Build A Culture You Can Be Proud Of

"Oh, the comfort…the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure word, but pouring them all right out, just as they are…chaff and grain together…certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away." - George Elliott

As leaders and those who support, mentor, and coach leaders, I wondered how well we are living up to the poetic words of George Elliott? I know Elliott was talking about friendship in his poem, but I do think there is great application for those of us involved in leadership as well. Here are my thoughts on how we could apply Elliott’s poetry to our leadership lives:

Feeling of Safety.

Basic neuroscience tells us that if people feel threatened they will shut down and protect themselves. This means if they feel attacked, put down, let down, shut out, disrespected, or judged, the chances that they will be able to perform or even listen to what we are saying are slim to none. If you want your followers to trust you with the issues of their heart (and those that matter to your business), then a culture that creates a feeling of safety is essential. If you create a culture where people can only bring you what you want to hear, this is NOT a place of safety. This means people only feel safe telling you what you want to hear, which can be a huge problem both in friendship and in leadership. If you want the trust of your followers, creating a feeling of safety is critical.

Authentic Leadership.

In my training and coaching work, this is a leadership theory I hear espoused almost as much as Servant Leadership. Leaders will say, “I just want to be myself. I don’t want to have to pretend and be somebody I am not. I want to live out my morals and my ethics as I lead.” I think this is what Elliott is saying about friendship. A friend is someone who shows up “just as they are." No pretense. No judgment. Just the ability to be with the other person to listen and support. This means that followers can tell you what they think, and you as a leader will listen without punishing or penalizing them.

Chaff and Grain

The grain is the good stuff inside a stalk of wheat. The chaff is the outer covering and is not useful for nutrition. This metaphor is that of good and bad, useful and not useful. The leader, coach, or mentor is able to take in the good and the bad together. The follower has developed enough trust in the leader that they can share both the good and the bad, knowing that the leader will take them, sift them, and let the stuff that doesn’t help just blow away, while savoring the good stuff.

How are you doing in your leadership, mentoring, or coaching in creating a safe, authentic environment where the good and the bad can be shared?  What are you leaving on the table by not creating this type of culture?

Homework: Have a discussion with a trusted advisor about ways you may be inhibiting trust in your organization. Check your pride. How might you be creating barriers to performance of your followers because they do not feel safe?

Are You Happy With Your Level of Well-Being?

One time, a client said to me, "Scott, I realize I need to take care of myself. When I do that,  I am at my best. I have decided to do yoga when I get up in the morning and exercise at noon. I am going to be conscious of my diet and make good choices about what goes into my body."

When I probed for the reason, he continued.

"Recently, there has been a lot of negativity in my life and I am just not going to allow it to get me down any longer. I am choosing to be the leader I want to be and not be some weak victim of circumstance."

His decision prompts me to ask this question to you; how are you, as a leader, focusing on your Emotional Well-being?

There’s a great story of 2 of 180 nuns who are the subjects of a noteworthy study on longevity and happiness. If you want all the details, you really need to get the book  Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, but here is the bottom line:

• 90% of the most cheerful 25% of the nuns were alive at age 85 vs. only 34% of the least cheerful 25%.

• 54% of the most cheerful quarter was alive at age 94, as opposed to only 11% of the least cheerful.

Studies of longevity are very complex from a pure science standpoint. Causality is extremely difficult to make a case. However, one of the reasons this study is so impactful is that nuns lead very similar lives. They eat basic food, they don’t smoke or drink alcohol, and have similar routines. Of course, there differences such as intellect, depths of spirituality and outlook on the future that could account for the varied results in the nuns.

However, none of these aspects made any difference in the research. In his book, Seligman points out that the largest contributor to their longevity was the amount of positive feelings.

According to the National Wellness Institute, wellness is "an active process through which people become aware of, and make choices toward, a more successful existence."

Four things to notice about wellness:

• It is an active process. It is something you devote energy to making happen. It is intentional on your part as a leader.

• It starts with self-awareness. Are you aware of the moment when health choices present themselves?

• Wellness is a choice. You decide to be well in the moment or say “screw it” and become a victim of your circumstance.

• There is an end game. A successful existence. This is your life. You only get one. Why not make it the very best that it can be?

Happiness and Emotional Intelligence

One of the attributes we measure in the Emotional Intelligence training is Happiness or Well-being. In our model there are four factors that comprise Well-being:

1. Self-Regard: Believing in yourself and living according to your values.

2. Self-Actualization: A willingness to learn and grow in accordance with your beliefs.

3. Interpersonal Relationships: Engaging in mutually satisfying relationships.

4. Optimism: The ability to respond, recover, and claim a happy state from disappointments and setbacks in life

Two Considerations for Evaluating Your Own Level of Well-Being

The first is attempting to display as much of these four attributes as you can. Believe in yourself and live according to your values. Learn and grow in areas that really matter to you. Have friends that reciprocate. Realize things in life are not always going to go your way. What counts is how you respond when setbacks happen.

The second is to have a balance between these attributes. For example, you want to make sure that your self-regard is balanced with your interpersonal relationships. If you have a high level of self-regard and low levels of interpersonal relationships, you could come across as prideful. If you have low levels of self-regard and high interpersonal relationships, then you could come across as needy and not fun to be around. It’s all about balance.

As you think about the successful life you want to live as a leader, are you choosing to maximize and balance these 4 attributes of emotional health? What changes would you need to make to live a long and successful life?

How not to RIDE the Negative Train

Duke Ellington once said, “A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” I just love this perspective. I wonder how many of us really see it this way?  I wonder how many of us as leaders, when people on our teams bring us situations that feel like a problem, see it as an opportunity to do our best?

Reflect with me for a moment. Stop, take a sip of your coffee, and think back over your last week. What is a situation or a problem that someone on your team brought you? Do you feel as a leader that your perspective was a chance for you to do your best? Do you feel you took the opportunity to help the person bringing you the problem to do their best?

Perspective

One of the more interesting things about being an executive coach is that I get an opportunity to have a lot of interactions with a lot of different leaders. Over the past 2 weeks I logged over 42 hours of Zoom meetings...and I was off on Monday last week! For me, and I am sure you as well, this has been a pretty typical pace since the first of the year and maybe even for the entire year since the pandemic started officially about 12 months ago. 

So for the past year or so, I have been paying closer attention to not only what people are showing up with but how they show up. In leadership coaching I get the chance to help folks look at their leadership and ensure how they show is how they intend to show up.

Most of us want to make sure our intentions match our impact. It is my experience, however, that not many of us stop and think proactively about what we want our impact to be. Especially when there is a problem and that problem has an emotion attached to it.

Go back to your reflection you did at the beginning of this post. As a leader, when the person on your team brought you the problem, did how you want to show up match how you did show up? Or, were you so caught up in the emotion of the problem you had a hard time even knowing what problem it is we are trying to solve? I see this a lot! I will often ask folks I am working with...Now what problem is it we are solving exactly? Let's keep the main thing, the main thing.

Example

Some of you know that I am an avid golfer. Not a good golfer, but I really enjoy the challenge the game brings to me. So many little things have to be done right to hit a good golf shot, and once in a while I hit a good one even though I don’t do everything right.  Those are the ones that keep me coming back.

So for Valentines Day, my wife gave me a great gift. A golf fitting for new clubs. It was a really great experience for me and I was like a kid in a candy store. I was so excited! This was something I had always wanted to do.  

The day finally came last Friday for me to go to the fitting. I walked in at 3:30 for my appointment and I was met by this really high energy guy named James. He could tell I had one eye on the bay where you get to try out the new clubs. But before he would let me take a swing, he asked me a question, “Why are you here?” My response was not well thought out, nor very accurate it turns out.  

“I have always wanted to do this and I am really excited,” I quipped, just wanting to get into that bay and hit a ball with the newest technology golf club makers have to offer.

“Awesome!” James responded, with so much enthusiasm that it was effervescent coming out of him.

Then he changed his tone, took his enthusiasm down about 3 notches, and said, “I appreciate your excitement, but why are you here? What is it that you are trying to achieve through this experience in your golf game?” 

Dang! I had been so excited about the opportunity, I completely lost focus on the problem I was trying to solve. 

“I want to hit the ball straighter and further,” I said in response. 

“Good,” he said. “I can help you do that, but I don’t think that is why you are here.”

Now I am a bit stunned, perplexed, and feeling a little like I am about to enter a therapy session. 

“I give,” I said…”Why am I here?”

“Exactly,” James came back…”Why are you here?” What skill...he didn’t answer my question for me but was going to make me answer...it is therapy!!

Then, a light went off for me. “I want to be a better golfer….No, wait….I want to lower my golf score. I want to be more competitive on the golf course.”

“Yes!” James yelled. Literally yelled...I mean he screamed it so loud I think people having dinner at Chick Fil A across the street could have heard him.

“Let's work to solve that problem,” James said when he calmed down. And when we got in the simulator and I would hit a ball 30 yards further with a new club, he would say, “Now that shot will lower your score on the course!” 

Being Coached

James either had a natural ability or someone, somewhere had trained him on some excellent coaching techniques. As I reflected on that experience, James was actually pulling from some great psychology as he was preparing me to buy golf clubs. (Hey, James had a goal, too...make no mistake he gets paid to sell golf clubs...and I love the set he sold me!)

RIDE*

Here is a model I use in coaching when problems that have negative emotion are brought to the discussion.  I try to find a way for the person NOT to RIDE the negative train. I use the acronym RIDE as a process. Each element is really an independent tool, so you do not have to use them all or think of them in a stepwise fashion.

The problem I had in my golf fitting example was I had lost perspective on why I was there. Here is what James helped me with, even if he didn’t know the psychology behind it.

Remove the negative thing. This strategy employs taking the thing that is negatively impacting me out of the situation. My excitement was clouding my perspective to see why I was really there.

Insert a positive perspective. This can involve distracting my attention away from the issue causing the negative emotion. He took my emotion that to me felt positive, but actually was negative because it was in my way of seeing the problem and got me to the root of why I was there in the first place.

Distract the attention from the negative thing. Finding something less negative can put the problem in perspective. James had me sit down, then offered me a Powerade as he was asking me about my expectations. He was distracting me away from my excitement so I could focus.

Emotionally pivot. Helping the person change the emotion to match the problem. James brought me down so skillfully off my high, never losing his enthusiasm, but helped me focus so when I got in the bay I was calmer and he could do his job.

Touche, James. Nice work.

How about you as a leader? If you go back to your reflection exercise at the beginning of this post, could you insert one of the elements of the RIDE model so help someone on your team?

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*For all you academics out there, the RIDE model was derived from research done by Little, Gooty, and Williams and published in Leadership Quarterly 2016. The article is titled: The role of leader emotion management in leader–member exchange and follower outcomes.

Don’t Make The Same Mistake I Did

During a recent 360 feedback event, where leaders receive feedback from their supervisor, peers, and direct reports, one of the leaders came up to me afterward. She said, “Scott, my feedback is telling me I need to have better interpersonal relationships, especially with my peers. Can you give me some advice on how I can improve in this area?"

My knee-jerk reaction was to provide advice from my training and experience so I began rattling off my instructions. I gave a step-by-step plan to this young leader what she needed to do to have mutually satisfying relationships. After all, in my training and coaching practice, I have developed a near effortless perspective in this area. As an executive coach with a doctoral dissertation in executive coaching, I assumed I knew what the problem was.

Thankfully, I noticed the blank stare on this young leader’s face. She was completely overwhelmed.

I FELL INTO THE TRAP OF THE LEADERSHIP EXPERT

I stopped mid-sentence, shifted my thinking, and asked, ”When it comes to interpersonal relationships, what doesn’t seem right to you?” The young leader went on for about 3-minutes describing her thoughts and analysis. She explained how she felt spending time on “chit-chat” was not productive in the midst of her busy day. For example, when she had a meeting she skipped pleasantries and got right down to business. She wondered aloud if this was a possible disconnect with her peers.

Asking this woman a simple question allowed her emotional space to verbalize ways she needed to improve her interpersonal relationships. I had forgotten that most young leaders are just beginning their journey. They are still getting used to the language of leadership. They are receiving feedback, many of them for the first time. Where I am in my practice and where they are as young leaders are two entirely different places.

THOSE I LEAD ARE AT DIFFERENT STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT

Scientists claim that it takes at least 10,000 hours of study, experimentation, and practice paired with coaching and advice from individuals in that field before you become an expert in an area.

10,000 hours equals 6 years spent on the subject full-time, 8 hours a day, 200 days per year. Few of us have dedicated this kind of time to a field, so for most of us, it takes 10 to 12 years to develop our expertise.

Have you fallen into the same trap I did? Are you holding young leaders to a high standard of evaluation?

Edgar Schein, in his book Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, gives leaders sage advice when leadership conversations go wrong.

1. Do less telling.

2. Learn to do more asking.

3. Do a better job of listening.

Here are three suggestions to practically implement Schein’s advice:

1. Do less telling by learning to let go of your need to be heard as an expert. What is driving your need to be right or heard? Replace your directive style with an inquiry.

2. Learn to do more asking by making your questions open-ended. “What doesn’t seem right to you” or “Tell me more about what you are saying."

3. Do a better job of listening by practicing empathy. Give them your full, undivided attention while keeping in mind where they are in their development.

Think of a relationship you have struggled with at work. The next time you are in conversation with this person, give up your expert position and ask some open-ended questions instead. Focus on improving the strained relationship. Let go of the outcome of the subject you are working on and focus on the quality of your questions and your listening ability. By making this kind of investment in others, your work may actually become easier.

5 Ways to Measure Your Emotional Intelligence During Change

How do you measure your own emotional intelligence during a change process? This article provides 5 questions you can ask yourself to assess your own emotional intelligence when you are undergoing a change in your life.

I am just finishing up teaching a group of doctoral students in a class on organizational change for Indiana Wesleyan University. In this class one of the assignments is to document a change process they and a friend are going through. The goal is for them to study at a very deep level what a change process feels like and how the process can be measured.

We all know that change, especially for adults, is hard. We also know that if we track our data, and have the right measurement, progress, or a lack thereof, can be motivating. What becomes motivating is the emotional energy you get when you see the change. Your brain loves the fact that you are doing it! Let's be really clear, change is emotional. So, why not be intelligent about it?

What I was particularly intrigued by with the process the students are documenting is the variety of changes that they chose to write about. Some are writing about physical changes to include weight-loss, diet changes, and exercise routines. Others chose topics like Spiritual Formation such as spending more time in Bible reading or in prayer. Some even noticed it was time to change how they spend their money and are making some financial changes.

When the students write this paper, one of the things I look forward to commenting on (remember, feedback is a gift) is their motivation for the change. Sure they have to do this to pass the course, but beyond this I am looking for them to explain what their “why” is for the change. 

Change theorist John Kotter, in his 8 step change process, says the first thing that needs to happen for any change is that a “sense of urgency” has to be established. Your “why” you want to change has to be big enough to overcome where you are now.

I have this really good friend who is a golfing buddy of mine. He desperately needs new golf clubs. I have been talking with him for months now to go get measured for clubs so that when spring comes around he will be ready to play some serious golf! He says, “No, I’m not good enough. When I get better at the game, I will get fitted for new clubs.” Personally, as his friend and golfing buddy, I think new clubs would really help him. It doesn’t matter what I think! If he is not ready, if his sense of urgency is not high enough he will not change. Period. Drop the mic!

Question 1

How confident am I?

According to Dr Steve Stein and Dr Howard Book in The EQ Edge, self-regard is knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and liking yourself, “warts and all”. 

How secure is your inner strength? If you are going to make a change, doing so from a position of strength can have a big impact on the success of your outcome. Where do you need to strengthen your confidence to prepare for the change you need to make?

Question 2

How am I coming across?

“Without influence there is no leadership.” -Dr Ken Boa
“Leadership is defined as change.” -Dr Jim Freemyer

Being self-directed and independent allows you to own the change you want to make. If you are appropriately assertive in a positive way in what you want and it is the right thing for you to do without causing harm to others, then what is holding you back? Where do you need to express how important this change is to you and own it?

Question 3

Who is on my team?

”When we feel a shared sense of vision with others around us, we are in pursuit of common direction, purpose and goals. When we feel a shared sense of compassion, we feel cared for by others.” - Dr Richard Boyatsis

Who do you have on your team that is sharing the vision you have for change? Who is on your team cheering you on?  Where do you turn for support when things get tough? It is almost impossible to get the change you desire on your own. You need community!

Question 4  

What am I doing to manage my impulses?

“Even when people see that the “old right thing” is now wrong, they fail to move if they do not see the new right thing. Even when people finally acknowledge the need for change, and even see the new direction, they often still fail to move.” - Dr J Stewart Black & Dr Hal Gregersen

We all experience dark days when we are in the middle of change. It is so easy to just go back to the old way of doing things. Fighting through this negativism and staying positive and proactive is a lot. Impulse control is the ability to resist or delay an impulsive drive or a temptation to act. How do you stay composed, avoid becoming rash, or even angry when things just are not going the way you planned? 

Question 5

When are the times I need to be resilient?

”Well-being needs to be anchored in strengths and virtues, these in turn must be anchored in something larger.” - Dr Martin Seligman

“A worldview is not just a set of basic concepts but a fundamental orientation of the heart.” - Dr James Sire

Change is hard. Times are going to get tough. It is during these difficult times in any change process you need to be resilient. Where do you get your hope for the future? Often times people will say that you have to “want it bad enough.” I am not so sure it is just pure desire. Being resilient in change goes deeper than desire. It goes to the very core of what you value. Questions like “what is your hope anchored in?” OR “how do you determine what is right and wrong for you? What is good or what is not good for you?” It is in these deeper questions that we often find our true “why” for a change and can be resilient when the going gets tough.

To aid you in your journey to develop your own emotional intelligence I wrote a journaling experience. This journal is jam packed with provocative questions, case study reflections, and interesting quotes to aid you in your own personal growth and development. If you are interested you can find the journal by clicking here.

Want to know more about emotional intelligence? Visit my website at www.drscottlivingston.com.

Want to become certified in an EQi model? Click here.

What if I Don’t Want to Change?

What is it about change that makes it so difficult for people to process?

Is it the overall complexity that change brings? Or is it the level of comfort that existed prior to the precipitating change event?

One aspect that I have been thinking about recently is that our aversion may not be to the change itself but the awareness that the current reality exists in concert with the new reality.

If the answer is yes to both of the above this makes for a confusing environment.

Consider the following story as an example:

As a member of an organization, “Bob” has a job to do that he has been doing for approximately 24 months. He is competent at the craft and has built some good relationships with people on his team and with this customers. As a matter of fact, Bob’s supervisor rated him as exceeding expectations last year which is really quite rare for only being on the job for 2 years.

Then all of a sudden, the organization says it needs to change how it operates. They have to become a more Holistic Organization. This new structure isn’t really going to be structure at all! It is more of a self-managed, self-organizing network of people who are going to get everyone closer to the customer and to each other. Out with bureaucracy, and hierarchy, and consensus.

The consultant who gives the presentation to the company called it a “Teal” Organization. Bob had to research it and learned it was something called Spiral Dynamics which is a new consciousness for business. Teal Organizations are agile, lean, flexible and responsive to the environment. It all sounded great until Bob started to get a little anxious. Like how flexible? So flexible that he won’t be needed? Feelings of real anxiety started to sweep over him.

Teal organizations, since they distribute decision making to the lowest levels of the organization, require a level of trust, emotional intelligence, creativity, and intuition not previously required. There is a great sense of the work that is being done is for the good of, indeed the survival of the organization and that the individual interests of the contributors are taking a back seat.

As Bob contemplates his old paradigm he feels paralyzed between the drive to consensus that used to exist and making decisions for the good of the organization (which by the way, Bob remembers is what consensus was supposed to do).

He wants very much to succeed in this new world order, but not sure exactly how to do that.

Yes that was it. How was he supposed to come to work today and be inclusive with all his business partners and at the same time make decisions on his own?

He feels tremendous uncertainty in what his role is and a lot of ambiguity in how he’s supposed to do his job.

And then, his wife says that maybe they should not have bought their new house.

This did not help calm his thinking.

Personal Example

I know how our protagonist in the above scenario feels. I remember when I first got married, in fact, my wife Kim and I were on our honeymoon. Now, for any person marriage brings on a very significant change. On the morning of my wedding I woke up single, but by 1 pm that afternoon I was married. This was a new reality that I did not fully understand.

I was excited about the change. I anticipated with a positive anxiety the reality that was ahead. And unlike many who experience change in an organization, I was a willing participant who was choosing this destiny.

For our honeymoon, my bride and I set off on a Caribbean cruise. Seven fun-filled days just the two of us. On our first night at sea, we were walking to dinner. I was so excited to eat because the number one thing people told me about cruising was that the food is outstanding. Or, maybe it was the fact we had skipped lunch and I was famished. No matter, when I got to the dining room I turned around and Kim was nowhere to be found. Where could she be? So, I started retracing my steps and when I rounded the corner there she was…just standing…and waiting.

“Whats wrong?” I enquired. “Are you OK?”

“I am fine,” she said. Then she went on and delivered the truth that helped me realize my new reality. “You are married now, and I would really like to walk to dinner with you and not behind you.”

Ouch! What a change lesson that was for me.

My old paradigm of singleness was confronted with my new reality of being married. If I was going to be any good at this being married thing, then I had to understand what this new life was all about.

I am so thankful that I married a very patient woman. She has been at my side now for 34 years teaching me all about what it means to start something new.

The real key if you are experiencing dramatic change in your organization, or you are getting married, is to pay close attention to the relationships between people. For this new reality to be successful we have to replace our negative and anxious feelings with those of more positive outlook.

Being in the middle of change requires us to slow our thinking down and manage the anxieties we are experiencing.

Sure we will stumble at times, but let’s not forget that a step backward is not failure. It is just learning. No one, not even those leading the change in organizations know everything. We all need space to think and to understand what our new way forward looks like.

How Would You Answer This Great Question?

“How can I help my boss get better as a leader?”

This straightforward question was asked by a direct report of one of my clients as we were wrapping up our Leadership 360 interview (a series of open-ended leadership questions that help my clients get a clear picture of how their leadership looks to those around them). 

A First For Me

Now, I have been doing these structured Leadership 360 interviews for almost 20 years,  over 800 of them in total.  No one, not one person, has ever asked me that question.  

It’s nothing against the other 800 folks, I just found it really interesting that this one dear person cared enough about her supervisor that she would want to know how she could be involved in her boss's development.

My Response

All of my coaching sessions are confidential, including the 360 report and development planning.  I wanted to answer her question, but I needed to be tactful as to not disclose what my client was going to work on.

So, I thought to myself, how do I respond in a way that is really helpful for her, without breaking any confidentiality I must maintain with my client?

Here's how I responded...

“I think the best way you can help your boss is by helping him be more self-aware. Now, this is going to require a level of trust on your part, and there could be some risk, so you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk. If you are, then your boss has probably already in some way declared strengths, and things he would like to do better.”

She agreed, so I continued...

“Then help him see when he is doing it. Let's imagine he has told you he is a micromanager and wants to change. Perhaps in the midst of a project, at the appropriate time, you then say to him, 'You know, Jim, it feels to me right now like you are micromanaging me. Is that something you are intending to do?'”

She sat in silence on the phone for a seemingly endless pause.

“I can do that." She finally broke the silence. “Good,” I affirmed her. “Don’t feel like you have to change him, don’t feel like you have to coach him. Just help him see the times where he is doing something he wants to change.”

Helping leaders SEE the change they want to make is perhaps the biggest gift you can give to them.

What About You?

So many of us get caught up in our own development, but I’d like to encourage you to begin looking for ways you could support someone else with their development. Perhaps it’s shifting your focus from helping them solve the problem, to inspiring their awareness of the opportunity right in front of them.

If you feel encouraged and motivated by this post, try asking your leader how you support them in their development. Their response may surprise you and revitalize you in your own self-development journey.

Leader: Spend Time Here as You Grow

"Who are you really, wanderer?” - William Stafford Reading more poetry lately has taught me that poets, gifted with this unique communication style, ask really penetrating questions. Stafford, an Oregon Poet Laureate, sends a penetrating question to us all in this quote: Wanderer, who are you? Really, who are you? This question begs a leader to self-examine, which is work that so many leaders just don’t want to spend the time to do.

Outer Life

So much of leadership development work is focused on the outer life these days, including things like goals to accomplish, skills to develop, or problems to be solved. The objective of this kind of work often seems to be gaining credibility and marketability.

We try to define who we are by what we do.

This includes the goals we have set, the objective measures we strive to meet, the problems we are able to solve. What item do I need to check off my list to give me that feeling of accomplishment and show others what I have done? How can I continue to justify my existence and the work I've been doing?

Now, those of you who read this column on any regular basis know that I am not opposed to outer work: development of skills and talents, the 'doing' part of who we are, the observable economy of leadership, the accomplishment of tasks, the progression of the agenda.

All of this kind of work is very important. I don’t want to minimize that.

I do not argue against improving on one's outer life, but want to point out that to focus only on this part of development is shallow and does not engage the entire person. My point is to challenge the leader to become more intentional about developing their inner life.

My motivation for this post comes from my own research on the subject of wisdom that I did a few years ago. I surveyed 185 executive coaches and asked them to validate 10 different parts of a wisdom model. They were to think about their work as an executive coach and were then asked if they thought the development of things like knowledge, experience, community, and courage were areas they would work to develop wisdom in organizational leaders. For most of the 10 aspects of wisdom we tested, roughly 70% of those surveyed said they did work to develop that attribute...except one.

Spirituality.

Of the executive coaches I surveyed, 70% said that if the situation presented itself, they WOULD NOT work with a leader to develop this component of wisdom.

Stop and think about that for a moment: executive coaches who get paid to develop leaders said that if some topic of spirituality presented itself, they would turn themselves away from helping develop the leader in that area.

Spiritual inner work is so needed by leaders at all levels in organizations.

Why is Wisdom Spiritual?

When our 3 kids were in grade school, every morning as they were going out the door my wife would say to them, "remember who you belong to!"

On the surface, this quote could have many meanings. But for those of you who actually know my wife and have spent any time with her, those words could only have one meaning: "Hey, kids! Do not forget you are children of the King."

And those of you who know my wife also know she was not referencing me in her royal reminder to the kids of their position in life. She was telling the kids as they went out into the world that they are children of God.

In Stafford's poem he writes:

"Who are you really, wanderer?" and the answer you have to give no matter how dark and cold the world around you is: "Maybe I'm a king."

While to my knowledge my wife never met William Stafford, they are in some ways united souls declaring that each of us is indeed royal. We are all kings and queens.

So, wanderer, if you are a king, then you have the inner work of wisdom to do.

Inner Work of Wisdom: Developing the Spirituality of the Leader

I spent about an hour researching what workplace spirituality even means. Turns out there is a quite immense body of literature on the subject.

Generally, spirituality is seen as being comprised of two components. The first is a search for a connection with some transcendent force in the universe, and often that there is a being or force that most religious dogmas call God who calls the human soul back to himself after the death of the physical body.

The second is that humans have a spirit. This spirit of man is involved in finding meaning and purpose in life. This means that as human beings, one of the royal quests we are on is to grow into our full potential.

Considering these very broad thoughts, we then turn to the question of how to develop the spirituality of a leader. Are there important components to spirituality that affect us as leaders? If so, then we need to work on our spiritual inner life to be more effective and authentic at this thing we call leadership. Here are four items I pulled from the literature that may resonate with you on your inner life and spirituality:

Worldview

This constructs a leader's thoughts and feelings. It is what the leader believes in regards to the most important things in life. Worldview recognizes that our speech is one thing, but our actions may be something entirely different, and often more important. For example, a devout Christian may talk about love on a Sunday morning but then act like the devil the other 6 days in the week. This will cause outside observers like Gandhi to make claims like, “I like their Christ, but not their Christian.”

For leaders, a worldview is more than just thoughts or a collection of ideas. A worldview is encapsulated in the vision set forth by the leader, one that has been simmering for years of learning and experience. This vision is not based on the scientific method or model, instead, the worldview of the leader answers questions about spirituality, the world, life paradox’s, human nature, social relationships, relationship to self. It is the very essence and core of who the leader is, and ultimately it is what the leader is constantly trying to reconcile actions with. For most it is so subtle we don’t even recognize it is there, but it is consciously calling our actions to align with it.

Leader-Follower Relationship

While humans live in social communities of about 150 individuals, we have deep and abiding relationships with very few members of our tribe. Doctors Steve Stein and Howard Book, in their book EQ Edge, define interpersonal relationships as those that are mutually satisfying for both parties. If a relationship is going to meet the needs of both individuals, a connection must be established beyond the physical realm. It is easy to recognize that when we connect with the closest relationships in our community there is, what is often described as, a spiritual connection. We have a deeper, almost transcendent connection with some close friends that includes a level of understanding between both parties that we can form with no other creatures on this earth.

Community

Dr. Vern Ludden, in his groundbreaking research on wisdom in organizational leadership, claims that most religions and cultures recognize that wisdom is not developed individually, but in community with others. Dr. Mathew Lieberman, in his book Social, gives physiologic support for the importance of community by comparing the size of the human's brain to the size of other animals' brains. Most animals on earth have a brain just large enough to support the body it is confined with. Not so with humans; they have a brain 10 times larger than needed. Current thought is that this extra capacity, found primarily in the neocortex, is for humans to manage the complexity of the diverse relationships that exist in the communities we are a part of.

Acknowledging Imperfection

Some call this humanity. Who among us doesn’t realize that we all make mistakes? And yet who among us gives that benefit of the doubt to others? I, for one, am quick to want others to say "Don't worry, no one is perfect," when I do wrong, but you best hope you are not the person who cuts me off in traffic or tries to get into the 10-items-or-less checkout line with an extra jar of peanut butter. The spirituality of the leader needs to move beyond humanity and into exploring humility. As a leader, do you actually have the ability to humble yourself? Can you raise the status of others highly enough that they can be seen instead of you? What does it take for you to admit that you might be leading your team in the wrong direction? How easy is it for you to ask and listen instead of command and control?

Homework: Do any of the four elements above strike a nerve with you? Which one would you say you need to spend time reflecting on to grow your own leadership ability?

4 Factors to a Longer and More Successful Leadership Life

One of my clients had a profound impact on my life this week. What I heard him say is:

"Scott I realized that I have to take care of me. I am at my best when I am taking care of myself. I decided that I am going to do yoga when I get up in the morning, and I am going to exercise at noon. I am going to be conscious of my diet and make good choices about what goes into my body."

When I probed for the reason, he continued,

"There has been a lot of negativity in my life recently, and I am just not going to allow it to get me down any longer. I am going to choose the leader I want to be and not be a victim of circumstance."

Absolutely Profound.

According to the National Wellness Institute, wellness is "an active process through which people become aware of, and make choices toward, a more successful existence."

Four things to notice about wellness:

• It is an active process. It is something you devote energy to making happen. It is intentional on your part as a leader.

• It starts with self-awareness. Are you aware of the moment when health choices present themselves?

• Wellness is a choice. You decide to be well in the moment, or you become a victim of your circumstance.

• There is an end game: A successful existence. This is your life, and you only get one. Why not make it the very best that it can be?

The National Wellness Institute describes six different dimensions for us to consider as we examine our own wellbeing:

• Emotional

• Occupational

• Physical

• Social

• Intellectual

• Spiritual

This week I want to focus on your emotional wellbeing as a leader.

The Story

One of my favorite authors is Martin Seligman. As a past president of the American Psychological Association, he has the credibility from a research standpoint that is really meaningful for me. In addition, Martin is a gifted storyteller who can weave a story together and then bring home a point that has real impact and causes me to pause and examine my own life.

One of my favorite stories that Martin tells is in his book Authentic Happiness. He details the stories of two of 180 nuns who are the subjects of an impactful and noteworthy study on longevity and happiness. If you want all the details, you really need to get the book, it is a great read. Here is the bottom line:

• 90% of the most cheerful 25% of the nuns was alive at age 85 vs. only 34% of the least cheerful 25%.

• 54% of the most cheerful quarter was alive at age 94, as opposed to only 11% of the least cheerful.

Studies of longevity are admittedly dicey and very complex from a pure science standpoint. Causality is extremely difficult to make a case for. However, one of the reasons this study is so impactful is that nuns lead very similar life. They eat similar food, they don’t smoke or drink alcohol, they have similar routines. Sure there are some other differences that could account for the results:

• Different levels of intellect

• Different depths of spirituality

• Different outlooks on the future

However, none of these criteria in the research made any difference. The thing that Seligman points out that made a difference in the longevity of the nuns was the amount of positive feelings expressed.

If longevity is at least one measure of a successful existence, then the positive outlook you have on life matters!

Happiness and Emotional Intelligence

In the Emotional Intelligence training I do as a part of my consulting, one of the attributes we measure is that of happiness or wellbeing. In the model we use there are four factors that comprise wellbeing:

• Self-Regard: Believing in yourself and living according to your values.

• Self-Actualization: A willingness to learn and grow in accordance with your values.

• Interpersonal Relationships: Engaging in mutually satisfying relationships.

• Optimism: The ability to respond, recover, and claim a happy state from disappointments and setbacks in life

There are two important considerations as you evaluate your own level of well-being.

The first is that you display as much of these four attributes as you can. Believe in yourself and live according to your values. Learn and grow in areas that really matter to you. Have friends and ensure that there is reciprocity. Realize that things are not always going to go your way. It isn’t if you are going to have a setback in life, it is when. What counts is how you respond.

The second is that you have balance between these attributes. For example, you want to make sure that your self-regard is balanced with your interpersonal relationships. If you have a high level of self-regard and low levels of interpersonal relationships, you could come across as prideful and in it for yourself. If you have low levels of self-regard and high interpersonal relationships, then you could come across as needy and not fun to be around.

As you think about the successful life you want to live as a leader, are you choosing to maximize and balance these 4 attributes of emotional health?

Homework

Rate yourself on a scale from one (low) to 10 (high) on each of the 4 attributes of well-being. Are you maximizing each attribute? Are all four of the attributes in balance with each other? As you reflect on these, what changes would you need to make to live a long and successful life?

A Simple Hack for Work Relationship Difficulties

I know it is going to be an interesting conversation with a coaching client when the conversation opens with,

“I am really struggling with so and so on my team. We just do not have a very good relationship. Do you have any advice for me?”

For me, being a coach is about the person I am working with figuring out what is going on inside of themselves so they can get the responses or actions they desire. My desire is to function more like an investigator rather than an oracle. Rather than providing advice, I find myself asking a lot more questions.

When I hear a client tell me of relational struggles, many questions come to my mind. I really have to think about what direction I want the conversation to go. Here are some questions I find myself wanting to get curious about:

• Why the struggle?

• What is it about so and so that makes this difficult?

• Do you feel this way about others on the team?

• What does a good relationship look like to you?

• Do you have good relationships with other team members?

• Are there contexts that are affecting the relationship as opposed to it being about the person?

No matter which of these questions I ultimately ask, the answer is usually one that is a surprise to me. So, if I would ask, “Why the struggle” I would get back something like “The person reminds me of someone from my past who treated me horribly.” Or I get something like, “They are such a micromanager, the further I stay away the better.”

This is where as a coach, I have to practice what Edgar Schein calls “Humble Inquiry;” asking the question to which you don’t know the answer with an attitude of interest in the other person.

Schein says that as the leader in the conversation it is up to me to humble myself. This means that I have to put my needs and desires aside and really focus on the person in front of me and what they need at the time. This can be really hard.

It would be so easy, rather than to ask a follow up question, to relate an experience I have had in the past and to rush in and solve the problem for the other person. For example, I could share how I once had a boss who was a micromanager and what I did was to learn to anticipate what they needed so when they dug in they could see it was already done.

This is exactly what my coaching client does not need from me.

I have to humble myself, to realize that it is not about me. It is about the person I am coaching. Once I do this, I am ready to discover more about what the issue really is. I am ready to get curious and inquire.

Humble Inquiry Questions

These types of questions are not difficult. They are short and very open-ended. They spark immense curiosity into the conversation. Here are 4 of my favorites:

• Say more about that.

• Tell me more.

• Can you elaborate?

• What was that like for you?

The goal of the Humble Inquiry line of questions is to get the client to unpack more of what is on their mind. I am always amazed at how being curious around meaning takes the conversations to places I did not expect it to go. It is a bit like going to Disney World; I know it is going to be fun, I just don’t know what I am going to discover when I get there.

My Number One Hack For Improving Relationships

Take them to lunch!

That is it. It really is that simple. Invite the person you are struggling to develop relationship to lunch. Your only objective is to get to know them better.

Although most studies indicate that sharing a family meal contributes to communication and family relationship development, many theories and research indicate that it is the specific practices at mealtime rather than the food itself or the biological family ties that create the real value (Larson, Branscomb, & Wiley, 2006).

In one case study by Watland, Hallenbeck, & Kresse, (2008) police officers enrolled in an MBA program who shared a meal together once a week. More than 69 percent of the participants indicated that their interactions with each other had positively affected the work of the department.The initial interactions amongst participants were built on getting to know each other better. This soon translated to a deeper knowledge and level of trust and the group began relying on each other to solve problems in the work setting.

Most sociologists tell us that it is not the food, but the dedicated mealtime, that is the developer of social bonds. I would propose that while eating, you can not talk as much and you are forced to listen more. If you really are enjoying your pizza so much that you would rather ask a short question and get back to the sausage and pepperoni then maybe, just maybe, you will be nourished not only physically but spiritually as well.

So, if you are struggling with a relationship, invite them to lunch! What harm can it do?

While it may not solve all the problems, I think you will find if you practice Humble Inquiry, it is a step in the right direction.

Bon Appetit!

Goals are Great; These Are Better

If you are like most people you spent much of December 2020 thinking about your goals for 2021. Then the ball drops in New York City, 2021 arrives, and you realize you haven’t been doing much but thinking. 

And so, during this early time in January of 2021, many of you are still considering your goals. It is time to stop considering and start developing a system for making them a reality. 

Turns out, in reality, not many people have actual goals. Those who do have goals seldom write them down. Those who write them down rarely put a system in place to make them happen.

Here is the research

The idea behind basic goal setting theory is that specific difficult goals lead to higher performance than when people are left to just do their best. According to Heslin, Carlson, and Vanderwale (2009) there are literally hundreds of studies that show the performance benefit of challenging goals. So, there is not much to debate around the purpose of goals and the link to performance.

That is actually where some of the difficulty around goal setting begins. 

There is a frequently quoted Harvard Study from 1976 that claims that the 14% of people who have goals are 10 times more successful than those without goals. Turns out, there is a Yale study that quotes very similar numbers from 1953. Yale could never verify the existence of the research and the Harvard data relates to graduates from the business school who had life goals. While the data is motivational, it also seems to not be very credible. So the next time you hear that 86% of people don’t have goals, take the numbers with a big grain of salt.

Now, back to some of the research on goal setting.

In a 2009 study published in the journal Industrial Management and Data Systems, Bobby Medlin and Kenneth Green found that in a data set of 426 full and part-time employees, those who set goals are more positively engaged in the work they do than those without goals. This is nothing new, really. Latham and Locke found similar results around goals and performance published in 1979 in Organizational Dynamics. And at the time, this was nothing new either, as Fredrick Taylor noticed this same thing in the early 1900’s.

This data aligns with what Heslin, Carlson, and Vanderwale (2009) propose that positive goal setting depends critically on issues pertaining to goal commitment, task complexity, goal framing, team goals, and feedback. All are critical elements to goal attainment.

We have known some really important things about goals for over 120 years. And you might argue a lot longer, as ancient Proverbs from thousands of years ago lament, “Plans fail for the lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed (Proverbs 15:22). So, the idea of planning and goal setting and engaging counsel has been around arguably since the beginning of time.

It should be noted that while most managers and leaders see goal setting as a positive panacea, there is research to the contrary. Goal setting does have some detractors. In a working paper from Harvard Business School, Ordonez, Schweitzer, Galinsky, and Bazerman write about the systemic side-effects of over-prescribing goal setting (I love the medical metaphor!). 

The claim is that over-emphasis on goal setting can cause organizational confusion, misalignment, a rise in unethical behavior, and a deterioration of organizational culture. Examples are numerous. From Enron, the Ford Pinto, Sears automotive repair scandal, to more recent examples of Wells-Fargo sales scandal of selling 8 products to every customer. 

My intention is not to change your mind or convince you of the right perspective on goal setting, rather, to challenge you to expand your thoughts around goal setting by doing two things:

1. Link your goals to actual problems.

2. Focus on creating a system to make your goal a reality.

Link Your Goals to Actual Problems

This idea first came to me after reading Bob Biehl’s book “Stop Setting Goals if You Would Rather Solve Problems.”  I found that with goal setting I put a lot of effort into setting a specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, timely goal, only to have the environment shift on me to where one of the 5 SMART goal components was no longer applicable. 

Instead, what has helped me more is to create a vision and start solving problems to make my vision a reality. 

For example, it is pretty easy and pretty common for people this time of year to write SMART goals around things like exercising more or to losing that COVID 15 pounds so many of us have put on. It is easy to write a SMART goal around this, yet so easy also to let the goal go by the wayside. 

The first reason is that the goal sounds good, but when it comes time to exercise the person doesn’t want to get off the coach, or the bag of chips is oh so good. The goal is fine, the problem is that the bag of chips is still in the house. If the vision is to exercise and lose weight, what do you have to do to solve the problem?

Focus On Creating A System 

The second place to expand our thoughts comes from a couple of books I read recently, both around the idea of habits. The first is by James Clear called Atomic Habits and the second by Wendy Wood called Good Habits, Bad Habits. 

Both authors write about the importance of developing systems in order  to achieve your desires. It is a systems approach that will help you obtain your goal. 

So, if you have a vision, what is the system you need to put into place to make the vision a reality? 

Diet and exercise companies take full advantage of this research. Have you seen a commercial for Nutrisystem lately? What are they offering? A system: eat their food, drink their shakes, pay their bill, and you lose the weight.  The idea is even in the name of the company NutriSYSTEM. 

Will it work? Sure!

Will you keep the vision or goal you had if you change your habits and get used to eating smaller portions? If not, then when you stop the system you put on the weight.

Perspective

Call them whatever you want. Goals, vision, it really doesn’t matter. Stay focused on the problem and put a system in place to develop a new habit. 

Goals are great, but they are not enough to change your behavior by themselves.

Give it a listen...

On this first Monday of the new year, I wanted to share a fun opportunity I had recently to be a guest on my friend Lee Stephenson’s podcast, Unfiltered.

I won’t spoil our conversation, but if you have 30 minutes and an interest in emotional intelligence, I think you’ll enjoy it. Click here to give it a listen.

If you’d rather read our conversation, you can find the transcript by clicking here.

Thank you, Lee, for having me!

That One Big Question for 2020

What to write about the week between Christmas and the New Year? That is the question I posed for my wife, Kim, last night. She had some sage advice for me, but first I need to share some of the dilemma so you know what I was experiencing.

This is, perhaps, the hardest post of the year for me to write, especially as we close out a year like 2020! What could I say that hasn't already been said a thousand times? Everything from pontificating abut toilet paper shortages to working from home., from vaccines to what it means to lead a remote workforce.

While the week does in some ways lend itself to some interesting content, as I am thinking about it nothing is resonating...

I could share the best book I read all year, but that has been done before not only by myself, but many others.

(However, if you’re curious, my answer would be The Backpack by Tim Gardner. Seriously, if you haven't read it, stop reading now and go to Amazon and buy it. Then form a book club and talk about it. Then all of you do a review on Amazon and share what you thought! I believe you will love it!)

I could share my favorite podcast of 2020; but so many already do this sort of thing, I don't want to bore you... (Revisionist History by Malcomb Gladwell)

There is always the tried and true for this final week of December to encourage you to reflect more, think more, pray more. And when I share this, people often say “What resource do you recommend I use?” That is such a hard question, because I don't like playing favorites, but I’d have to say 40-Day Journey with Parker Palmer.

I could even use these words to tell you about the book I published this year that my brother, Eric, helped me write, but that would be self-serving. It is a journaling experience that aligns with the EQi-2.0, but you don't really need the assessment to do the journal. A Guided to Journey to Practicing EI Journal.

Or, I could keep it really light and fun and share with you the best new game I learned to play in 2020. But, maybe you are not a game playing person or you just want to stay with the old staples like Monopoly.. Sushi Go Party (this game is serious fun and a real challenge to master).

Then there is the tried and true sharing of the favorite new song of 2020. But maybe your style of music is not like mine so I really don't want to waste your time. Angels We Have Heard (Glory Be) by Jordan Smith.

I think you can see my conundrum. What to write about that hasn't been written before?

That is what my lament was to my wife Kim, who turned to me and said, "Why don't you write about gifts?"

My mind immediately turned to the strengths people possess from a personality perspective.

"No, she said. What is the best gift, in a work context,. you have ever received? People might be interested in knowing that experience."

I have to admit I married a brilliant woman. What a fantastic idea!

So what to write about....

That would have to be you who read these posts. Thank you for that gift. You encourage me. You inspire me.

Especially those of you who read to the very end.

Happy New Year! Let's see what 2021 brings....

Seven Immediate Development Needs for Remote Leaders

One outcome of the global pandemic we are experiencing is that knowledge workers have shown it is possible for most elements of their work to be done remotely. While the impact on organizational culture is being questioned by many, including some of the leaders in the world’s largest technology organizations, the question “Is it possible for leaders to work remotely on a large scale?” has been clearly answered with a resounding YES!

So, if it is possible, two questions come to my mind.

1. Is it sustainable?

2. What development needs do leaders have in order to become more effective leading in a remote world?

Sustainable

I remember reading a book on Virtual Culture a few years ago written by Bryan Miles, who is the entrepreneurial founder of a company called Belay. The book begins by telling a story that happened in 2012. Marissa Mayer had left Google to become the CEO at Yahoo. As you probably recall Yahoo at the time was in trouble as an organization and the new plan included a move to keep employees in the office for a longer period of time. The transformation was to make the corporate offices a place employees wanted to spend their time. According to Miles, "Mayer's act went against corporate culture...by enforcing everyone come back to the office, Mayer tried to apply old-school collaboration to a group of people that did not want that style any longer."

Employees were NOT happier. Employees were NOT more productive. Employees did NOT feel more engaged at work. Miles concludes that management fell prey to the idea, "If I can't see you, I can't control you...How do I know you are working?”

So if:

• Knowledge workers have shown it is possible to work remote

AND

• There are historical examples of forcing old paradigms having organizational backlash...

Does the question become "How do we develop our leaders to lead virtually?"

Before we dive too deeply in the area of developing virtual leaders, there is one really important thing to recognize. Some of you are locked into long-term leases with lots of office space. Others of you have built buildings very recently to house the future growth you saw in your organization over the next decade. Many of you are scratching your heads asking, "What are we going to do with all this space?" It is a good question. One that will take some intense and courageous conversations amongst the leadership teams. My only thought for all of you wrestling with this is to not lose sight of talent, and how your talent may want to work. Wrestle with questions like:

1. What will drive our business in the future? The talent we have on the team or where they sit?

2. How personally collaborative do we really need to be?

3. Are their other creative ways to use our space?

4. What does our leadership team need to be flexible on? (I saw recent quote from a Harvard Business Professor who says we need to be ready for a transition from traditional consecutive 8 hours to more of a 3-2-2 format with long breaks between working cycles.)

5. How do we help remote workers create boundaries for work? (vacation, sick leave, bereavement, etc.)

Development Needs

While the argument rages across all media platforms as to the future of remote work, one thing is for certain, some aspect of leading remotely is going to stay with us. The technology is just too good to ignore. The fact is, some leaders and some teams at some point are going to be working remote. While the ratio will likely become an individual organization decision, the fact remains that our leaders will need to improve their remote leadership skills.

Here are 7 things I am thinking about with some of my clients as they plan how to spend development dollars.

1. Creating Emotional Connections. When we are online together it is way too easy to just "get down to business.” I saw this myself this morning when I was working with a client. We jumped on the call together and the client pulled up their action plan and just wanted to get started.

2. Camera Presence. Many folks are really good in terms of how they show up. It is interesting however to put them on camera and they loose eye contact, or look like they have not combed their hair in days. I think we need to start thinking about things like presence if working from home is going to be more of a reality.

3. Delivering Negative Realities. Many of us do not like discussing performance issues in person and yet doing it virtually seems even harder. The camera brings a level of sterility, almost an antiseptic feeling. What is missing is that human element of compassion that just does not seem to translate over video. Some good "how too" training on delivering feedback virtually might be in order.

4. Working On Growth and Development Opportunities. Finding areas of growth for team members might be more difficult because networking in general is more difficult. We may have to be a lot more intentional about networking opportunities and about finding opportunities that fit individual development plans.

5. Linking Employee Work to the Bigger Mission of the Organization. While many of us have not noticed our number of meetings going down, what has changed is how people are feeling connected to the larger mission of the organization. Leaders are going to have to become intentional about connecting individuals to the broader organizational mission.

6. Celebrating Successes. Let's not forget that work can be fun. How can leaders be intentional with celebrating the success of the team or individuals?

7. Have some Fun. Adults want to learn, grow, self-actualize, and have fun. After all, if we are giving 8 or more hours a day to our work, having it be engaging is a good thing. Leaders will need to flex their creativity and have some fun so that people enjoy and want to be a part of the mission.

Finding ways to engage our employees virtually so that we retain and grow talent is key. The way we work is changing. We need to change along with it to ensure our talent is both happy and productive.

Let Them Eat Waffles

As the year winds down, our thoughts will often turn to evaluating the year that we have just experienced and what we want to try and accomplish in the year to come.

Even though 2020 has been a very unique year, this same exercise is happening all across organizations of every size and business structure.  

As you are evaluating your year and thinking about what you want to accomplish in the next one, here is an encouragement I have for you… 

Let Them Eat Waffles! 

Okay, so maybe that needs some explanation…

I was meeting virtually with someone a few months ago. As we talked he described his job in some detail. This guy is a plant manager for an organization that makes all kinds of electronic components. These gadgets go in hundreds of products, he said, everything from airplanes to automobiles to grocery store freezers. His job is to oversee the plant’s manufacturing of these things and to ensure they get to the right customer.  He finished with this…

“Pretty mundane stuff, nothing big.”

That really struck me and made me stop and ask, “Wait a minute…What do you mean nothing big?”

The way my brain works (which is quite odd at times, I admit), I added, “Did you say grocery store freezers?”  

I think you see where this is headed. 

I went on to tell him, “To me, that is a really big deal!” 

You see, the reason that is big to me is that I love frozen waffles. Every time we go to our local grocery store, I take a walk down the frozen waffle aisle to see what is on sale, what is new, and decide what I am going to buy. It is rare that I go to the store and do NOT pick up a box of those delicious frozen treats. 

Then it hit me - what had happened is this guy had lost his vision, his passion for what he does. 

Worse yet, his lack of vision could someday interrupt my breakfast...and I am not okay with that!

Self-Actualization

In the world of emotional intelligence, self-actualization is finding one's meaning and purpose in life. It is the willingness to persistently try to improve and engage in the pursuit of personally relevant and meaningful growth that will lead to a rich and enjoyable life. 

Someone who is self-actualizing acts on the idea that what they are pursuing and involved in actually adds meaning and purpose. For some, it is that they have a calling instead of a job. For others, what they do is an act of service that fulfills his or her destiny as a human being.  It is very much more than what they do, it is about the meaning and purpose they have in life and whom they serve.

I think the myth behind the struggle some folks have is they have lost the link (or maybe it never existed) between who they are and what they do.

If you deliver pizza for a living, what you are doing is feeding a hungry family or bringing joy to a group of people so that they can socially connect. But it is so easy to get lost in the idea that you are transporting a disc of dough with sauce and meat from a store front to a house; and you have to do 100 of them in a night to make any money.

It is really easy for us to lose sight of what we do and become defined by our tasks rather than the bigger vision of who we serve.

You are not delivering pizza, my friend, you are helping cement relational bonds with family and friends. 

You might be trying to discount me right now as being too pollyanna, but I sincerely hope not. I hope you will stay with me and really try to engage in what it is that you are doing with your life.

Who You Serve 

As you are reflecting on your 2020 and preparing for 2021, perhaps as a part of your review you should be asking yourself who it is that you serve and how well you have done that.  Let go of defining yourself by what you do and give some consideration to who you serve.  

The plant manager in my story above plays a critical role in getting component parts to people who need them. Without him and without his team, a poor schmuck like me living in Central Florida would not have waffles in the morning for breakfast...may it never be so. 

As a leader of people, have you lost sight of the vision and the passion for what you do? The people on your team can sense this. Sure, it has been a tough year, a very different year for sure. But you are a resilient person. You are committed to what you do.

Let's make sure the people on our teams and those around us have a clear vision of what they do and how it links to the people you serve.

Think differently as you set goals for next year

I’d like to share a story about an inexperienced leader named Charlie. He shows up to work early and stays late. He’s motivated to move from an individual contributor into his first front-line leader role, but he’s not sure how to make that happen. He’s getting grief from his wife for working weekends, and his heavy workload doesn’t ever seem to ease up. How can he move into a leadership role if he’s buried in his current role?

Charlie’s organization is offering a course on Leading with Emotional Intelligence and his boss is encouraging him to attend the class. Charlie feels conflicted. According to research, if Charlie puts this training in the form of a goal that has a useful future orientation, he is more likely to get the results he is looking for, rather than to put the goal in some prevention connotation.

Research published in the Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies (Sadler, T., Gibson, S., Reysen, S. (2017), reports the effect of a leadership training program on consideration of future consequences. (Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies, 10(4), 35-42.)

To operationalize this a bit, let’s say that you have a team of leaders who are all functional experts; Human Resources, Engineering, Information Technology, Sales, Manufacturing, Marketing, Finance and so on. This team, in the past, while getting along personally, has conformed to operating in silos. Each person does a great job of representing their own function to the face of the organization, but as a team, they struggled to get the synergy that would propel them to the next level.

The sales leader was always trying to maximize sales and didn’t understand why Marketing couldn’t supply the customer segmentation data fast enough. And why did it take Engineering so long to get the prototype built and delivered to the client?  Engineering, on the other hand, was frustrated with Supply Chain who just couldn’t get realistic estimates on how much materials were actually going to cost.

The president of the organization, realizing the leaders were all doing a great job of representing their individual role, needed to function better as a team. She was encouraged by a colleague to explore the idea of a training program that would focus on team building.  

But would it be successful? Would the organization get synergy from the team development so that the return on the investment would be positive for shareholders?   

A good question. A fair question.

Turns out the data is a little mixed on what should be expected.

A Little Background

It is no secret that organizations spend billions of dollars every year on training people in their organizations. Everything from skill-based training, like how to weld two pieces of metal together, or how to write computer code. From more leadership-oriented topics like Leading with Emotional Intelligence or Writing Your Own Leadership Story, to team building events.

Whether the training is skill-based or cultivating leadership in our organizations, the question always surfaces as to what is the return on investment.  There is research that can help us determine if leadership type training is effective in helping leaders meet their goals. But it depends…

Goal Type

It turns out that when it comes to goals, leaders pursue attainment using one of two strategies:

1. Promotion: concentrating the efforts of achievement on positive proactive and productive results.

2. Prevention: targeting efforts on avoiding negative outcomes.

Let’s revisit our friend, Charlie. If his orientation is more to prevent something bad from happening or toward thwarting a negative future response, then his success in the training and as a future leader is in question.

How can Charlie (or his boss) orientate the training as to get a more successful outcome for him as a leader? If Charlie says to himself, “I want to take this leadership training because it will help me be a better coach and mentor to others in the organization someday,” then the aspect to his goal attainment has shifted.

Charlie is moving from individual contributor to organizational leader, and that is what is going to help him get what he wants.

How are you orienting the goals of folks in your organization?  Are you creating a positive, futuristic orientation of hope for the future, or are you trying to prevent failure?

The orientation of our thinking matters!

What to do when your business vision is stuck

Years ago, I worked with a business leader who had an incredible vision for his organization. He was a passionate leader with excellent communication skills and energy for his mission. He was intellectually and morally solid and cared deeply for the people in his organization.

But he was stuck.

His organization just couldn’t grow the business past a certain industry-standard metric. However, the stagnation issue became evident as we looked over some feedback provided by his peers. One of the interview questions I ask the peers of my clients (as a routine part of my data gathering) was, "What is the vision this leader has for the organization?" After several interviews, the collective response was, “The vision is very clear, but we have no idea what steps we need to take to get started. It is like he has been dreaming of this his entire life and we are catching it for the first time."

As I presented this feedback to the leader and we processed the data together, his knee-jerk reaction was “We don’t have time to wait for them to process this. The time is now! They need to get on board or get out of the way. We are going to miss our opportunity. The timing is just right!"

So I asked,“Is it their lack of urgency, or could it be something else?”

After processing with him for a while, we discovered there was not a lack of urgency on the part of the organization. There was, however, a lack of emotional connection between the leader and his team. The urgency that the leader was feeling for vision implementation and change was being offset by his lack of emotional connection competency of patience. People in the organization need the time to absorb, process, and own the vision themselves.

Patience is devoting the appropriate time and attention to others in ways that enhance meaningful interaction.

Patience is suspending your personal need for satisfaction and action.

Patience seeks to slow down those fast-paced exchanges with others in order to facilitate better decision-making.

Patience is not racing ahead in thought process while missing information that others are endeavoring to share.

Patience is not wasting the opportunities to encourage, inspire, and motivate others.

In leader development, it is always important to keep perspective on a leader who is not connecting emotionally with his team. Without this emotional connection, it is virtually impossible to have the social intelligence needed to achieve organizational effectiveness.

There are a number of reasons a follower may choose to align with a leader. Fully committing to the vision of the leader is a quintessential desire that followers have. What they receive in return for committing to the vision of the leader is an emotional connection with that leader.

In our case study above, the leader has a choice. He can either move forward with his urgency and risk losing his entire vision. Or he can proactively slow down and take the time to encourage, inspire, and motivate his people. By embracing patience and connecting emotionally with his team, he can catapult the vision to the next level with everyone on board.

How are you connecting emotionally with your team? I’d love to hear your comments.

Are There Meta Leadership Traits?

Have you ever had one of those days where everything you do, everything you hear, everything you read, and every interaction you have with others seem to point you in one direction?

I had a day like that the other day. Here is an account of what it looked like for me....

1. I will often start my day with a hot cup of coffee and some quiet reflection time. As a prompt for my reflection, I will often use the Bible as a meditation tool. I find a lot of wisdom and comfort in this as a start to my day. This particular day I am reading in 1 Corinthians and the 13th verse just stuck out to me: "No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone." As I am reflecting on this I turn to the study book I am reading for the 3rd time...A 40 day Journey With Parker Palmer and the lesson for the day Palmer writes, "...we must learn, ...that the ultimate therapy is to identify our pain with the pain of others, and then band together to resist the conditions that create our common malady."

2. After my quiet time of reading and reflection and before my first client, I was reading a financial newsletter I subscribe to and there is this quote by Warren Buffet reflecting on a March 2009 Forbes article about the huge losses he and Bill Gates took during the bear market downturn, noting that now 11 years after that time, Gates and Buffet have never had more wealth; "The most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect."

3. I had about an hour left before my first client so I did some prep work for a class I was leading in a couple of days. I was teaching an emotional intelligence certification course (see my website for more information if you are interested in becoming certified), and reviewing a pre-read book by Steve Stein and Howard Book called The EQ edge. I read this quote by George Vaillant "It is not stress that kills us. It is effective adaptation to stress that allows us to live."

4. Then I was on a video conference with a client who is working through some pretty tough organization feedback. There were some actions this guy took where his intentions were positive but the impact his actions had were perceived as negative; to the point where some had lost trust in him. We were reading an article together called The Enemies of Trust" published in Harvard Business Review. One of the main points in the article is "Don't be surprised when the things you say-including the most innocuous statements-are assigned deep, sinister meaning." The article goes on to comment that, "Under extreme stress, normally competent managers may fee! fragile, guilty, overwhelmed, and unable to cope." The authors then say sometimes, other than quit, all you can do is rebuild. All you can do is be resilient.

5. Then at lunch I am listening to one of my favorite podcasts, The Dave Ramsey Show. It is a call in show where people tell Dave their financial problems and he gives advice on how to get out of whatever mess they are in. This lady calls in and says she and her husband have $250,000 in debt not including their mortgage; 3 cars, a boat, student loans, consumer credit cards. Dave has this amazing way of just calming people down and giving them a plan to get out of the crisis. He says to this lady, "I know it seems bad right now, honey, I have been there myself. I am going to give you a plan and if you follow it you can be out of debt in under 3 years." Then he said the thing that really caught my ear, "You are going to be OK. I want you to take a deep breath and really hear what I am saying...I know it seems terrible right now, but you are going to be OK."

6. After lunch I am reading in Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and research an article by Robert Kaiser called Leading in an unprecedented global crisis: the heightened importance of versatility. One of the conclusions of the research is that during a crisis or disruptive change, versatility, the ability to read and respond to change with a wide repertoire of complementary perspectives and skills. The focus of versatile leadership is connecting the How one leads with What one leads ensuring there is synchronicity between them.

7. In the afternoon I led a group of people who have been certified in emotional intelligence as a way for them to continue their learning journey. One of the books we are reading together is Hardiness: Making stress work for you to achieve your life goals. There is a quote that just struck me as the group was talking about key learnings. A study of 186 million adults collected over a dozen years found that not all stress is necessarily bad. "Of the people who reported high stress levels, those that said the stress negatively affected their health had a 43% greater chance of premature death. In other words, people who interpret their stress as not having a negative impact on their lives have a better chance of living longer."

At the end of a long day, my wife and I will often sit on our back patio and reflect on our day together. With a glass of wine we will share what our day was like and even jot down some notes from time to time. It was during this light conversation that I noticed what I am writing about in this blog.

Let me recap:

1. Band together to resist the conditions that create our common malady.

2. The most important quality for an investor is temperament.

3. Effective adaptation to stress that allows us to live.

4. All you can do is be resilient.

5. I know it seems terrible right now, but you are going to be OK.

6. Versatility.

7. People who interpret their stress as not having a negative impact on their lives have a better chance of living longer.

There seems to be two common threads running through this for me and both of them have to do with emotional intelligence:

1. Empathy - Understanding and sharing and helping one another through tough times

2. Optimism - It is not if something bad will happen but when. What matters is how we respond.

Could it be that true caring for each other, and hope for the future, serve as meta competencies for leadership?

Which of these 3 mistakes do you make when reviewing talent on your team?

Back in the day when I was a young leader in a pretty big organization, one of my favorite meetings to attend was the yearly talent review session. This is the meeting where each manager would review the talent on their team and benchmark performance across a wider group.

What I loved about this meeting was the opportunity to see how my peers evaluated talent. This job is important for both the person being reviewed and the leader doing the reviewing.

For me, what was really interesting was observing the manager doing the reviewing. I didn't know much about the people they were talking about but oh you could tell a lot about how credible the manager doing the reviewing really was.

For the person being evaluated, their livelihood can depend upon how the leaders accesses their performance.

When it comes to this talent review, for some like my friends in sales, the evaluation can be pretty straight forward; did you hit your target goal or not? While some organizations will add other behavioral aspects to a sales professionals performance, what performance in this arena boils down to is; did the sales professional hit the number or not. For the most part, pretty clear.

For other organizational roles, performance can be a bit more nuanced. Often HOW the person goes about the work is as important as WHAT the person did. I have worked with a lot of really talented people over the years who got the WHAT they did exactly right and HOW they went about it exactly wrong.

Take, for example, the operations leader who was told by an executive that a division in the company was not performing well and asked to "go in and fix it.” So what does the young leader do? He goes in and fixes it!

• He spent some time assessing the situation and talking to people.

• He started to reorganize the team to what was a much more efficient way of working.

• He changed the system that the team had been using to process orders and communicate with customers so that the entire purchasing process was more transparent.

• He brought in temporary workers to get all the billing caught up that was months behind.

Everything he did needed to be done. It needed to be fixed.

Then he got fired.

Not because WHAT he did was in any way wrong. It all needed to be done.

It was HOW he went about the work:

• As he assessed the situation, he did all the talking about what was wrong and no listening to what people on the ground thought.

• As he reorganized, he used the whiteboard in his office and then made changes without even asking anyone else what they thought.

• He announced over email that there would be a system change.

• One morning at 8am people from the "agency" were at the empty desk when the accounting people came in. No one in the department had any idea they were getting "help.”

I can just hear you right now...Come on, Scott...No way, that did not happen...

I am here to tell you I saw it with my own two eyes! And have seen it on multiple occasions.

Of course the story is more complex than I am telling, but when you step back from all the fog of the situation that is precisely what happened.

I can also hear you saying something like, "That would never be how I operate.” In our organization we would never treat top talent that way.

Before you go too fast and dismiss this topic,I want you to carefully consider that position. The young leader, considered a top talent or he would not have been sent in to remedy the situation, thought he had a clear mandate from the executive. Indeed he did! They had adequately discussed WHAT needed done. However, agreeing on a plan for HOW to accomplish this goal would have been better for everyone involved.

Interesting to me is how someone goes from top talent to "packaged out" of the organization in less than two years. Were they really top talent? Did they not have the proper "air cover"? WHAT really happened here, and HOW did we let this situation get out of control?

Could it be that the real mistake was in how the talent was reviewed in the first place? Are we setting people up for failure because we as leaders we are not being honest with ourselves about talent?

What is the biggest mistake leaders make when reviewing talent?

Here are some thoughts on things that I have observed with leaders as I have heard them discuss and evaluate their talent:

Leaders use non-specific language
"Go down there and fix it,” was the mandate. Rather than pausing and asking what that even means, the young leader hears:

1. You have done great things in your current role.

2. You’re a real superstar.

3. We trust you.

4. We believe in you.

5. Everyone knows things are a mess down there, what can go wrong.

6. We are giving you a raise and a promotion.

The error I see leaders make when it comes to the use of non-specific language is that they have thought about things for so long, in their mind what they want is very clear. The leader has scenario planned and worked out many fine details in their own mind so that when "go down there and fix it" gets communicated, the leader knows exactly what this means and the person receiving direction is left to fill in all the blanks.

Remedy
Spend time together. Quality and quantity time. Spend time talking not only about the WHAT and the HOW, but the WHY. Invest in your talent with your time. If you are feeling (like most leaders) that you do not have time for this, then you either need to delegate more or at least assess if you want to have these conversations on the front or the back end of the assignment. You are going to have this conversation either proactively, which is what I am suggesting, or retroactively in the person’s exit interview.

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Show empathetic concern
Things happen. Nothing is perfect. People make mistakes. People who make mistakes still want top raises and bonuses. As a leader, you really need to balance your power gradient assertiveness and empathy. Instead of picking a fight with the person on their performance, would it really be so hard to just sit down and try and understand their perspective? I know you think you have it all worked out and you understand the situation completely. Your biases are in full swing when you see an employee who didn't handle something quite right and rush in all quick to judge. As a leader, I realize you get paid to make judgements; it is part of your calling. But before you take off the gloves and start a fight, why not try and understand what it is like on their end? I am in no way saying you have to agree with everything people on your team are saying or bringing to you, but would it hurt to just listen to their perspective?

Remedy
Practice the gentle art of asking instead of telling. Get curious with the other person about what happened. Try to get a sense as to where they are coming from. Foster the relationship that leads to more open communication.

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Over-glow
I thought about putting this one first. When it comes to evaluating talent, especially if we are the manager or leader who hired the person, we can let the glow of our own self-worth radiate over others. We will actually position routine tasks the person is responsible for as outstanding achievements. The strategy is a good one, actually, and it goes something like this; I will say the person is great. Really they are average. And at the end of the talent assessment they are pretty good. So what the manager did was get an average person a pretty good performance rating.

Remedy
Make talent review about the talent and not the manager. Most managers come into talent review realizing this is as much about their performance and what they can get for their team as it is the actual talent. Organizations need to hold leaders accountable for accurate evaluation, not how hard they fought for the team.

5 Common Vision Mistakes and How to Fix Them

When most leaders think of vision they imagine the two-fold process of creating the vision and casting it to their team. These are important elements but the responsibility of vision implementation does not solely rest in the creation process. Rather than the actual vision getting the blame when it's not gaining traction, maybe we need to dig a little deeper into the question of why our vision is not working.

Listed below are some reflections on common vision-setting mistakes. I’ve either made these mistakes myself or been associated with leaders who could have received better results if they had paid closer attention to these elements.

Problem#1: Not describing where the vision originated.

Whether your vision comes to you from a mountaintop, or at your desk, or from team collaboration, you need to communicate it to those in your organization. Your team needs sufficient details in order to understand and have trust in where you are taking them. Some will follow blindly, but most will not. As you provide details on how you arrived at your vision, you will earn their trust.

The Fix: Spend time providing details around the vision to your team so they can catch your enthusiasm for where the organization is headed.

Problem #2: Lack of role clarity for inner circle followers.

Those in your inner circle must have clarity about what role they play in order to make the vision a reality. Your direct reports must be able to articulate and own the entire vision from the creation process to the communication and implementation. Accountability is vital within this inner circle. The leader should not bear sole responsibility for creation, ownership, and implementation. These elements must be an organizational process.

The Fix: Everyone in the inner circle must have specific accountability for their aspect of vision implementation.

Problem #3: Lack of personal belief in the vision.

Many of you do not have direct impact or influence on the vision for your organization, however, others in your organization need to know that you embrace the vision. You do not have to agree with every small detail around implementation, nonetheless, it is vital that you believe in the vision and overall direction of the organization. If not, you probably need to do some reflection on whether you are in the right place. If you do not like the vision, influence it. If you can not influence it and you don’t like it, then maybe your calling is elsewhere.

The Fix: Reflect on how you personally believe in the vision of your organization. Write out your thoughts. If you don’t believe in the vision, get out. You will only be a barrier to performance in the long run. If you need to leave the organization, this reflection will help you articulate your beliefs for the next group you associate with.

Problem #4: Abdication of the vision.

Here is one I heard recently: “This is Pastor Eric’s vision for our church!" May these words never be uttered in your organization where the masses have not bought in and owned the vision for themselves. If ownership of the vision does not get passed down, the likelihood of the vision becoming reality is slim.

The Fix: Everyone in the organization needs to be accountable for how they are implementing the vision in their department. As you interact with your team have conversations about what they are doing to own and make the vision a reality?

Problem #5: Devaluing encouragement.

People in the organization need to know that you believe they understand the vision. Far too many leaders cast a vision then move on to something else. The best way to build positive momentum around the vision is to articulate it and catch people carrying it out. When you look for those opportunities of catching the vision, celebrate and let everyone in the organization commend their achievement. Again, there is no better way to get the behavior you are looking for than to communicate success. Period.

The Fix: Catch people implementing the vision and celebrate it with the world!

Where do you see yourself in these 5 vision mistakes? Perhaps it would be helpful to write a 3 bullet point action plan for you to turn your mistake into learning, and eventually a success. If you try this, we would love to hear how it is working for you. Why not leave a comment below and share your thoughts?