So I am flying home from Chattanooga last night after working with one of my favorite clients. It was a good day of coaching, working with this firm to help grow their leaders for the next level of leadership.
I got to the airport around 5:15 for my 6:08 flight to Charlotte, then home to Orlando, arriving around 10:45pm. Everything was on time and I was really relaxed and feeling great. A little hungry, but since I had about 90 minutes in Charlotte (CLT), my plan was to stop and grab a salad in the terminal. I have really been focused on staying healthy since Christmas and the diet and exercise plan really seemed to be working for me. As I was reflecting on this plan, I received an alert over my phone…
Delayed flight to CLT now departing at 6:35pm. No problem, still time to grab a salad and make it to my gate on time.
About 10 minutes later, another alert: Delayed flight to CLT now departing at 7:04pm. My timeline for having a relaxing salad in CLT was shrinking as I was down to about 40 minutes to connect to my Orlando flight.
I can still do it. I might have to grab the salad and eat on the plane but this night would not be the first when I would have to do that.
It was interesting, I could feel the tension mounting and the stress increasing as my timeline slowly slipped away. About 10 minutes later a flash came across my phone:
Delayed flight to CLT now departing at 7:25pm.
Well, I just missed my flight to Orlando. I knew there was another flight after mine and I have pretty good status on the airline I was flying so I was sure they would rebook me.
I was feeling pretty sorry for myself at the time. It is funny how I had gone from this happy, self-actualized human being to anxious and self-centered in under an hour. Just because a circumstance that I could not control had changed.
So, realizing that I was not going to get my salad in CLT, I walked over to the little cafe in the Chattanooga airport, pulled myself up to the bar and asked for a menu. Here is the conversation that ensued:
Bartender: “Want anything to drink?”
Me: “No, I am really trying to limit my alcohol, especially during the week…”
Long pause
Me: “but since my flight is delayed, I will have a beer.”
Bartender: “16 or 22 ounce?”
Me: “16…No, make it a 22, what the heck! Who knows how long I will be here.”
Bartender: “Sounds good, now what do you want to eat?”
Me: “I will have the Chicken Club with Extra Bacon”
Bartender: “You want a side with that? You can have a salad, fruit, or kettle chips.”
Do I really have to tell you what I said in response to his question?
What Happened
As I was reflecting on what happened during that very short amount of time it really hit me: My emotions got the best of me.
I started feeling really sorry for myself. I was feeling lonely and anxious and disappointed all at the same time. Lonely because I was going to miss seeing my wife who would be long asleep by the time I got home. Anxious because I was not confident my flight was actually going to leave Chattanooga at all that night. Disappointed because I had intended to make a great, healthy choice for dinner.
Then, while sitting at the bar, as these emotions took their effect on me, I lost my Impulse Control.
Oscar Wilde wrote in Lady Windermere’s Fan, “I can resist everything except temptation.”
Impulse Control is an ability to delay or resist an impulse or temptation to act. It entails avoiding rash behaviors and being compromised in decision making. People who display Impulse Control are self-aware when they are frustrated, lonely, anxious, or disappointed. Those with Impulse Control can delay gratification and are not slave to the emotions that stimulate poor decisions.
Grace is realizing that humans make mistakes, forgiving themselves, and getting back to the habits they know are in their best interest.
Of course, I had the kettle chips for my side.
The next night, Kim fixed a very healthy salmon salad for us and all is again well with the world.
My Take-A-Way
Even though I coach and teach emotional intelligence, I still have these moments, especially when I am feeling lonely and disappointed, where I act out of my norm and display lower impulse control than I normally would have. The point is to find these emotional tensions and to recognize them as triggers so that the next time I have a flight delayed (not if I have a flight delayed, but when it happens, because it will happen again) and I am feeling lonely and disappointed that I recognize this. I need to pick up the phone and call my wife and talk to her so I don’t feel lonely. Realizing I am still going to get home safely and not to be so disappointed, it is only a matter of timing and an hour or two at most.
If I can show Impulse Control in the moment, then I can delay my gratification. Not so that I will never have a Chicken Club with extra Bacon, Kettle Chips, and a beer, but that I choose when I am going to have these things and that they are not a default pleasure for me.
These default pleasures rarely if ever really satisfy. It is better to plan and anticipate to enjoy the things you like rather than use them to cover some emotional wound that really isn’t that bad to begin with.
I also think it is really important when we notice these things, that we forgive ourselves and rather than beat ourselves up or throw in the towel or have a bunch of shame around it, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, forgive ourselves, and put a plan in place so when it happens again we are ready to have better Impulse Control.