7 Things You Know About Leadership That Are Wrong

I was having a conversation this morning with an executive coaching colleague, Joanne Bond. She is a masterful coach who has proven over the years to be able to ask just the right penetrating question at just the right time. If you are looking for an experienced executive coach Joanne is amazing and you can find out more about her at JoanneBondCoaching.com. In our discussion, we were talking about developing a workshop on “how not to lead." The idea would be to have people come into a workshop and train them on absurd skills just to make a point.

Businessman pressing leadership button at his office. Leadership concept, toned photo.

For example, the training could include a role-play where a leader who says they have an open door policy has an employee knock on their office door and ask if they have a minute. The leader says "Sure, come on in." The employee enters the room and starts talking... We would train the leader to:

• Stay seated behind their desk.

• Not make eye contact with the person.

• Keep their eyes focused on the computer screen while they continue to type.

• Mumble words like Umm and Hmmm (shows active listening).

• Interrupt the person at least 3 times in the first few minutes they are in the office on a completely unrelated topic.

• Agree to do something that you never intend to follow-up with.

If you remember Fireside Theater from the 1970’s “Everything You Know Is Wrong” album, you get the idea. In this recording the comedians make satirical comments on contemporary culture such as:

• The Aztecs invented the vacation

• Men and women are the same sex

• Your brain is not the boss

Ok, so I think you get the idea.

Here are my top 7 examples of the wrong way to lead:

1. Create a confusing vision. Why not spout out your 2 paragraph vision one time at a mid-year staff meeting and never bring the topic up again? Then, at the end of the year, take people's bonus away because they just aren’t connecting with where the organization is going.

2. Intentionally misalign expectations. Why not give someone on your team a specific instruction, maybe even write it down, then when they do it tell them that they misread what you wrote.

3. Deliberately micromanage. Give one of your followers a task and check-in every 15 minutes to see how they are doing. You could even mix up your check-ins with different modalities so they would never catch on. The first one could be a text, the second a phone call, and the third an email. They will never even suspect it is micromanaging if you mix it up like this.

4. Abdicate responsibility. Develop a mantra of “The Buck Stops With You." Get really good at blaming others for what is wrong. While you are at it, if something should go right, why not just take the credit for it?

5. Celebrate mediocrity. Bring in donuts and have a party because you are the 4th best in your community at what you do. You could hold a book burning for all the references everyone owns on how to create change, get unstuck, or strive for excellence in execution.

6. Create a culture of compliance vs commitment. Invite everyone to a training where we teach people the rules. All they have to do is follow the rules no matter what and they keep their job. Develop an exercise in the training where people are punished for solving problems on their own. Create a group discussion around the benefits of doing the job the way we did it 5 years ago.

7. Encourage platitudes vs constructive Conflict. Who doesn’t want to work with nice people? Who cares if customers don’t get what they asked for? At the end of the day, we just want everyone to get along.

It seems rather silly when the opposite behaviors of what we espouse as good leadership are exposed. Yet many of the examples in the list above I have observed with my own eyes. I bet if you step back and think, you could find examples that might fit as well. Or even come up with your own contrast.

The question becomes, what change do you need to make so that a bad leadership behavior is turned around?

Homework: Pick one of the 7 examples of the wrong way to lead and be over the top with the right way to do it this week. Perhaps you put in your calendar to send an encouraging note regarding vision to everyone on your team every week. Maybe you have had some wins on your team that have not been celebrated that need recognition. If you decide to take on this homework I would love to hear your story. Please share it in the comments below or send me an email.

Best Hopes, Scott

Eating Healthy While Traveling

[guestpost]Jan Tilley is the President and CEO of JTA Wellness, a national leader in nutrition counseling, wellness, and chronic disease management. As a registered dietitian, Jan helps at-risk clients develop a healthy lifestyle to combat chronic health issues. Holding a MS in Nutrition, Jan has over 20 years of experience in the food and nutrition industry. Thank you, Jan, for contributing to the blog today! [/guestpost]

On the Road . . . Again!

Healthy eating on the road can be challenging even for the most seasoned road warrior! Finding healthy food when traveling is not impossible, it simply takes a little preplanning and good ol’ fashioned street smarts to set yourself up for success.

First let’s tackle the basics of healthy balanced eating. It is as simple as 1, 2, 3!

1. Eat every 3 hours. Our body digests a meal in about 90 minutes so if you are going longer than 3 hours without food you are asking your body to operate on no fuel. Food is the fuel our body uses to keep us energized, focused and productive. Without it we get fatigued, foggy and grumpy.

2. Carbohydrate + Protein or Healthy Fat. The combination of foods we choose matters greatly! Carbohydrates are our body’s first choice for fuel and are converted quickly to glucose to fuel our brain and muscles. They are digested very quickly and if eaten alone, can cause us to feel dissatisfied and constantly hungry. By adding a protein or healthy fat we slow the digestion of the carbohydrate allowing us to stay feeling fueled and satisfied longer. This combination keeps our blood sugar and our energy to stay stable throughout the day.

3. Don’t let your hunger get ahead of you! What happens when you allow yourself to get extremely hungry? The tendency is to overeat and make bad food choices. I often see this in my clients who eat very little throughout the day then eat everything in sight at the end of the day attempting to get satisfied. I like to demonstrate this concept using a hunger scale. The goal is to eat within a 3-hour window all day and always balance carbohydrate food choices with either a protein or a healthy fat to stay between a 4 (beginning to have some hunger pangs) and a 6 (satisfied) on the scale at all times.

Practical Tools for the Road

• Right-size your portions. If you are traveling with a friend or spouse, consider sharing a plate. Usually ½ of a restaurant portion is enough to satisfy if you’ve been fueling all day long.

• Divide your plate into quarters. Think about what you are planning to order and make sure that ¼ of your plate is protein (i.e. chicken, fish, beef), ¼ is starch (i.e. sweet potato, quinoa, brown rice), and ½ your plate is fruit, non-starchy vegetables and salad. Using this mental exercise will ensure that you are including a variety of nutrients and balancing your meal.

• Travel days can be difficult. Eating in airports or on road trips can be tricky. Plan ahead to have single-serve healthy, shelf-stable snacks available. Great ideas can be peanut or almond butter packets, nuts, Babybel cheese, Somersaults, jerky, KIND bars, 100-calorie olive packets, light popcorn and pretzels.

• Limit alcohol. Providing empty calories with little nutritional value, alcohol can decrease your good judgment and drinking in excess can result in poor sleep. Recommendation is 1 drink per day for women and 2 drinks per day for men.

• Focus on choosing anti-inflammatory foods. A common complaint of travelers is the bloating, swelling, uncomfortable feeling that can result from making poor food choices. Choose more vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, whole grains and low-fat dairy and stay away from pro-inflammatory foods such as highly-processed foods (think chips, cookies, pastries), saturated fats (think sausage and ice cream), and sugar.

• Take your tennis shoes! Hotels have a gym – use it! You will feel energized, revitalized and ready to ‘kill it’ at your next meeting!

Travel and over-indulging don’t have to go hand in hand! For more information on how to make healthy lifestyle changes, visit my website and sign up for our weekly newsletter to receive my motivational blog along with one new healthy recipe a week.

Take charge of your health and refuse to let travel days get in the way of a healthier, happier you!

Homework

Plan healthy food options before your next trip. Research some healthy restaurants and pack some healthy snacks. Keep a food journal and see how you do! Comment here and let us know how it goes. I'd love to hear about your experience!

That One Leadership Thing...

This one thing is something we don’t think very often about, but stirs deep inside all of us. Our thoughts about this one thing are usually precipitated by a reflective question when we are deep in contemplative thought:

• What am I doing here?

• What value am I bringing?

• What is next for me?

• What impact have I had on those around me?

If we have a pulse, we can not help but consider this one leadership thing from time to time: Leadership Legacy.

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One very common definition for a legacy is "something we are handing down to others." This "something" can be property, like when a great aunt leaves you a sum of money from her will. The "something" can be a tradition, like a student that attends the same school as a parent. In our context, this "something" is a value that makes life better for the benefactor.

Leadership Legacy

I want to think for a moment about what you are leaving to those who follow you.

My thought here is not around all of the great ideas and intentions you have. It is not about your quarterly, three-year, or five-year plan. It is not about the sleepless nights, or stress you are feeling in the moment.

Rather, it is about your impact. Not only your day to day impact but your overall impact as a leader.

The Question

What do you want you want to pass on to those who are in your sphere of influence?  What do you want to give them? What value do you want to impart to them?

Here is what I am sure about:

You will pass on something to your followers. You will. Intentional or not, they will remember you for something. You must choose whether you will intentionally pass on something of value, or leave your legacy to chance.

The Story

Nearly every morning I try to spend at least 30-minutes in reflection, Bible Study, and prayer. It is how I like to start my day. I feel more centered when I do this.

Sometimes I just study a chapter in the Bible by reading and meditating. Other times I use a study book. Currently, I am reading The Art of Living Well by Ken Boa and Gail Burnett. In the introduction of this book, Gail talks about when she was young and the worst thing the average teenager could do was to cheat on an exam. As she had children of her own, her self-proclaimed discipline focus was “the war on drugs." She did everything in her power to keep her kids from becoming involved in drugs. When her kids became adults she was really glad to know they did not get involved in drugs and equally shocked to discover they had been guilty of cheating at school from time to time.

The assumption Gail had made was that her kids would naturally pick up her ethical value against cheating. Similarly, as leaders we often assume that others in our organization must share the same fundamental truths and values.

What about YOU?

Is there anything in your leadership life that you are assuming the people in your organization just know? How intentional are you being about what kind of legacy you are leaving behind?

Homework

Sit for 30-minutes every day next week. Grab your Bible, or an inspirational book, and search your leadership life. Ask yourself what it is that you really want to pass on to your followers. What would it look like for you to be intentional about building your legacy around your values?

5 Visioning Mistakes Leaders Make

My wife and I are enjoying a beautiful fall drive in central Indiana today. We drove up from Florida to surprise and celebrate our daughter Gretchen’s 25th birthday. If you want to see what a surprised 25-year-old actually looks like, click here. I do enjoy fall. Fall colors. The crisp fall air in Indiana. Apple cider. College football. Playoff Major League Baseball (Go Cubs!). Fall is an amazing season.

For me, fall also brings working on my 1, 3, & 5-year business plan. My clients are busy putting training, speaking, and coaching engagements together in their organizations. In addition to planning next years activities, I have been working on setting a new vision for my organization.

I know visioning is a leadership topic that gets a lot of press, and not all of it is good. Much of it is confusing, such as do you establish a mission for your organization and then set a vision, or does the vision of the leader establish the mission the organization undertakes? I don’t want to get caught up in this chicken or the egg argument. Actually, I think both can be true.

Choices of a businessman

Rather, I would like to spend some time reflecting with you on common vision setting mistakes I have seen leaders make in the past. Each of these common mistakes I have either made myself or been associated with leaders who could have gotten better results if they had paid closer attention to these elements.

When most leaders think of vision, they turn to creating the vision or casting it to followers. While both of these are important elements, rarely are these specific items where the problem lies.

It Is Not Vision Creation

Vision gets created in a variety of different ways.

At times, the leader gets an inspirational or even divine intervention. In these cases, the leader is often in a reflective or meditative state, and a vision will be provided to them regarding the direction the organization needs to take. Other methods for vision creation are more organic, and the vision will evolve from the existing work being done in the organization.

Vision can also be created by groups that the leader pulls together. I helped create a vision for a drug and alcohol task force a few years ago using an open meeting concept. (If you want to learn more about open meetings you can click here and go to a blog I did on the subject several months ago.) Using this process, group members decide together what they want the vision of the organization to become.

In all my experience with vision creation, rarely have I seen a statement that was the issue. In fact, I can not think of one example of a leader or a group who actually created a bad vision. The issues for vision not becoming reality do not rest in the creation process. If things don’t go right in the implementation of the vision, the actual vision itself can come into question as being the right one. Rather than the actual vision getting the blame, maybe we as leaders need to dig a little deeper into the question of why our vision is not working.

The 5 Mistakes

The following are simply five common mistakes that I have found to be common in my experience and observation. If you have other thoughts or have seen other things, why not drop me a line in the comments section below? I would love to hear from you and learn from your experience.

1. Not describing where the vision originated. In my estimation, this boils down to pure arrogance on the part of the leader. The image followers have is that you were sitting on a mountain and received the vision for the organization from on high. I am not saying that this cannot happen, but if it does you need to communicate it to those in your organization. Followers need sufficient detail in order to understand and have trust in where you are taking them. Some will follow blindly, but most will not. As you provide detail on how you arrived at your vision, you will earn their trust. The Fix: Spend time providing detail around the vision to your followers so they can catch your enthusiasm for where the organization is headed.

2. Lack of role clarity for inner circle followers. Those in your inner circle must have clarity about what their role is going to be in making the vision a reality. Those who are direct reports to you must be able to articulate and own the entire vision, from the creation process to the communication and implementation. There must be accountability within this inner circle. In no way can the leader come up with, own, and implement alone. Development, creation, ownership, and implementation must be an organizational process.The Fix: Everyone in the inner circle must have specific accountability for an aspect of vision implementation.

3. Lack of personal belief in the vision. Many of you who read this blog do not have direct impact or influence on the vision for your organization. In many cases, it is handed to you to embrace and make reality. Others in your organization need to know that you embrace the vision. I don’t think it is true to say that you have to agree with every small detail around implementation. However, it is vital that you believe in the vision and overall direction the organization is headed. If not, you probably need to do some reflection on whether you are in the place you really want to be. If you do not like the vision, influence it. If you can not influence it and you don’t like it, then maybe your calling is elsewhere.The Fix: Reflect on how you personally believe in the vision of your organization. Write out your thoughts. If you don’t believe in the vision, get out. You will only be a barrier to performance in the long run. If you need to leave the organization, this exercise will help you articulate what you believe so you can match this with the next group you associate with.

4. Abdication of the vision. Here is one I heard recently: “This is Pastor Eric’s vision for our church!" May these words never be uttered in your organization, whether you lead in a Fortune 500 company or a local church. The words you never want to hear are that those in the masses have not bought in and owned the vision for themselves. If ownership of the vision does not get passed down, the likelihood of the vision becoming reality is quite small.The Fix: Everyone in the organization needs to be accountable for how they are implementing the vision in their own organization. As you interact with subordinates, have conversations about what they are doing to own and make the vision a reality.

5. Devaluing Encouragement. People in the organization need to know that you believe they get the vision. Far too many leaders cast a vision then move on to something else. There is power in vision and the people need to know you believe it! The best way to build positive momentum around the vision is to articulate it, then catch people doing it. When you catch them, why not tell them, and everyone in the organization, that you caught them? Again, there is no better way to get the behavior you are looking for than to communicate success. Period.The Fix: Catch people implementing the vision and celebrate it with the world!

P.S. Some of you are working on personal vision for your career and your life. I think some of the same issues occur in personal visioning work. You may have to make some adaptations, but I do think the issues are worth thinking through.

Homework

Study the 5 mistakes leaders make when it comes to visioning. Write a 3 bullet point action plan that can turn your mistake into learning, and eventually a success.

Example: After reflecting, I realize that I have not fully owned my organization's vision. As a result, I am going to:

• Sit with my supervisor to ensure I can clearly articulate the meaning and intention of the vision.

• Hold a meeting with my direct reports to connect what we do on our team with the vision of the organization.

• Assign staff members to make presentations on how what they do links to the vision of the organization.

If you try this homework, we would love to hear how it is working for you. Why not leave a comment below and let us know how it is going for you?

4 Critical Traits of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders

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I had an outstanding day on Friday! I spoke at a women’s professional conference on Emotional Intelligence and how the science relates to a leader's overall well-being. You can see a picture of me with some of the leaders of this fantastic event below.

Well-being is a fascinating topic. When I was researching the topic as it relates to leadership, I discovered that the term is really a measure for happiness.

How happy are you with certain aspects of your life?  Things like:

• Your health - spiritual, psychological, and physical

• Your economic situation

• Your social relationships

Every year the Gallup organization does a domestic and global survey for well-being. They ask a series of questions relating to people's social, financial, community, and physical well-being. From a global perspective, the citizens of Panama lead the world in overall well-being. Domestically, folks who live in Alaska and Hawaii are living the most intentional and purposeful lives. If you want to see how your state ranks, click here to access the report.

Well-being is a feeling of overall contentment and satisfaction in the life of the leader.  In the emotional intelligence model* we utilize in our training, the idea of well-being is a surrogate for happiness.

The Four Traits

The leadership attributes we use to measure well-being are self-regard, self-actualization, optimism, and interpersonal relationships.

Our research has shown that a leader who excels at these four traits is well on their way to living a purposeful and intentional life. People who score high in these dimensions almost always maintain a happy disposition in all aspects of life. They usually enjoy the company of others, feel like the life they are leading is intentional, and are in control of their emotions most of the time.

Those who score lower in these traits may find it difficult to be enthusiastic about life no matter their personality style or circumstance. Their overall happiness may actually begin to diminish natural strengths and tendencies toward success that they have shown in the past. This dampened energy can make it difficult for others to see past their dissatisfaction with life.

So How Are You Doing?

Have you stepped back lately and thought about your own personal well-being as a leader? This is important because your followers have the ability, sometimes even unconsciously, to know how you are doing, even if you are trying your best to put on a front. Your well-being may be having an unintentional performance impact on your entire team!

Below I have included a definition for each of the four attributes, and a question you can ask yourself to get you started thinking about your own personal leadership and how your well-being might be enhancing or inhibiting your leadership performance.

• Self-Regard is the confidence you have in yourself. Question: What is your ability to acknowledge your strengths and forgive yourself for your weaknesses?

• Self-Actualization is your willingness to improve and pursue meaningful personal goals that give you enjoyment. Question: Do you have an active plan for attaining short-term and long-term goals?

• Optimism is an indicator of your outlook on life. The level of hopefulness and resiliency you have in the face of setbacks. Question: When things do not go your way, how do you talk to yourself? Are you able to pivot from the initial negative thoughts or does the negativity overwhelm you?

• Interpersonal Relationships are a measure of the mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion. Question: Do you rely more on yourself to get things done or are you willing to ask others to help so they get to experience the joy of serving alongside you?

Well-being is a crucial aspect of a leader's life because of the impact it has on both the leader and the followers. Your overall physical, spiritual, and emotional health depend upon this critical dimension.

What are you doing as a leader to ensure your success in this area?

Homework

Find a person in your life who knows you well. Each of you write one paragraph on the above well-Being traits. They will write how they see you and you write how you see you. Then read out loud what you have written. Talk about what is positive that you need to continue and talk about any barriers that could be holding you back.

If you try this journaling exercise, why not drop me a note in the comments section below? I would love to hear about the experience you have had.

PS. If you have a group that would be interested in knowing more about Emotional Intelligence or how well-being relates to leadership, let me know. I would love to come and be a part of the discussion.

*Bar-On EQ-i published by Multi-Health Systems

Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

Recently, I felt overwhelmed. When I think of it now it seems a little silly. Here's the story:

I was running on all cylinders. Many of you know that in addition to writing this blog, I:

• Teach and train emotional intelligence for corporate clients.

• Speak at conferences on leadership topics.

• Maintain an active executive coaching practice.

• Am adjunct faculty at Indiana Wesleyan University.

I love it all, but I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with all the travel I was doing, which comes along with these responsibilities. Like many of you, when I show up to any of these responsibilities my goal is to do it with excellence. When I get tired and stressed I have to make sure that I can deliver what my clients need, no matter what the circumstances are in my life.

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I was describing my overwhelmed feeling to a very good friend who suggested I take a retreat.

Where I live we have a beautiful national historic landmark, Bok Tower, which bills itself as a contemplative garden. My friend suggested I go spend half a day there. Here is part of that conversation:

“Retreat! What do you mean?" I asked him. “Just get away and clear your head for a few hours," is what I heard in reply. "I don’t have time” was my response to him.

                                 Big Fat Lie. Really what was traversing my mind were thoughts like:

“What would I do?“ "How would I do it? “I don’t know what to do." “What would I do?” I actually remember thinking this one twice.

It is funny I said that I didn’t have time, but time isn’t really the issue.  I just didn’t know what to do, but I really didn’t want to admit that to my friend.

Here's what I've discovered since then...

When I get that overwhelmed feeling it means that I have so much going on in my mind that I can’t really think clearly about anything. The pressure of all that I have to get done starts to close in around me. My emotions really start to take over and I feel the stress in my shoulders and a shortening of my breath in addition to being overwhelmed.

Dr. Henry L. Thompson, an award-winning organizational psychologist, in his book The Stress Effect, emphasizes that an emotionally intelligent leader must be aware of emotion to be able to “choose when, where, and how to use emotion." According to Thompson, “Anything that interferes with this ability, such as stress, will tend to degrade the application of emotional intelligence." The feeling of being overwhelmed will trigger stress and could lead to outcomes where I may not deliver excellence for my clients.

The overwhelmed feeling I had, along with the stress it produced, meant that my thinking was actually inhibited. I was at risk for making poor decisions, not because of my intelligence or lack of information, but because I needed to step away so that I could be objective.

Retreat Is A Power Position

I didn’t need to step away, or retreat, as a sign of weakness. Actually, retreat is a powerful tool for positioning yourself for strength.

The state of being overwhelmed was causing me to not be able to provide excellence. I had two choices:

• Slug through it and hope that no one noticed

• Retreat. Take a step back so that I could re-engage into the circumstance more powerfully.

I chose retreat. And am I glad I did.

So what does this mean to you & me?

The next time you get that overwhelmed feeling, why not take a Personal Leadership Retreat?

A Personal Leadership Retreat is where you carve out a small amount of time (I did 4 hours) and gather your thoughts about the impact your leadership is having.

As a result of the conversation with my friend, I finished a Personal Leadership Retreat a few weeks ago and came out with much clearer thinking. I felt really good about how I spent my time. The benefits for me were:

• I felt better about my relationship with God.

• I was clear on what I had accomplished in the first half of the year.

• I have clarity around things I want to get done in the second half of the year.

• I have more focus around my core business moving forward.

• I felt relaxed so that I was making better decisions.

If you are interested in doing a Personal Leadership Retreat, here is the agenda I followed:

8am - Arrive 8-9am - Bible Reading and Reflection 9-10am - Reflections on Leadership 10-11am - Nature Walk 11-11:45am - Leadership Issues that need to be resolved 11:45-noon - Final Reflection

The next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, why not take a few hours and do a Personal Leadership Retreat? Once you do, I think you will feel more focused, relaxed, and perhaps even improve your outcomes.

Hey Mike, thanks for recommending this to me. I owe you.

Let me know how this works for you, Scott

Homework: Schedule your own Personal Leadership Retreat. I've developed a step by step guideto help you. Click here to download.In this guide you will get hour by hour instructions on what to do during your retreat. You will get questions to answer to stimulate thought. You will get a list of resources to take with you on your retreat and much, much, more. I would love your feedback on the guide, so if you do take a Personal Leadership Retreat be sure and let us know how it went for you.

Are You Lacking the Forgotten Emotional Intelligence Competency?

Read this post with CAUTION. There is an ask of you at the end…. As I sit and write this post, the day is September 11th. Most of us can still recall exactly where we were between 8:45am and 9:45am EST during that fateful hour when

• Five hijackers crashed American Airlines Flight 11 into the World Trade Center's North Tower.

• Another five hijackers crashed United Airlines Flight 175 into the South Tower.

• Five hijackers flew American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon.

• A fourth flight, United Airlines 93, controlled by 4 highjackers crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

I was a sales manager at the time and in downtown Chicago at the Holiday Inn for a meeting. We watched the tragedy on television for about an hour before we were told to evacuate the city because it was thought the Sears Tower, which was a few blocks away, could be a target.

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Like it or not, the world around me is bigger than me. Events such as this remind me of how simultaneously significant and insignificant I am.

News flash! I am not the center of the universe.

News flash! Neither are you!!!

Because we are not the center of the universe competencies such as social responsibility are so important in any model for leadership. If you read this blog on any regular basis you know that one of the best leadership models, in my opinion, uses emotional intelligence.

One such model for emotional intelligence that incorporates this idea of social responsibility is the EQ-i 2.0 by Reuven Bar-On. According to the EQ-i 2.0, emotional intelligence is defined in the user’s manual as “a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way".

Most of the time when I speak to folks about emotional intelligence, the thoughts immediately turn inward to our own emotion. Or perhaps they turn to a difficult relationship, a place where we are struggling relationally in our lives. Very few of us relate our emotional intelligence to our social consciousness.

Steve Stein and Howard Book, in their book on emotional intelligence called The EQ Edge, describe social responsibility as "A desire and ability to willingly contribute to society, your social group, and generally to the welfare of others."

Social responsibility is a desire, an ability, and a volition. Can you? Do you want to? Are you willing to act? The competency of social responsibility asks if there is anything emotionally holding you back from serving others.

The idea behind social responsibility is that you will act as a leader even though you might not benefit personally. There is a sense of accepting others and using your talents as a leader for the good of society and not only yourself.

I don’t know how that hits you, but it actually stings a little for me. Of course we have the skill. Yes, most of us in our hearts want to. The question is, what is holding us back from acting?

5 Questions To Assess Your Level of Social Responsibility

We are never successful on our own. Real success comes from our work as a contributing member of a team or society. Having a caring and compassionate heart is a great balance for high levels of self-regard that if left unchecked could fall into arrogance.

Here is a quick assessment you can give yourself to assess your own level of social responsibility:

1. What community organizations am I currently involved in outside of my paid vocation? (Involved means serving, not that your name is on a list)

2. What active role am I currently playing to make the organization better?

3. What did you do this week to lend a hand to someone who could use it?

4. How many examples can you cite in the last month where you were sensitive to the needs of friends, co-workers, or your boss?

5. Do you participate in charitable events?

No Guilt Trip

When I bring this topic up with clients the response I usually get is that I am giving them a “guilt trip." My point here is not to make you feel bad about your level of social responsibility, but rather to get you thinking about how are you balancing out your selfish ambition. Most of us as leaders are trying to find a flow between work, family, recreation, and faith. Where does service fit for you? If you dedicate too much to any one of these areas, the flow becomes restricted in other places.

Is it healthy for you to be the focus of your life and the center of your universe? My guess is that none of us really feel this way. However, the busier we become, the more self-absorbed we seem to get and the flow of our leadership lives suffers.

Homework

Your homework this week is to take the 5 question assessment above. Talk to your spouse, significant other, coach, or a complete stranger about how you are doing. Do you have any changes you need to make to become more socially conscious? Your leadership depends on it.

PS.  I almost forgot about the big ask. Speaking of social responsibility, I signed up to run in the “Purple Stride” Run for pancreas cancer this weekend in Columbus, Ohio. I am running in honor of my good friend Roy Holcomb who passed away from this disease last year. If you enjoy reading this blog and would like to help, my goal is to reach $800 in one week. You only have 1 week to give, so don’t put it off. If everyone who reads this gives $5 we would kill that goal. I had a generous sponsor get me started with $40 gift. Will you help? Click here to give. Thanks in advance. Scott

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Are You Making This Leadership Mistake?"

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Are You Making This Leadership Mistake?

“I can’t believe I got pulled into my bosses office the other day and accused of being a micromanager, when in my performance review last year I was praised for my attention to detail," was part of the conversation I had with a client a few weeks ago. Have you ever had a strength of yours be called into question as a barrier to your leadership?

• "You have a lot of energy" becomes “At times he is over-bearing."

• “You are such a team player” becomes “You can not deliver what you are responsible for."

• “You are so flexible” becomes “You do not have a mind of your own."

• “You have such a sense of hope” becomes “You see the world in rose colored glasses."

In all of these cases, the leader has a strength that became a barrier to leadership.

How does this happen?

Thinking about right solution. Young man is standing against blackboard with drawing weight.

Imbalance Diminishes Effectiveness

I ran across an interesting quote the other day while researching what it means to be a versatile leader:

“Leadership consists of opposing strengths, and most leaders have a natural tendency to overdevelop one at the expense of another. This resulting imbalance diminishes their effectiveness." (Kaplan & Kaiser, "Developing versatile leadership,” MIT Sloan Management Review, 44(4))

The definition I use for leadership is: "Leadership is a process that gets results via a relationship between a leader and a follower."

What Kaplan and Kaiser are saying is that leaders are relying too heavily on one strength over another strength and that this imbalance is creating a barrier to an effective leadership process.

Have you observed this in leaders you work with or maybe even in yourself?

The stories will go something like this:

• “He is smart and a real expert in his field, but he needs to pay more attention to the relationships with those on the team." / Imbalance between intellect and interpersonal relationships.

• “She is self-confident and has a clear sense of direction while showing little to no empathy along the way." / Imbalance between self-regard and empathy.

• “He is so compassionate and caring about the people, its just that nothing ever gets done." / Imbalance between people and results.

• “She is so flexible and calm, but it seems like she just isn’t aware of the tension we all are feeling." / Imbalance between flexibility and stress tolerance.

You can see the contrasts!

When a leader is highly results driven, which we all want, the people who are working to achieve the results can become a distant second in priority. This is often unintentional on the part of the leader, but this lack of intention does not lessen the impact that those on the receiving end feel. These imbalances are often caused by being strong in an area where there is nothing to keep the strength in check.

It would look something like this:

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 3.33.13 PM

My Phone Rings

As an executive coach, the conversation with HR support or the direct supervisor will usually include a statement that goes something like this: “We really like the individual. They provide a lot of value to the organization. They just seem to lack emotional intelligence."

What this means is that a leader is delivering or has historically delivered results, but feedback into the organization is saying things could even be better if there was some tempering of the quality that is valued.

Emotional Intelligence seems to be quickly becoming the buzz word catch all phrase for when a leader's strengths are out of balance, creating a barrier to their leadership. The emotional intelligence model I use in my practice was developed by Revue BarOn and is published by Multi-Health Systems.

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It is comprised of the following 15 Competencies:

Each of these competencies can be a real strength for you as a leader. The question is, are you over reliant on a strength to the point that it is becoming a barrier to your performance?

Assessment Tool

Since leadership is both results and people-oriented, we need a tool that helps us assess both factors. Karol Wasylyshyn, in her book Destined to Lead, has put together a results/behavior matrix that I have found very useful in helping leaders to see this imbalance. In this model, results and behaviors can either be positive or negative.

Four results are possible from this combination: 1. Results +/Behaviors+ 2. Results +/Behaviors - 3. Results -/Behaviors + 4. Results-/Behaviors -

For our purposes here we are going to assume the leader is getting results, so we will focus on whether or not the appropriate behaviors are evident. (If you want the full explanation of the matrix I do recommend Karol’s book as there are a number of excellent leader development tools.)

Because we are assuming results are positive, then we are really talking about 2 scenarios: 1. Positive Behaviors 2. Negative Behaviors

The scenario that most often we are concerned with when it comes to performers is that of positive results and negative behaviors.

Wasylyshn says, “These people can be high maintenance, sour others with their cynicism, or otherwise erode team performance.” These negative behaviors then become the barrier that Kaplan and Kaiser identified.

Bringing strengths into alignment is a leadership attribute that can pay huge dividends in overall team performance. Why not look at development using one strength to balance another so that leaders get performance results with people rather than instead of them?

Homework

Perhaps someone on your team is achieving results but not maximizing team performance. Can you identify one of their strengths that is out of balance? How could you coach them on bringing that strength into balance by using another strength they possess?

I would love to hear your story. Please leave a comment below and let us know how this balancing act is working for you!

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "How Emotional Intelligence Can Work for You."  

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

How Emotional Intelligence Can Work for You

Emotions are an interesting aspect of being human. Our feelings provide color and vitality to our lives. They help us express our most basic human thoughts and provide the means for us to attempt to understand each other.

I have been teaching and training leaders to become aware of and improve their emotional intelligence for about 10 years now. Many of the clients I work with echo the research that says a person must be smart enough to be in a leadership role, but that it is emotional intelligence that modulates success.

brain

Emotional intelligence is a leader’s capacity to effectively recognize and manage their emotions and the emotions of others in order to enhance judgment and decision-making.

Have you ever found yourself having made a decision you wish you could take back because your emotions got the best of you? Perhaps you took a job just because you felt the pressure for income rather than waiting for a role that was a better fit for your talents. Many of you have taken promotions into roles because promotions feel good, rather than being content doing the work you love.

A story to Consider

I have a client who just got a new boss. The search for my client's new leader took a year, and in the meantime my client filled the gap so well that he was actually recognized by the president of the organization for his contribution, including a pay raise and a new title.  Most on the outside would say my client is extremely talented, very gifted in this role, and very successful in many past roles. Yet when I talked to him here is what he said.

I am:

• frustrated

• overwhelmed

• overworked

• stressed

• feeling immense pressure

• unsuccessful

• emotionally drained

On the outside, everyone in the organization would say, “This dude is awesome!”, “Does he ever have it together!”, or “I wish I could be him!"

However, on the inside a different story is being told. One where my client is saying, “Am I really valued here? This work is not what I signed up for. I am stuck and I feel desperate. What am I going to do?"

The emotions he feels are something my client and his new boss both have to recognize, express, and use so that the talent in this young leader shines through.

How can my client (and his new boss) use emotional intelligence to turn these negative feelings into productive, positive, and powerful outcomes for the organization?

Important Questions to Answer

Let's assume this young leader has enough intellect to do the job. Since I personally know this person very well, I can assure you he does! Based upon the above definition of emotional intelligence, some interesting questions need to be asked:

• Can this young leader and his boss work together to experience a positive performance outcome?

• What risk does this young leader have for making a poor decision?

• Can this young leader develop emotional intelligence to enhance judgment and decision-making?

Important Answers to These Important Questions

Let's start with the last question first: Can this young leader develop emotional intelligence?  

In the infancy of the study of emotional intelligence, theorists did not separate emotional intelligence from personality. Therefore, it was believed that growth in this area was not possible. This was based upon the assumption that since personality does not change, neither can the way a person uses emotion.

We now know after separating emotional intelligence from personality theory (which does not change much over time), that you can develop your emotional intelligence and make better decisions and judgments as a result.

Below is a chart from data I collected with a client at a large pharmaceutical company. In 2009 we gave a one-day baseline training (blue bar) to 125 people on Leading with Emotional Intelligence. Following the training, each participant received 2 coaching sessions, after which we retested the participants. Each of the EI competencies improved, which is what we expected. All except one: Interpersonal Relationships.

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We were puzzled by this at first. Why would we see increases in all competencies except one? After reviewing the data, we discovered that Interpersonal Relationship was the highest competency to start with and not many people had chosen it as a place to develop. This further strengthened our argument that if you focus on an EI competency it can be developed. Perhaps an even stronger argument is that if you choose not to work on this element of your leadership, then you can expect nothing to change for you.

I am curious how this sits with you. Are you feeling stressed but not doing anything to improve your stress management? Or are you a very technical, data-driven person, struggling with interpersonal relationships, who is just avoiding the topic and hoping it will go away? If this sounds like you, avoiding the development of your emotional intelligence will leave you right where you are today.

Is This Young Leader at Risk?

Without the use of emotional intelligence, this young leader will become a slave to his emotion.  This potentially leads to a decision to relieve the emotion rather than dealing with the source of what is really going on. The young leader may leave a job he loves too early, or stay in the job too long. The right outcome is in the heart of the young leader. In order to discover it, he must be able to think clearly in order to listen to what his heart is saying about what he wants for his life. Without this ability to clearly listen, leaders are prone to make emotional decisions that may relieve temporary pain but are not as valuable in the long run.

So, if you pay attention to an area you can develop, and you assess your risk correctly in the end, does this link to improved decision-making result in increases in your performance?

So what if my client can become aware of his heart's desires? So what if my client improved the emotional intelligence competency of adaptability?  He may be better at not being a slave to his impulses, but what effect does this have on his performance? Isn’t it all about performance in the end? Maybe, but maybe not!

Emotional Intelligence and Performance

As you probably have guessed there is strong link in the leadership literature between Emotional Intelligence and performance.

For example, Chew, Zain, and Hassan's report on positive social interaction with peers facilitated cognitive and intellectual development that led to good academic performance among medical students. (The relationship between the social management of emotional intelligence and academic performance among medical students, Boon-How Chew, Azhar Md. Zain, Faezah Hassan, Psychology, Health & Medicine Vol. 20, Iss. 2, 2015).

• My client could ensure his social interactions at work remain positive, and focus on the value he gets out of the relationships at work as a surrogate for performance.

Bar-On, Handley, and Fund empirically demonstrate that EI does indeed impact performance in their studies of the United States Air Force and the Israeli Defense Forces. In one study of officer selection those with leadership potential had significantly higher scores than those who didn’t have potential. The EI competencies that predicted officer selection are: Interpersonal Relationships, Stress Tolerance, Empathy, Independence, Reality Testing, Problem Solving, Self-Regard, Emotional Self-Awareness, and Happiness.

• My client could take an EI assessment, benchmark where his emotional intelligence is currently, then work on his level of Self-Regard (confidence) to improve his performance as an example.

Is It All About Performance?

Absolutely yes, and absolutely no! Some of you may struggle with this absolute dichotomy. The way I see it, leadership is performance, and how you get there is equally important as getting there. We all know too many leaders who reached stated objectives then left the organization a disaster. What you do and how you do it matter a lot.

What matters besides performance? How about character?

Enter KRW International, a group of leadership consultants who found that CEOs whose employees gave them high marks for character had an average return on assets of 9.35% over a two-year period. That’s nearly five times as much as what those with low character ratings had; their ROA averaged only 1.93%. (https://hbr.org/2015/04/measuring-the-return-on-character) 

• In all of the emotion surrounding my client, he must keep in mind that his character matters! Keeping the big picture of living true to himself and his morals in mind is significant as he develops as a leader.

The End of the Story

Let’s try and put a bow around what is going on with my client and the link to emotional intelligence.

• He is smart enough to be in the role.

• The emotions he is feeling are real.

• The situation he is experiencing is happening.

• He can be more intelligent in learning how to use his emotions.

• This improvement can lead to better performance.

• The "what" of performance and the "how" of character matter.

So, how are you doing? What is your story? Are there places where your emotions may be impacting your judgment and decision-making? Are there any steps you need to take as a leader to assess how becoming more intelligent with your emotions could improve your performance and your character?  

Let me know if I can help.

Free Offer

For those of you who would like to learn more about emotional intelligence, I would like to offer you a free gift. You can download Chapter 3 of my book “Seven Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent Coach” absolutely free.  Click Here to get your copy today!

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "5 Risk Factors for Becoming Emotionally Hijacked."

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

5 Risk Factors for Becoming Emotionally Hijacked

Before I get into this weeks post, I wanted to say a word of thanks to all my readers for taking the time to give feedback on this blog. In exchange for your feedback, you had a chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card. And the WINNERis....Tim Puls!!!

Congratulations, Tim! My assistant, Brandi, has sent your gift card to your email address. Spend the money however you like! (But secretly we hope you will buy yourself a few leadership books that you have wanted to read!)

What You Told Us

If there was one thing we learned from doing this survey, it is that you want to hear more about Emotional Intelligence. By a factor of 3:1 over any other topic! Since this topic is one of my favorites, we will try and spend more time on it!  Thanks again to all of you who took the time to give us your thoughts. We really appreciate it.

2012 STOP Model Card-page-001

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a leader's capacity to effectively recognize and manage their emotions and the emotions of others in order to enhance judgment and decision-making. According to Dr. Henry Thompson in his book The Stress Effect, "As leaders advance in role level and responsibility, emotional intelligence becomes increasingly important in determining their likelihood of success."

Emotional Intelligence begins by being aware of your emotions.

Emotions can be very valuable when they are appropriate and can be trusted. There are times and situations in our lives, however, when emotions just seem to happen.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we are hit with a feeling. If we are not self-aware emotions can take control of our thinking and cause us to do things that we normally would not do.

Sound familiar? Ever happen to you?

Really it isn't a matter of if this has happened to you, but when. From what is becoming some very convincing neuroscience research we know that there are certain factors that can put you at risk for your emotions taking over your thinking and potentially affecting your judgment and decision-making ability.

5 Risk Factors

The question for you to consider today is: Are there risk factors that may cause you to be subject to this emotional frailty when you otherwise would not be?

Risk factors are items that make conditions favorable for your emotions to take over.

When I was growing up in the midwest, severe thunderstorms and even tornados would happen when conditions were just right in the atmosphere. As conditions became more favorable, the storm would become more likely and potentially intense.

The same is true for your emotions. However, if you manage the conditions you become less prone to an event that could affect your thinking.

You are more at risk for your emotions taking over, and potentially even storming, if certain conditions are met.

Are there certain conditions that put you at risk for your emotions taking you to a place you otherwise would not go?

H.A.L.T.S Zone

Visiting the H.A.L.T.S. Zone will help you identify when you are at risk for becoming emotionally hijacked, whether it be in a business or personal situation. Identifying these factors early on will help you navigate potentially explosive situations and result in a healthy response.

You have entered the H.A.L.T.S. Zone when you are: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.

When you are in the H.A.L.T.S. Zone, conditions are favorable for your emotions to get the best of you.

Here is how to prevent entering the H.A.L.T.S. Zone and stay more emotionally centered as a leader:

• Hungry - Most dietitians these days recommend eating 6 small meals a day. Hint: Do not skip breakfast!

• Angry - Anger is often the response to an unmet social need or injustice. If you find yourself feeling angry, ask yourself if this is the appropriate response for the situation. If it is not, can you replace the emotion with something less impactful such as being annoyed?

• Lonely - We don't have to be alone to feel lonely. The feeling of being alone can bring sadness and self-pity. If you are feeling lonely, recognize it and phone a friend. Pick up the phone or go have a coffee. You need socialization to reduce your risk for a poor decision.

• Tired - Neuroscience is showing that our brains work in 90-minute cycles whether we are awake or asleep. If you are completing a marathon work session, make sure you are taking 30-minute breaks so you can relieve the pressure on your mind. Research shows that working in 90-minute cycles increases productivity over working with no breaks.

• Stressed - The feeling of stress, over time, can lead to utter exhaustion. When you are exhausted you are at risk for not being able to control your impulses. The feeling of temporary satisfaction is not a substitute for removing yourself from the stressor.

When you find yourself in the H.A.L.T.S. Zone, do you have any strategies that have worked for you in the past? Please post a comment and let us know.

Homework: As you move through your week, see if you have any risk factors for your emotions taking over. Can you link your emotional frailty to any of the above risk factors? If so, what will you do to avoid the risk for the sake of emotional stability?

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Why a Great Leader is a Transparent Leader."

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Why a Great Leader Is a Transparent Leader

[guestpost] I made a new friend a while back! His name is Bryan Miles. After attending a webinar Bryan did on delegating work to your assistant, I thought it would be cool if I could connect my readers to Bryan's thinking. I have found Bryan to be a teacher who has a way of making things very simple and implementable. Bryan is the CEO & Co-founder of Miles Advisory Group (a parent company to the companies of eaHELP and MAG Bookkeeping) and is blessed to run this company with his wife, Shannon. Prior to starting MAG, he worked for companies in the tech and construction industries including Cogun, a national church construction company as the VP of Consulting. Bryan blogs at BryanMiles.me.  If you would like to guest post on my blog, click here for more information. [/guestpost] When you lead others, whether that’s at work, at home, or in your organization, there will come a day when those who follow you will want you to be open and transparent with them. In fact, in today’s business climate, they’re probably going to demand it.

Those you lead are not trying to gain the upper hand in your relationships – they just want to grow closer to you.

Two successful entrepreneurs interacting at meeting

I’m not talking about holding hands and crying, or putting on some fake display of emotion. That’s the last thing I’m talking about. I’m talking about the open, pure, raw moments when you, as the leader, open up and share your heart – your thoughts, fears, hopes, issues and dreams.

It’s a fine line to walk as a leader. Since transparency isn’t always about sharing all your issues or the junk in your heart and head that you’re still processing. It’s being open, transparent, and clear with your thoughts and your thought process so those you lead will be even more enthusiastic about following you.

Doesn’t transparency equal weakness?

“But, wait,” you might be thinking – “Doesn’t sharing my thoughts and my doubts make me weaker as a leader? Will they still follow me if I admit I don’t always have it all together?”

They will – trust me. Here’s how I know:

1. My blog is transparent. I tell you there what I’m thinking, sensing, and dealing with as a man, father, husband, friend, and leader. I constantly get emails, messages,and texts thanking me for my posts and my transparency. People hunger for the real you. Give it to them.

2. One of the most-viewed TED Talks ever is on the topic of vulnerability by Brené Brown. With more than 15 million views and subtitles in 47 languages, this talk shows that vulnerability and transparency are important topics – ones we have to pay attention to as leaders. Her book The Gifts of Imperfection is a solid read for leaders as well.

3. Michael Hyatt, one of the biggest voices in leadership and publishing in this decade, consistently show the personal side of who he is in his life, work, marriage, and family. He’s the real deal and people follow him because of his transparency. And – by the way – he’s exactly the same in person as he is online.

Transparency is not weakness – it is a gift!

When is the last time you shared your soul – your hopes, dreams, junk and issues – honestly with someone else?

Stop thinking that you are weak when you open up and share. You’re actually the opposite – you’re incredibly brave to let someone else in. Chances are, when you do, you’ll find someone as desperate as you are to share and connect on a meaningful level.

Industrial Age leadership principles and the “shut up and just get the job done” mindset are things of the past. Today’s leaders must be more open and transparent with their teams. Showing people the real you as a leader will be required more and more as younger employees (who had transparent parents and role models in their lives) enter the workforce.

Rip off the Band-Aid. Show your wounds. Show your heart! Be transparent.

What you’ll find is a team of people – professional and personal – who are ready to jump in and help you, walk beside you, and strive with you to accomplish great things.

Turn Your Thinking, Change Your Life

In the Monday blog this week your homework assignment was to think about a situation where things are not going your way.  I recommended a 5-Step process for you to walk through to see if you could turn your negative thinking into a positive explanatory style. Why is it important for you as a leader to become skilled in turning your negative thinking toward the positive? Perhaps we should ask the Congress back in the late 1700’s what they thought of George Washington’s performance.

The most conservative estimate of the numbers I could find for General Washington was 8 wins & 6 losses. In the American Revolution he won Boston, Harlem, Trenton, 2nd Trenton, Princeton, White Marsh, Monmouth, and Yorktown. He lost New York, Kip's Bay, White Plains, Fort Washington, Brandywine, and Germantown.

Some scholars even put his record for wins in the 4 to 5 category.

Let’s let the historians argue this one, we are more concerned about what lesson we can learn about leadership. 

With some of the losses, (especially New York) coming early in the war, it would have been so easy for him to just quit. Give up. Forget it. Say it was not worth it. But he never did.  There was a burning inside of this leader to see the war through to the very end because it was the right thing to do.

He did not quit when things were down, and Congress didn’t quit on him either!

Congress did not fire Washington because things were not going the right way, they got help for him. Enter the French into the war to change the entire picture of history. This, along with Washington’s insistence on his troops receiving the smallpox vaccine about which John Adams said “…smallpox is ten times more terrible than the British, Canadians, and Indians together.”  (mountvernon.org)

The general had a couple of weaknesses.

Disease was an obvious one. The second was a lack of funding and Naval power.

Washington and Congress worked together to resolve the issues, not change out the leader.

In an interview with Harvard Business Review (June 2014) Twitter CoFounder Biz Stone was commenting on what boards tend to do when things are not going the way they think they should. “If things don’t look so good, they change the executive.” His advice to the readers of the interview is to resist this temptation. “Let’s not fire the CEO, let’s help the CEO. Let’s figure out where he’s weak and make him stronger."

Question: Are you thinking negatively about the performance of someone in your organization?

Rather than firing them, why not display some impulse control and get them the help they need? Why not figure out what they need to be stronger and give it to them?

I know there are times when it seems like you have no choice but to make a change in your organization. If that is you, perhaps the advice of Biz Stone is some of the best I have ever read on the subject.

“Even when it’s necessary to change CEO’s, it can usually be handled much more gracefully than it is."

Grace! An interesting concept. The simplest definition for grace I have ever heard is "giving someone something they do not deserve."

Assignment: Show someone grace in your organization next week. See what that kind of leadership might do for morale in your organization.

Have a great weekend,

Scott

PS. If you know someone who might be interested in reading a blog on leadership, why not forward them this link and have them subscribe?

When the Chips Are Down

Sometimes it feels like nothing is going your way.  Does that sound like you, at least some of the time? Let's examine your “self-talk” and see if there is some application to how you lead. Talk about a guy who always seemed to have things going against him. George Washington would be that guy in my eye.

george-washington-portrait-gilbert

I just finished reading a really good historical account of George Washington’s life during the Revolutionary War. It is called “Washington’s Revolution: The Making Of America’s First Leader” by Robert Middlekauff. If you like historical accounts of leaders, this is a good one. Middlekauff does a nice job of moving through Washington’s early life and his Revolutionary War experience with enough detail to give a picture of what was happening without the overwhelming feeling that some historians can give with granular minutia of every fact.

Uphill Battle and the Chips were down

I had forgotten what an uphill battle Washington fought to overcome the Brittish ground and naval forces. In addition to fighting the British, Washington was constantly battling the politicians in the states and in Congress, his own soldiers and officers, as well as the natural elements in the northeast.

Many times, it would have been so easy for him to just quit. Give up. Forget it. Say it was not worth it. But he never did. There was a burning inside of this leader to see the war through to the very end.

Of course, the Brittish represented the main occupying enemy in the leadership story of George Washington. He constantly battled a superior army and an even more imposing force with the British Navy. While we don’t have a good indication of Washington’s self-talk, he could have sounded like many of us:

• The Brittish have a bigger Navy.

• The Brittish have better-trained soldiers.

• My first military campaign was a failure.

• Congress won’t allocate a pension for my officers.

• We just lost 3 battles in a row.

• My guys can’t hold a line to save themselves.

• Where are the French, anyway?

• We are fighting without bullets, food, horses, coats, or shoes.

A Word of Caution for Leaders

As leaders, we have to be very careful how we talk to ourselves. The intimate little conversations that you have with yourself are called your explanatory style. In his psychological classic, Martin Seligman says there are two basic ways of looking at the world: with an Optimistic or Pessimistic Explanatory Style. According to Seligman, pessimists believe:

• Bad events will last a long time

• Bad events undermine everything they do

• They are at fault for anything that goes wrong

A person with an Optimistic Explanatory Style, on the other hand:

• Sees defeat as a temporary setback

• Believes the reason for defeat is isolated in a single event

• Understands that the setback is not their fault

Seligman says that these optimistic people “are unfazed by defeat. Confronted by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge and try harder."

This is exactly what I was experiencing as I read Middlekauff’s account of George Washington. No matter what circumstance, bad luck, untimely event, or even the French, Washington seemed unfazed.

5 R’s to Ridding Yourself of Negative Thinking

It isn’t doing you any good to dwell on the negative as a leader. Here is a process I work through when I feel the chips are down:

Step 1. Report the facts. Just write down the facts as you know them. No emotion. Just the facts. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up.

Step 2.Recount the emotion. Now put the emotions you felt. All of them. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up. This caused me to feel disrespected.

Step 3.Result of the emotion. What impact did the emotion have on you? Here is a template you can use, just fill in the blank for yourself: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This cause me to (negative outcome). Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that no one ever has respected my time.

Step 4.Ruckus. The idea is to argue with yourself that the negative self talk is not in your best interest. The solution is to create a little chaos for yourself.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Now argue with yourself. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors ever have respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me.

Step 5.Refocus. Now you must get yourself out of this dread zone of negative thinking. It is time to have more optimistic self talk.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Argue with yourself. Now create a new and positive reality. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors have ever respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me. Jack is late because he has many priorities. I should talk with Jack about the priorities he has and where I fit into them.

I get the sense that it would have been really easy for George Washington to let negative self-talk get in his way. Yet it seems as though it is this characterisc of a positive explanatory style, optimism, and the belief that the end goal was worth the fight, that shaped his judgment and decision-making.

How about you? When the chips are down, how do you talk to yourself?

Homework

Here is your assignment:  Think about a time now or in the recent past where things are not going your way. Use the 5-Step process outlined above and see if you can turn your negative thinking into a positive explanatory style. If you have some success with this, I would love to hear about it. Please comment below and let us know how this worked out for you.

Action

Why not click on this link and download my ebook, Optimistic Thinking? It is totally free and there are some other ideas that might resonate with you in addition to the 5 R’s. We promise not to spam you or sell your email….ever.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE DOWNLOAD!

See you on Wednesday with our Leadership Tip of the Week,

Scott

Battle of the Ages: Integrity vs. Pride

Have you ever noticed that most crooks, even after they are caught, will claim they were not criminals? According to David Luban, social psychology can offer an answer. It is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs whenever our conduct clashes with our principles in a way that threatens our self-image as a right, moral person.

Dissonance is the inner tension that is created when opposing forces face each other.

Examples:

• You know that smoking is bad for you while liking to smoke.

• You know that lying is wrong, and yet you feel forced to lie.

• You know speeding is against the law, but you are late for your appointment.

All of these situations and thousands more create these opposing tensions.

Cognitive dissonance, according to Luban, says that wired into all of us is a fundamental drive to reduce this tension.

Most of you reading this are not crooks, you are leaders, but the concept is the same. When you act in a way that is in opposition to your character or leadership principles, a battle ensues. Maybe you have taken credit for the work of another. You didn’t mean to, you know it isn’t right, and yet when the praises came it just felt so good that you didn’t say anything.

Years of research on the topic of Cognitive Dissonance have shown that when our actions collide with our principles, our principles will swing into agreement with our actions. And yet as we sit and watch others, we judge them saying, “How could they act that way? They know better."

As leaders, this is dangerous! We justify our actions by finding ways around what we truly know is right.

I have been reflecting this week on a quote one of the readers of this blog sent to me (Thank you, Lynn) in response to Monday's post:

“Integrity is never being afraid of your own reflection” - Unknown Author

On Monday, I wrote that the great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else’s pride. I believe what Lewis writes is true. Cognitive Dissonance would say that pride is also competitive with our principles, beliefs, and values.

This is why integrity, or living by your principles, is a key to successful leadership.

Realizing that your principles are always in battle against your pride is the first step to solving the conflict between the opposing forces. Writing down your leadership principles can also help. Sharing this with a mentor or accountability partner is another great step in preventing this battle from occurring.

Have a great weekend, Scott

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Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "A Vaccination for Leadership Failure."

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

A Vaccination for Leadership Failure

Who wants to fail as a leader? No one. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, “Let me see how I can totally screw up the thing I am working on today."

And yet…Here is my story.

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel (2)

A number of years ago, I had been a fairly successful sales professional and tapped for a management development program. The company I worked for was growing like crazy. Most people spent less than 2 years in this program before they were tapped for their first management level job. I thought I had arrived! Look at me! Watch me climb! Nothing will stop my career! These were all thoughts I had at the time. I was on top of the world and it felt great.

My wife and I moved from my sales territory in Decatur, Illinois to the corporate headquarters in Indianapolis, Indiana. Our family consisted of my wife and I along with our 2-year-old son Zach, and a precious baby girl due in about 6 weeks. The plan was to be in Indianapolis for less than 2 years before our next move into my first management level job. So, I did what every person with a dream, a wife, and 2 young kids does….

I went out and bought a 2 seat sports car.

I rationalized it by telling myself, "Hey, we already own a minivan. No problem."

Fast forward 5 years later. That's right, my 2-year window for promotion had gone to 5! The company hit a tight spot. No one got promoted for 3 years beyond my 2-year window. And on top of the career slow down, my wife and I had another baby boy! We were now a family of 5, with a minivan and a second car that is a Mazda Rx 7.

Great car, yet totally not practical when my wife took the minivan to go shopping one Saturday and left me with the 3 kids and a couple of friends kids. Scott and 5 kids on a Saturday morning, normally not a problem, until Zach comes out holding his hand over his eye and blood dripping down having just been whacked on the head with a toy by one of the other kids.

Question: How do I get 5 kids and me in the Rx7 and to the hospital to get Zach stitched up?

The Lesson

There is an ancient Proverb that says “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud."

I will admit it. I was full of pride. Proud of my career. Proud of my family. Proud of how I had achieved.

What is the problem with pride? It blocks your vision of reality. As leaders, we puff ourselves up for everyone to see.

What are some things that feed our pride as leaders?

1. People come to you for decision making. 2. People look to you for safety (job security). 3. People look to you as an expert in your field. 4. People feel comfortable knowing you are there. 5. You make people feel they are important. 6. You give people a feeling of optimism. 7. You give people a sense of hope. 8. You are near the top of the food chain. 9. People seek your advice and counsel. 10. Your opinions are sought and considered.

The great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else's pride. Pride at its very root is competitive. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man,” according to Lewis.

More money. Bigger house. Better looking. Smarter. Prettier wife. More loving husband. Successful kids. Faithful servant. Harder worker. Coolest job.

The problem with pride is not the metric, but what we do with it. It is in our nature to compare. It is how we know where we are. The problem with pride is an inability to be content and a desire for control. It is a scarcity mentality that says for me to be up in life you must be down.

This is a lie.

Great leaders find ways for everyone to be up.

What I have learned over the years is that when I begin feeling like this, full of pride, I better watch my next step.

The Vaccination

When things go wrong, we begin to think about treatment. Treatment is about fixing the problem. Vaccination, however, is about prevention.

Treatment in the medical world is meant to help you recover from something that has happened to you. A vaccination is meant to prevent the disease in the first place.

The second part of the Proverb I mentioned above states, “but humility comes before honor."

Being humble. Putting others ahead of your pride. Being modest in your opinion of yourself. Thinking of others as better than yourself is one way to overcome pride.

The question I have been asking myself is, are there any strategies for preventing pride in the first place?

How can you vaccinate yourself against pride that often accompanies Leadership?

Here is a shot in the arm that can help you prevent Leadership Pride. This might sting a little, but here comes the needle...

Seek Wise Counsel.

That didn’t hurt too bad, did it?

Looking back on my story, I really should have sought wise counsel about buying that car. Not only was it impractical, but the assumptions I used to frame my reality regarding my career and my family were askew. They just were not based in reality. Just because the business was in an up cycle didn’t mean it was going to stay that way forever. Some wise counsel at that time could have been just the vaccination the doctor would have prescribed to prevent me from making such a poor decision.

There is another Proverb that says “Without counsel plans are frustrated, but with many counselors plans succeed."

As you are thinking about getting wise counsel in your life, what should you look for? Here are a few things I have found as I have researched the topic:

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel:

1. Experience. Why not ask someone who has been down the road what the path looks like? 2. Impulse Control. Look for someone who is not going to be swayed by your emotional rationale. You do not want someone who will agree with you all the time. You want another perspective on what reality looks like. A person who is patient enough to hear you out. 3. Courage. Having an ability to disagree with you is paramount to you being able to learn and grow. 4. Empathy. Someone who can see your perspective even if they do not agree. Empathy differs from sympathy in that the empathic person will ask the hard question when it is in your best interest. The sympathetic person will just agree with you in whatever state you are in.

So often in leader development we screw up and look for a treatment remedy for what has happened. Why not look to prevent these potential failures in leadership by vaccinating yourself against tragedy? Seeking wise counsel may be one good shot in the arm for you as a leader.

Your Homework

Look for a leadership decision you have coming up. Seek out some wise counsel. Lay the topic out for those you are seeking input from, without bias or telling them your preferences. Consider what they say to you before you act.

Call to Action

Please click here to go to my Facebook page and leave a comment about the value you have found in seeking wise counsel in your leadership life. We would love to hear from you.

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