totally free and there are some other ideas that might resonate with you in addition to the 5 R’s. We promise not to spam you or sell your email….ever.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE DOWNLOAD!

See you on Wednesday with our Leadership Tip of the Week,

Scott

A Vaccination for Leadership Failure

Who wants to fail as a leader? No one. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, “Let me see how I can totally screw up the thing I am working on today."

And yet…Here is my story.

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel (2)

A number of years ago, I had been a fairly successful sales professional and tapped for a management development program. The company I worked for was growing like crazy. Most people spent less than 2 years in this program before they were tapped for their first management level job. I thought I had arrived! Look at me! Watch me climb! Nothing will stop my career! These were all thoughts I had at the time. I was on top of the world and it felt great.

My wife and I moved from my sales territory in Decatur, Illinois to the corporate headquarters in Indianapolis, Indiana. Our family consisted of my wife and I along with our 2-year-old son Zach, and a precious baby girl due in about 6 weeks. The plan was to be in Indianapolis for less than 2 years before our next move into my first management level job. So, I did what every person with a dream, a wife, and 2 young kids does….

I went out and bought a 2 seat sports car.

I rationalized it by telling myself, "Hey, we already own a minivan. No problem."

Fast forward 5 years later. That's right, my 2-year window for promotion had gone to 5! The company hit a tight spot. No one got promoted for 3 years beyond my 2-year window. And on top of the career slow down, my wife and I had another baby boy! We were now a family of 5, with a minivan and a second car that is a Mazda Rx 7.

Great car, yet totally not practical when my wife took the minivan to go shopping one Saturday and left me with the 3 kids and a couple of friends kids. Scott and 5 kids on a Saturday morning, normally not a problem, until Zach comes out holding his hand over his eye and blood dripping down having just been whacked on the head with a toy by one of the other kids.

Question: How do I get 5 kids and me in the Rx7 and to the hospital to get Zach stitched up?

The Lesson

There is an ancient Proverb that says “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud."

I will admit it. I was full of pride. Proud of my career. Proud of my family. Proud of how I had achieved.

What is the problem with pride? It blocks your vision of reality. As leaders, we puff ourselves up for everyone to see.

What are some things that feed our pride as leaders?

1. People come to you for decision making. 2. People look to you for safety (job security). 3. People look to you as an expert in your field. 4. People feel comfortable knowing you are there. 5. You make people feel they are important. 6. You give people a feeling of optimism. 7. You give people a sense of hope. 8. You are near the top of the food chain. 9. People seek your advice and counsel. 10. Your opinions are sought and considered.

The great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else's pride. Pride at its very root is competitive. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man,” according to Lewis.

More money. Bigger house. Better looking. Smarter. Prettier wife. More loving husband. Successful kids. Faithful servant. Harder worker. Coolest job.

The problem with pride is not the metric, but what we do with it. It is in our nature to compare. It is how we know where we are. The problem with pride is an inability to be content and a desire for control. It is a scarcity mentality that says for me to be up in life you must be down.

This is a lie.

Great leaders find ways for everyone to be up.

What I have learned over the years is that when I begin feeling like this, full of pride, I better watch my next step.

The Vaccination

When things go wrong, we begin to think about treatment. Treatment is about fixing the problem. Vaccination, however, is about prevention.

Treatment in the medical world is meant to help you recover from something that has happened to you. A vaccination is meant to prevent the disease in the first place.

The second part of the Proverb I mentioned above states, “but humility comes before honor."

Being humble. Putting others ahead of your pride. Being modest in your opinion of yourself. Thinking of others as better than yourself is one way to overcome pride.

The question I have been asking myself is, are there any strategies for preventing pride in the first place?

How can you vaccinate yourself against pride that often accompanies Leadership?

Here is a shot in the arm that can help you prevent Leadership Pride. This might sting a little, but here comes the needle...

Seek Wise Counsel.

That didn’t hurt too bad, did it?

Looking back on my story, I really should have sought wise counsel about buying that car. Not only was it impractical, but the assumptions I used to frame my reality regarding my career and my family were askew. They just were not based in reality. Just because the business was in an up cycle didn’t mean it was going to stay that way forever. Some wise counsel at that time could have been just the vaccination the doctor would have prescribed to prevent me from making such a poor decision.

There is another Proverb that says “Without counsel plans are frustrated, but with many counselors plans succeed."

As you are thinking about getting wise counsel in your life, what should you look for? Here are a few things I have found as I have researched the topic:

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel:

1. Experience. Why not ask someone who has been down the road what the path looks like? 2. Impulse Control. Look for someone who is not going to be swayed by your emotional rationale. You do not want someone who will agree with you all the time. You want another perspective on what reality looks like. A person who is patient enough to hear you out. 3. Courage. Having an ability to disagree with you is paramount to you being able to learn and grow. 4. Empathy. Someone who can see your perspective even if they do not agree. Empathy differs from sympathy in that the empathic person will ask the hard question when it is in your best interest. The sympathetic person will just agree with you in whatever state you are in.

So often in leader development we screw up and look for a treatment remedy for what has happened. Why not look to prevent these potential failures in leadership by vaccinating yourself against tragedy? Seeking wise counsel may be one good shot in the arm for you as a leader.

Your Homework

Look for a leadership decision you have coming up. Seek out some wise counsel. Lay the topic out for those you are seeking input from, without bias or telling them your preferences. Consider what they say to you before you act.

Call to Action

Please click here to go to my Facebook page and leave a comment about the value you have found in seeking wise counsel in your leadership life. We would love to hear from you.

P.S. - There is still time to enter our Leadership Survey Contest.  It will take you less than 3 minutes to complete, and you just might win a $50 Amazon gift card for giving us your opinion!

Have You Seen This Framework for Leader Development?

SocialMediaUse

We live in an interesting era.  One of the things that the social media phenomena has created is an ability for someone to be anything they desire in their imagination to be. With Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and even LinkedIn, the creator of the profile gets to decide what the observer is able to see about them. A lot of people I talk to are very intentional about what they put on the profiles they create.  My family was together over the holiday and more than one time someone would be looking at their mobile device and remark, "I would never put that on Facebook."

What Do You Want Others to See?

Since I am writing on leadership, this phenomena of what people allow others to view about them, and what they do not allow others to see, makes me curious about how it might apply to leader development. For some of you, to admit you need to develop something brings you face to face with the reality that if you do not make a change you will be stuck where you are for a long time.

Another interesting impact on our development as leaders is the culture in which were are associated. This may be a formal organization where we are employed or a less formal network of acquaintances. No matter the structure, the culture of the organization will have an impact on leadership and its development.

Perspectives on Leader Development

I had an old friend call me just this morning and tell me about the organization she works in. The company really values leadership and sees it as a competitive advantage in the marketplace. However, the current culture dictates that personal development is the individual's responsibility. Much like the organization expects you to dress business casual when you come to work, but it isn't their job to take you shopping. This is an interesting take on development. You may work in an organization that takes a more proactive approach and provides classes to attend, or gives you a budget to spend on yourself for your own development. You may even work in an organization that doesn't care at all about your development, they just want the job done.

No matter what type of organization you work with, planning your own development as a leader is paramount to your improvement. We can not simply hope that we will improve or leave our development to chance.

Development is about:

• Growth as a person

• Finding a new skill

• Advancing yourself

• Creating something new and exciting

• Breaking out of the routine so that you become the person YOU desire to be

A Personal Example of Development

I recently started running half-marathons. 13.1 miles is a long way to run if you do not train and practice. My development process went something like this:

• Purchased a book on how to train for a 13.1-mile race

• Followed the week by week exercise plan

• Became very conscious of nutrition and water intake

• Focused both on strength training and cardiovascular improvement

• Kept the goal of finishing the race in mind as I trained

I can tell you for sure that if I had not trained and prepared for the 13.1 miles I would not have been able to finish the race.

So why is your development as a leader any different?

Some of you want to improve your position or your skills, yet you just are hoping that it will happen. Hope is a poor outcome predictor. Instead of hoping something will happen for us, lets practice and prepare for the day!

Be Intentional

Being intentional with your development allows you to go to other leaders, and even followers of yours, asking them to partner with you in the creation of the more advanced you. This may be scary, but so is skydiving, or running your first half-marathon, or going out on your first date. Scary in an exhilarating sort of way. It demonstrates a healthy and respectful fear.

Sharing an aspect of your leader development plan allows three important things to occur:

1. You are declaring that leading is important to you.

2. You are showing humility.

3. You are saying to others that stagnation is NOT OK with you.

Try This On For Size

Here is an example for how to engage others in your development:

While waiting for a meeting to start you are having a conversation with a peer of yours. You say, "Hey, I am trying to speak less in meetings, but when I do speak, I am going to try to be more impactful. My goal is to draw others to my ideas, rather than beat them into submission with my words. Could you observe me over the next few months and give me some feedback on how I am doing?"

Getting started with what you need to develop as a leader becomes a primary focus. The idea is to think about what you know about yourself, then what others might know about you.

Let me share a framework for you to think about, along with a couple of tools you can utilize to begin gathering data.

A Framework for Processing Your Development

One of the classic frames for thinking about your development is called the Johari Window. It is based upon what you observe in yourself and what others observe about you.

1. What I know about me and what others observe in me.

2. What I know about me and what others DO NOT observe in me.

3. What I do not know about me and what others observe in me.

4. What I do not know about me and what others do not know about me.

This framework can give you a place to reflect about your leadership.

Here is a picture of a tool I use in coaching others when we get feedback like this. I find it very instructional to think about the emotion that is being experienced when you are processing leadership feedback.

JohariBlocks

If you are collecting feedback I want to encourage you to pay attention to the accompanying emotion. Are you feeling sad or encouraged? Are you motivated or discouraged?

No matter the emotion you are feeling, focus on what is being said and how you can use it to improve your leadership.

I hope you find this framework for leader development interesting. I look forward to having some stimulating dialog with you around the topic of intentionally developing yourself as a leader.

As always, if you want help processing questions on your development as a leader, an introductory session with me is always complimentary.

Scott

Failing or Succeeding With Titanic Leadership

A few weeks ago I wrote an article and a leadership tip of the week on the topic of "Failing is Not Failure." Many of you sent me comments and emails on how this thought stimulated your thinking. I thought it would be good to get more perspective on this idea, so I asked my good friend Dr. Randall Spence to provide some of his thoughts on the topic.

If you enjoy reading about leadership with a spiritual emphasis you will enjoy reading his blog at www.RandallSpence.com, or connecting with him on Twitter.

Randy, take it away.....

All of us fail.

We fail in life. We fail in our relationships. We fail in the leadership of our organizations and ourselves.

The question is, do we learn from our failures? Do we attempt to use failure as a mechanism for growth? Or do we allow failure to defeat us, squashing our ambition and our efforts?

Antarctic_Iceberg_18

The Impact of Failure

The impact of failure on us often prevents us from seeing that right there within the failure, often hidden in plain sight, is the next opportunity.

Let me illustrate with a story about the Titanic.

In an article in the Harvard Review, Tony McCaffrey talks about the Titanic and that fateful night when she collided with the iceberg in the North Atlantic. What the ship's crew did not calculate in that nightmarish moment was that the very thing that sank the ship could also have saved the passengers, virtually everyone.

Let me explain.

According to McCaffrey, the newspapers of that time estimated the size of the iceberg to be between 50 to 100 feet high and 200 to 400 feet long. The Titanic was navigable for a while after the collision, so the crew could have pulled alongside the iceberg where many, if not all, could have climbed on to find flat places to stay out of the water for the four hours it took before help arrived.

Instead, the crew was fixated on the fact that icebergs sink ships and thus failed to see the sheer size and shape of the iceberg, or to reckon with the fact that it would not sink. In other words, the crew failed to see how the very thing that represented failure could also provide for their safety.

The iceberg could have served as their lifeboat. The iceberg that was to kill so many could also have saved virtually everyone.

Functional Fixedness

There is a term for our inability to see opportunity in the midst of failure. The term is functional fixedness and was first articulated in the 1930s by Karl Duncker. It means that we tend to fixate on the common use of an object and thus fail to see other possible uses.

If you grew up like me watching MacGyver, you know that he did not suffer from functional fixedness. If you recall, he was forever getting into bad situations but always managed to escape by using things most of us would never dream of to get himself free or to solve the dilemma. He might take some baling wire, his pocketknife, a few rags, and rubbing alcohol to make an explosive or something else rather outlandish. MacGyver could do this not only because he was a science wiz, but also because he could see beyond the obvious uses of baling wire, a pocketknife, rags, and rubbing alcohol.

Path to Success

I would broaden this definition of functional fixedness a bit to say that in times of personal or business failure we often fixate on the cause of the failure and fail to see that within that failure, sometimes hidden in plain sight, is the next opportunity. It may take some creativity and mental exploration to find it, but it may be right in front of us staring us in the face.

Where does it feel like you are failing in life or in your business today? Look over your answer from every angle.

Do you see a way to use the problem you are facing as a potential way to rescue yourself?

Think about it a bit. You might need a friend, mentor, or coach to help you navigate these waters.

We would love to hear any examples you might provide for this. You can leave a comment below or email us at Scott@DrScottLivingston.com.

What Is a Simple Way to Assess Your Leadership?

At one time in our history leadership meant "the rank that was held" or "a hierarchical position that was attained." Leadership was seen as a person in authority holding command and control over those in their sphere of influence. In some nefarious organizations this authoritarian style of leading probably still exists. Today, leadership is something that gets implemented, worked on, and is earned every day. Leadership has taken on a much different relational aspect than in the past. Just because you hold a position that is near the top of the food chain in your organization does not mean that those who follow you are committed followers. As the leader, you may hold their salary card and influence their performance appraisal, even decide whether they stay as a part of your organization, but that does not mean they are excited or enthusiastic followers.

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Of Course That Is Not Me

I will be honest with you. When I read articles like this my knee-jerk reaction is, "He must be talking about somebody else, surely this isn't me. My question for you is, can you stay engaged with this topic long enough to really challenge yourself? Maybe this is you!

One thing I have learned over the years, and has really become evident since I have started writing on the topic of leadership, is that most who are in positions of leadership think they are really good at it. When I was just getting started with this project I had one marketing consultant actually advise me not to pursue the topic of leadership for a blog because he said, “Leadership is one of those things that everyone has their own idea about, and they think they do it better than anyone else even if they are actually horrible at it.”

“Leadership," he went on to say, “is not like weight loss. People who need to lose weight know it. They might not do anything about it, but at least they know they need to shed a few pounds. People who are poor leaders often times don't even know it or care to entertain the thought.”

Leadership has a sort of a swagger to it. It can often feel like since we obtained a position of leadership we must know what we are doing. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Tides of Leadership are Changing

The tides of leadership have been changing over the past couple of decades, and research is showing that the followers of leaders are much more influential than they have been in the past. With the advent of technology the bonds that followers feel with each other just make them more powerful.

For leaders, any enhancement in skills, personality, or behavior are futile if the relationship between the leader and the follower is not sound. When it is all said and done, leaders really do not choose followers, it is the followers who choose who leads them.

Attention Leaders: It is about Followers

Barbara Kellerman, in her book Followership: How Followers are Creating Change and Changing Leaders, defined followers as “subordinates who have less power, authority, and influence than do their superiors and who therefore usually, not invariably, fall into line.” Kellerman goes on to divide followers into five distinct commitment groups:

• Die-hards-passionate regarding ideas or people; become dedicated when they assign high value.

• Activists-Supportive, eager, energetic, and engaged in the ideas and tasks.

• Participants-show care and compassion. Will support if they agree. Will oppose if they disagree.

• Bystanders-Observe from the sideline. Generally disengaged. Passive support.

• Isolates-Do their jobs and keep their heads down. Do not care much for the leader nor respond to them.

The thing I find interesting in how leadership is evolving in organizations is to examine not who is at the top of any pyramid, but to observe those who are attracting followers who are passionate and extremely dedicated. If you stepped back and examined different leaders in your organization, how would they measure up using the Followership criteria? Who are the leaders who are attracting diehard followers? Do you have leaders who have more participants or bystanders?

Assess Your Leadership

What if you scored your own leadership by how your followers are responding to your leadership? Try this simple exercise:

1. Write down the names of those whom you lead. If you have more than 15 you may want to just pick a sample that represents the population.

2. Score their followership:

Die-hards-5points Activists-4points Participants-3points Bystanders-2points Isolates-1 point

3. Add up the points and divide by the number of followers to find your average followership score.

Does the score you obtain score higher than 4 on average? If not, then you may be leading but are you obtaining the results you desire? It is hard to make changes or create vision when you have a congregation of participants and bystanders.

What do you need to do to as a leader to take a bystander to an activist? Or perhaps a participant to a diehard?

Do This To Enhance Followership

One significant factor in the leader/ follower relationship is credibility. In their book Credibility, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner offer some practical insight for leaders who want their followers to want to follow them. Credibility, according to these authors, is the foundation of leadership. People want to believe and trust those whom they follow.

It is easy for us as leaders to say to ourselves “of course I am trustworthy." You might think you are, but yours is not really the opinion that matters. Do your followers think you are trustworthy? The answer to this question is what will ultimately allow them to decide what kind of follower they will be.

According to the research of Kouzes and Posner, the majority of people look for and admire leaders who are honest, forward-thinking, inspiring, and competent. These four factors play a significant role in the level to which the leader is able to lead because they determine the type of follower that the follower will choose to become.

So how are you doing in creating diehard followers?

I would love to hear your story if you have one to share, or if you decide to do the exercise above let me know the results and what, if any, changes you might need to make.

Scott

Are You Drowning the Creativity in Those You Lead?

Are you fostering creativity in your organization? What climate are you setting that impacts the creativity of those under your leadership?

Are the tactics you are employing as a leader stifling or fostering creativity and innovation?

Hard questions, but the ones that help us grow as leaders are usually the toughest.

At the end of this article, you will be able to download a free self-assessment checklist that will give you insight into these hard questions.

Creativity and Climate: Both Affected by the Leader

A recent article1 in the Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies caught my eye. The authors provide primary research on the effects of scenario planning on people's perceptions of a creative organizational climate.

Basically the question is, "Does the task of scenario planning help people's perceptions of the creative climate in their organization?"

Scenario planning, for those of you not familiar, are activities designed to explore what can happen in an organization in the future. These exercises are said to foster a supportive climate because lots of opinions are sought, many diverse ideas are valued, and there is freedom to explore ideas and to be innovative in the utilization of the ideas.

An interesting question. Does a task like scenario planning improve creativity?

The Importance of the Task

The TASK. This is what caught my eye.

Can just doing an activity give birth to a creative climate in an organization?

I will spare you all the details and just get right to the point of the research. Here is what the authors conclude:

"While this study has found partial support for the hypothesis that scenario planning has an effect on creative organizational climate, specific expected dimensions of creative organizational climate did not show significant changes.”

The task itself did not impact creative organizational climate.

What is fascinating to me is that the task of scenario planning is designed to foster this creative environment but does not always.

Gut check time...

The question in my mind, if we are unsure about the task and its role in fostering a creative organizational climate, is what else could cultivate this type of environment?

It has been well documented for years by early researchers like Maslow, Herzberg, and Knowles that people will naturally seek challenges to expand their skills and expertise. Research has shown that when employees have increased opportunities to engage in activities like strategy and innovation, they have a greater sense of motivation and engagement (Meissner & Wulf, 2012). I am not saying that involving people in tasks like scenario planning is not important. IT IS. Giving people rich development experiences is always valuable in creating leaders in your organization.

Important Tasks Are Not Enough

The point of this research is that just engaging followers in the task, or giving them the developmental experience, is not enough.

What about the impact that YOU as the leader have? Could it be that it is YOU who is establishing the culture, and climate that have a direct effect on creativity?

Is it possible that your leadership has a direct influence on the creativity of those who follow you?

In a nutshell, the answer is yes!

The Leader and Innovation

In a three-way interaction of transformational leadership, employee identification with the leader, and innovative climate, Wang and Rode (2010) found that each of these elements is associated with employee creativity.

Leader, it is YOU!

1. How you lead (transformational leadership) 2. How you connect (employee identification with the leader) 3. How you set the climate for your team

These three elements together are vital to employee creativity.

Consider the tasks you involve people in, for sure. However, self-examination around the impact we are having on followers deserves as much attention as the tasks we involve followers in.

Questions For Self-Reflection

Here are three questions for reflection:

1. Leader, you matter in creating the climate in your organization.  You set the pace. How are you doing? 2. Your relationship with your followers matters. You are responsible for them being able to identify with you. How are you doing? 3. Their creativity is influenced by the innovative climate you are creating. How are you doing?

Valuable Resource (and it is FREE)

Need a resource to assess if you are fostering creative employees? Click here for a free download of our Fostering Creative Employees Check-list.

If I can be of any service to you, or you want to chat, send me an email at info@DrScottLivingston.com and we will set up a time to connect.

Equip.Inspire.Grow.Lead.

1 Thomas J. Chermack, Laura M. Coons, Kim Nimon, Peggy Bradley, and Margaret B. Glick

The Effects of Scenario Planning on Participant Perceptions of Creative Organizational Climate Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies 1548051815582225, first published on April 21, 2015 doi:10.1177/1548051815582225

Meissner, P., & Wulf, T. (2012). Cognitive benefits of scenario planning: Its impact on biases and decision quality. Technological Forecasting & Social Change, 80, 801-814.

Peng Wang and Joseph C Rode.Transformational leadership and follower creativity: The moderating effects of identification with leader and organizational climate Human Relations August 2010 63: 1105-1128, doi:10.1177/0018726709354132

What Can Leaders Like You Learn From Jean Nidetch?

PAY-Jean-Nidetch

If you are like me when you read the title of this blog you thought, “I don’t even know who Jean Nidetch is, so what can I learn from someone I don’t know?”  However, I think there is a very important lesson for leaders to learn from this pioneering entrepreneur and trendsetter.

I met Jean this morning as I was reading the Wall Street Journal.  Buried in the Business and Technology section was an article about Weight Watchers founder, Jean Nidetch, passing on at age 91.  My initial thought upon reading the title of the article was that I was impressed she had made it to 91!  My second thought was that I had never thought about how Weight Watchers got started. Although nearly every female in my early childhood life had at one time or another proclaimed to be on “Weight Watchers”, I knew almost nothing about it.

I was fascinated as I read the article and learned about how this organization came into being. Suzanne Knaper, the writer for The Journal puts it this way, “…Ms. Nidetch, a perpetually overweight housewife, discovered an important weight-loss tool that was missing from traditional diets: empathy."

Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks.

I ran across a great quote by Jac Fitz-Enz the other day that resonates with where I am heading in writing this article on empathy:

"Sometimes, if we cut through the brain and get to the gut, we learn the truth."

When I teach seminars on Emotional Intelligence I often ask the group for a common definition for empathy. The response I get back more than any other is; “walking a mile in the other person's shoes.” I love this definition, but to take it one step further (pun intended), “walking a mile in the other person's shoes, even when the shoe doesn’t fit.”

[Tweet "Empathy: walking a mile in the other person's shoes, even when the shoe doesn’t fit."]

It is easy to be empathetic when someone is just like me. It is much harder to have empathy when someone is not like me. How about you?

According to Steve Stein and Howard Book in The EQ Edge, "Empathy is the ability to be aware of, understand, and appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others.” Alfred Adler put it this way, “Seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another."

As I talk with people in organizations, one of the most significant areas for improvement  I hear about the leaders they work with can be described as lack of empathy.

This symptom manifests a number of ways. It may sound like this:

• I feel like my boss just doesn’t care about me.

• I try to communicate but he/she just doesn’t listen.

• We are talking, but I feel like they are not present with me.

• I feel like I am not a priority for them.

• I have 50% of their attention, but I don’t know where the other 50% is.

• They just don't understand what they are asking me for

• It is so frustrating to not be understood

I know some of you are worried right now that by being an empathetic leader you will be viewed as soft. Well, not so fast. While empathy often lands in the "soft skills" of leadership, I think empathy is actually the hard stuff of leading others. Stein and Book recognize this when they say, "Empathy is more than being nice, it is more than sympathy, it is more than giving up your position." - The EQ Edge

Being Empathetic is about being compassionate, caring, listening, and being flexible if needed. Empathy is perhaps recognizing that an employee doesn’t have the skill set to do a job, working with them to develop the skills, if they still can not perform at an acceptable level, helping them find something they are better at. Even if this is not what the employee wants. Empathy is understanding what is good for the organization, the leader, and the follower, and finding a winning space for all three.

This is what Jean Nidetch pioneered for dieters in the 1960’s. A caring and compassionate place of support and encouragement for those who needed to get healthy with respect to food.

So I was thinking,  I wonder if my readers have such a place of support for leadership?

Do you have a safe place to come and talk about leadership issues you are facing? Do you want to learn more about leading, but just can’t find the time or the discipline to get the improvement you want? Are you getting feedback that your leadership is less than adequate for what your organization is expecting?

If you are interested in this type of supportive environment for your leadership, I want to help.

On Monday's at Noon EST, Noon CST, and Noon PST I will be holding small leadership circle groups. Each group will meet once a month, for one hour, via video call (or you can phone in if you don’t have video capability that day).  Your group will include 4 people, along with myself, who will come together and talk about leadership issues you are facing.

Here is how we will use our time:

• 20 minutes - Discuss a short assignment Dr. Scott has given the previous session (something like a short reading or reflection).

• 20 minutes - Case presentation by one of the members on a leadership issue you are facing.

• 20 minutes - Group discussion on the case.

In addition, upon joining one of these groups you will receive, at no additional charge, a one-on-one monthly 30-minute phone/video coaching session with me. This time is completely yours and can be utilized however you see fit.

The preparation time is minimal and the value is huge. We are only taking a limited number of people for this opportunity and the price for this will never be this low again. So if you have considered an opportunity like this in the past, Act Now, Act Fast.

These sessions do come with some commitments on your part:

• You commit to 6 months at a time so that the group can form and build trust.

• You will do your best to prioritize and be present for every session.

• You will come prepared to learn and grow.

These sessions also come with some commitments on my part:

• To provide a safe learning environment for all participants.

• To have you in groups with people you do not know to maintain privacy and confidentiality.

• To challenge you to leadership heights you never thought possible.

The cost for joining one of these groups is $225/month (or save 10% and pay $1,200 for the entire 6-month commitment upfront).

If at any time you are not completely satisfied we will refund your money, no questions asked (or at least I won’t try and talk you out of your decision, although I may be interested in why you would want to leave).

If you are interested in joining one of these groups, click here to complete an informational form and my assistant, Brandi, will be in touch to set up a 30-minute phone conversation for us so I can answer any initial questions you might have.

Empathy, such a misunderstood, yet valuable leadership trait.

Thank you, Jean Nidetch, for leading the way and teaching us so much. Rest In Peace.

Do You Make This Leadership Mistake?

I received an email from one of my coaching clients the other day. He asked me to provide him some context on a situation he found interesting. I love interacting with my clients in this way and so I thought I would share the scenario with you and get your perspective, because I would love to know your thoughts on the subject.

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The Email goes something like this:

Hi Scott, I met with a leader in our organization yesterday to interview her for a position we have coming available. This person has many of the attributes and attitudes that we look for in leaders on our team.  She was confident, articulate, driven, has a good background, and answered most questions quite well. She was a skilled interviewer in many respects.

However, when I asked her - in 3 different ways - for a "personal development opportunity" or "critical feedback you've received" she had no answer at all and couldn't come up with anything.  I even gave her an example of one that I've worked on to try to prompt her.  No answer still.

I'm kinda curious now - what's your read on someone who can't come up with a personal weakness or area for development?

Here are some ideas I gave to my client on what could be going on:

1. Lack of self-awareness. This means that she doesn't know herself well enough to know when she has been given feedback, or how to process the information. A lack of self-awareness is actually quite common in leadership development. The Handbook of Leadership Development states that this is a key aspect of understanding ones strengths and weaknesses, what one does well and not so well, what one is comfortable and not comfortable with, what situations bring out the best and worst in us all, and the “whys” behind all of these. Self-awareness means understanding the strengths and weaknesses of the leader and the effect these have on others in different situations and contexts.

2. Poor listener. Even though you asked in 3 different ways, it is possible that she didn't understand your question, or she didn't understand the feedback when people gave it to her. In my book, 7 Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent CoachI describe how this poor listening can happen. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A FREE COPY OF THE CHAPTER WHERE THIS IS DESCRIBED. In any conversation there are three actually happing. The first is between the two participants. The next two conversations are the ones that each participant is having with themselves. If the conversation you are having with yourself has a “higher volume” than the one you are having with the other person, you are not listening to them, only preparing what to say next when they stop talking.

3. Arrogance. It is common for the leadership literature to call this narcissism. Another common description is pride, or being so self-absorbed that the feedback that she has been given in the past just washed over her like water splashing on a rock. In this case she heard the feedback and rejects it.

4. Omniscience. A high level of knowing is often seen as a positive quality in a leader. Both knowledge and experience can be very valuable commodities to a leader. Robert Sternberg, when writing in the area of foolishness in A Handbook of Wisdom, describes that a leader who has expertise, power, or a great deal of knowledge, runs a risk of falling into the trap of believing they are all knowing. If a leader falls into this trap input from outside sources begins to lose value compared to the information they already have.

5. Lack of self-regard. Self-regard is an ability to be able to accept yourself for who you are and have an appreciation for your positive attributes and your perceived negative traits, while still feeling good about yourself. This means all of the external confidence that had been observed by this leader in the interview was just window dressing. It is possible that her view of self was so low or distorted that she was afraid that admitting a fault would show such weakness that her ability to get the job would be in jeopardy. Steve Stein and Howard Book, in The EQ Edge state that leaders who fail because of difficulties with self-regard can not tolerate to have their “warts” visible publicly.

At this point many of you are trying to see if you can come up with another attribute that I may have missed. Let’s resist the temptation (using a heightened level of Impulse Control) to be organizational psychologists, and instead turn our thoughts more to ourselves.

How are YOU doing on being able to answer the question, “What is your personal development opportunity”? I am sure you all could mail this one in... you know, just write something down so that HR and your boss are satisfied. But why not stretch yourself a bit? Get honest with yourself and ask, "what is it that I really need to work on that is going to make me a more effective leader?"

If you ever want to talk about that sometime, let me know. In the mean time I would really value your thoughts on other leadership mistakes you have made, or that you have seen made. I would like to compile a list of these and do a post someday so that we can learn from each other.

Leadertivity

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This morning I was reading an article in the Wall Street Journal about how Microsoft is growing into middle age. Since I am there too, and the article was titled “New Tricks for an Aging Microsoft”, I thought it was worth my time to give it a glance. As I was glancing over the column the thing that stuck out to me is that Satya Nadella’s point of emphasis for the 40 year old company is productivity.

I began thinking about my own productivity. How am I doing? I shifted immediately to my calendar and looked at all the phone coaching appointments I had today and thought, “Whew! I am busy!” But then it hit me that I have coached other leaders before on falling into the trap of being busy and not being strategic. Had I fallen into the same trap by looking at my calendar or my routine tasks and not being productive? The answer was a firm and resounding yes. So while what I have on my calendar is tactically important today, most of the tasks are not helping me become a better leader by investing in those who read this blog to become better leaders.

I am not demeaning the important work you have to do today. Some of the routine tasks and meetings you have with those in your sphere of influence are really important and need to be implemented. That said, are you leaving any time in your busy schedule to develop yourself or those on your team or in your organization to become more productive leaders? Are you encouraging them in the art of “Leadertivity”?

[Tweet "Are you leaving time in your schedule to develop yourself to become a more productive leader?"]

I went to Dictionary.com and looked up the word Leadertivity. You guessed it, the word is not there. But I had to chuckle because the suggestion that the website provided said, “Did you mean Leadfoot?” I clicked on it and the definition is “a person who drives a motor vehicle too fast, especially habitually”.

When I was thinking about Leadertivity, driving a car was not what I was thinking. However, it seemed there is a parallel. The question I had for myself is “am I habitually investing in the productivity of leaders? Am I creating or enhancing value in myself or in others on a regular basis so that my organization and the organizations I serve are in a better place to face their future and make their vision happen?” That is Leadertivity.

[Tweet "Leadertivity: creating or enhancing value in myself or in others on a regular basis."]

What are you going to do today to invest in yourself as a leader? Perhaps you could offer some encouragement to a young person showing promise. Maybe there is a difficult choice you have to make and sitting down and writing what you think and how you feel could offer you some clarity. Or maybe there is a relationship that seems out of whack and you need to search your personality to see if there is a change you need to make in your approach. Whatever it is for you, invest in Leadertivity today.

[reminder]How are you creating or enhancing value in yourself or in others on a regular basis so that your organization is better equipped to meet its future?[/reminder]

7 Tips to Executing an Exciting Open Meeting

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Are your meetings boring? Are the people who need to engage sitting on the sidelines? Do the extroverts in the room claim all the attention? Do you need to get a team engaged and moving, but not want to dictate who does what and when?

If these things frustrate you, consider holding an Open Meeting. An Open meeting will add energy to your meeting process, and the people who usually sit on the sidelines will engage immediately. Even the introverts on the team will have equal voice with the extroverts. Your team will be engaged in how they think the problem will be solved, and if they own it, they will implement it.  All you have to do is invite them, and follow a few simple steps listed below.

The Meeting Environment

The meeting room is set up in a circle (this is a must) and large pieces of quartered flip chart paper and markers are in the center of the room. Participants are then invited to come to the center of the room to grab a paper and marker. Everyone at the meeting has the right and the responsibility to place items on the agenda. They write on the paper what is on their mind around the need or the reason for the meeting. There is no right or wrong answer, and this method allows anything that normally would be left unsaid to be articulated.

After the agenda is created by the pieces of paper being posted on the wall, the issues are grouped by topic. These become the major discussion groups. A grid can be created with times and locations where breakout meetings can be had around the topics. You then turn people loose to attend the topical meeting that interests them the most. They can stay at one topic or float from topic to topic. There can be as many of these topics addressed as needed, usually about 60 minutes per topic works well. The group then comes back together at the end of the day to hear action steps to solving the problem. You will need group leaders to report out and send meeting minutes somewhere, but that is it. You have had a productive meeting and the participants did all the work!

Here are some steps to hosting a successful Open Meeting: 

1. Describe the Need/Problem/Issue. When you invite people to a meeting you should craft a clear reason for why they are coming together. Maybe you have a high unemployment rate in your area and you would like input on how to address the issue.

2. Invite the right players. To have a successful meeting of any kind you must have the right players in the room to make the decision. I used this meeting technology for a Mothers Against Drunk Drivers meeting. The organization invited Moms, teachers, school administrators, judges, police officers, probation officers, gas station owners (where a lot of alcohol gets sold to minors), student leaders, ect. They had all the right people in the room to solve the problem at hand.

3. Have No Agenda. You read this right. You can have a subject you want to talk about, but you must be able to let go of the outcome regarding how the need/problem/issue is to be solved. The group will do this for you, and you will be AMAZED! If you have an agenda or an axe to grind then do not use this type of meeting. Just send everyone an email and tell them what to do. Hope that works for you.

4. The Meeting Environment. You will want to arrange chairs in a circle. In a circle all meeting participants have equal voice. Place quartered pieces of flip chart paper and markers in the center of the room. Tell the participants to create the agenda around the need, and post the papers on a wall. Arrange the papers into topics. Have different people take topics and host breakouts around them. I usually run 4 or 5 breakouts at a time. If you have 15 topics you can do 3 sets of 5 breakouts easily. Each breakout creates a report of their findings and presents to the larger group at the end of the day.

5. Responsibility for Results. Since the group created the agenda, the topics, and the action steps, they are responsible for implementation. As the meeting convener you just have to make sure things are on track.

6. Keep People Informed Post Meeting. I recommend you put all the action steps into some tracking mechanism like a Google Doc. I have recently started using Asana, which is an App that tracks project management and assigns tasks.

7. Celebrate Success. When the project concludes, please do not forget to celebrate. People need to come together to see what a great leader you are and to be able to see what they accomplished together.

This process was first described in a book called

Open Space Technology: A Users Guide

by Harrison Owen. If you are interested in more detail I highly recommend this book so you can get some stories about successful implementation.

7 Common Mistakes New Leaders Make and How to Avoid Them

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I just finished a great couple of days training some folks who are in their first year of formal leadership on the importance of emotional intelligence and the impact their emotions have on their leadership effectiveness.

As I am reflecting on the day we spent, it occurred to me there are some common pitfalls those who are new to leadership must avoid. Who knows, maybe some of you who are leadership veterans may want to check yourself against this list.

7 Common Mistakes New Leaders Make

1. Contribution Method. You have been rewarded in the past, and most likely even promoted, because of your strong individual contributions. You will still need to contribute as a leader, however, what you do and how you do it shifts radically. Rather than getting your individual tasks accomplished, you now need to establish the culture that those who follow will work in.Check Yourself: Do you spend more time on directing people on tasks or creating your teams culture?

2. Personal Satisfaction. When you were an individual contributor you probably got a lot of personal satisfaction from the tasks you accomplished and the recognition from your supervisor, colleagues, and peers. This changes drastically as a leader. The recognition is rarely for you personally, as it shifts to be more about what the team is able to accomplishment.Check Yourself: As the compliments for a job well done decrease, shift your need for personal recognition from tasks done well to serving others and getting personal satisfaction when others succeed. Your reward is when they succeed.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed. In your past role as an individual contributor, you had it all together. It was all about you, and you had a successful flow to your work. That feeling of flow now feels more like you are running a race in lead boots. You want to go fast but there is just so much. The “knee jerk reaction” to feeling overwhelmed is, “Let me just do it myself”.Check Yourself: Most of you, while your work feels urgent, are really in more of a marathon and not a sprint. If you are sprinting, find the most urgent thing and focus yourself and your team only on that for a very short time. If your not sprinting, start your morning with some reflection time on what needs done today. Make a prioritized list and work your way through it. Do not add new things to the front of the list. At the end of the day review your list and feel good about what you did.

4. Face your uncertainty. "I don't think this person on my team is performing but I am not sure.” Obtaining a clear standard for performance is imperative for those new to leadership. They are coming from an individual contributor role and they know the benchmark they had for themselves, but can be unsure at times if this standard is appropriate to apply to everyone across the team.Check Yourself: If you are unsure of the standards needed for your team, write down what you think they should be. Talk them through with your manager, a mentor, or a coach. Then sit down and talk with your team about the performance standards. Share with them the expectations you have and create a dialogue around the topic. Do this with an attitude of high standards but flexibility. If the team has input or questions along the way be open to them and never hold a defensive posture in this open setting. You can state your position clearly but you never want to seem defensive in the conversation.

5. Be Yourself. I am sure there are people you emulate in leadership and that is ok. Leaders who have shown courage in the face of adversity, or someone who took a moral high ground when it was not the popular position. Perhaps they showed care and compassion when you needed it most. These are all fine qualities to try and emulate. Think about them and reflect on how you can emulate them if you desire the same trait, but realize you are not them. Trying to be someone you are not can put you in an uncomfortable bind. Most teams I talk to when I do interviewing for multi-rater feedback say they want a genuine leader, someone who is authentic, and that they can trust.Check Yourself: Create a list of 6 to 7 leadership principles. These are short statements that reflect who you are as a leader. You can include things like: your vision, your standards for performance, the skill you expect, how you communicate, respect for people, what you value in work or in life. After you create this list share it with your coach or mentor. Have them challenge you on each point and hold you accountable to live this way. Have a poster made and put it in your office with the principles on it. Be sure and share it with your team so they know the leader you want to become.

6. Differentiate Responsibility from Accountability. You are responsible for the team. They are all accountable for their own contribution. I know it seems like a fine line here, but you have to find a way to separate the individual work that people on your team need to do from your own performance. You will be judged in total for the team, you are accountable for what they do and how they perform. They are responsible for their individual contributions. Do not take responsibility for their actions. Hold them responsible for what they do. They will respect you for this and you will build trust along the way.Check Yourself: Can you clearly delineate between these two areas? If you find yourself too much into the detail of their work then you may be crossing this line. Allow those on your team freedom to create accomplishment.

7. Clearly articulate: Repeat your expectations over and over and over. Repeat it until you see it. You can not just say it once and think they have it. Repetition is the mother of all learning. Too many leaders I work with say, “well I told them 4 weeks ago”. If what you are trying to get across is really important to you, find as many ways to say the same thing as you can.Check Yourself: You will know when they get your expectation when they are doing it and not just hearing it and saying it. Watch the behaviors. When they go from hearing to doing they will have achieved knowing.

[reminder]So what do you think? Are there any common mistakes you see new leaders make? Let's see if we can build on this list.[/reminder]