When the Chips Are Down

Sometimes it feels like nothing is going your way.  Does that sound like you, at least some of the time? Let's examine your “self-talk” and see if there is some application to how you lead. Talk about a guy who always seemed to have things going against him. George Washington would be that guy in my eye.

george-washington-portrait-gilbert

I just finished reading a really good historical account of George Washington’s life during the Revolutionary War. It is called “Washington’s Revolution: The Making Of America’s First Leader” by Robert Middlekauff. If you like historical accounts of leaders, this is a good one. Middlekauff does a nice job of moving through Washington’s early life and his Revolutionary War experience with enough detail to give a picture of what was happening without the overwhelming feeling that some historians can give with granular minutia of every fact.

Uphill Battle and the Chips were down

I had forgotten what an uphill battle Washington fought to overcome the Brittish ground and naval forces. In addition to fighting the British, Washington was constantly battling the politicians in the states and in Congress, his own soldiers and officers, as well as the natural elements in the northeast.

Many times, it would have been so easy for him to just quit. Give up. Forget it. Say it was not worth it. But he never did. There was a burning inside of this leader to see the war through to the very end.

Of course, the Brittish represented the main occupying enemy in the leadership story of George Washington. He constantly battled a superior army and an even more imposing force with the British Navy. While we don’t have a good indication of Washington’s self-talk, he could have sounded like many of us:

• The Brittish have a bigger Navy.

• The Brittish have better-trained soldiers.

• My first military campaign was a failure.

• Congress won’t allocate a pension for my officers.

• We just lost 3 battles in a row.

• My guys can’t hold a line to save themselves.

• Where are the French, anyway?

• We are fighting without bullets, food, horses, coats, or shoes.

A Word of Caution for Leaders

As leaders, we have to be very careful how we talk to ourselves. The intimate little conversations that you have with yourself are called your explanatory style. In his psychological classic, Martin Seligman says there are two basic ways of looking at the world: with an Optimistic or Pessimistic Explanatory Style. According to Seligman, pessimists believe:

• Bad events will last a long time

• Bad events undermine everything they do

• They are at fault for anything that goes wrong

A person with an Optimistic Explanatory Style, on the other hand:

• Sees defeat as a temporary setback

• Believes the reason for defeat is isolated in a single event

• Understands that the setback is not their fault

Seligman says that these optimistic people “are unfazed by defeat. Confronted by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge and try harder."

This is exactly what I was experiencing as I read Middlekauff’s account of George Washington. No matter what circumstance, bad luck, untimely event, or even the French, Washington seemed unfazed.

5 R’s to Ridding Yourself of Negative Thinking

It isn’t doing you any good to dwell on the negative as a leader. Here is a process I work through when I feel the chips are down:

Step 1. Report the facts. Just write down the facts as you know them. No emotion. Just the facts. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up.

Step 2.Recount the emotion. Now put the emotions you felt. All of them. Example: We had a meeting at 10am and Jack did not show up. This caused me to feel disrespected.

Step 3.Result of the emotion. What impact did the emotion have on you? Here is a template you can use, just fill in the blank for yourself: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This cause me to (negative outcome). Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that no one ever has respected my time.

Step 4.Ruckus. The idea is to argue with yourself that the negative self talk is not in your best interest. The solution is to create a little chaos for yourself.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Now argue with yourself. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors ever have respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me.

Step 5.Refocus. Now you must get yourself out of this dread zone of negative thinking. It is time to have more optimistic self talk.  Template: “Because (of this event) I felt (describe emotion). This caused me to (negative outcome). Argue with yourself. Now create a new and positive reality. Example: Because (Jack was late for the meeting) I felt (disrespected). This caused me to think that none of my supervisors have ever respected my time. Why should Jack being late have anything to do with other people? Jack might be late because he has a lot of priorities. Jack’s being late does not mean that other people are always late for meetings with me. Jack is late because he has many priorities. I should talk with Jack about the priorities he has and where I fit into them.

I get the sense that it would have been really easy for George Washington to let negative self-talk get in his way. Yet it seems as though it is this characterisc of a positive explanatory style, optimism, and the belief that the end goal was worth the fight, that shaped his judgment and decision-making.

How about you? When the chips are down, how do you talk to yourself?

Homework

Here is your assignment:  Think about a time now or in the recent past where things are not going your way. Use the 5-Step process outlined above and see if you can turn your negative thinking into a positive explanatory style. If you have some success with this, I would love to hear about it. Please comment below and let us know how this worked out for you.

Action

Why not click on this link and download my ebook, Optimistic Thinking? It is totally free and there are some other ideas that might resonate with you in addition to the 5 R’s. We promise not to spam you or sell your email….ever.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE DOWNLOAD!

See you on Wednesday with our Leadership Tip of the Week,

Scott

Battle of the Ages: Integrity vs. Pride

Have you ever noticed that most crooks, even after they are caught, will claim they were not criminals? According to David Luban, social psychology can offer an answer. It is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs whenever our conduct clashes with our principles in a way that threatens our self-image as a right, moral person.

Dissonance is the inner tension that is created when opposing forces face each other.

Examples:

• You know that smoking is bad for you while liking to smoke.

• You know that lying is wrong, and yet you feel forced to lie.

• You know speeding is against the law, but you are late for your appointment.

All of these situations and thousands more create these opposing tensions.

Cognitive dissonance, according to Luban, says that wired into all of us is a fundamental drive to reduce this tension.

Most of you reading this are not crooks, you are leaders, but the concept is the same. When you act in a way that is in opposition to your character or leadership principles, a battle ensues. Maybe you have taken credit for the work of another. You didn’t mean to, you know it isn’t right, and yet when the praises came it just felt so good that you didn’t say anything.

Years of research on the topic of Cognitive Dissonance have shown that when our actions collide with our principles, our principles will swing into agreement with our actions. And yet as we sit and watch others, we judge them saying, “How could they act that way? They know better."

As leaders, this is dangerous! We justify our actions by finding ways around what we truly know is right.

I have been reflecting this week on a quote one of the readers of this blog sent to me (Thank you, Lynn) in response to Monday's post:

“Integrity is never being afraid of your own reflection” - Unknown Author

On Monday, I wrote that the great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else’s pride. I believe what Lewis writes is true. Cognitive Dissonance would say that pride is also competitive with our principles, beliefs, and values.

This is why integrity, or living by your principles, is a key to successful leadership.

Realizing that your principles are always in battle against your pride is the first step to solving the conflict between the opposing forces. Writing down your leadership principles can also help. Sharing this with a mentor or accountability partner is another great step in preventing this battle from occurring.

Have a great weekend, Scott

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Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "A Vaccination for Leadership Failure."

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

A Vaccination for Leadership Failure

Who wants to fail as a leader? No one. None of us wakes up in the morning and says, “Let me see how I can totally screw up the thing I am working on today."

And yet…Here is my story.

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel (2)

A number of years ago, I had been a fairly successful sales professional and tapped for a management development program. The company I worked for was growing like crazy. Most people spent less than 2 years in this program before they were tapped for their first management level job. I thought I had arrived! Look at me! Watch me climb! Nothing will stop my career! These were all thoughts I had at the time. I was on top of the world and it felt great.

My wife and I moved from my sales territory in Decatur, Illinois to the corporate headquarters in Indianapolis, Indiana. Our family consisted of my wife and I along with our 2-year-old son Zach, and a precious baby girl due in about 6 weeks. The plan was to be in Indianapolis for less than 2 years before our next move into my first management level job. So, I did what every person with a dream, a wife, and 2 young kids does….

I went out and bought a 2 seat sports car.

I rationalized it by telling myself, "Hey, we already own a minivan. No problem."

Fast forward 5 years later. That's right, my 2-year window for promotion had gone to 5! The company hit a tight spot. No one got promoted for 3 years beyond my 2-year window. And on top of the career slow down, my wife and I had another baby boy! We were now a family of 5, with a minivan and a second car that is a Mazda Rx 7.

Great car, yet totally not practical when my wife took the minivan to go shopping one Saturday and left me with the 3 kids and a couple of friends kids. Scott and 5 kids on a Saturday morning, normally not a problem, until Zach comes out holding his hand over his eye and blood dripping down having just been whacked on the head with a toy by one of the other kids.

Question: How do I get 5 kids and me in the Rx7 and to the hospital to get Zach stitched up?

The Lesson

There is an ancient Proverb that says “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud."

I will admit it. I was full of pride. Proud of my career. Proud of my family. Proud of how I had achieved.

What is the problem with pride? It blocks your vision of reality. As leaders, we puff ourselves up for everyone to see.

What are some things that feed our pride as leaders?

1. People come to you for decision making. 2. People look to you for safety (job security). 3. People look to you as an expert in your field. 4. People feel comfortable knowing you are there. 5. You make people feel they are important. 6. You give people a feeling of optimism. 7. You give people a sense of hope. 8. You are near the top of the food chain. 9. People seek your advice and counsel. 10. Your opinions are sought and considered.

The great writer CS Lewis says that the problem with your pride is that it is in competition with everyone else's pride. Pride at its very root is competitive. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man,” according to Lewis.

More money. Bigger house. Better looking. Smarter. Prettier wife. More loving husband. Successful kids. Faithful servant. Harder worker. Coolest job.

The problem with pride is not the metric, but what we do with it. It is in our nature to compare. It is how we know where we are. The problem with pride is an inability to be content and a desire for control. It is a scarcity mentality that says for me to be up in life you must be down.

This is a lie.

Great leaders find ways for everyone to be up.

What I have learned over the years is that when I begin feeling like this, full of pride, I better watch my next step.

The Vaccination

When things go wrong, we begin to think about treatment. Treatment is about fixing the problem. Vaccination, however, is about prevention.

Treatment in the medical world is meant to help you recover from something that has happened to you. A vaccination is meant to prevent the disease in the first place.

The second part of the Proverb I mentioned above states, “but humility comes before honor."

Being humble. Putting others ahead of your pride. Being modest in your opinion of yourself. Thinking of others as better than yourself is one way to overcome pride.

The question I have been asking myself is, are there any strategies for preventing pride in the first place?

How can you vaccinate yourself against pride that often accompanies Leadership?

Here is a shot in the arm that can help you prevent Leadership Pride. This might sting a little, but here comes the needle...

Seek Wise Counsel.

That didn’t hurt too bad, did it?

Looking back on my story, I really should have sought wise counsel about buying that car. Not only was it impractical, but the assumptions I used to frame my reality regarding my career and my family were askew. They just were not based in reality. Just because the business was in an up cycle didn’t mean it was going to stay that way forever. Some wise counsel at that time could have been just the vaccination the doctor would have prescribed to prevent me from making such a poor decision.

There is another Proverb that says “Without counsel plans are frustrated, but with many counselors plans succeed."

As you are thinking about getting wise counsel in your life, what should you look for? Here are a few things I have found as I have researched the topic:

4 Things to Look for in Wise Counsel:

1. Experience. Why not ask someone who has been down the road what the path looks like? 2. Impulse Control. Look for someone who is not going to be swayed by your emotional rationale. You do not want someone who will agree with you all the time. You want another perspective on what reality looks like. A person who is patient enough to hear you out. 3. Courage. Having an ability to disagree with you is paramount to you being able to learn and grow. 4. Empathy. Someone who can see your perspective even if they do not agree. Empathy differs from sympathy in that the empathic person will ask the hard question when it is in your best interest. The sympathetic person will just agree with you in whatever state you are in.

So often in leader development we screw up and look for a treatment remedy for what has happened. Why not look to prevent these potential failures in leadership by vaccinating yourself against tragedy? Seeking wise counsel may be one good shot in the arm for you as a leader.

Your Homework

Look for a leadership decision you have coming up. Seek out some wise counsel. Lay the topic out for those you are seeking input from, without bias or telling them your preferences. Consider what they say to you before you act.

Call to Action

Please click here to go to my Facebook page and leave a comment about the value you have found in seeking wise counsel in your leadership life. We would love to hear from you.

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Maximize the Gift of Feedback

*Don't forget to take my Blog Reader's Survey for your chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card! This week we have been talking on the Monday blog and the Leadership Tip of the Week about RECEIVING FEEDBACK.

Most of us are pretty good about giving feedback. No worries, just ask me what I think about something you are doing and I will give my opinion. Piece of cake.

But when someone gives me feedback, a completely different set of emotions comes out of me.

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Disequilibrium

Sorry if that heading created some bad memories about high school chemistry! This idea of someone giving us feedback can rock our world. Receiving feedback creates a state of disequilibrium. You become unbalanced, at least temporarily. The process brings about at worst abject fear for some, and at best a mild feeling of discomfort for others.

It is totally natural to be somewhat defensive when you are given feedback. Even those who say they love it have had to work very hard to get past the initial shock of absorbing someone else thoughts on your work product, or even the things that make up who you are as a person.

Inside of this discomfort is where your true growth as a leader resides.

At the gym where my wife and I work out, someone has written the following quote on the wall: “Pain is the recognition that fear is leaving your body.” When we realize we have nothing to fear, feedback can be seen as a positive leadership growth tool.

Growing via Feedback

When you receive feedback, the first step to growth is to notice the discomfort. Once you are aware of the pain you have two choices:

1. Listen to it and accept it. 2. Listen to it and reject it.

In both of the above scenario’s two things occur:

1. You must listen to the feedback. Not just hear it, but really listen to it. One of my favorite reads of 2015 has been Edgar Schein’s “Humble Inquiry." Schein asks his readers to do a better job of listening and really try to connect with what the other person is saying. Drop your defensiveness and listen to them. Suspend your need to be right so that you can hear what the other person is saying to you.

2. After listening to the feedback, realize that whether you accept or reject it you can not go back to the previous state of reality before the feedback was given. Now you know. This is what change theorists call dialectic theory.

Dialectic theory says that two people exchanging thoughts, each with their idea of the best way forward, results in "colliding events, forces, or contradictory values that compete with each other for domination and control.” (Van De Ven & Poole, Academy ol Management Review 1935, Vol. 20, No. 3, 510-540.) This means that when feedback is given, two ideas collide with each other creating a new reality for each person involved. If those involved continue communicating they can move toward a common understanding of each other. If the communication stops after the feedback is given, then each party moves forward making their own claim on what is now reality.

Your Homework 

My desire is that as a leader you get better at receiving feedback. It is how you will grow.

Feedback is a gift. Gifts need not bring fear.

Here is your assignment: Ask someone to give you some feedback around a big project you are working on. Resist the temptation to judge the intention of the person who is giving the feedback. Resist the temptation to defend your actions. Just listen to the message they have for you. The idea here is for you to learn and grow...not be right in your own eye.

If you do this homework, why not leave a comment below? I would love to hear your story. If you don't want to leave the comment below send me an email at Scott@DrScottLivingston.com. I would love to hear what receiving feedback was like for you.

See you on Monday.

Best Hopes,

Scott

P.S. On Monday's blog I have a great tip for you on how you can prevent leadership failure. You won't want to miss it.

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Why I Am Scared to Death Right Now."

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Why I Am Scared to Death Right Now

I had a conversation recently with a leader who has faithfully read this blog since its launch. It went something like this:

Hey Scott, I really enjoy reading what you write. Your perspectives are insightful and practical, things I can use every day as I lead my team. But…

There it was.

What I call "the big eraser."

Whenever I hear the word BUT, I get a picture of my first-grade teacher Mrs. Eskew saying, “Scott, would you please erase the blackboard before we go to lunch?” (Ok, now some of you are laughing because I am old enough to have had blackboards and chalk in my formative years.)

I never liked that job. It always felt to me like all the good work we did that morning was being wiped away with a single stroke.

When we hear the word BUT at the end of a string of compliments, our minds suddenly forget all the good things the person said and we prepare ourselves for the attack.

That is what it feels like too. An attack! All the compliments we received when the person started are going to be wiped away with one fell stroke of the feedback we are about to get.

The But

The person giving me feedback continued, “...BUT I tried to download one of the tools you offered and it did not work for me."

I don’t know about you, but when I get feedback like this I experience a full range of emotion:

• Frustrated that the person had a bad experience on my site.

• Embarrassed that I had showed a weakness in my system.

• Curious as to what I could have done better.

• Appreciative that the person cares enough to tell me what is not working for them.

The person who gave the feedback was not trying to hurt me. In fact, they were trying to be helpful. I really appreciated it. In fact, I tell all my clients to give me feedback because that is the only way we improve.

However, even when we ask for feedback we brace ourselves a little because the unknown can at times be a place that causes fear.

The Ask

So here is why I am scared to death right now:

As I reflected on the story above, I realized that I really wanted to get feedback from all my readers about what they are thinking. The only way I am going to be able to deliver what you all want is to ask you. It would be silly for me to continue to guess at what you want and risk not adding value to your day. So, I am asking for your feedback.

I have been doing this blog for about 6-months now, and I really need to hear from you on what your leadership needs are.

Click here to take a short 10 question survey, that will take less than 2 minutes for you to complete.

For those of you who would like a little extrinsic motivation (see last week's blog for more details on this topic), we will randomly select the name of one survey participant to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. If you want your answers to be anonymous you are free to submit the survey without including your name, but you will be ineligible to win the $50 Amazon gift card.

The Solution

On Wednesday's Leadership Tip of the Week, I will be sharing with you a practical 4-step process for overcoming emotional moments, like when someone gives you feedback and uses the word “but." This process will help you prevent your emotions from getting the best of you, enabling you to get your thinking mind back in order to receive the feedback. This model is useful and practical any time you feel your emotions starting to take over your thinking.

You won’t want to miss it, so be sure you watch the video.

The Appreciation

I just want to take a moment and say thank you. You all are the reason I do this blog. My desire is to help you and those in your organization to become better leaders. So, what are you waiting for? Why not forward the site to a friend who you think might get some value out of the work we are all doing together?

I truly believe that organizations rise and fall on leadership. My team and I would like to say how much we appreciate you spending your time with us each week. We really do value your feedback, so thank you in advance for helping us develop leaders.

Please click here to take 2 minutes and help us understand what you want in leader development by completing the short 10 question survey.

See you on Wednesday with the Leadership Tip of the Week,

Scott

Stop Making More Work for Yourself

We are all busy. Have you ever met someone who is not busy? Ask the next person you meet “Hey, how are things going?” My guess is you will get some derivation of “I am so busy” as a reply.

One of the reasons we are so busy is we have to go back and correct mistakes.

As I reflected on the Monday morning blog I realized that if we just thought a little more about what the other person needs in a coaching relationship, perhaps we would not have to work so hard. (If you haven’t seen the blog you can check it out here.). Since coaching is really about learning and self-discovery, why not incorporate adult learning principles into the coaching you do in your organization?

Test Your Coaching

Here is a quick test for you to see if your coaching is aligned with how adults learn.

Write down the name of a person you coach and answer the following questions:

1. Adults Are Self-Directed How did you encourage the person being coached to describe the path to get to the goal or outcome?

2. Adults Are Goal-Oriented How did you allow the person being coached to set the goal for themselves?

3. Adults Use Life Experiences in Learning How did you use past experiences to take the person you were coaching to higher levels of performance?

4. Adults Need Learning to Be Relevant to Real-Life Issues How did you avoid personal preference and link the coaching to a relevant issue for the person being coached?

5. Adult Learning Must Be Practical to Their Life How were you able to move from the theoretical (what needs to be done) to the prudent (how they are going to do it)?

6. Adult Learning Is Intrinsically Motivated How were you able to motivate the person being coached by improving their self-esteem or quality of life?

7. Adults Must Feel Safe If They Are to Learn and Grow How were you able to create a safe learning environment for the coaching to take place?

Now that you have evaluated yourself on linking your coaching to solid adult learning principles, why not invest in others and share your learning? Please leave a comment below on how you were able to do this, or maybe something you learned as you evaluated your own coaching. One of my goals is to create a leadership community where we all can learn and share together.

See you Monday, Scott

PS. You will want to be sure and see next week's Monday blog. One of the things in my personal development that I am working on is being more transparent as a leader. So, I am going to share with you why I am scared to death right now. You won’t want to miss it. In fact, you may want to make sure others in your organization are signed up to get the email notices of the blog because I think the reason I am scared really scares a lot of us.

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Is This Missing From Your Leadership Toolbox?"

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Is This Missing From Your Leadership Toolbox?

Be sure to read this entire article today and download the free bonus at the end. I think you will find it really valuable in helping you become a better coach for those you lead. Perhaps one of the most important leadership skills in our modern world is that of coaching.

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A Familiar Story with a Coaching Twist

For me, a great illustration of coaching takes place in Charles Perrault's story of Cinderella. Undoubtedly, you are familiar with this classic story in which a young girl from a rich family is deprived of her rightful station in life through some tragic misfortunes. She finds herself in a place where she does not want to be, in a house with her ugly and mean stepsisters.

Destined for a role in domestic servitude, Cinderella is forced to keep up with the endless menial chores and carry the responsibilities of others. The poor girl has a brutally difficult time trying to keep up with it all, not to mention endeavoring to meet the priorities of far too many bosses.

Cinderella's goal, however, is to attend the royal ball in the palace where her Prince Charming resides. It is there where she will find happiness, fulfillment, and contentment.

But, alas, how is Cinderella to get from the state in which she presently finds herself to that place where she wants to be? She just doesn't seem able to get there alone.

Cinderella as a Metaphor for Coaching

In this metaphor, Cinderella represents many of the people who benefit from coaching. People, not unlike our young hero, often feel stuck or trapped in places they don't wish to be. Many such people may even find themselves involved with others who don't treat them with dignity or respect. Yet, like Cinderella, they have no idea how to get to the proverbial ball and reach their goal.

The royal ball in this metaphor represents a goal, the desire to achieve. For so many of us the goal seems far off, even unachievable. How rewarding it would be to achieve such a high goal, yet the odds seem insurmountable.

Unlike what so often happens in our life, our illustration of the popular children's story finds Cinderella meeting her goal of attending the ball. There, her dreams are ultimately fulfilled.

The key question in all of this is: How does Cinderella get to the ball?

How Does Cinderella Get to the Ball?

Via a coach, of course!

Indeed, it is the coach that is Cinderella's transport.  Her coach becomes her catalyst for change. The coach knows where she is at in her current state and is able to transport her to where she wants to be. The coach's role is to help the coachee understand where he or she is by invoking the skills and knowledge that the coachee already possesses in order to solve his or her own problems. This results in the coachee transporting himself or herself to the place that represents the achieved goal.

This metaphor for coaching is exactly what an effective coach should do. Coaches actively assist others who are seeking change, clarity, new skills, or new behaviors. Coaches work to understand the person's current conditions and then help transport them to those places where they feel more alive and fulfilled.

Note the Role of The Coach

The role of the coach is a helping relationship to assist the person in achieving the goals they desire. One of the first jobs of the coach is to ensure that the goals of the individual being coached are aligned with the goals of the organization. Without proper goal alignment the person, the coach, and the organization may all be headed in opposite directions.

This role of a coach is one that is collaborative and impartial, having the coachee's best interest in mind. The  heart of this relationship is centered on positive goal attainment and mutually agreed upon solutions. Coaching should rarely be authoritarian or autocratic in nature. Effective coaches avoid merely pointing out deficiencies and identifying problems for the person to figure out on their own.

If  you want to ensure that your coaching sticks with your followers it is imparitive that you use good adult learning principles. Being an effective leader in organizations mandates that you follow proven structures as to how adults learn best.

7 Adult Learning Principles for Effective Coaching**

1. Adults Are Self-Directed Learners This means that the person we are coaching takes the initiative and the responsibility for what occurs. This is a huge shift of the burden of responsibility for what is being learned from the coach to thecoachee. In organizations where there is a reporting structure, the coach may be accountable for the overall success of the person or the team, but they are not directly responsible for the actions of the individual being coached.

2. Adults Are Goal-Oriented For adults, this means having a clear vision of the target, as well as an understanding of the need, before they learn. Goal orientation is really about motivation and examines the reasons why people might do things. In your coaching it is really important for your followers to understand not only the goal you are trying to hit but why this goal is important, and how it is attached to a bigger picture or vision for your organization.

3. Adults Use Life Experiences in Learning Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” Those adult followers in our organizations have come with so many experiences that can be used in helping them get to higher levels of performance. The very best teachers use common experiences to help us gain new insights and understanding. I remember going to my first strategic management course and being introduced to the concept of the “dashboard” as a metric for overall performance. For example the “dashboard” in my car tells me how fast I am going, how much gas is in the tank, and the charge on my battery. A “dashboard” can be created to measure the overall performance of the organization. Using life experience, things the follower has already accomplished, can be a great coaching tool for future learning.

4. Adults Need Learning to Be Relevant to Real-Life Issues As it relates to coaching this one seems rather obvious. As you coach for skill improvement or behavior change, helping the person you are coaching see beyond the immediate issue toward a bigger picture is key.

I can remember being very young in my career as a market analyst and presenting a sales force forecast for how many sales professionals we would need for a new product being launched. In the presentation, I referred to the professionals as “salesmen." My manager at the time coached me on how biased and insensitive I was in calling the professionals “salesmen." “That is what everyone in the company calls them," was my reply. “Yes," my manager said, "but I expect more than this from you. You are better than that." She was able to coach me on a real-life issue and attach the situation to something much bigger for me. I am eternally grateful to her for the impact her coaching has had on my career.

5. Adult Learning Must Be Practical to Their Life Coach to the standard, not your personal preferences. We all know supervisors who have certain idiosyncrasies. The caution here is to not coach people to be like you, but to the standard for the skill or behavior that is desired. If you are coaching to a way that you like to have things that are just your personal preference, you are stripping the individuality from the person. How you do something may go against their belief system or personal motivation.

Perhaps one of the best examples I see in organizations is response time to email or text messages. If there is a corporate culture that is a standard for response time then coaching to this standard is valuable. If you have a personal preference that is not standard for all people then why coach it? You might share your preference, but it is not fair or just to hold the other person accountable without making it a universal standard.

6. Adult Learning Is Intrinsically Motivated Ok, so this one is going to cause some controversy with some of you. Some of you feel that the only motivators that matter are extrinsic, things like money, salary increases or bonuses, new cars or computers, or even qualifications or job titles. However, the literature on how adults learn clearly shows that adults are much more motivated by intrinsic things such as increases in self-esteem and quality of life.

My research into the millennial generation shows this has much more relevance than with previous generations. It is not that this group doesn’t what to work hard, they do. But they have learned some of the errors of previous generations and want to work hard on their terms, and when they want to work. Quality of life matters to this group.As you are coaching be very cognizant of how you are maintaining the self-esteem, self-worth, and quality of life for your coachee. Screaming and yelling at someone on a football field might work, but it doesn’t bode well for leaders who are coaching in more traditional organizations.

7. Adults Must Feel Safe If They Are to Learn and Grow That brings us to the final consideration for your coaching skills and that is psychological safety. At any time if we as humans feel threatened, our “fight or flight” mechanism kicks in. This causes us to lose our ability to think clearly as we assess whether the danger we are facing is real or not.

I have seen this a lot when employees are being disciplined. The person has exhibited a behavior that is wrong or not up to a standard. The coach sits them down, and may even bring in Human Resources support as a third party to ensure the person hears the feedback. Then, in a directive manner, the coach tells the person what they did wrong and how they need to improve. The thought goes that the third party is there to ensure the message was said and heard. While you can validate that the message is said, this is not a good way to ensure that it was heard. If the person feels threatened there is a good chance that the message was not received as intended. A non-threatening, safe environment is needed for any good coaching to stick.

Applying good adult learning principles can take your coaching skills from good to great.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts!

Bonus…Bonus…Bonus

If you are looking to incorporate good Adult Learning Principles to get the most out of your coaching, then download this free tool. As an ADDED BONUS this checklist has a couple of questions you can ask that are representative of good adult learning principles.

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5 Clues to Top Talent

On the Monday morning blog this week we talked about places in organizations where coaching can be of value, one of which was coaching top talent. On the Wednesday Leadership Tip of the Week we discussed the value of coaching top talent and gave some practical suggestions for you to engage top talent in your organization.

Then came a couple of emails: ”So Scott, How do I recognize top talent in my organization?” and “I have a high performing team, so it is hard to know if there is a top talent or two."

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Good questions. Are there clues to discerning top talent? I did some reflecting on my own and dug into to some of the literature and here is what I found:

5 Clues You Are Working With Top Talent

1. Yearning- According to the Gallup Organization, top talent is drawn to the work. There is a deep desire that the work being done really matters. This was evident as I read Walter Isaacson's biography on Steve Jobs. Steve had a yearning for excellence in the experience his customers would get when they used his devices.

2. Passion - Top talent has a powerful and compelling love for the work. There is just a sense of enthusiasm that these folks have for what they do. There is even a sense that if you did not pay them, they would find a way to do the same thing.  I think we all know a teacher or a nurse who could be successful in much more lucrative careers, but they choose to educate or care for others because of a passion for the work.

3. Love for Tasks and Relationships - Leadership is a constant balance between the task and the relationship. Top talent has a love for both the process and the people. They are comfortable both in the strategic and the personal realm. There is a high level of respect for both what needs done and those with whom they work to get it done. We all know people who are really good at one or the other, but it is those who balance both at high levels who we recognize as top talent.

4. Life Long Learners - People who are top talent always seem to be learning something new. They are consistently looking for a new or a better way to achieve results. Top talent seems to be trying new things all the time. They figure out what is not working as fast as they can so they can get to the best results. They seem to have a thirst and a desire for knowledge.

5. Resilient - For top talent the question is not if they will have a setback, because they understand we all do. The question is always “How will you respond” when things do not go your way? Martin Seligman, in his book Learned Optimism, brings forth the idea that Optimistic People have a positive explanatory style. They take responsibility for what they own and they do not blame themselves for what they are not responsible for. One of my favorite stories of resiliency is from the bible. Joseph was a young boy whose brothers were jealous of him. Eventually he is sold into slavery, only to become the second in command over all of Egypt. A drought comes and the brothers who sold him into slavery come to Egypt in search of food. They have a meeting with Joseph, who could have had them killed, but instead tells them, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good." Joseph was able to be resilient in overcoming his circumstances. Top talent is resilient in the face of setbacks. They have the ability to push through difficult circumstances and see the big picture.

So, how do you measure up to this list? Do you have things to work on in your own leadership? Some tough reflection here as you introspect for yourself, and I hope you can examine your leadership to help get you to a top talent level.

How does the talent measure up on your team? Are you working with top talent? If not, what could you do to develop those with potential?

[reminder]I would love to know your thoughts on top talent. What do you see as clues that you are working with top talent that may differ from my list here? Leave a comment below. [/reminder]

Leadership Tip of the Week

As I was reflecting on the Monday blog, "7 Leadership Pitfalls Coaching Can Help You Overcome," my original thought was around reasons organizations might hire an external coach. Then it hit me that many of you may want to know how to coach these 7 pitfalls in your own organizations.

Click below to watch a short video with some thoughts on how you can coach top talent.

If you enjoy these types of videos please let us know in the comments below, we would love to hear from you.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

7 Familiar Leadership Pitfalls That Coaching Can Help You Overcome

Many of the clients I am privileged to work with are in one of three places when it comes to leader development.

• Some are just now entering the yearly planning stage of what development will look like for the rest of 2015 and the first half of 2016.

• Others have been in the cycle for two quarters and are in the midst of assessing progress.

• Still others have no formal development plan, nor any accountability for development.

No matter which of these situations you find yourself in, assessing the trajectory of the needed development is a valid metric.

Your process for assessing development is vital.

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Accountability is important for any type of development plan.  If you do not have an anchor to hold you steady you are likely to be in a constant state of sway with your development. Here are seven reasons why organizations (or individuals) invest in coaching for the development of leaders. Which ones resonate most with you?

Why Organizations Invest In Coaching for Leader Development

1. Top Talent: Coaching is often thought of as a “fix" for something the leader needs to change in order to be more successful in the organization. However, in medicine we know that a vaccine is a valuable investment to prevent diseases from occurring. The same is true in leader development. Why not identify top talent in your organization and prepare them for the next role instead of waiting for a mistake to occur?

2. Core Leadership Values: According to Pamela McLean, PhD CEO at the Hudson Institute, “Too often we lock ourselves into the passions and values of our young adult years and burn them out during the middle.” I have seen this across the spectrum of my work in organizations. Examples range from pastors in churches who start their ministry with a zeal for the Lord and become conflicted when achievement or proving oneself becomes more prominent. This is true for engineers as well who are enamored by the science they love and the creativity it brings, only to have a clamoring for personal power and self-regard as they mature. A coach can be a valuable asset in assisting organizational leaders in sorting out and assimilating core leadership values.

3. Individual Contributor to Leader: This is not an easy transition for anyone. Organizations who promote from within usually give people small assignments and then measure success. As the person proves they can do small tasks well, more responsibility is added. With continued success, leading a team becomes inevitable. This is a monumental shift in paradigm. Until this transition moment, the person's success has been measured by their own personal achievement. Now their accomplishments will be tracked based upon how they lead and inspire others. Some intentional coaching on what needs to transpire in the first 90 days of leadership (not management) is key to attaining this transformation.

4. Leadership Presence: Sylvia Ann Hewlett, President of the Center For Talent Innovation, says in her book Executive Presence that “no man or woman attains a top job, lands an extraordinary deal, or develops a significant role, without this heady combination of confidence, poise, and authenticity that convinces the rest of us we’re in the presence of someone who is the real deal.” Many of the leaders I work with are experts in the fields of finance, engineering, information technology, ministry, and sales. Their industry success has given them tremendous credibility, but something is missing. Consider the sales leader who is so focused on driving sales that he misses other organizational priorities such as customer satisfaction in times of product outages. The poise to understand broader organizational issues is often an issue of a leader stepping outside of themselves and letting go of winning the battle to fight a better war. A coach can be extremely valuable in getting a leader to look around to see bigger issues and to provide context.

5. Skills: Just because a leader has technical expertise in an area does not mean they have developed a full range of skills to be successful. Consider the person who has been rewarded consistently for having the best idea, who is now told by the organization that they need to show more empathy. Skills such as empathy are not easy to learn in the heat of the organizational battle. Leaders will default to what has made them successful in the past, and take their chances that the lack of skill is not a deficiency that will be career limiting. Coaches can help leaders develop valuable skills in the moment, resulting in changing needed behavior.

6. Follower Relationship: At times it seems like some leaders are not connecting with followers. Many times they have connected well in the past, but something is amiss in the current role. Edgar Schein in his book Humble Inquiry says that “what is missing….is a climate in which lower-level employees feel safe to bring up issues that need to be addressed, information that would reduce the likelihood of accidents, and in healthcare, mistakes that harm patients.” Whether the leader is a micro-manager, leads by positional power, or even by raw intimidation, a coach is one who can expose this in an a zone of safety so that changes can be made to build a more trusting environment.

7. Rapid Change: My good friend and colleague Joe Laipple, Ph.D., wrote a book I highly recommend called Rapid Change: Immediate Action for the Impatient Leader. His research and experience shows that when a need for change is recognized, we want it NOW! Joe says if you want rapid change you need to have brief but very frequent touch points with the agents of change. You can not identify rapid changes that are needed and then cover the topic at a monthly staff meeting. It just won’t work. Many of the clients I work with see the need for rapid change but are overwhelmed with the tyranny of the moment. A coach can provide focus, a constant reminder of the change that is needed, and the personal support and encouragement to make change happen at the necessary pace.

[reminder]Do these seven places fit your model for using a coach? Are there any other places where you see coaching would be valuable in your organization? Why not leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts on using coaching in your organization? [/reminder]

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3 "Iron Clad" Qualities You Want In Someone to Assist In Your Leader Development

One discipline I have worked hard at maintaining since finishing my studies a few years ago has been to read a chapter from the book of Proverbs every morning. I was actually challenged to do this by Dr Ken Boa when, as a graduate student, I was blessed with the opportunity to be his airport chauffeur after he gave a day-long seminar at Indiana Wesleyan University. He was kind enough to personally share his wisdom with me as we drove, even after speaking all day. The reading of Proverbs works well for me as the chapters are relatively short. I can usually work through one in less than 10 minutes. It is easy to know what chapter I am on if I miss a day because there are 31 chapters which line up nicely with the days of each month. In addition to ease, I find these sayings and instruction quite informative and motivating in striving to live a meaningful life.

I often reflect on how few mistakes I would actually make in life if I just implemented the instruction and sayings in the book of Proverbs.

This week on the Monday blog I talked about engaging others as you develop yourself as a leader. One of the Proverbs that has real application for those wanting to continue to develop themselves as leaders is Proverbs 27:17: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

The point of this ancient saying is that you cannot go on this journey in life alone. If you want to improve, it is imperative that you are working with someone on your development who is feeding certain things into your life.

Here are three things you might be looking for in a “piece of iron” who can sharpen you:

1. Wisdom - Are they someone who leads a prudent life? Prudence is shown as someone who has a good track record of decision-making.

2. Discernment - Is this a person who has shown they have an acuteness of judgment? Can they hear through your emotion and help you decide?

3. Impulse Control - Can the person who is developing you delay the gratification of giving you what you want to hear and focus on what you need to hear?

What do you say we build a list together?  Leave a comment below and let us know what quality is most important to you as you pick a coach, mentor, or advisor in your development as a leader.

Have a great weekend,

Scott

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Have you seen this framework for leader development?"

I would love to know what you think about this idea! Please leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Have You Seen This Framework for Leader Development?

SocialMediaUse

We live in an interesting era.  One of the things that the social media phenomena has created is an ability for someone to be anything they desire in their imagination to be. With Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and even LinkedIn, the creator of the profile gets to decide what the observer is able to see about them. A lot of people I talk to are very intentional about what they put on the profiles they create.  My family was together over the holiday and more than one time someone would be looking at their mobile device and remark, "I would never put that on Facebook."

What Do You Want Others to See?

Since I am writing on leadership, this phenomena of what people allow others to view about them, and what they do not allow others to see, makes me curious about how it might apply to leader development. For some of you, to admit you need to develop something brings you face to face with the reality that if you do not make a change you will be stuck where you are for a long time.

Another interesting impact on our development as leaders is the culture in which were are associated. This may be a formal organization where we are employed or a less formal network of acquaintances. No matter the structure, the culture of the organization will have an impact on leadership and its development.

Perspectives on Leader Development

I had an old friend call me just this morning and tell me about the organization she works in. The company really values leadership and sees it as a competitive advantage in the marketplace. However, the current culture dictates that personal development is the individual's responsibility. Much like the organization expects you to dress business casual when you come to work, but it isn't their job to take you shopping. This is an interesting take on development. You may work in an organization that takes a more proactive approach and provides classes to attend, or gives you a budget to spend on yourself for your own development. You may even work in an organization that doesn't care at all about your development, they just want the job done.

No matter what type of organization you work with, planning your own development as a leader is paramount to your improvement. We can not simply hope that we will improve or leave our development to chance.

Development is about:

• Growth as a person

• Finding a new skill

• Advancing yourself

• Creating something new and exciting

• Breaking out of the routine so that you become the person YOU desire to be

A Personal Example of Development

I recently started running half-marathons. 13.1 miles is a long way to run if you do not train and practice. My development process went something like this:

• Purchased a book on how to train for a 13.1-mile race

• Followed the week by week exercise plan

• Became very conscious of nutrition and water intake

• Focused both on strength training and cardiovascular improvement

• Kept the goal of finishing the race in mind as I trained

I can tell you for sure that if I had not trained and prepared for the 13.1 miles I would not have been able to finish the race.

So why is your development as a leader any different?

Some of you want to improve your position or your skills, yet you just are hoping that it will happen. Hope is a poor outcome predictor. Instead of hoping something will happen for us, lets practice and prepare for the day!

Be Intentional

Being intentional with your development allows you to go to other leaders, and even followers of yours, asking them to partner with you in the creation of the more advanced you. This may be scary, but so is skydiving, or running your first half-marathon, or going out on your first date. Scary in an exhilarating sort of way. It demonstrates a healthy and respectful fear.

Sharing an aspect of your leader development plan allows three important things to occur:

1. You are declaring that leading is important to you.

2. You are showing humility.

3. You are saying to others that stagnation is NOT OK with you.

Try This On For Size

Here is an example for how to engage others in your development:

While waiting for a meeting to start you are having a conversation with a peer of yours. You say, "Hey, I am trying to speak less in meetings, but when I do speak, I am going to try to be more impactful. My goal is to draw others to my ideas, rather than beat them into submission with my words. Could you observe me over the next few months and give me some feedback on how I am doing?"

Getting started with what you need to develop as a leader becomes a primary focus. The idea is to think about what you know about yourself, then what others might know about you.

Let me share a framework for you to think about, along with a couple of tools you can utilize to begin gathering data.

A Framework for Processing Your Development

One of the classic frames for thinking about your development is called the Johari Window. It is based upon what you observe in yourself and what others observe about you.

1. What I know about me and what others observe in me.

2. What I know about me and what others DO NOT observe in me.

3. What I do not know about me and what others observe in me.

4. What I do not know about me and what others do not know about me.

This framework can give you a place to reflect about your leadership.

Here is a picture of a tool I use in coaching others when we get feedback like this. I find it very instructional to think about the emotion that is being experienced when you are processing leadership feedback.

JohariBlocks

If you are collecting feedback I want to encourage you to pay attention to the accompanying emotion. Are you feeling sad or encouraged? Are you motivated or discouraged?

No matter the emotion you are feeling, focus on what is being said and how you can use it to improve your leadership.

I hope you find this framework for leader development interesting. I look forward to having some stimulating dialog with you around the topic of intentionally developing yourself as a leader.

As always, if you want help processing questions on your development as a leader, an introductory session with me is always complimentary.

Scott

Are You Using the Power of Metaphor to Stimulate Metacognition?

I really learn a lot from metaphors and enjoy searching for meaning from other things observable in my life. One of my favorite metaphors for thinking about the context of leadership is the roller coaster.

roller coaster

In the Monday blog post this week my good friend, Dr. Randy Spence, wrote these words:

All of us fail.

We fail in life. We fail in our relationships. We fail in the leadership of our organizations and ourselves.

The question is, do we learn from our failures?

Do we attempt to use failure as a mechanism for growth? Or do we allow failure to defeat us, squashing our ambition and our efforts?

If you have not read the post, Randy did a great job teasing out these questions. You can click here to check it out.

Powerful Questions

Randy asks some powerful questions for those of us who are experiencing the bottom of the coaster ride.

Here is where Randy’s question took me in my own leadership:

Is it safer if I stay in the trench of the coaster or do I climb back to the top? 

How quickly can I get over the self-pity of the trench and find the learning?

Do we enjoy the entire leadership ride or only when we are at the top?

What is the first step I need to take to be able to grow when I experience failure?

As you examine these questions, what 3 or 4 thoughts do they cause you to ponder?

What Does "Metacognition" Even Mean?

Simply, metacognition is thinking about thinking. In the example above, Randy’s powerful questions caused me to think about questions of my own. Hopefully, my questions spurred questions for you.

The great thing about questions is that they stimulate our thinking and creativity. Questions can really help you see the abundance that is all around you.

The power in the metacognitive question is in the journey of growth. There is no power in wallowing in self-pity and doubt. When we get to the questions about what we are to learn from our failing we can start the journey to abundance, back to the top of the coaster ride.

Have a great 4th of July holiday and be curious my friends.

Scott

Leadership Tip of the Week

Click play below to watch a short video with some additional thoughts from this week’s blog, "Failing or Succeeding With Titanic Leadership."

I would love to know what you think about this idea. Leave a comment below.

If you know someone who might benefit from these tips, please send them the link to the blog and encourage them to subscribe!

Failing or Succeeding With Titanic Leadership

A few weeks ago I wrote an article and a leadership tip of the week on the topic of "Failing is Not Failure." Many of you sent me comments and emails on how this thought stimulated your thinking. I thought it would be good to get more perspective on this idea, so I asked my good friend Dr. Randall Spence to provide some of his thoughts on the topic.

If you enjoy reading about leadership with a spiritual emphasis you will enjoy reading his blog at www.RandallSpence.com, or connecting with him on Twitter.

Randy, take it away.....

All of us fail.

We fail in life. We fail in our relationships. We fail in the leadership of our organizations and ourselves.

The question is, do we learn from our failures? Do we attempt to use failure as a mechanism for growth? Or do we allow failure to defeat us, squashing our ambition and our efforts?

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The Impact of Failure

The impact of failure on us often prevents us from seeing that right there within the failure, often hidden in plain sight, is the next opportunity.

Let me illustrate with a story about the Titanic.

In an article in the Harvard Review, Tony McCaffrey talks about the Titanic and that fateful night when she collided with the iceberg in the North Atlantic. What the ship's crew did not calculate in that nightmarish moment was that the very thing that sank the ship could also have saved the passengers, virtually everyone.

Let me explain.

According to McCaffrey, the newspapers of that time estimated the size of the iceberg to be between 50 to 100 feet high and 200 to 400 feet long. The Titanic was navigable for a while after the collision, so the crew could have pulled alongside the iceberg where many, if not all, could have climbed on to find flat places to stay out of the water for the four hours it took before help arrived.

Instead, the crew was fixated on the fact that icebergs sink ships and thus failed to see the sheer size and shape of the iceberg, or to reckon with the fact that it would not sink. In other words, the crew failed to see how the very thing that represented failure could also provide for their safety.

The iceberg could have served as their lifeboat. The iceberg that was to kill so many could also have saved virtually everyone.

Functional Fixedness

There is a term for our inability to see opportunity in the midst of failure. The term is functional fixedness and was first articulated in the 1930s by Karl Duncker. It means that we tend to fixate on the common use of an object and thus fail to see other possible uses.

If you grew up like me watching MacGyver, you know that he did not suffer from functional fixedness. If you recall, he was forever getting into bad situations but always managed to escape by using things most of us would never dream of to get himself free or to solve the dilemma. He might take some baling wire, his pocketknife, a few rags, and rubbing alcohol to make an explosive or something else rather outlandish. MacGyver could do this not only because he was a science wiz, but also because he could see beyond the obvious uses of baling wire, a pocketknife, rags, and rubbing alcohol.

Path to Success

I would broaden this definition of functional fixedness a bit to say that in times of personal or business failure we often fixate on the cause of the failure and fail to see that within that failure, sometimes hidden in plain sight, is the next opportunity. It may take some creativity and mental exploration to find it, but it may be right in front of us staring us in the face.

Where does it feel like you are failing in life or in your business today? Look over your answer from every angle.

Do you see a way to use the problem you are facing as a potential way to rescue yourself?

Think about it a bit. You might need a friend, mentor, or coach to help you navigate these waters.

We would love to hear any examples you might provide for this. You can leave a comment below or email us at Scott@DrScottLivingston.com.

3 things you can do TODAY to create die-hard followers!

In Monday's blog, I talked about some ways for leaders to assess their followers. Followers and leaders are joined across a spectrum of relational commitments. The pinnacle of this relational commitment is called “Die-hards" by Barbara Kellerman in her book Followership: How Followers are Creating Change and Changing Leaders.

Die-hard followers are seen as passionate when it comes to ideas and people. They are dedicated to things they assign high value.

It is important to understand that it is the follower who decides what they attribute high value to, not the leader. You as the leader can think that a follower should assign high value to something, however, this does not mean that they will assign high value. It is nearly impossible to create die-hard followers without an understanding of what they value.

Here are 3 things you can do TODAY to start creating die-hard followers:

1. Be clear about your own values. It is important that you are clear with yourself about what is important to you. Not everything can be important. Our human minds are finite and can only latch onto a few concepts at a time. This first step is meant to focus you on what is really important.

2. Meet one-on-one with followers and assess their values. This is not a meeting to try to convince them that they should value what you value. Rather, this is a meeting that is full of curiosity on your part. Ask them open ended questions like, “What is the most important thing to you in your role?"

3. Align their values with the vision you have for the organization. It is when you can align their values with the mission of the organization that real commitment begins to form.

Here is a free bonus for you as you think about creating die-hard followers:

Let go of the stupid, trivial stuff that is impeding your followers and preventing them from becoming die-hard followers. What are you hanging onto as a leader that is causing your followers to give you less than a 100% commitment? What silly bias could you let go of to bring you logarithmic improvement in the commitment level of your followers?

If I can be of any help to you as you sort this out, please do not hesitate to contact me. There is never any cost for our first phone conversation.

Have a great weekend!