Why Every Leader Should Journal: Insights and Benefits

One summer, I was researching for an article and came across a thesis that used journaling as a research tool for self-discovery among youth football coaches:

A leadership discovery: enhancing Finnish youth football coaches' Effectiveness through the Transformer Research Project

In this study, journaling was used as a tool rather than the primary outcome. As I read through the article, the benefits of journaling became abundantly clear.

THE BENEFITS of Journaling for Leaders

Having worked with many coaching clients over the years, I have frequently recommended journaling as a powerful leadership development strategy. Journaling involves taking time to reflect and write down your observations about how you show up in different situations.

Given the widespread lack of self-awareness in leadership, journaling is a crucial method for documenting your thoughts and feelings about your experiences. It serves as a record of your emotions and thoughts on any given day across various circumstances.

Here are my top five reasons that every leader should journal:

1. Self-awareness: Leaders need to reflect on how they present themselves in different contexts and what triggers their emotions. Despite how well we think we know ourselves, reflection can always reveal something new.

2. Managing Stress: Writing is an excellent way to reduce stress levels. Visual journaling, or what my second-grade teacher Mrs. Carlson called “drawing,” can be even more effective. A 2010 study by Amanda Mercer found that medical students experienced reduced stress and anxiety when they kept a visual journal.

3. Gaining Clarity: When faced with complex issues, writing or drawing can help sort things out. Taking time to clear your mind and put your thoughts on paper or a tablet can clarify your decisions.

4. Prioritizing: Life can get hectic, especially in our Western world, where leaders often struggle to prioritize. Journaling helps you focus by writing down what’s important. It serves as a metaphorical stake in the ground, providing a reference point.

5. Controlling Impulses: Journaling gives you a place to reflect before acting. Before agreeing or committing to something, I turn to my journal to avoid impulsive decisions. It’s a crucial tool for deciding which projects to accept or decline.

A Personal Revelation:

A few days before Father’s Day that summer, while reviewing the aforementioned article, my kids ended up gifting me a journal for Father’s Day. But not just any journal—it was called StoryWorth.

Here’s how StoryWorth works:

• Every week, you receive an email prompt to write about a memory from your past.

• You reply to the email to journal, writing as much or as little as you want. I typically write two or three paragraphs.

• These entries are saved, and you can eventually turn your journaling into a book. After 52 weeks, you could have a cherished book of memories.

The Top Reason ALL Leaders Need to Journal:

Your leadership story IS worth reading.

Navigating Leadership Challenges: Moving Beyond Advice to Empowerment

Introduction:

In the realm of leadership, providing advice often seems like the obvious path to helping others navigate complex situations. Yet, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, authors of "Thanks for the Feedback," shed light on the limitations of advice-giving, emphasizing the need for specificity and context. This raises the question: How can leaders effectively address challenges without merely dispensing advice? Let's explore a more empowering approach that emphasizes understanding, collaboration, and fostering a culture of trust.

Empowering Through Coaching:

Rather than offering quick-fix advice, effective leadership involves coaching individuals to discover their own solutions. Coaching isn't about dictating actions; it's about guiding individuals to unlock their inner wisdom. As Parker Palmer suggests, it's about "pulling out their inner teacher." By refraining from prescribing solutions and instead helping individuals explore their options, leaders empower them to make informed decisions aligned with their unique circumstances.

Understanding Context:

When faced with inquiries about handling leadership dilemmas, it's crucial to resist the temptation to jump to conclusions. Rather than hastily providing answers, take the time to understand the nuanced context surrounding the situation. Delve into the organizational dynamics, team relationships, and external factors shaping the challenge at hand. This deep understanding lays the groundwork for tailored guidance that resonates with the specific needs of the individual and the organization.

Organizational Considerations:

At the organizational level, effective leadership entails aligning team objectives with strategic goals. Reorganization should stem from a clear strategic rationale, driven by shifts in internal or external dynamics. Merely reshuffling teams without addressing underlying issues risks perpetuating dysfunction and escalating costs. Leaders must assess whether the benefits of reorganization outweigh the disruptions it entails, ensuring that organizational integrity remains intact.

Fostering Collaborative Dynamics:

Within teams, fostering a culture of collaboration is paramount. True collaboration isn't about everyone being involved in everything but rather about trusting each other's expertise and contributions. Leaders play a pivotal role in nurturing this culture by fostering trusting relationships and upholding team standards. Encouraging open communication, embracing vulnerability, and instilling confidence in team members create a fertile ground for collaboration to flourish.

Accountability and Conflict Resolution:

In the face of conflict or underperformance, leaders must navigate with finesse. Accountability rests not solely on the individual but on the collective responsibility of the team. Leaders should encourage a culture of peer accountability, where team members hold each other to high standards. Addressing individual shortcomings requires a delicate balance of coaching and mentorship, guided by the overarching goal of fostering growth and improvement.

Conclusion:

Navigating leadership challenges demands a departure from conventional advice-giving towards a more nuanced and empowering approach. By embracing coaching, understanding context, and fostering collaborative dynamics, leaders can navigate complexities with confidence and efficacy. Ultimately, it's not about having all the answers but about empowering others to find their own path to success.

Empowering Your Boss: A Unique Approach to Leadership Development

During one of my Leadership 360 interviews, a direct report posed an uncommon yet thought-provoking question: "How can I help my boss become a better leader?" This query struck a chord as it showcased a genuine desire to contribute to the supervisor's professional growth—an inquiry I hadn't encountered in my nearly two decades of conducting such interviews.

Navigating the fine line of confidentiality, I recognized the need to offer guidance without compromising the privacy of my client's developmental journey. The direct report's eagerness to support her boss's leadership evolution inspired a tactful response.

My Response

My advice centered on fostering self-awareness—a key element in any leader's development. I proposed that she, with a level of trust and willingness to take some risks, help her boss recognize instances where he exhibited strengths or areas he aimed to improve.

For instance, if the boss acknowledged a tendency to micromanage, she could, at an opportune moment, express her observations: "Boss, it seems like you might be micromanaging right now. Is that intentional?" The ensuing silence suggested contemplation, but her eventual commitment to the idea revealed her willingness to contribute positively.

The essence of my counsel lay in aiding leaders to perceive the change they sought. Encouraging self-awareness proves invaluable in leadership development, offering a profound gift to those aiming to refine their skills.

What About You?

Reflecting on this scenario prompts a broader perspective on personal development. While our focus often revolves around our personal growth, extending support to others can be equally gratifying. Consider shifting from problem-solving to inspiring awareness in those around you.

In conclusion, take a moment to inquire how you can assist your leaders in their development. Their responses might not only surprise you but also invigorate your journey of self-improvement.

Empowering Leadership Growth: Supporting Your Boss's Development

In a Leadership 360 interview I did last year, a direct report posed a question that had never been asked in nearly two decades of my coaching career: "How can I help my boss become a better leader?" This unexpected inquiry underscored a profound desire to actively contribute to their supervisor's growth and development.

Confidentiality in my coaching sessions is paramount, yet I sought a way to honor the question without compromising my client's privacy. My response pivoted towards fostering self-awareness, a foundational aspect of leadership growth.

Supporting Your Boss's Development

"I believe the most impactful support you can offer your boss is through fostering their self-awareness," I advised. "If your boss has already highlighted their strengths and areas for improvement, consider gently pointing out moments when those aspects manifest."

Encouraging her to navigate this delicate path of offering feedback, I elaborated with an example: "If your boss has expressed a desire to reduce micromanagement, gently address the behavior at that moment. Help them recognize, without coaching or changing them, when they exhibit such tendencies."

The power of guiding leaders to perceive the change they aspire to make is an invaluable gift.

This experience prompted a broader reflection on our roles in personal development. Instead of solely focusing on our growth, why not explore ways to support others in their journey? Shifting the focus from problem-solving to inspiring awareness of opportunities can spark transformative change.

What about you?

I urge you to consider initiating conversations with your leader about supporting their development. Their response might illuminate new avenues for personal growth and invigorate your self-development journey too. By actively engaging in the growth of those around us, we not only contribute to their success but we may also find newfound inspiration for our personal development.

How can you help your boss grow as a leader today?

Transforming Work Relationships: The Power of Humble Inquiry

When a coaching client begins with, "I'm struggling with a person on my team, and our relationship isn't great. Can you give me some advice?" I know an interesting conversation is about to unfold. As a leadership coach, my approach focuses on delving deep into the individual's inner world to help them find the right responses and actions. Rather than serving as an oracle, I try to take on the role of an investigator, asking questions that will guide them toward their own self-discovery.

Unpacking the Complexity:

Conversations about work relationship challenges always lead me to a plethora of questions. Each question below aims to illuminate a different facet of the issue:

• Why is there a struggle?

  Understanding the root causes is always the first step toward resolving any difficulty.

• What about this person makes the situation challenging?

  Identifying specific issues can provide insights into potential solutions.

• Is this a recurring issue with others on the team?

  Exploring whether this is an isolated case or a pattern can be enlightening.

• How do you define a successful working relationship?

  Clarifying the desired outcome is crucial for setting the right goals.

• Do you have positive relationships with other team members?

  Contrasting problematic relationships with successful ones can reveal commonalities or differences between team members.

• Are there external factors affecting the relationship?

  Considering broader contexts can help uncover the bigger picture beyond individual dynamics.

  No matter which question I choose, the answers usually surprise me. For instance, in response to "Why is there a struggle?" I might hear, "This person reminds me of someone from my past who treated me horribly," or "They are a micromanager, so the further I stay away from them, the better."

The Hack: The Art of Humble Inquiry

To effectively coach in these situations, I follow Edgar Schein's concept of "Humble Inquiry." It's about asking questions without preconceived answers and with a genuine interest in the other person. This requires humbling myself, setting aside my needs, and focusing entirely on the person in front of me.

Humble Inquiry Questions

Humble Inquiry questions are simple, short, and open-ended. They ignite curiosity in the conversation. Here are 4 of my favorites:

1. Can you say more about that?

2. Can you tell me a little bit more?

3. Can you elaborate even further?

4. What was that like for you?

The goal is to encourage the client to unpack their thoughts and feelings. I'm constantly amazed at how exploring the deeper meaning of the question and answer takes the conversation to unexpected places, often full of surprises.

My Number one Tip for Strengthening Relationships

Invite them to lunch. It's that simple. Extend an invitation to the person with whom you're struggling to develop a better connection. The only objective is to get to know them better.

In one case study by Watland, Hallenbeck, & Kresse, (2008) police officers enrolled in an MBA program shared a meal together once a week. More than 69% of the participants indicated that their interactions with each other had positively affected the work of their department.

The initial interactions among participants were built on getting to know each other better. This soon translated to a deeper knowledge and level of trust and the group began relying on each other to solve problems in the work setting.

So, if you are struggling with a relationship, invite them to lunch! What harm can it do? While it may not solve all of your problems, I think you will find if you practice Humble Inquiry, it is a step in the right direction.

Here Is Some Advice That You Can Use..Or Not

From time to time I receive questions from readers asking for advice on how to handle certain leadership situations. One thing you have to know is that I am not big on giving advice. To be able to advise, I think you need a lot of details on the situation the person finds themselves in. There are usually so many details that could sway something one way or another.

Douglas Stone and Sheila Henn in Thanks for the Feedback say that the problem with advice is that it is not specific enough. We tend to give some sage comments without giving enough detail to implement them. Or, we are such experts in something we assume that everyone knows our jargon. For example, “When you deliver your presentation make sure it stands out.” This is interesting, but what does “stand out” even mean?

The other thing that makes advice hard is that when I give it I now own the result. Since it was my idea, it is in some way on me if it doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter if the person didn’t follow my advice the way I laid it out, or if they took some of it, but not all of it. The advice didn’t work and I am in some way responsible. That is usually why I prefer to coach and help people find options that seem reasonable and doable for them to try versus just giving advice.

One thing I had to learn as I was growing as an executive coach, mostly the hard way, is that while coaching is in some respects about helping people solve problems, it is far from telling them what to do. It is more about what Parker Palmer calls “pulling out their inner teacher.” Helping them see options and then supporting the options they choose is, to me, more of what coaching is about.

So, when I get a question from a reader seeking advice, I usually will read it and ponder it for a week or more. I am not thinking about what the person should do in the situation described, or what I would do if I were them. Instead, my thoughts usually turn more to trying to understand the context of the situation they might be in and then coming up with some general guidelines or options they could choose.

With that in mind, I did receive a fantastic question from someone who has read this blog for years.

The Question

“How do leaders know when to intervene in order to promote better collaboration and stop the group in-fighting versus just reorganizing the department? Is there a tipping point where a simple intervention can help to resolve the issue rather than incur an expensive reorganization?”

My Thoughts

As pondered this question, I really saw two very distinct ideas emerging. The first is organizational and the second has to do with how teams function.

The organizational aspect has to do with the needs of the organization and strategically how the group is put together to meet the needs of the organization, while the team function is more about the relationships amongst the members of the group. I want to tackle these areas independently, and then bring them together for you.

The Organization

Teams are formed to meet a specific need that the organization has realized. Teams of people come together in an organized fashion to accomplish a specific set of goals or tasks. They can also come together as change agents. This allows them to move the organization from an old set of objectives to new goals that move it closer to completing its mission and making the vision a reality.

As I step back and think about the question above, if I am going to reorganize a department, then there needs to be a strategic reason. There will likely have been some change, either internally, like a new or redefined mission, or externally, like a shift in customer demands. This type of change to reorganize will be driven by forces external to the team. Something has happened that causes what the team is doing to not be as valuable to the organization. Rather than dismantle the team completely (reorganize), the team is given a new set of goals and objectives that match the external reality.

Reorganizations are chaotic, emotional, and expensive. The external pressures being experienced need to be greater than the emotional and financial cost to reorganize. Reorganizing dysfunctional people on a team only sends the dysfunction to another part of the organization. Dysfunctional people in an organization have attitudes and behaviors that are destructive and if left to their own devices will have a very bad effect on the organization. Just because an organization can afford to do it doesn’t mean that is the right thing to do.

The Relationships of the Team

If teams are not functioning well, a leader or coach has to be able to step into this moment. It takes both personal courage and a mindset that the needs of the organization outweigh any personal agendas that might exist. The leader must have the courage to call out behaviors that are not conducive to good team functioning.

General Stanley McChrystal, in his book Team of Teams, writes that “superteams” are able to construct a strong lattice of trusting relationships. He makes the point that in a true team environment, the leader needs to be less concerned with hierarchy and command; what their position is, and telling individuals what to do, and more concerned with ensuring that trusting relationships are forming so that there is a supportive network to perform.

Trust amongst team members is ensuring people are comfortable being vulnerable about weaknesses, mistakes, fears, and behaviors without fear of reprisal. So, if someone doesn’t know something, they are not judged for the lack of knowledge, but supported in getting the knowledge they need. A teammate should feel a sense of confidence to admit a weakness and have someone on the team come alongside them and say something like “Here, let me help you with that.”

There are three things I find vital for a team to be able to trust each other:

1. Cultural Integrity - As a group, we are always going to do the right thing. If someone on the team is being mean, as a team we are going to go to the person and let them know that this is not how our team behaves. We want to have them on the team, but the culture here is one of kindness and respect. Integrity matters always.

2. Comfort with Vulnerability - Teammates have to be willing to admit their weaknesses and mistakes and can never be penalized or punished when they do. If you are a person who avoids conflict, you should be able to admit this to your team and they need to come alongside and help you get better at this. The team has to believe in you and that you can help them improve. It all starts with a culture of realizing we are all human and we all fall short somewhere.

3. Confidence in the Members - No single one of us holds all the answers. Teams have to believe in the mission and have confidence in each other to tackle whatever is put before them. As individual humans, we crave safety and security. Taking risks is not always a safe feeling. This is the value of the team. As an individual, my need is for safety. The team is there to support each other to take risks and achieve much more than an individual ever could. High-performing teams have confidence in each other.

Back to the question at hand. I would argue that one of the main purposes of the leader of a team is to foster a culture of collaboration that leads to results. Not a collaboration so that every person touches everything, but trusting each other enough to know I don’t have to touch something if you are.

The leader is the person accountable if someone is not living up to the team charter of expectations. The leader should rally the team to their responsibility of pulling that person back in line. If the team won’t do it, then the leader has two jobs. One is with the team to create a culture of team discipline, and the other is with the person who is not living up to team standards by coaching them individually.

My position is that if there is a group in conflict, then the leader is accountable. Maybe if there has to be a reorganization because of this very non-strategic reason, it should come out of the leader’s bonus.

What about you? What advice would you share in response to this very interesting question? Is this advice you can use, or not? I would love your input. Thank you, Jenny, for helping us all think.

Your Story Is Worth Reading

Happy June! A few days before Father’s Day back in June one year, I was doing some research for an article and I came across this thesis that used journaling as a research component for self-discovery in youth football coaches.

A leadership discovery: enhancing Finnish youth football coaches' Effectiveness through the Transformer Research Project

While in this study, journaling was a tool and not the primary outcome, I realized as I glanced through the article many of the benefits of journaling came through very clearly to me.

Benefits of Journaling for Leaders

As I have worked with my coaching clients over the years, I have recommended this leadership development strategy to so many of them. Journaling is nothing more than taking some time to be reflective and to write down how you observe yourself showing up.

Because the lack of self-awareness is so prevalent in leadership, journaling is a key way to document what you think and how you feel about what is going on in your world. It really can be used as a stake in the ground to preserve your thoughts and emotions on any given day across a number of circumstances.

These are my top 5 reasons that every leader should journal:

1. Self-awareness: Leaders need to be reflective of how they show up in different contexts and what triggers their emotions. No matter how well we think we know ourselves, we can always learn something new upon reflection.

2. Managing Stress: There is nothing like writing when it comes to lower levels of stress. Perhaps even better than writing is visual journaling or what Mrs. Carlson, my second-grade teacher, would have called “drawing.” In a 2010 study with medical students, Amanda Mercer found a reduction in stress and anxiety when medical students kept a visual journal of how they were feeling.

3. Gaining Clarity: I find that when I am faced with issues that have multiple inputs and layers of complexity there is nothing like writing or drawing to help me sort things out. Just taking the time to clear my mind and put it on paper or my tablet really helps me to clarify what it is that I am even having to decide.

4. Prioritizing: Life, especially in our Western world, can get really crazy with so many priorities that some leaders find it hard to decide to turn right or left. Journaling can help you prioritize what is important and to stay focused because you have it written down. You put a metaphorical stake in the ground and now have something to come back to.

5. Controlling Impulses: A key benefit of keeping a journal is having a place to go to before you act. I like to just go to my journal before I agree or commit to something so that I have the ability not to be impulsive. My journal is an important place I turn to before I say yes to a project that I should be saying no to.

Mind-Blown

Recall that it was a few days before Father’s Day when I was reviewing this article I mentioned above. Then Father’s Day happened. And for Father’s Day, my kids bless me with, you guessed it, a journal.

But not just any journal. This one was called StoryWorth. As an orientation, here is how StoryWorth works:

• Every week you get an email journal prompt to write about a memory from your past.

• All you do to journal is reply to the email you get. You can write as much or as little as you want on the topic. Usually two or three paragraphs in my case.

• These journal entries are then saved for you and you can eventually turn your journaling into a book if you want. At the end of 52 weeks, you could have a book of memories to cherish for years to come.

At the top list of reasons that leaders need to journal: Because your leadership story IS worth reading.

Handling Leadership Situations Without Giving Advice

From time to time, I receive questions from readers asking for advice on how to handle certain leadership situations. I think, that to be able to really advise, you need a lot of detail about the situation the person is in because there are so many details that could sway things one way or another.

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen in the book Thanks for the Feedback say that the problem with giving advice is that it cannot ever be specific enough. We tend to try to give out sage or wise comments without enough detail for the person to implement that advice. Or, we are such experts in something that we assume everyone knows our specific jargon. For example, “When you deliver your presentation, make sure it stands out.” Interesting advice, but what does “stand out” even mean?

The other thing that makes advice hard to give is that when I give it out, I now own the result of it. Since it was my idea, it can in some way fall back on me if it doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter if the person didn’t follow my advice the exact way I laid it out, or if they took just some of it, but not all of it. In the end, the advice didn’t help and I feel I am in some way responsible.

That is usually why I prefer to coach in order to help people find options that seem reasonable and doable for them to try. One thing I had to learn as I was growing as an executive coach is that while coaching is in some respects about helping people solve problems, it is far from telling them what to do. It is more about what author Parker Palmer calls “pulling out their inner teacher.” Helping them see their options and then supporting the options they choose, is to me, what coaching is about.

Now when I get a question from a reader seeking advice, I usually will read it and ponder it for a week or even more. I am not thinking about what the person should do in the situation described, or what I would do if I were them. Instead, my thoughts usually turn more to trying to understand the context of the situation they might be in and then coming up with some general guidelines or options they could choose from themselves. I had a question from a reader. The question was, “How do leaders know when to intervene to promote better collaboration versus just reorganizing the department? Is there a tipping point where a simple intervention can help to resolve the issue rather than incur an expensive reorganization?”

My Thoughts

As I pondered this question and decided on how to react without giving advice, I really saw two very distinct ideas emerging. The first is organizational and the second has to do with how teams function.

The organizational aspect has to do with the needs of the organization and strategically how the group is put together to meet the needs of the organization, while the team function aspect is more about the relationships among the members of the group. I wanted to tackle these areas independently, then bring them together at the end.

The OrganizationAL IDEAS

Teams are formed to meet some specific need that the organization has realized. Teams of people come together in an organized fashion to accomplish a specific set of goals or tasks. They can also come together as change agents moving the organization from an old set of objectives to new goals that move the organization closer to completing its mission and making the vision a reality.

As I stepped back and thought about the question above, I thought that if I was going to reorganize a department, then there needed to be a strategic reason. There will likely have been some change, either internally, like a new or redefined mission, or externally, like a shift in customer demands. This type of change to reorganize will be driven by forces external to the team. Something has happened somewhere that causes what the team is doing to not be as valuable to the organization. Rather than dismantle or reorganize the team completely, the team would be given a new set of goals and objectives that match the external reality.

Reorganizations are chaotic, emotional, and expensive. The external pressures being experienced need to be greater than the emotional and financial cost to reorganize.

Reorganizing dysfunctional people on a team also only sends the dysfunction to another part of the organization. The description I hear most often for dysfunctional people in an organization is that they are not good for the team. The attitudes and behaviors are destructive and left to their own devices will have a very bad effect on the organization. So then, why would you move them somewhere else? Just because an organization can afford the reorganization doesn’t mean that is the right thing to do.

HOW TEAMS FUNCTION

If teams are not functioning well, a leader or coach has to be able to step into the moment. It takes both personal courage and a mindset that the needs of the organization outweigh any personal agendas that might exist. The leader must have the courage to call out behaviors that are not conducive to good team functioning.

General Stanley McChrystal, in his book Team of Teams writes that “superteams” are able to construct a strong lattice of trusting relationships. He makes the point that in a true team environment, the leader needs to be less concerned with hierarchy and command, what their position is, and advising individuals what to do and be more concerned with ensuring trusting relationships are forming so that there is a supportive network to perform.

Trust amongst team members is ensuring people are comfortable being vulnerable about their weaknesses, mistakes, fears, and behaviors without fear of reprisal. So, if someone doesn’t know something, they are not judged for the lack of knowledge, but supported in getting the knowledge they need. A teammate should feel a sense of confidence to admit a weakness and have someone on the team come alongside them and say “Here, let me help you with that.”

There are three things I find vital for a team to be able to trust each other:

1. Cultural Integrity: As a group, we are always going to do the right thing. If someone on the team is being disrespectful, as a team, we go to that person and let them know that is not how this team behaves. We want to have them on the team, but the culture here is one of kindness and respect. Integrity matters always.

2. Comfort with Vulnerability: Teammates have to be willing to admit weaknesses and mistakes and can never be penalized or punished when they do. If you are a person who avoids conflict, you should be able to admit this to your team and they need to come alongside and help you improve this skill. The team has to believe in you and believe that you can improve. It all starts with a culture of realizing we are all human and we all fall short somewhere.

3. Confidence in the Members: Not one of us holds all the answers. Teams have to believe in their mission and have confidence in each other to tackle whatever is put before them. As individual humans, we crave safety and security. Taking risks is not always a safe feeling. This is the value of the team. As an individual, my need is for safety. The team is there to support each other to take risks and achieve much more than an individual ever could. High-performing teams have to have confidence in each other.

Back to the Question at hand

The question was, “How do leaders know when to intervene to promote better collaboration versus just reorganizing the department? Is there a tipping point where a simple intervention can help to resolve the issue rather than incur an expensive reorganization?”

I would argue that one of the main purposes of the leader of a team is to foster a culture of collaboration that leads to results. Not collaboration so that every person touches everything, but trusting each other enough to know that one person doesn’t don’t have to touch something if another person is already running with it.

The leader is the person accountable if someone is not living up to the team's expectations. The leader should rally the team to their responsibility of pulling the person back in line. If the team won’t do it, then the leader has two jobs. One job is with the team to create a culture of team discipline, and the other job is with the person who is not living up to team standards by coaching that person individually. My position is that if there is group conflict, then the leader is ultimately the one accountable and at fault.

What about you? What advice would you share in response to this very interesting question?

How would you respond to this question?

“How can I help my boss get better as a leader?”

This straightforward question was asked by a direct report of my clients as we were wrapping up our Leadership 360 interview (a series of open-ended leadership questions that help my clients get a clear picture of how their leadership looks to those around them). 

A First For Me

I have been doing these structured Leadership 360 interviews for almost 20 years and have facilitated hundreds, if not thousands, of these 1-on-1 interviews. Not one person has ever asked me that question.  

I found it really interesting that this one dear person cared enough about her supervisor that she would want to know how she could be involved in her boss's development.

My Response

All of my coaching sessions are confidential, including the 360 report and development planning.  I wanted to answer her question, but I needed to be tactful as to not disclose what my client would be working on.

“How do I respond in a way that is helpful for her, without breaking any confidentiality I must maintain with my client? “ I quickly thought to myself.

Here's how I responded...

“I think the best way you can help your boss is by helping him be more self-aware. Now, this is going to require a level of trust on your part, and there could be some risk, so you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk. If you are, then your boss has probably already in some way declared strengths, and things he would like to do better.”

She agreed, so I continued...

“Then help him see when he is doing it. Let's imagine he has told you he is a micromanager and wants to change. Perhaps in the midst of a project, at the appropriate time, you then say to him, 'You know, Jim, it feels to me right now like you are micromanaging me. Is that something you are intending to do?'”

She sat in silence on the phone for a seemingly endless pause.

“I can do that." She finally broke the silence. “Good,” I affirmed her. “Don’t feel like you have to change him, don’t feel like you have to coach him. Just help him see the times where he is doing something he wants to change.”

Helping leaders SEE the change they want to make is perhaps the biggest gift you can give to them.

What About You?

So many of us get caught up in our own development, but I’d like to encourage you to begin looking for ways you could support someone else with their development. Perhaps it’s shifting your focus from helping them solve the problem, to inspiring their awareness of the opportunity right in front of them.

If you feel encouraged and motivated by this post, try asking your leader how you support them in their development. Their response may surprise you and revitalize you in your own self-development journey.

Empowering Leadership Growth: Supporting Your Boss's Development

In a Leadership 360 interview I did last year, a direct report posed a question that had never been asked in nearly two decades of my coaching career: "How can I help my boss become a better leader?" This unexpected inquiry underscored a profound desire to actively contribute to their supervisor's growth and development.

Confidentiality in my coaching sessions is paramount, yet I sought a way to honor the question without compromising my client's privacy. My response pivoted towards fostering self-awareness, a foundational aspect of leadership growth.

My Response

"I believe the most impactful support you can offer your boss is through fostering their self-awareness," I advised. "If your boss has already highlighted their strengths and areas for improvement, consider gently pointing out moments when those aspects manifest."

Encouraging her to navigate this delicate path of offering feedback, I elaborated with an example: "If your boss has expressed a desire to reduce micromanagement, gently address the behavior at that moment. Help them recognize, without coaching or changing them, when they exhibit such tendencies."

The power of guiding leaders to perceive the change they aspire to make is an invaluable gift.

This experience prompted a broader reflection on our roles in personal development. Instead of solely focusing on our growth, why not explore ways to support others in their journey? Shifting the focus from problem-solving to inspiring awareness of opportunities can spark transformative change.

What About You?

I urge you to consider initiating conversations with your leader about supporting their development. Their response might illuminate new avenues for personal growth and invigorate your self-development journey too.

By actively engaging in the growth of those around us, we not only contribute to their success but also find newfound inspiration for our personal development.

How can you help your boss grow as a leader today?

A Simple Hack for Work Relationship Difficulties

I know it is going to be an interesting conversation with a coaching client when the conversation opens with “I’m struggling with a person on my team. We do not have a very good relationship. Do you have any advice for me?”

For me, being a coach is about the person I am working with, figuring out what is going on inside of them so that they can get the responses or actions they want. My desire is to function more like an investigator rather than an oracle. Rather than providing advice, I find myself asking them a lot more questions.

When a client talks to me about their relational struggles, many questions come to my mind. I really have to think about what direction I want the conversation to go. Here are some questions I get curious about:

• Why is there a struggle?

• What is it about this person that makes things difficult?

• Do you feel this way about others on the team?

• What does a good relationship look like to you?

• Do you have good relationships with other team members?

• Are there any other contexts that are affecting the relationship as opposed to it being just about this person?

No matter which of these questions I ultimately ask, the answer is usually one that is a surprise to me. So, if I ask, “Why the struggle?” I would get back something like “The person reminds me of someone from my past who treated me horribly.” Or, “They are a micromanager, so the further I stay away from them the better.”

This is where as a coach, I have to practice what Edgar Schein calls “Humble Inquiry;” asking a question that you don’t know the answer to with an attitude of interest in the other person.

Schein says that as leaders in the conversation it is up to the leader to humble themselves. This means that I, as the leader have to put my needs and desires aside and really focus on the person in front of me and what they need at the time. This can be really hard.

It would be easier, rather than asking a follow-up question, to relate an experience that I have had in the past and to rush in and solve the problem for the other person. For example, I could share how I once had a boss who was a micromanager as well, and what I did was learn to anticipate what they needed so that when they dug in they could see it was already done. This is exactly what my coaching client does not need from me though.

I have to humble myself to realize that it is not about me. It is about the person I am coaching. Once I do this, I am ready to discover more about what the issue really is. I am ready to get curious and inquire.

Humble Inquiry Questions

These types of questions are not difficult. They are short and very open-ended. They spark immense curiosity in the conversation. Here are 4 of my favorites:

• Can you say more about that?

• Can you tell me a little bit more?

• Can you elaborate even further?

• What was that like for you?

The goal of the Humble Inquiry line of questions is to get the client to unpack more of what is on their mind. I am always amazed at how being curious about meaning takes the conversations to places I did not expect them to go. It is a bit like going to Disney World; I know it is going to be fun, but I just don’t know what I am going to discover when I get there.

My Number One Hack for Improving Relationships

Take them to lunch!

That is it. It really is that simple. Invite the person you are struggling to develop a relationship with to lunch. Your only objective is to get to know them better.

Although most studies indicate that sharing a meal contributes to communication and relationship development, many theories and research indicate that it is the specific practices at mealtime rather than the food itself or the ties that create the real value (Larson, Branscomb, & Wiley, 2006).

In one case study by Watland, Hallenbeck, & Kresse, (2008) police officers enrolled in an MBA program shared a meal together once a week. More than 69% of the participants indicated that their interactions with each other had positively affected the work of their department. The initial interactions among participants were built on getting to know each other better. This soon translated to a deeper knowledge and level of trust and the group began relying on each other to solve problems in the work setting.

Most sociologists tell us that it is not the food, but the dedicated mealtime, that is the developer of social bonds. I would propose that while eating, you can not talk as much and you are forced to listen more. If you really are enjoying your pizza so much that you would rather just ask a short question instead of getting back to the sausage and pepperoni, then maybe, just maybe, you will be nourished not only physically but spiritually as well.

So, if you are struggling with a relationship, invite them to lunch! What harm can it do?

While it may not solve all the problems, I think you will find if you practice Humble Inquiry, it is a step in the right direction.

Bon Appetit!

How Would You Answer This Great Question?

“How can I help my boss get better as a leader?”

This straightforward question was asked by a direct report of one of my clients as we were wrapping up our Leadership 360 interview (a series of open-ended leadership questions that help my clients get a clear picture of how their leadership looks to those around them). 

A First For Me

Now, I have been doing these structured Leadership 360 interviews for almost 20 years,  over 800 of them in total.  No one, not one person, has ever asked me that question.  

It’s nothing against the other 800 folks, I just found it really interesting that this one dear person cared enough about her supervisor that she would want to know how she could be involved in her boss's development.

My Response

All of my coaching sessions are confidential, including the 360 report and development planning.  I wanted to answer her question, but I needed to be tactful as to not disclose what my client was going to work on.

So, I thought to myself, how do I respond in a way that is really helpful for her, without breaking any confidentiality I must maintain with my client?

Here's how I responded...

“I think the best way you can help your boss is by helping him be more self-aware. Now, this is going to require a level of trust on your part, and there could be some risk, so you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk. If you are, then your boss has probably already in some way declared strengths, and things he would like to do better.”

She agreed, so I continued...

“Then help him see when he is doing it. Let's imagine he has told you he is a micromanager and wants to change. Perhaps in the midst of a project, at the appropriate time, you then say to him, 'You know, Jim, it feels to me right now like you are micromanaging me. Is that something you are intending to do?'”

She sat in silence on the phone for a seemingly endless pause.

“I can do that." She finally broke the silence. “Good,” I affirmed her. “Don’t feel like you have to change him, don’t feel like you have to coach him. Just help him see the times where he is doing something he wants to change.”

Helping leaders SEE the change they want to make is perhaps the biggest gift you can give to them.

What About You?

So many of us get caught up in our own development, but I’d like to encourage you to begin looking for ways you could support someone else with their development. Perhaps it’s shifting your focus from helping them solve the problem, to inspiring their awareness of the opportunity right in front of them.

If you feel encouraged and motivated by this post, try asking your leader how you support them in their development. Their response may surprise you and revitalize you in your own self-development journey.

What Is Your One Thing to Change?

My family loves to play games, and we have found a new one that everyone can play called Ticket to Ride. Ticket to Ride is a fast pasted game where you try to connect cities by building railroad routes. What I love about the game is its underlying premise. When it is your turn, you can do one thing and one thing only. You can:

• Draw train cards

• Draw route cards

• Lay down trains

• Discard route cards

The winner is the one who has a firm strategy to connect their cities with train routes, then implements this strategy by doing the best “next one thing." The ultimate goal is to gain the most number of points by completing route cards and trying to get a bonus for being the player with the longest train.

It is Nine Arch Bridge near Bandarawela, Sri Lanka

Sometimes it is in your best interest to draw train cards and sometimes you find yourself wondering if you should “waste” a turn by discarding a route card, which will count against your point total if you do not complete the route.

I receive no commercial endorsement from the publishers of the game, but if you are looking to build some family time this is an excellent game to do it, as long as the kids can tell colors and read cities they can probably play. (I will leave it up to your family culture as to what level of competition the game should take with young kids).

Application to Leadership

I love the idea of thinking about leadership as a game. Games change all the time. Different players have different strategies that constantly have an impact on your strategy and implementation.

With games in mind, I really like the Ticket to Ride approach of focusing on the "one thing" you will do that will make the most impact and be the most strategic that moment. What would be that one thing, one move, or one change? Let me give you an example of what I mean by telling you Bobbie's story.

Bobbie was a participant in a recent Emotional Intelligence 360 training program I facilitated.

In this program, Bobbie received feedback from

• Her manager

• 4 of her peers

• 3 of her direct reports

• 4 vendor partners she works with on a regular basis

• 4 family members

Bobbie's feedback was centered around the Bar-On EQi 2.0, which is a trait assessment of emotional intelligence with 5 structured domains, each with three sub-competencies. (Domain: Sub-Competency)

1. Self-Perception: Self-Regard, Self-Actualization, Emotional Self-Awareness

2. Self-Expression: Emotional Expression, Assertiveness, Independence

3. Interpersonal: Interpersonal Relationships, Empathy, Social Responsibility

4. Decision Making: Impulse Control, Reality Testing, Problem-Solving

5. Stress Management: Optimism, Stress Tolerance, Flexibility

Here are the major takeaways from Bobbie's assessment:

• Her strength was her interpersonal relationships and the level of empathy she shows.

• She rated her level of self-regard much lower than her manager or her peers did.

• The rating she gave herself showed that her self-regard was much higher than her assertiveness.

• Everyone, including herself and her family, rated optimism as her lowest competency.

• Her level of stress tolerance was significantly below where most leaders are, which is putting her at risk for derailing as a leader.

What To Do

Like most people who get any kind of 360 feedback, a feeling of being overwhelmed quickly came over Bobbie. In our one on one debrief of her assessment, she lamented what most do when trying to digest 360 feedback, “I don’t even know where to begin!"

This is a very common feeling when a leader is faced with feedback. Many times this feedback can be paralyzing, and not knowing what to change the leader will just “freeze” on the development and default to doing what they always do.

I said to Bobbie, who was pouring over the pages in her report trying to make sense of it all, “Let's put the report aside for a moment. Take a deep breath….and another one…and another one...let's just breathe for a minute and relax our minds."

As we did this, a sense of calm came over the room. Bobbie relaxed. (I even relaxed!)

I then asked her, “From all the feedback you received, what is the one thing your heart is telling you that needs to change?"

Why the Question

This becomes the fundamental question for leaders who get feedback and want to develop. What is your next step? What skill do you need to enhance or develop or initiate? How do you need to balance Emotional Intelligence competencies like self-regard and assertiveness?

Finding the one thing out of the myriad of options can bring a settling calm and a real peace about being able to achieve the objective.

In their book on change, It Starts With One, Black and Gregersen make the case that the individual must SEE the change before the change can ever happen.

Way too many people who get feedback never process what the feedback is saying or take the time to SEE it. They move right into action and never really embrace the change.

Do you know what your “one thing” is to move on in your leader development plan?

Note to my family: Look out! I have my Ticked to Ride strategy in place and plan on winning this weekend.

Homework

What is the “one thing” you are working on in your development? Have you taken the time to process and SEE the change you need to make? Are you actively working on intentionally developing yourself as a leader? Change is intentional and it takes one step at a time to win the game.

*If you want to know more about doing an EQi 360 feedback in your organization, or you want to do one for yourself, click here for more information and contact us today! 

Who Else Wants to Develop as a Leader?

As I sit and write this article, the day is August 11, 2016. My beautiful wife Kim and I celebrate 32 years of marriage today. I cannot tell you all the joy that this relationship has brought me over the years. Which is why, when we were having coffee this morning, gazing into each other's eyes (well, maybe it was more like a stare waiting for the coffee to kick in…no, no I am sure it was gazing) Kim asked me a most curious question:

“When we got married, do you think we were best friends?”

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Those of you with any skill in the art of marital conversation will quickly realize the trap I was in. To say yes would potentially mean we were better friends then than now. To answer no would potentially mean we had not quite reached that “best friend” level but married anyway.

So, like any skilled married person, I said, “Tell me more about what you are thinking." She said, “Well..." and I breathed a sigh of relief that we were going to unpack this discussion together. Kim continued, “I mean, we are such good friends now. I know we were friends, and probably best friends, but there is no way we were as good of friends then as we are now.” Then she provided the wisdom,

“We have grown so much!"

Ah, yes. We have grown so much.

The Growth

The growth that Kim and I have experienced in our marriage is two-fold from my perspective.

First, we have grown as individuals. Each of us have different interests and callings. These differences in skills and abilities need to be honed, nurtured, and grown. Second, our relationship as a married couple has grown. Over the years we have made emotional and social deposits in our relationship accounts, building up equity and assets we can rely on that help to strengthen the trust we have in each other. This networking back and forth in the relationship relies heavily on the use of interpersonal skills and competencies such as mutual respect and empathy.

In a healthy and vibrant marriage you have to grow as an individual and the relationship has to grow as well. Both are important.  You certainly cannot focus on individual growth only. If you are only growing as individuals, the relationship will suffer. You will focus on yourself and your needs and the relationship will suffer. By the same token, you can not solely focus on the relationship, stifling individual growth and personal achievement.

Bridge to Leadership

Ok, so I know most of you read this for some perspective on leadership and not marriage relationships. Here is the point, in development, leadership is a lot like marriage. You have to focus on yourself as a leader as well as on your leadership.

Leader Development Is Distinguishable from Leadership Development

Leader development focuses on the skills, talents, knowledge, and abilities of the individual person. This can be in the form of formal courses where the leader does analysis and self-reflection. Courses on personality, such as the Pearman Personality Integrator, Myers-Briggs, or DiSC are examples. Training in emotional intelligence using an assessment like the EQi-2.0 is another example of leader development. There is knowledge of self that is then put to use inside the organization. Learning in the area of core values, or important skills like marketing or sales, are also part of the leader development domain.

Leadership development has more of an emphasis on building social capital, networking, and the interpersonal skills such as reciprocity and trustworthiness. Leadership from a social capital sense builds upon the work of Robert Putnam who gave three reasons why social capital is important:

• Social capital allows citizens to resolve collective problems. People are better off when they cooperate.

• When people trust each other they are more likely to interact more often and better with each other. As a result, everyday business and social transactions become less costly.

• Understanding in the end that our fates are linked.

Leader development is key. It is clear. It is usually what most of us think about when we think of leadership development.

My premise is that we need to work on both, and what gets left out of the mix is our work in actual leadership development.

Think about your organization. Maybe you are in an HR, Training, or Functional leadership position. Whatever your organizational role, ask yourself three questions:

1. What kind of environment am I fostering that allows leaders to solve collective problems? How are we rewarding and recognizing cooperation over individual achievement?

2. How are we setting up our work environments and meetings so that they happen more frequently and better? It isn’t the frequency of your meetings that is the problem, it is the quality. Social Capital Theory would say that the more people are together and the better they are together this is what drives costs down.

3. Do your leaders understand that their fates are linked? Are their reward and recognition systems linked? Do sales and marketing share goals? Have you done disaster scenarios around the possibility that your vision is not realized?

Too many times in the leadership development space, we focus solely on the leader and not really on leadership.

Success in marriage requires both focusing on developing the individual and the relationship. I would argue that success in the organization requires developing the leader and leadership.

Hey Kim, sign me up for another 32 years. Happy Anniversary!

Homework:

Do the 3 question assessment of your organization above. Have the discussion with leaders on your team. What do you need to do in your organization to both improve your leader and your leadership abilities?

Here is to wishing you many happy anniversaries leading your organization!

A Vaccination for Leadership Failure

Who wants to fail as a leader? No one. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, “Let me see how I can totally screw up the thing I am working on today."

And yet…Here is my story.

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel (2)

A number of years ago, I had been a fairly successful sales professional and tapped for a management development program. The company I worked for was growing like crazy. Most people spent less than 2 years in this program before they were tapped for their first management level job. I thought I had arrived! Look at me! Watch me climb! Nothing will stop my career! These were all thoughts I had at the time. I was on top of the world and it felt great.

My wife and I moved from my sales territory in Decatur, Illinois to the corporate headquarters in Indianapolis, Indiana. Our family consisted of my wife and I along with our 2-year-old son Zach, and a precious baby girl due in about 6 weeks. The plan was to be in Indianapolis for less than 2 years before our next move into my first management level job. So, I did what every person with a dream, a wife, and 2 young kids does….

I went out and bought a 2 seat sports car.

I rationalized it by telling myself, "Hey, we already own a minivan. No problem."

Fast forward 5 years later. That's right, my 2-year window for promotion had gone to 5! The company hit a tight spot. No one got promoted for 3 years beyond my 2-year window. And on top of the career slow down, my wife and I had another baby boy! We were now a family of 5, with a minivan and a second car that is a Mazda Rx 7.

Great car, yet totally not practical when my wife took the minivan to go shopping one Saturday and left me with the 3 kids and a couple of friends kids. Scott and 5 kids on a Saturday morning, normally not a problem, until Zach comes out holding his hand over his eye and blood dripping down having just been whacked on the head with a toy by one of the other kids.

Question: How do I get 5 kids and me in the Rx7 and to the hospital to get Zach stitched up?

The Lesson

There is an ancient Proverb that says “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud."

I will admit it. I was full of pride. Proud of my career. Proud of my family. Proud of how I had achieved.

What is the problem with pride? It blocks your vision of reality. As leaders, we puff ourselves up for everyone to see.

What are some things that feed our pride as leaders?

1. People come to you for decision making. 2. People look to you for safety (job security). 3. People look to you as an expert in your field. 4. People feel comfortable knowing you are there. 5. You make people feel they are important. 6. You give people a feeling of optimism. 7. You give people a sense of hope. 8. You are near the top of the food chain. 9. People seek your advice and counsel. 10. Your opinions are sought and considered.

The great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else's pride. Pride at its very root is competitive. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man,” according to Lewis.

More money. Bigger house. Better looking. Smarter. Prettier wife. More loving husband. Successful kids. Faithful servant. Harder worker. Coolest job.

The problem with pride is not the metric, but what we do with it. It is in our nature to compare. It is how we know where we are. The problem with pride is an inability to be content and a desire for control. It is a scarcity mentality that says for me to be up in life you must be down.

This is a lie.

Great leaders find ways for everyone to be up.

What I have learned over the years is that when I begin feeling like this, full of pride, I better watch my next step.

The Vaccination

When things go wrong, we begin to think about treatment. Treatment is about fixing the problem. Vaccination, however, is about prevention.

Treatment in the medical world is meant to help you recover from something that has happened to you. A vaccination is meant to prevent the disease in the first place.

The second part of the Proverb I mentioned above states, “but humility comes before honor."

Being humble. Putting others ahead of your pride. Being modest in your opinion of yourself. Thinking of others as better than yourself is one way to overcome pride.

The question I have been asking myself is, are there any strategies for preventing pride in the first place?

How can you vaccinate yourself against pride that often accompanies Leadership?

Here is a shot in the arm that can help you prevent Leadership Pride. This might sting a little, but here comes the needle...

Seek Wise Counsel.

That didn’t hurt too bad, did it?

Looking back on my story, I really should have sought wise counsel about buying that car. Not only was it impractical, but the assumptions I used to frame my reality regarding my career and my family were askew. They just were not based in reality. Just because the business was in an up cycle didn’t mean it was going to stay that way forever. Some wise counsel at that time could have been just the vaccination the doctor would have prescribed to prevent me from making such a poor decision.

There is another Proverb that says “Without counsel plans are frustrated, but with many counselors plans succeed."

As you are thinking about getting wise counsel in your life, what should you look for? Here are a few things I have found as I have researched the topic:

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel:

1. Experience. Why not ask someone who has been down the road what the path looks like? 2. Impulse Control. Look for someone who is not going to be swayed by your emotional rationale. You do not want someone who will agree with you all the time. You want another perspective on what reality looks like. A person who is patient enough to hear you out. 3. Courage. Having an ability to disagree with you is paramount to you being able to learn and grow. 4. Empathy. Someone who can see your perspective even if they do not agree. Empathy differs from sympathy in that the empathic person will ask the hard question when it is in your best interest. The sympathetic person will just agree with you in whatever state you are in.

So often in leader development we screw up and look for a treatment remedy for what has happened. Why not look to prevent these potential failures in leadership by vaccinating yourself against tragedy? Seeking wise counsel may be one good shot in the arm for you as a leader.

Your Homework

Look for a leadership decision you have coming up. Seek out some wise counsel. Lay the topic out for those you are seeking input from, without bias or telling them your preferences. Consider what they say to you before you act.

4 Critical Traits of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders

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I had an outstanding day on Friday! I spoke at a women’s professional conference on Emotional Intelligence and how the science relates to a leader's overall well-being. You can see a picture of me with some of the leaders of this fantastic event below.

Well-being is a fascinating topic. When I was researching the topic as it relates to leadership, I discovered that the term is really a measure for happiness.

How happy are you with certain aspects of your life?  Things like:

• Your health - spiritual, psychological, and physical

• Your economic situation

• Your social relationships

Every year the Gallup organization does a domestic and global survey for well-being. They ask a series of questions relating to people's social, financial, community, and physical well-being. From a global perspective, the citizens of Panama lead the world in overall well-being. Domestically, folks who live in Alaska and Hawaii are living the most intentional and purposeful lives. If you want to see how your state ranks, click here to access the report.

Well-being is a feeling of overall contentment and satisfaction in the life of the leader.  In the emotional intelligence model* we utilize in our training, the idea of well-being is a surrogate for happiness.

The Four Traits

The leadership attributes we use to measure well-being are self-regard, self-actualization, optimism, and interpersonal relationships.

Our research has shown that a leader who excels at these four traits is well on their way to living a purposeful and intentional life. People who score high in these dimensions almost always maintain a happy disposition in all aspects of life. They usually enjoy the company of others, feel like the life they are leading is intentional, and are in control of their emotions most of the time.

Those who score lower in these traits may find it difficult to be enthusiastic about life no matter their personality style or circumstance. Their overall happiness may actually begin to diminish natural strengths and tendencies toward success that they have shown in the past. This dampened energy can make it difficult for others to see past their dissatisfaction with life.

So How Are You Doing?

Have you stepped back lately and thought about your own personal well-being as a leader? This is important because your followers have the ability, sometimes even unconsciously, to know how you are doing, even if you are trying your best to put on a front. Your well-being may be having an unintentional performance impact on your entire team!

Below I have included a definition for each of the four attributes, and a question you can ask yourself to get you started thinking about your own personal leadership and how your well-being might be enhancing or inhibiting your leadership performance.

• Self-Regard is the confidence you have in yourself. Question: What is your ability to acknowledge your strengths and forgive yourself for your weaknesses?

• Self-Actualization is your willingness to improve and pursue meaningful personal goals that give you enjoyment. Question: Do you have an active plan for attaining short-term and long-term goals?

• Optimism is an indicator of your outlook on life. The level of hopefulness and resiliency you have in the face of setbacks. Question: When things do not go your way, how do you talk to yourself? Are you able to pivot from the initial negative thoughts or does the negativity overwhelm you?

• Interpersonal Relationships are a measure of the mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion. Question: Do you rely more on yourself to get things done or are you willing to ask others to help so they get to experience the joy of serving alongside you?

Well-being is a crucial aspect of a leader's life because of the impact it has on both the leader and the followers. Your overall physical, spiritual, and emotional health depend upon this critical dimension.

What are you doing as a leader to ensure your success in this area?

Homework

Find a person in your life who knows you well. Each of you write one paragraph on the above well-Being traits. They will write how they see you and you write how you see you. Then read out loud what you have written. Talk about what is positive that you need to continue and talk about any barriers that could be holding you back.

If you try this journaling exercise, why not drop me a note in the comments section below? I would love to hear about the experience you have had.

PS. If you have a group that would be interested in knowing more about Emotional Intelligence or how well-being relates to leadership, let me know. I would love to come and be a part of the discussion.

*Bar-On EQ-i published by Multi-Health Systems

Stop Making More Work for Yourself

We are all busy. Have you ever met someone who is not busy? Ask the next person you meet “Hey, how are things going?” My guess is you will get some derivation of “I am so busy” as a reply.

One of the reasons we are so busy is we have to go back and correct mistakes.

As I reflected on the Monday morning blog I realized that if we just thought a little more about what the other person needs in a coaching relationship, perhaps we would not have to work so hard. (If you haven’t seen the blog you can check it out here.). Since coaching is really about learning and self-discovery, why not incorporate adult learning principles into the coaching you do in your organization?

Test Your Coaching

Here is a quick test for you to see if your coaching is aligned with how adults learn.

Write down the name of a person you coach and answer the following questions:

1. Adults Are Self-Directed How did you encourage the person being coached to describe the path to get to the goal or outcome?

2. Adults Are Goal-Oriented How did you allow the person being coached to set the goal for themselves?

3. Adults Use Life Experiences in Learning How did you use past experiences to take the person you were coaching to higher levels of performance?

4. Adults Need Learning to Be Relevant to Real-Life Issues How did you avoid personal preference and link the coaching to a relevant issue for the person being coached?

5. Adult Learning Must Be Practical to Their Life How were you able to move from the theoretical (what needs to be done) to the prudent (how they are going to do it)?

6. Adult Learning Is Intrinsically Motivated How were you able to motivate the person being coached by improving their self-esteem or quality of life?

7. Adults Must Feel Safe If They Are to Learn and Grow How were you able to create a safe learning environment for the coaching to take place?

Now that you have evaluated yourself on linking your coaching to solid adult learning principles, why not invest in others and share your learning? Please leave a comment below on how you were able to do this, or maybe something you learned as you evaluated your own coaching. One of my goals is to create a leadership community where we all can learn and share together.

See you Monday, Scott

PS. You will want to be sure and see next week's Monday blog. One of the things in my personal development that I am working on is being more transparent as a leader. So, I am going to share with you why I am scared to death right now. You won’t want to miss it. In fact, you may want to make sure others in your organization are signed up to get the email notices of the blog because I think the reason I am scared really scares a lot of us.