Win or Lose, Emotional Intelligence Matters

After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, the quarterbacks from each team were bombarded by the media with questions. For Peyton Manning, it was all about whether he would cap his career on a high note. For Cam Newton, the questions reflected his fresh defeat. Whether you're a rookie like Newton, or a seasoned veteran like Manning, it is important to think through how we will respond emotionally whether we win or lose. Let's look a little closer at both players and think through what we can learn from them.

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Let's Start with Manning

After his win, we heard Manning repeat again and again what he planned to do, which did not involve releasing any clues of retirement. He gave a lot of credit to Coach Tony Dungy who encouraged him not to make any emotional decisions. Note that this advice came before a Super Bowl victory, because either outcome of the game would affect Manning's emotional decisions in the moment.

In the midst of the rush, you risk saying or doing something that you wouldn't when your emotional state is leveled and you are thinking clearly. In Manning's case, he could be feeling pretty good about his victory and desire to do it again. It's important for him to level emotion and take on a posture of humility in the weeks to come.

Now, Newton

I can't help but sympathize with Newton in some ways. It's early in his career and he had a great run this season. Stats and predictions for a victory pointed his way, yet just as he said in his brief interview after the game, “They just played better than us.” From his body language (hood up, eyes down) and his short answers, it was obvious that Newton was emotionally defeated.

No, he probably shouldn't have walked out of his interview, however, I think his emotional response could have been worse. Perhaps for Newton, at this point in his life and early in his career, the best thing he could do to avoid an emotional reaction was to just walk away. This was his immediate reaction. How he lets this loss affect him and his leadership moving forward will be crucial.

What this Means To You as a Leader

Sometimes things are going to go your way and you will win. The question becomes, how are you going to display your victory?

One of they key characteristics that attracts followers to a leader is humility. Winning with grace is a very attractive leadership attribute.

Humility can be disregarded at times because it is misrepresented as lacking toughness and grit. However, in an article in the Military Review, authors Joseph Doty and Dan Gerdes say this is not the case. They describe a humble leader as lacking arrogance, not aggressiveness. Humility can even carry a spiritual tone, since the leaders activities are seen as free of ego and self-aggrandizement. Peyton Manning may have the title of 2x Super Bowl Champion and leader of all-time passing yards, however, his posture of humility over the years is what attracted his fans and followers.

And then there are times when things are not going to go your way and you are going to lose. The question then becomes, how are you going to show grace in defeat?

Nobody likes a sore loser. Just look at what happened to Donald Trump in New Hampshire when he displayed poor character as he spoke about his loss in Iowa last week. His poll numbers started to drop, so much so that the Wall Street Journal says he must change his message to avoid another primary disaster.

The question is not if you are going to have a setback in life. The real question is when are you going to have a setback in life, and how do you respond when you do?

In the emotional intelligence realm, the trait that is needed by leaders is called resiliency. Leaders need to have an ability to recover, to get back to their original form when things do not go their way.

It will be interesting to see how Cam Newton recovers from losing the Super Bowl and how he'll channel this experience to shape his leadership for the next season.

What can you do?

1. Picture yourself in the moment after you succeeded and then again as if you failed. How would you hope you'd react in either circumstance? How do you plan to respond? Do you know yourself well enough to know when you are in control or when you just need to walk away? Think about these things.

2. Ask trusted mentors or coaches for insight. They will consider the situation in a way you may not have based on their past experiences. They will also be honest about how you may react, because they know you well. Make sure you really listen to them and consider what they share.

3. Write out your plan and immediate response whether you win or lose. Think through your stance and posture as well. Stick to this script. This way, you don't risk saying or doing anything you didn't mean.

Homework

Identify the next big moment in your career or in your life. Think about the questions above and write out a plan of action whether you win or lose. We'd love to hear from you, so don't forget to comment below.

4 Critical Traits of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders

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I had an outstanding day on Friday! I spoke at a women’s professional conference on Emotional Intelligence and how the science relates to a leader's overall well-being. You can see a picture of me with some of the leaders of this fantastic event below.

Well-being is a fascinating topic. When I was researching the topic as it relates to leadership, I discovered that the term is really a measure for happiness.

How happy are you with certain aspects of your life?  Things like:

• Your health - spiritual, psychological, and physical

• Your economic situation

• Your social relationships

Every year the Gallup organization does a domestic and global survey for well-being. They ask a series of questions relating to people's social, financial, community, and physical well-being. From a global perspective, the citizens of Panama lead the world in overall well-being. Domestically, folks who live in Alaska and Hawaii are living the most intentional and purposeful lives. If you want to see how your state ranks, click here to access the report.

Well-being is a feeling of overall contentment and satisfaction in the life of the leader.  In the emotional intelligence model* we utilize in our training, the idea of well-being is a surrogate for happiness.

The Four Traits

The leadership attributes we use to measure well-being are self-regard, self-actualization, optimism, and interpersonal relationships.

Our research has shown that a leader who excels at these four traits is well on their way to living a purposeful and intentional life. People who score high in these dimensions almost always maintain a happy disposition in all aspects of life. They usually enjoy the company of others, feel like the life they are leading is intentional, and are in control of their emotions most of the time.

Those who score lower in these traits may find it difficult to be enthusiastic about life no matter their personality style or circumstance. Their overall happiness may actually begin to diminish natural strengths and tendencies toward success that they have shown in the past. This dampened energy can make it difficult for others to see past their dissatisfaction with life.

So How Are You Doing?

Have you stepped back lately and thought about your own personal well-being as a leader? This is important because your followers have the ability, sometimes even unconsciously, to know how you are doing, even if you are trying your best to put on a front. Your well-being may be having an unintentional performance impact on your entire team!

Below I have included a definition for each of the four attributes, and a question you can ask yourself to get you started thinking about your own personal leadership and how your well-being might be enhancing or inhibiting your leadership performance.

• Self-Regard is the confidence you have in yourself. Question: What is your ability to acknowledge your strengths and forgive yourself for your weaknesses?

• Self-Actualization is your willingness to improve and pursue meaningful personal goals that give you enjoyment. Question: Do you have an active plan for attaining short-term and long-term goals?

• Optimism is an indicator of your outlook on life. The level of hopefulness and resiliency you have in the face of setbacks. Question: When things do not go your way, how do you talk to yourself? Are you able to pivot from the initial negative thoughts or does the negativity overwhelm you?

• Interpersonal Relationships are a measure of the mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion. Question: Do you rely more on yourself to get things done or are you willing to ask others to help so they get to experience the joy of serving alongside you?

Well-being is a crucial aspect of a leader's life because of the impact it has on both the leader and the followers. Your overall physical, spiritual, and emotional health depend upon this critical dimension.

What are you doing as a leader to ensure your success in this area?

Homework

Find a person in your life who knows you well. Each of you write one paragraph on the above well-Being traits. They will write how they see you and you write how you see you. Then read out loud what you have written. Talk about what is positive that you need to continue and talk about any barriers that could be holding you back.

If you try this journaling exercise, why not drop me a note in the comments section below? I would love to hear about the experience you have had.

PS. If you have a group that would be interested in knowing more about Emotional Intelligence or how well-being relates to leadership, let me know. I would love to come and be a part of the discussion.

*Bar-On EQ-i published by Multi-Health Systems

Are You Lacking the Forgotten Emotional Intelligence Competency?

Read this post with CAUTION. There is an ask of you at the end…. As I sit and write this post, the day is September 11th. Most of us can still recall exactly where we were between 8:45am and 9:45am EST during that fateful hour when

• Five hijackers crashed American Airlines Flight 11 into the World Trade Center's North Tower.

• Another five hijackers crashed United Airlines Flight 175 into the South Tower.

• Five hijackers flew American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon.

• A fourth flight, United Airlines 93, controlled by 4 highjackers crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

I was a sales manager at the time and in downtown Chicago at the Holiday Inn for a meeting. We watched the tragedy on television for about an hour before we were told to evacuate the city because it was thought the Sears Tower, which was a few blocks away, could be a target.

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Like it or not, the world around me is bigger than me. Events such as this remind me of how simultaneously significant and insignificant I am.

News flash! I am not the center of the universe.

News flash! Neither are you!!!

Because we are not the center of the universe competencies such as social responsibility are so important in any model for leadership. If you read this blog on any regular basis you know that one of the best leadership models, in my opinion, uses emotional intelligence.

One such model for emotional intelligence that incorporates this idea of social responsibility is the EQ-i 2.0 by Reuven Bar-On. According to the EQ-i 2.0, emotional intelligence is defined in the user’s manual as “a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way".

Most of the time when I speak to folks about emotional intelligence, the thoughts immediately turn inward to our own emotion. Or perhaps they turn to a difficult relationship, a place where we are struggling relationally in our lives. Very few of us relate our emotional intelligence to our social consciousness.

Steve Stein and Howard Book, in their book on emotional intelligence called The EQ Edge, describe social responsibility as "A desire and ability to willingly contribute to society, your social group, and generally to the welfare of others."

Social responsibility is a desire, an ability, and a volition. Can you? Do you want to? Are you willing to act? The competency of social responsibility asks if there is anything emotionally holding you back from serving others.

The idea behind social responsibility is that you will act as a leader even though you might not benefit personally. There is a sense of accepting others and using your talents as a leader for the good of society and not only yourself.

I don’t know how that hits you, but it actually stings a little for me. Of course we have the skill. Yes, most of us in our hearts want to. The question is, what is holding us back from acting?

5 Questions To Assess Your Level of Social Responsibility

We are never successful on our own. Real success comes from our work as a contributing member of a team or society. Having a caring and compassionate heart is a great balance for high levels of self-regard that if left unchecked could fall into arrogance.

Here is a quick assessment you can give yourself to assess your own level of social responsibility:

1. What community organizations am I currently involved in outside of my paid vocation? (Involved means serving, not that your name is on a list)

2. What active role am I currently playing to make the organization better?

3. What did you do this week to lend a hand to someone who could use it?

4. How many examples can you cite in the last month where you were sensitive to the needs of friends, co-workers, or your boss?

5. Do you participate in charitable events?

No Guilt Trip

When I bring this topic up with clients the response I usually get is that I am giving them a “guilt trip." My point here is not to make you feel bad about your level of social responsibility, but rather to get you thinking about how are you balancing out your selfish ambition. Most of us as leaders are trying to find a flow between work, family, recreation, and faith. Where does service fit for you? If you dedicate too much to any one of these areas, the flow becomes restricted in other places.

Is it healthy for you to be the focus of your life and the center of your universe? My guess is that none of us really feel this way. However, the busier we become, the more self-absorbed we seem to get and the flow of our leadership lives suffers.

Homework

Your homework this week is to take the 5 question assessment above. Talk to your spouse, significant other, coach, or a complete stranger about how you are doing. Do you have any changes you need to make to become more socially conscious? Your leadership depends on it.

PS.  I almost forgot about the big ask. Speaking of social responsibility, I signed up to run in the “Purple Stride” Run for pancreas cancer this weekend in Columbus, Ohio. I am running in honor of my good friend Roy Holcomb who passed away from this disease last year. If you enjoy reading this blog and would like to help, my goal is to reach $800 in one week. You only have 1 week to give, so don’t put it off. If everyone who reads this gives $5 we would kill that goal. I had a generous sponsor get me started with $40 gift. Will you help? Click here to give. Thanks in advance. Scott

How Emotional Intelligence Can Work for You

Emotions are an interesting aspect of being human. Our feelings provide color and vitality to our lives. They help us express our most basic human thoughts and provide the means for us to attempt to understand each other.

I have been teaching and training leaders to become aware of and improve their emotional intelligence for about 10 years now. Many of the clients I work with echo the research that says a person must be smart enough to be in a leadership role, but that it is emotional intelligence that modulates success.

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Emotional intelligence is a leader’s capacity to effectively recognize and manage their emotions and the emotions of others in order to enhance judgment and decision-making.

Have you ever found yourself having made a decision you wish you could take back because your emotions got the best of you? Perhaps you took a job just because you felt the pressure for income rather than waiting for a role that was a better fit for your talents. Many of you have taken promotions into roles because promotions feel good, rather than being content doing the work you love.

A story to Consider

I have a client who just got a new boss. The search for my client's new leader took a year, and in the meantime my client filled the gap so well that he was actually recognized by the president of the organization for his contribution, including a pay raise and a new title.  Most on the outside would say my client is extremely talented, very gifted in this role, and very successful in many past roles. Yet when I talked to him here is what he said.

I am:

• frustrated

• overwhelmed

• overworked

• stressed

• feeling immense pressure

• unsuccessful

• emotionally drained

On the outside, everyone in the organization would say, “This dude is awesome!”, “Does he ever have it together!”, or “I wish I could be him!"

However, on the inside a different story is being told. One where my client is saying, “Am I really valued here? This work is not what I signed up for. I am stuck and I feel desperate. What am I going to do?"

The emotions he feels are something my client and his new boss both have to recognize, express, and use so that the talent in this young leader shines through.

How can my client (and his new boss) use emotional intelligence to turn these negative feelings into productive, positive, and powerful outcomes for the organization?

Important Questions to Answer

Let's assume this young leader has enough intellect to do the job. Since I personally know this person very well, I can assure you he does! Based upon the above definition of emotional intelligence, some interesting questions need to be asked:

• Can this young leader and his boss work together to experience a positive performance outcome?

• What risk does this young leader have for making a poor decision?

• Can this young leader develop emotional intelligence to enhance judgment and decision-making?

Important Answers to These Important Questions

Let's start with the last question first: Can this young leader develop emotional intelligence?  

In the infancy of the study of emotional intelligence, theorists did not separate emotional intelligence from personality. Therefore, it was believed that growth in this area was not possible. This was based upon the assumption that since personality does not change, neither can the way a person uses emotion.

We now know after separating emotional intelligence from personality theory (which does not change much over time), that you can develop your emotional intelligence and make better decisions and judgments as a result.

Below is a chart from data I collected with a client at a large pharmaceutical company. In 2009 we gave a one-day baseline training (blue bar) to 125 people on Leading with Emotional Intelligence. Following the training, each participant received 2 coaching sessions, after which we retested the participants. Each of the EI competencies improved, which is what we expected. All except one: Interpersonal Relationships.

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We were puzzled by this at first. Why would we see increases in all competencies except one? After reviewing the data, we discovered that Interpersonal Relationship was the highest competency to start with and not many people had chosen it as a place to develop. This further strengthened our argument that if you focus on an EI competency it can be developed. Perhaps an even stronger argument is that if you choose not to work on this element of your leadership, then you can expect nothing to change for you.

I am curious how this sits with you. Are you feeling stressed but not doing anything to improve your stress management? Or are you a very technical, data-driven person, struggling with interpersonal relationships, who is just avoiding the topic and hoping it will go away? If this sounds like you, avoiding the development of your emotional intelligence will leave you right where you are today.

Is This Young Leader at Risk?

Without the use of emotional intelligence, this young leader will become a slave to his emotion.  This potentially leads to a decision to relieve the emotion rather than dealing with the source of what is really going on. The young leader may leave a job he loves too early, or stay in the job too long. The right outcome is in the heart of the young leader. In order to discover it, he must be able to think clearly in order to listen to what his heart is saying about what he wants for his life. Without this ability to clearly listen, leaders are prone to make emotional decisions that may relieve temporary pain but are not as valuable in the long run.

So, if you pay attention to an area you can develop, and you assess your risk correctly in the end, does this link to improved decision-making result in increases in your performance?

So what if my client can become aware of his heart's desires? So what if my client improved the emotional intelligence competency of adaptability?  He may be better at not being a slave to his impulses, but what effect does this have on his performance? Isn’t it all about performance in the end? Maybe, but maybe not!

Emotional Intelligence and Performance

As you probably have guessed there is strong link in the leadership literature between Emotional Intelligence and performance.

For example, Chew, Zain, and Hassan's report on positive social interaction with peers facilitated cognitive and intellectual development that led to good academic performance among medical students. (The relationship between the social management of emotional intelligence and academic performance among medical students, Boon-How Chew, Azhar Md. Zain, Faezah Hassan, Psychology, Health & Medicine Vol. 20, Iss. 2, 2015).

• My client could ensure his social interactions at work remain positive, and focus on the value he gets out of the relationships at work as a surrogate for performance.

Bar-On, Handley, and Fund empirically demonstrate that EI does indeed impact performance in their studies of the United States Air Force and the Israeli Defense Forces. In one study of officer selection those with leadership potential had significantly higher scores than those who didn’t have potential. The EI competencies that predicted officer selection are: Interpersonal Relationships, Stress Tolerance, Empathy, Independence, Reality Testing, Problem Solving, Self-Regard, Emotional Self-Awareness, and Happiness.

• My client could take an EI assessment, benchmark where his emotional intelligence is currently, then work on his level of Self-Regard (confidence) to improve his performance as an example.

Is It All About Performance?

Absolutely yes, and absolutely no! Some of you may struggle with this absolute dichotomy. The way I see it, leadership is performance, and how you get there is equally important as getting there. We all know too many leaders who reached stated objectives then left the organization a disaster. What you do and how you do it matter a lot.

What matters besides performance? How about character?

Enter KRW International, a group of leadership consultants who found that CEOs whose employees gave them high marks for character had an average return on assets of 9.35% over a two-year period. That’s nearly five times as much as what those with low character ratings had; their ROA averaged only 1.93%. (https://hbr.org/2015/04/measuring-the-return-on-character) 

• In all of the emotion surrounding my client, he must keep in mind that his character matters! Keeping the big picture of living true to himself and his morals in mind is significant as he develops as a leader.

The End of the Story

Let’s try and put a bow around what is going on with my client and the link to emotional intelligence.

• He is smart enough to be in the role.

• The emotions he is feeling are real.

• The situation he is experiencing is happening.

• He can be more intelligent in learning how to use his emotions.

• This improvement can lead to better performance.

• The "what" of performance and the "how" of character matter.

So, how are you doing? What is your story? Are there places where your emotions may be impacting your judgment and decision-making? Are there any steps you need to take as a leader to assess how becoming more intelligent with your emotions could improve your performance and your character?  

Let me know if I can help.

Free Offer

For those of you who would like to learn more about emotional intelligence, I would like to offer you a free gift. You can download Chapter 3 of my book “Seven Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent Coach” absolutely free.  Click Here to get your copy today!

5 Risk Factors for Becoming Emotionally Hijacked

Before I get into this weeks post, I wanted to say a word of thanks to all my readers for taking the time to give feedback on this blog. In exchange for your feedback, you had a chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card. And the WINNERis....Tim Puls!!!

Congratulations, Tim! My assistant, Brandi, has sent your gift card to your email address. Spend the money however you like! (But secretly we hope you will buy yourself a few leadership books that you have wanted to read!)

What You Told Us

If there was one thing we learned from doing this survey, it is that you want to hear more about Emotional Intelligence. By a factor of 3:1 over any other topic! Since this topic is one of my favorites, we will try and spend more time on it!  Thanks again to all of you who took the time to give us your thoughts. We really appreciate it.

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Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a leader's capacity to effectively recognize and manage their emotions and the emotions of others in order to enhance judgment and decision-making. According to Dr. Henry Thompson in his book The Stress Effect, "As leaders advance in role level and responsibility, emotional intelligence becomes increasingly important in determining their likelihood of success."

Emotional Intelligence begins by being aware of your emotions.

Emotions can be very valuable when they are appropriate and can be trusted. There are times and situations in our lives, however, when emotions just seem to happen.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we are hit with a feeling. If we are not self-aware emotions can take control of our thinking and cause us to do things that we normally would not do.

Sound familiar? Ever happen to you?

Really it isn't a matter of if this has happened to you, but when. From what is becoming some very convincing neuroscience research we know that there are certain factors that can put you at risk for your emotions taking over your thinking and potentially affecting your judgment and decision-making ability.

5 Risk Factors

The question for you to consider today is: Are there risk factors that may cause you to be subject to this emotional frailty when you otherwise would not be?

Risk factors are items that make conditions favorable for your emotions to take over.

When I was growing up in the midwest, severe thunderstorms and even tornados would happen when conditions were just right in the atmosphere. As conditions became more favorable, the storm would become more likely and potentially intense.

The same is true for your emotions. However, if you manage the conditions you become less prone to an event that could affect your thinking.

You are more at risk for your emotions taking over, and potentially even storming, if certain conditions are met.

Are there certain conditions that put you at risk for your emotions taking you to a place you otherwise would not go?

H.A.L.T.S Zone

Visiting the H.A.L.T.S. Zone will help you identify when you are at risk for becoming emotionally hijacked, whether it be in a business or personal situation. Identifying these factors early on will help you navigate potentially explosive situations and result in a healthy response.

You have entered the H.A.L.T.S. Zone when you are: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.

When you are in the H.A.L.T.S. Zone, conditions are favorable for your emotions to get the best of you.

Here is how to prevent entering the H.A.L.T.S. Zone and stay more emotionally centered as a leader:

• Hungry - Most dietitians these days recommend eating 6 small meals a day. Hint: Do not skip breakfast!

• Angry - Anger is often the response to an unmet social need or injustice. If you find yourself feeling angry, ask yourself if this is the appropriate response for the situation. If it is not, can you replace the emotion with something less impactful such as being annoyed?

• Lonely - We don't have to be alone to feel lonely. The feeling of being alone can bring sadness and self-pity. If you are feeling lonely, recognize it and phone a friend. Pick up the phone or go have a coffee. You need socialization to reduce your risk for a poor decision.

• Tired - Neuroscience is showing that our brains work in 90-minute cycles whether we are awake or asleep. If you are completing a marathon work session, make sure you are taking 30-minute breaks so you can relieve the pressure on your mind. Research shows that working in 90-minute cycles increases productivity over working with no breaks.

• Stressed - The feeling of stress, over time, can lead to utter exhaustion. When you are exhausted you are at risk for not being able to control your impulses. The feeling of temporary satisfaction is not a substitute for removing yourself from the stressor.

When you find yourself in the H.A.L.T.S. Zone, do you have any strategies that have worked for you in the past? Please post a comment and let us know.

Homework: As you move through your week, see if you have any risk factors for your emotions taking over. Can you link your emotional frailty to any of the above risk factors? If so, what will you do to avoid the risk for the sake of emotional stability?

What Does Being Self-Aware Cost You?

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I had a client recently who said he received feedback that he needed to become more self-aware of the impact of his behavior on others.

When I probed for what behavior seemed out of line, he told me that he had been rewarded his entire career for being a critical thinker and deliberate in decision-making. The organization needed to undergo changes to be more responsive in the marketplace and his caution was now being viewed as inflexibility. The feedback he was receiving from the organization was that he needed to be more self-aware of his inability to see things in other ways. He told me, “I need to pay attention to when I am being overly cautious and evaluate if I really am being inflexible or if my caution is warranted."

Paying attention. An interesting phrase...

Paying attention, as it relates to being self-aware, implies that there is a cost involved. When you sharpen your focus on something, you will inherently need to give something up in exchange.  In the example above, if my client is to be self-aware and pay attention to a behavior to elicit change, he will have to give up something in exchange for the attention he is going to give the new behavior.

Here is a simple example: If I go to the grocery store to pick up a banana, a transaction takes place where I give the clerk something of value to me, in this case, money, before receiving the product I desire more than the money I possess, the banana. Pretty simple.

When leaders are told they need to be self-aware of their actions or behaviors, it seems to get a bit more complicated than buying a banana. The process of becoming a self-aware leader requires that we give something up in order to draw attention to what we desire to change or better understand. [TWEET THIS!] This change in behavior must have more value to us than what we need to give up in order to obtain it.

When purchasing a banana, I know what I need to give up to own the fruit. In the same way, if I need to pay attention in order to become more self-aware of what is seen as inflexibility, for example, what must I give up in order to obtain this behavior change? To pay attention to this kind of behavior change will require humility to even get the process started. You have to recognize that you desire the banana more than you desire money and be willing to give up one in exchange for the other.

What does it take for you to humble yourself as a leader?

In this context, to be humble is really about having a clear perspective of your place in the context of your situation.  My client had to get to a point where he could be objective when situations arose. It is quite probable that because he had been rewarded (or at least had the feeling of such reward) in the past for his display of caution, that he installed it as a permanent successful behavior. After all, who does not like a positive feeling?!

His first step in becoming self-aware had already occurred. He recognized the spectrum of behavior he was trying to distinguish. He had described the poles as being deliberate on one end and inflexible on the other. He gave up the freedom to just behave as he had been rewarded. He had to pay, in this case, his normal feeling of being cautious to precipitate a desired change or even recognize the spectrum that he was asked to change along.

Now he must understand the strength of his deliberateness and the weakness of his inflexibility.

Let me illustrate:

To stay in shape, I like to jog. I started having some knee pain. Once a week I work out with a personal trainer for 30 minutes, so I was telling him about the pain I was having in my knee. One of his thoughts was that I had some muscle imbalance, meaning one of the muscles in my leg had become stronger than another. The tension, caused by one muscle being stronger than another, caused a pulling at the joint and, therefore, the pain.

According to my trainer, this weakness causes an imbalance and puts stress on other muscles to become stronger and overcompensate for the weakness.  According to the National Academy of Sports Medicine there are many reasons that one muscle might be stronger than another, such as past trauma, repetitive movements, lack of core strength, poor training technique, emotional duress, and poor posture. He said, “Scott, you have to pay attention to strengthening all your muscle groups so that you don’t have knee pain."

There it was again, pay attention. What was I going to have to give up in order to relieve the pain? The same is true for my client, and for you.

What do you need to give up when you are working with those who follow your leadership so that you “pay attention” to them? If you are trying to listen better to what your followers are telling you, what is the cost to you? What do you need to give up to become a better listener? Have you identified the cost that may be involved for the change to occur?

Feel free to comment on this question. I would love to know what you are thinking.