Don’t Forget to Practice Good Self-Care

You might recall from last week's post that an old friend had called me and asked for some tips about working with a new boss who was proving to be a tough relationship - 5 Ways To Work With A Difficult Boss.

The next morning, I was doing some personal development work of my own in the area of staying resilient during times of stress. In my personal journey, I have been working on this because it has been an interesting and somewhat challenging start to this year for me.  The year was lined with lots of potential goals, but at this point, not a lot of work has been committed to them.

I have faced some challenges and obstacles in this business that I have not faced before. A little bit of rejection. A little bit of waiting. Quite a few promises. Not too many signed agreements. I was feeling a bit defeated and wanted to capture this and work on how I can be resilient during some of these setbacks. “Taking a bit of my own advice” is how I might position it. 

One of the things I will often tell my clients during times of difficulty is to make sure they are practicing good self-care. Was I practicing good self-care during this difficult time in my business? 

What comes to mind is the analogy of how during an emergency on an airplane, we are instructed to “put our own mask on before helping others.”  I know it is maybe a bit cliche, but let's make sure the point is not lost.

I think it is safe to say that most of us when times get tough, the first thing that goes to the wayside is our own wellbeing. We stop practicing good self-care and we just try to do a decent job of psychologically coping with what is going on in our world. 

This is the one more thing I needed to call my friend back and tell him - that during times of difficulty, like working with a difficult boss, also remember this - don’t forget to practice good self-care. 

My Homework

As I will often do with my coaching clients, I gave myself some homework. I pulled out an exercise I had done in the past to evaluate my own self-care and where I might need some replenishment. 

I looked at 4 areas of my life that are critical for me to be at peak performance:

1. Physical Life: practices that cultivate the health of the physical body

2. Emotional Life: practices that support the relational nutrients that we need

3. Intellectual Life: practices that stimulate our curiosity, thinking, and knowledge

4. Spiritual Life: practices that expand our soul and connect us to things outside ourselves.

I think it is really important that if you are working on something like stress tolerance, stress management, or resiliency, you look more holistically at your life. 

For example, most of the time when I ask clients about their self-care they respond with, “I am not getting as much exercise as I was in the past.”  Sure, exercise is an important element of physical self-care. But inside of caring for yourself in the physical domain, you need more than just exercise.  As leaders, we need to focus on our diet, our sleep patterns, and ANY practice that cultivates the health of our physical bodies. 

So I took an inventory of these 4 aspects of my life to see if anything was missing.

Physical:

• I do OrangeTheory workouts 4x’s a week

• On off days I golf or walk 3 miles

• I get 8 hours of sleep

• I balance my nutritional macros

Emotional:

• I read or listen to one non-fiction book a month

• I attend my TLP (Townsend Leadership Program) group

• I attend my Coaching Cohort Group

• I practice telling my wife what I need emotionally from her 3x’s a week

• I play golf at least once a week

Intellectual:

• I teach twice a year

• I do Dissertation Chair and committee work

• I read one work-related book per week

• I listen to one work-related podcast per week

• I read one biography per month

Spiritual:

• I attend church weekly

• I attend my church small group weekly

• I am generous in giving to others

As I was examining some of the things I currently do, I felt really good about the physical, emotional, and intellectual things. However, on the spiritual side of my life, I am feeling a bit robotic and stale. So I am going to ask around to some trusted advisors and my coach to see if there are any insights they may have. 

How About You?

All of us go through ups and downs in life. Sometimes we connect well with our boss, sometimes not so much. Sometimes we love our jobs, and sometimes not so much.

When was the last time you took an inventory like this? If you did, would you notice any voids in your life?

I had a client, who is a nurse, tell me recently that early in her career she did a lot of bedside patient care. She worked at a famous healthcare institution and had taken care of quite a few wealthy and famous people. She told me that none of them cared an ounce about how much money they had in their bank account at the end of the day. All they wanted was to talk with those they had close relationships with about how they had lived their lives.

That story, while I for sure had heard it before,  just like the old airplane and oxygen mask warning, really hit home for me.

I want to make sure I have the right flow in my leadership life in all aspects, not letting just one dominate my being. I hope you will take some time for yourself and do an inventory as well to see if you have any self-care practices missing in your leadership life.

5 Ways to Work With a Difficult Boss

I got a call last week from an old friend. After we exchanged some pleasantries about our families, the reason for his call came quickly.

“Hey Scott, I have been reading your leadership blog for several years now and I was wondering if I could ask you a question. We just did a reorganization at work and I got a new boss. I connected well with my previous supervisor but this new one is off to a rocky start. Wondering if you have any tips?”

After asking if my friend had experienced rough starts with other supervisors in the past, and getting a “not really” response, I started thinking about how it feels to work with difficult people.  

The first thing that clients I have had in the past want me to focus on is changing the other person, in this case, my old friend’s boss. Since I am not working with the old friend’s new boss, the odds of me invoking any kind of advice to change that person is slim to none. 

What we can work on, however, is how my old friend is responding to his new boss. Here are the things we talked about that day:

5 Ways to Work With a Difficult Boss

1. Maintain Long-term Focus: It is so easy for us to get caught up in the emotion of the moment. All of the frustration and anxiety that can come from a new relationship can seem paralyzing. Keep in mind that the supervisor you had prior to this one took time for the relationship to develop. Even if it started off on a good foot, relationships take time to evolve. So if this relationship gets off to a rocky start make sure to keep a long-term perspective. When I asked how long my friend had worked for the previous manager he said about 2 years, which is about how long he has worked for anyone over the last 20 years at the company. Supervisors tend to be temporary, and very few work relationships last forever. 

2. Find and Convey the Good: When we have irregular people in our lives (those that are hard for us to connect with), it is really easy for us to focus on all the negative things. Focusing on the negative does one thing, it forces us to only look at all the bad. A simple recognition of what is not going so well is ok and something to process with a coach or trusted advisor. But dwelling on what is negative is not helpful in the long run. So make a list of all the positive things the new boss is bringing to the table and do the best you can to focus on those. 

3. Have a Spirit of Acceptance. There are many reasons that a relationship with a boss might get off to a rocky start. Very rarely, the reason is that the boss is innately evil. While I always want to give space in a relationship for moral hazard, most of the time the new boss just wants to win, maybe they have been told to shake things up, or they have strong preferences based on their past experiences. Whatever the reason is for how the new boss is behaving, as long as it is not immoral or illegal, you can try to approach them with a spirit of accepting them for who they are…warts and all. I try to keep in mind that the new boss is checking me out as well and I might have a few warts myself.  Sometimes all a boss needs from us is to connect with them without judgment.

4. Set some clear boundaries for yourself. It is very true that you might not be able to control or change the other person but you can always control your own actions. According to John Townsend in his book The Hiding Dilemma, “People with healthy boundaries can say yes to the good and no to the bad.” The person who is saying yes to someone else’s demands out of fear is setting themselves up for failure. Plan what you can say yes to and what crosses the line in your mind that you must say no.  Resist the temptation to just say yes to try and please them or get on their good side. As you plan your boundaries, keep in mind what you are willing to do in certain situations and what you are not willing to do.

5. Stay Open and Curious. If a relationship is tense from the start, our natural inclination is to protect ourselves and fight. None of us wants to get hurt in a relationship or get sideways with a boss especially if we really enjoy our work. According to Edgar Schein, if you practice “Humble Inquiry” you will stimulate more truth-telling and collaboration.  By staying humble in your own character and curious about what might be going on you can stay out of judgment and see more clearly what the boss is all about.

Your Development

From time to time we are all going to work with people, who are for whatever reason, tough for us to process. Here is a case study for you to write about yourself to help you see how you might strive to improve the relationship. Remember you are the one sensing the tension. You are the one who may have to flex and find a new approach.

• Think about a conversation or situation with a boss that went very well.

• Now think about a situation or conversation with a boss that did not go well.

• Compare your Thinking, Feelings, and Behavior in each circumstance. Use the chart below to guide your thoughts:

As you study the chart above, what are you learning about yourself and your approach to working with people who are more difficult for you to relate to?

Patience and Urgency - Part 3

I hope you are enjoying this series on how you can be both patient and have a sense of urgency at the same time.  Last week I included three coaching strategies related to how you can become more patient in your life as a leader. If you missed the post, you can read it here, and the introduction to the series here. This week I will be focusing on how you can answer this question by getting comfortable with change.

Turn and Face the Change

I had a coaching kick-off meeting this morning with a brand new coaching client. Anytime I have a meeting like this, the first thing I explain to the leader and their supervisor is that they are going to be growing as a leader through the experience of coaching. The next thing I say is, “And growth is uncomfortable. That is okay though, because if we feel different, that is a sign we are growing”.

Then I pause for effect.

Then I ask, “Are you OK with being uncomfortable”? 

Most of the time, my new clients tell me that yes, they are ready to grow! Or they say something like “I am really looking forward to the experience”. 

While both of these might be true, they still do not really answer the question.

I want you to stop for a minute and really think. If I asked you to incorporate a change in how you are leading your team right now, that this change in behavior is going to require you to do something different, and it is going to make you uncomfortable at first, would you be okay with being uncomfortable?

I will speak for myself at this point and say, “NO, I am not okay being uncomfortable!”

Who is? None of us likes to be uncomfortable.

However we all know that with this feeling comes the growth we desire.

Case in Point

For the past 6 years I have been a big fan of working out at OrangeTheory Fitness. Earlier this morning, I completed an hour-long workout that included 20 minutes of inclines on a treadmill and frankly it was uncomfortable. Our trainer Dani kept giving us words of encouragement like, “I know this is hard, but you didn’t come in here to stay the same. You came in here to change.” (At least that is what I heard, because honestly I was so uncomfortable I had a hard time focusing on exactly what her words were!)

As we develop ourselves as leaders we have to connect with this idea that our growth is going to be uncomfortable. When we are comfortable with wherever we are, we can develop natural resistances to change. This resistance to change or familiarity with the status quo has at its base some underlying emotions. 

If you pay attention to these emotions, they are telling you something. When Dani told us about the treadmill portion of our workout she said, “Don’t be afraid of the hills! You will finish this and you will be better on the other side.” 

What Dani was calling to our attention was the fact that we could expect change. And that this change was going to be uncomfortable. Also that our emotions could be telling us to not jump into the change. But instead of paying attention to these emotional resistors, we should engage in emotions that lead to acceptance of the change. 

I have included a chart below of some common emotional resistors and the accompanying emotions that lead to acceptance. 

Changing to be Patient

As you reflect on a change you may want to make in your leadership life, anticipate these emotions. For example, you may want to write a plan so that you can become more patient, but then you start to feel anxious and you begin to argue with yourself. This is when you can say to yourself, “I might feel anxious right now, but I am going to choose to feel satisfied as I write my plan to overcome.” 

My encouragement for you as a leader is to embrace the feeling of being uncomfortable as you grow. Then as you feel the resistance, step into it and turn it around so that the feeling becomes positive and encouraging. As you do this, celebrate the fact that your emotions were telling you to stay where you were, but you were able to overcome them and be the leader you desire to be.

Next week I will finish up the series by integrating our previous discussions on developing patience with the idea of having urgency.

Patience and Urgency - Part 2

Last week's blog post was formed from a question I received from one of our readers. If you missed the post, you can read Part 1 here. The main question was:

How Can We Have Patience and Urgency at the Same Time?

Growing up as an 8-year-old boy in Central Illinois, I loved baseball. But maybe even more than the game itself, I loved the Chicago Cubs. 

Ernie Banks at first base, Glen Beckert at second base, Ron Santo on third base, Don Kessinger at short stop, Jim Hickman in right field, Don Young in center field, Billie Williams in left field, and my favorite, Randy Hundley behind the plate. 

If it was a really great day, Fergeson Jenkins was on the mound as the pitcher. And Old Jack Brickhouse was quoting Ernie Banks, begging the teams to “play two games”.

I just love the Chicago Cubs! In those days the Cubs were on WGN TV and the games started at 1:05 pm. I could watch an entire game on TV and then go out and grab the guys and have enough daylight to play our own game. If we were lucky, we could get two in that day as well. I loved the Chicago Cubs so much, I dreamed of being one. Playing all kinds of organized baseball, the game as an 8-year-old came pretty easy to me and I loved it!

Then, as I got a little older, something began to change. The pitchers could throw the ball at different speeds. As a batter, as long as the ball came to me straight and fast, I could hit it a mile. But then, as the pitchers got older they learned not only how to throw the ball at different speeds, they could make it curve as well. If the speed was slightly different, it threw off my timing and the ball became very hard to hit.

I know I am not alone out there. I can only imagine how many of you had similar dreams. My dreams of playing for the Chicago Cubs ended when I just couldn’t hit the dreaded curveball.

The curveball in Baseball is known as an off-speed pitch. It has two primary features: it is thrown at a slower speed and it moves off a straight line. This means that the hitter has to be patient in order to be able to make contact with the ball. As a batter, if you can be patient and wait for the ball to get to the plate, and you can see it move, then that ball becomes easy to hit. The problem is that it really isn't so easy!

Patience

As I grew older, the pitchers gained more skill and the baseball kept moving at different speeds and on different lines, so I started to strike out more and more.  The more I would strike out, the harder I would swing at the ball and the more impatient I became. I was so frustrated, I would swing the bat at where I thought the ball would be only to whiff and hear the umpire call “strike three!” 

I just didn’t have the skill as a young player to be patient and wait for the slower speed pitch. In my brain, the ball should have been coming at a faster speed and I found it really hard to just wait for it.  If I could have been more patient at the plate, maybe, just maybe I could have worn those blue pinstripes of my beloved Chicago Cubs. 

Patience, according to Merriam Webster “is an ability to wait without becoming annoyed or upset”. For me, it is being able to suspend your personal need for satisfaction and action. For leaders, patience is all about being able to slow down those fast-paced exchanges with others in order to facilitate higher-quality interactions and better decision-making. 

It seems like the faster things go, or the more urgently we feel the pressure, the more we want to execute NOW! Just like trying to hit a curveball, trying hard or succumbing to the feeling of urgency doesn't help us hit it. What leaders need is an ability to slow their world down. 

As the pressure in the organization builds, as the requests from senior management become stronger and more frequent, most people will feel this urgency and just want to do something. If we are doing something, we feel good. It doesn’t matter if it is the right thing, at least we are trying.  It is a bit like me trying to hit the curveball. At least I went down swinging. didn’t hit the ball. But at least I did something. I wasn’t successful, but I tried.

I think the key is to be aware of what the pressure or speed of the change is doing to you and not become annoyed or upset. Once frustration starts to set in, now we are putting additional pressure on ourselves, and our ability to perform is drastically reduced.

3 Coaching Strategies for Being Patient

Patience is not racing ahead in one’s thought processes while missing the nuanced, but important information that others are trying to share. Sure you want organizational change. Yes, you need it now! But putting so much pressure on yourself could cause you to miss critical things that others need to provide input on. Here are 3 things I work on with my coaching clients when patience is a desired virtue:

1. Write a plan. It is amazing to me how many leaders do not want to sit down and write out a simple plan. A plan that includes people, times, dates, and objectives.  Just writing out a simple timeline can help calm our minds down so that we can see the speed at which we need to move. Then, if we need to move faster, we all are working from the same plan.

2. Use STOP.  This is a model I use to help clients slow down and think. It needs to be implemented before you feel the pressure building. However, if you find your mind racing, it can be used then too. The strategies are simple, but the implementation isn’t always so easy. Like learning to hit a curveball though, with practice, this can be a valuable tool.

3. Gates. I use the analogy of being on a walk. Going from one place to another when all of a sudden something changes or you start to feel pressure. When you do,  think of the following 3 questions as “gates” you can walk through just to slow yourself down and give yourself some time:

• Gate 1: Ask yourself “Is It True?” What evidence is there that what you are experiencing is real? So many times, we put so much added pressure on ourselves that is unnecessary. If it is not true, then there is likely no reason to continue this mental exercise. Just stop at the first gate. If it is true, then proceed to Gate 2. 

• Gate 2: Ask yourself “Is It Necessary?” Many times, being a leader myself, something might be true, but I just don’t need it. For example, I might feel like I am being attacked, but is it really necessary for me to defend myself? Just because I feel it, doesn’t mean I need to act on it. If it is not necessary for you to act, then you can stop. You have talked yourself off the ledge and there is no reason to move on. If it is both true and necessary, proceed to Gate 3. 

• Gate 3: Ask yourself “Is it kind?”. Sure it might feel better for me to unload on someone, or make another department my scapegoat, but is it kind? Would I want someone to say the same thing about me? It might be true, it might be necessary, but if what I am about to say is hurtful or lacks compassion, then should I really walk through that gate? 

What all three of these strategies do is help you develop some patience in the face of urgency, tension, and complexity.  They are meant to help you slow down and think.  

Who knows, someday someone in your organization might throw you a curveball and you might just hit it out of the park!

Patience and Urgency - Part 1

I received an interesting email from a leader last week asking me if I take requests for blog topics. I wrote back to her and let her know, YES I love it when folks engage and are looking for tips or tricks to enhance their leadership life. The question was so well-formed that I asked her for permission to quote it. 

I love leaders who care about their organizations! I really get the sense that this leader both wants to personally be brought into what senior leadership is seeing and cares enough to wrestle with such difficult questions.  

As a leader, if someone in your organization wants to go to lunch or grab a virtual coffee and ask a question like this, I think you should find a way to give them a raise. I have worked alongside too many folks who would just throw their hands up in the air and cast blame on the organization for the lack of productivity. What I love about this question is that there is no blame here, just a leader seeking to contribute. 

The Question

Her question was:

“If you're taking requests, how about something on patience with organizational readiness during times of change?

Lately, we have received several calls to action from senior leadership that incremental changes are not enough...we must make big changes (and in a relatively short time frame).

Oh, and all of this is supposed to occur in a matrix organization devoid of hierarchy.   I find that I struggle to find patience when we identify high-impact opportunities (to do things better, faster, more cost-effectively) that, in reality, will still take 6-18 months to persuade all the affected stakeholders to even START.  No tears or anger, just a lack of productivity.”

I am going to dissect the question as a series, a multi-week post. I am particularly intrigued by this question because at its core, the organization seems to be asking for two different things. Not only are there multiple requests, but they also seem like they are polar opposites.

Patience…………………………….and…………………………………….Urgency

How can we have patience and urgency at the same time? 

On the surface, these attributes seem to be time responses to the same trigger. And in some sense they are. 

When faced with dilemmas like this, I like to separate out the attributes and see if they really are on the same linear plane. Are they really polar opposites?  If we separate the attributes and put each on its own line, can we find any new or interesting ways to look at the problem?

My good friend and organizational change expert Dr. Drew Boyd, writer of Inside the Box Thinking would probably call this “division”. You see, Drew maintains that innovation does not come from what we do not know, but from what we do. So if we give our problem a new definition, we might learn from it. So I did the following:

Patience…………….

And 

Urgency……………

As soon as I wrote the problem on two different lines, the thought came to me that we are likely talking about two different things entirely.  I went back and read the email that my leader friend wrote to me and saw the problem anew. Here is what I am now seeing:

Individual Patience

And

Organizational Urgency

If we put each of these on some sort of linear graphic it could look something like this:

Individual Patience……….and…….Individual Impulsiveness

Organizational Urgency…and……Organizational Stagnation

What this graphic representation does for me is it helps me see how I need strategies for both myself and the organization. The problem with leaving the attributes on the same line is that my brain sees them as the same thing and if I have emotion about them, one will spill over into the other.

By separating out the issues, I can gain clarity and formulate a plan. So now that the question is clearer I can search for better answers to both of these problems.

How can I be more patient?

How can I help the organization gain a sense of urgency?

Next week, in part two, I am going to answer both of these questions and give some tips and strategies that leaders can use in their everyday practice. 

Until next week, I have an assignment for you:

Sit for 15 minutes each day with your journal and reflect on how you can be more patient. 

I really want you to try this. Don’t do anything else while you do this exercise (well maybe have a cup of coffee or hot tea). Just sit quietly with no radio or distractions on and write what it feels like for you to be patient.

If you do this exercise for a day or two, I would love it if you would write a comment below and let me know what the experience was like for you.

To Be a Wise Leader You Need...

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been sharing some thoughts on connecting wisdom and leadership. If you missed those blog posts you can read them here and here. 

King Solomon, said to be the wisest person to ever live, has been the main character we’ve used as an example of what it means to be a wise leader.

One of the cautions that we as leaders need to recognize is that we can start to get full of ourselves. If we are not careful, we start to believe the press that is written about us: 

• Hard worker

• Smart

• Excellent with people

• Good salary with nice bonus checks

• Dedicated and loyal

These things may actually be true, but when you get this kind of feedback it can start to go to your head.

Queen of the South

King Solomon had this same experience. Things were going really well for him:

• He gave orders to build the temple on Mount Moriah

• He had been blessed by God with wisdom

• People liked him

• He was very rich

• He was dedicated to the people he served

Then one day, Solomon had a visitor, the Queen of Sheba. She had heard about Solomon’s fame and wanted to test him to see if he was as great of a leader as she had heard.  They scheduled a meeting and talked; Solomon answered all her questions and she got to observe firsthand the wisdom he had obtained. 

The Queen says to Solomon,

“The report I heard in my own country about your achievements and your wisdom is true. But I did not believe what they said until I came and saw it with my own eyes. Indeed, not even half of the greatness of your wisdom was told to me. You have far exceeded the report I heard.”

-2 Chronicles 9:5

Can we just sit in that feedback for a minute? How cool would it be if someone from another company requested a meeting with you because they had heard of your reputation, and after you met they say that you are even twice as good as they had expected? Wouldn’t you walk out of that room feeling like Muhammad Ali or Tom Brady…some of the “Greatest of All Time” athletes?

Solomon Knew the Danger

So what is the danger of this kind of recognition from others? You are the greatest, you are the smartest, you are the fastest, you are the best, you are all that and a bag of chips (as my daddy used to say)?

I think the real danger is that you may start to believe it! 

Solomon knew this too because he penned a proverb cautioning against believing all of this about yourself:

“It is not good to eat too much honey, Nor is it honorable to search out one's own honor.”

- Proverbs 25:27

I wonder if it is because of his interaction with the Queen of Sheba that he doesn’t pen different words. I could see Solomon after his meeting with the queen, sitting with his journal at the end of a long day writing something like:

“Honey sure tastes good. And I have heard from the doctors around town that it is good for you. However, if you eat too much of it, it is not so good for you. In fact, instead of being delicious, it can make you really sick. Giving yourself too much credit is a lot like this. It is ok to have a little bit, but if you spend all your time thinking about and telling others how great you are, that makes others sick and it isn’t good for you either.”

Solomon says that searching for one's own honor is like eating too much honey. In the long run, it isn’t good for you.  In other words, too much of a good thing just might make you sick. 

Honor is something that naturally follows a job well done. I am in no way saying that as a leader you should not recognize others for a job well done. I personally believe that leaders who do a great job will get all of the honor they need and deserve. 

Just be careful that you are not seeking this honor out for yourself. Focusing on this honor can take a leader into a bad place. One leader I know put it this way,

“I have a person on my team who I am surprised that he does not break his own arm patting himself on the back.” 

Remedy for the Danger of Self-Promotion

While we all want to work with very confident leaders, too much of a good thing, like self-confidence, can start to rub people the wrong way. Humility, according to Dr. Edgar Schein in its most general sense, refers to granting someone else a higher status than one claims for oneself. 

This idea of basic humility is really all about granting status to others. It is about recognizing the innate value that other people bring to the table. This basic humility allows a leader to recognize others for who they are and what they do.

There is another deeper level of humility that is good for leaders to consider. This is the concept of epistemic humility. This is where a leader is able to recognize their own personal limits in knowledge, reflect analytically on social problems, have an understanding of the limitations of human experience, preserve in wrestling with intellectual challenges, and take the perspective of others. 

The idea of epistemic humility goes beyond the recognition of others into the realm of self-examination, self-truth telling, and being able to see others' perspectives. This kind of humility calls on a leader to self-regulate, self-depreciate, and truly value what others are seeing.

I am curious how you might see yourself in relation to the story of Solomon? Most of you that read these posts are very successful. You could easily fall into the trap of asking yourself “What about me?”. Think now, how do you use humility as a counterbalance to keep your own self-confidence from running out of control?

Would You Choose Wisdom?

In last week's post, I mentioned an opportunity that King Solomon was presented with as a leader. If you missed it, you can read that post here. In short, the story from the book of Ecclesiastes describes how God shows up in Solomon's dream and tells him to ask for any one thing and God will give it to him.

Fully acknowledging this is happening to Solomon in a dream, I find the story to be one of gripping drama, and the choice that King Solomon was faced with is fascinating. Here is a quick recap:

God shows up to a sleeping Solomon and says, “Ask for anything and I will give it to you.”

I think Solomon has to be thinking along the lines of: 

“This is cool! I have to get this one right! This is big. Maybe I should create a list of options…”

• I need a new chariot

• My marriage isn't going so great

• I have just seen the doctor and the news wasn't so good

• My kids have lost all respect for me

• My kingdom has a history of revolting against its leadership

• I have enemies on every side of my land

• My army is a lot smaller compared to all my enemies

• My land is prone to drought, and there are a lot of people to feed

Let’s stop there for a moment and put ourselves in Solomon's place. Pretend that God, who by definition is all-knowing, all-powerful, is always everywhere, and can do whatever is desired, is saying to you, "Ask me for anything and I will give it to you."

While you ruminate on that question, I have some additional thoughts for you to ponder.

Why Wisdom?

As you consider King Solomon’s list of options, you can begin to understand the gravity of the question he faced. I am sure as you are thinking about your own request of God, you might be thinking, “This IS big.”

It is very big. Especially if you are a leader. And most of you who read this lead others. 

Some of you lead organizations, others of you lead teams, others lead churches, and some of you have the responsibility of a family. No matter what your leadership level is, this can be a difficult question to answer, "If I could have one thing in my life, what would it be?"

I think somehow Solomon must have realized that how he answered this question would likely impact the rest of his life on earth and maybe even impact him beyond his earthly life. I don't mean to over dramatize the point,...but how can I not?

I can almost feel the tension Solomon may have had in his dream..."Think, think! before God changes his mind, what should I ask for?"

It is possible that Solomon wasn’t quite as confused as I am  while contemplating that question. Perhaps Solomon was a more reflective leader and had read a lot of blog posts on leadership, so he had spent some time thinking about questions like this. Or maybe he even worked with an Executive Coach who asked him similar questions to prepare him for this very moment. Who knows?

What we do know is that no matter the level of drama associated with the decision, Solomon asks for wisdom.

On the surface, this is a curious choice. 

Most of us have  some concept of what wisdom is, but if we are honest, it is not something we think as much about these days. Prior to reading these recent blog posts, when was the last time you even thought about the concept of wisdom?

While there is not one agreed-upon definition for wisdom in any of the scholarly leadership literature I have read, I do think there are some thoughts that are quite insightful as we begin our thinking about this important leadership attribute:

Most perspectives on wisdom view it as an expert knowledge system that concerns the fundamental pragmatics of life. (Baltes)

• Another perspective is that wisdom is a skillful application of the practical truth to ordinary facets of life that extend beyond information and knowledge. (Dr. Ken Boa)

• Yet another view is that wisdom is perceived as exhibiting two categories of attributes: exceptional understanding and attributes of judgment and communication. (Holiday 7 Chandler)

• Wisdom is a capacity to put into action the most appropriate behavior by considering what is known and what does the most good. (Rowley)

• Recently an affective component to wisdom has been added that includes Emotional Management as a key to leaders being able to display wisdom.

Is there anything we can glean from these 5 perspectives that might inform us on how we see wisdom? It entails some level of expertise:

• The skillful application of practical truth

• Often what is needed is beyond our own level of information and knowledge

• Leaders are faced everyday with not only what needs to be decided and communicated, but HOW this needs to be done

• Some level of emotional management and tolerance of stress is indicated for good judgment and decision-making

• As leaders, our judgments impact not only ourselves but many others in our organizations.

So, why wisdom? 

Why then as a leader did Solomon choose wisdom over anything else?

Perhaps there are two reasons, one a bit self-centered and the other focused on more of a greater good:

1. My dissertation chair, Dr. Very Ludden, was famous for saying that leaders require wisdom in decision-making to avoid taking foolish actions. No one wants to look foolish. No leader I know wants to take their team down a path of wasteful folly.

2. A leader's actions are all about the sound judgment that without wisdom, are filled with distractions and temptations.

I think that somehow, Solomon had the ability to look at his list of options and see a connection. Solomon had many problems and issues he faced. Some personal, some organizational, some from external forces. I think Solomon knew that what he needed was an attribute that would help him across all facets of his life.

He knew that it was wisdom that would give him the ability to help reconcile his need to be seen as a leader by others with the external needs of creating followership by those in his kingdom and respect from those outside his kingdom.

How about you? Now that you have had some time to reflect on the question, what would you ask for if you could have just one thing? 

Success? Power? Influence? Riches? Love? Respect?

Wisdom?

I hope you will ponder this question for yourself. And, as long as you are pondering, why not ask? You never know what might happen…

If You Could Have One Thing…

As we begin a new year I have been thinking about something. More specifically, I have been asking myself a question that is not an easy one to answer.

Here is the question:

“If I could have one thing now that I either don’t currently possess or that I do possess but would like to have more of, what would it be?”

I know some of you are saying right now, “Scott, you really need to spend your time thinking about deeper things.”

I agree.

And after you judge me for thinking this, you will likely sit back and think to yourself, “What do I want more of”? 

Here are some things I consider as I ponder the question myself:

1. More clients to grow my business

2. More money to buy and do more things

3. More peace so my stress level would be lower

4. More impulse control so I won’t crave Chex Mix at 9 pm

5. More time to do what I love when I want to do it - like play more golf

A Little Irony

Most of you who know me know that I am a fairly spiritual person. I often start my day around 7 am with some reflection time that includes a few things: 

• A 21-day prayer journal that our church is working through.

• A Daily Meditation by Richard Rohr called “Yes, And…”.

• Reading some scriptures from my Leadership Bible and writing a reflection in my journal on what I am learning.

Interestingly enough, as I have this question rolling around in my head, “what do I want / more of,” I sat down one morning this week to the following:

• The prayer journal lesson was about the places Jesus went in his few short ministry years. There was a collision between the realities of his heavenly kingdom and the brokenness of our fallen world.

• Rohr wrote, “It’s all about seeing…moving from dualistic to non-dualistic thinking at the highest levels.”

• My scripture reading was from 1 Kings - the place where God appeared to King Solomon and said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”

• My journaling brought these three big ideas together: a) the brokenness of the world, b) being open and patient with ambiguity, and c) that God asked Solomon the same thing I was asking myself.

Pretty interesting, right? I have this question rolling around in my head, then wake up and my reading for the day is God asking King Solomon the very same question.

Now I am feeling better about my question not being silly or trite. I mean… if God asked it of Solomon it has to be a good question…right?

What Would Solomon Do?

As I continued in my journaling reflection, I began to notice that all three of these topics have something in common. 

To answer any of them, brings in the unknown.

• What to do about the brokenness of our world?

• How to be open and patient with that which is ambiguous in my life?

• If I could ask God for one thing, what should it be?

This realm of the unknown to me is like a big dark cave. It brings feelings of both anxiety and fear. I just really don’t like not knowing. I would much rather be in control and know. Give me certainty all day long over the unknown.

I guess this is what impresses me the most with this part of the story about King Solomon. He could have been selfish and asked for his kingdom to grow, he could have asked for money to buy more stuff for the palace. He could have even asked for impulse control so his tummy doesn’t hurt at night after he eats his favorite snack. Shoot, he doesn’t even ask to live a long life free of problems.

Think about this with me for a minute. 

God shows up to Solomon in a dream and says “Ask me for anything and I will give it to you.” Solomon, now in the driver's seat to be granted anything he wants….

Can you feel the drama building…. ?

He asks for wisdom.

Wisdom to be able to make good decisions and distinguish between right and wrong on behalf of his kingdom. 

What an interesting request!

Wisdom. This pinnacle of human development. 

Next week I will begin to unpack this idea of wisdom and leadership a bit more. I don’t think anyone would argue that in our world today, wisdom is something that is needed by leaders everywhere. 

Perhaps this is a good question for all of us to ponder, after all.

If God showed up to you in a dream and told you to ask Him for anything, what would it be for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

3-Step Recipe for a Productivity Reset

Question: When is the last time you experienced a productivity reset?

I read recently that in a knowledge-working society the work we do is really about creativity.  Now, when I hear the word creativity my mind immediately goes to the painters and sculptors of the world. The work they do is creative. 

Before those of us who are scientists, technologists, and managers or leaders abdicate the world of creativity to the artists, we probably should step back for a moment and make sure we are not leaving the best part of us behind.

The Story

I had a conversation with one of my former graduate students who said she was completely burned out and didn’t know how she was going to get her research project finished on time.  She was definitely in need of a productivity reset.

Here is a part of our conversation:

“..By the time I finish my commute to and from work, I am logging 60 hours or more a week. In addition, I have a family and my church that are both important to me. I just don’t have any energy left for creativity to get this research project finished.”

I could just sense the frustration and disappointment in her voice as she was trying to figure out how to be more productive. Then almost without taking a breath, she said,

“…You know, perhaps I could be more efficient in the morning. If I got up an hour earlier I could get more done because I am at my most creative in the morning.”  

The Point

As knowledge-workers, we are all going to have to realize that more time, more effort, more energy doesn’t equal creativity or effectiveness.  It just equals more time and more effort. That's it.  If you are playing a game of who-works-hardest, then keep going, but if you want to be creative and innovative, then maybe work as hard as you can while you're working and then stop and do something else.

I think there is a reason that athletes work really hard in times of peak performance and then rest their bodies.

There is a reason writers like J.R.R. Tolkien, William Stafford, and Victor Hugo would work for a while in the morning and then go for long walks in the afternoon.  

Both high performing athletes and creative writers alike see the value of both hard work and the regenerative process of the productivity reset.  There is only so much a knowledge-worker can do to be productive before they need to recharge their brain.

According to Margaret Moussa, Maria-Estella Varua, and Matthew Wright’s work on knowledge-workers, what has been left out of the discussion up until now are issues of self-efficacy and well-being.  

The question we need to ask ourselves as leader is:

Can we leaders continue to treat our knowledge-workers the same way we treated productivity-workers of ages gone by?

And…

Can we as knowledge-workers continue to try and cram more stuff into our day and expect quality outputs?

3 Step Rest Process

Here are three things that I try to do when I am in need of a productivity reset.

1. Read. There is nothing like reading to stimulate productivity. If I ever have writer's block, reading is one of the best ways I know to get the juices flowing again. I have found that there is nothing like poetry and fiction to really get my juices flowing again. In fact, I just finished a chapter of Britt-Marie Was Here by Fredrik Backman.
   

2. Walk. I love to exercise but when I work out I am really focused on pushing my body, so I don’t get many creative thoughts going when my heart rate is above 140. But when I am just out for a walk, and the sun is shining, and I can sense the beauty all around me, my creative energy just seems to flow.
   

3. Phone a Friend. For me, there is nothing like community and conversation to spur creativity. I always feel better when I get off the phone with my coach, my coaching group, or a conversation with Kevin or Joanne. There is just something about talking to others that will spur on my creative process.

As leaders, when we think about ourselves or those who are in our care, perhaps we need to be thinking less about how productive we can be and more about how we are practicing self-care. It is elements like reading, taking a walk, and engaging in a community that are the real ways we gain wisdom. 

Could it be that as knowledge-workers we are really seeking things like wisdom, and as we do we actually become more productive as a by-product?

I had many more things to say about this topic, but I am feeling a bit confused and convoluted right now….

I think I will go for a walk.

2 Minute Read to Improve Your 2022 Vision

When I was a kid my mom would tell me I needed to eat more carrots to improve my vision. If I wanted to be able to see with clarity, her wisdom of the time was for me to crunch on a few orange root sticks. Mom’s advice, while heartfelt and well-meaning, did not ultimately keep me from becoming farsighted and needing sight correction to be able to see clearly.

Many of us will get well-meaning advice as we approach the new year, reading and listening to experts drone on and on about goal setting and how you must have a goal if you want to accomplish anything.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with setting a goal, it can be a bit meaningless if not aligned with the vision of who you want to be as a leader. 

Envision Your Future You As A Leader

As the calendar changes from 2021 many of us will begin tithing about what we want to accomplish in 2022. Most of us will make some kind of resolution to make a change as the new year rolls in.

A resolution is “a firm decision to do or not do something”.

Like you, In the past I have made many types of New Year’s Resolutions:

• Personal: Eat right, exercise more, and lose 10 pounds

• Professional: Increase sales by 20% by becoming more customer-centric

• Family: Become a better listener when talking with my wife

• Spiritual: Read through the Bible in a year

All good stuff. I am sure many of you are making resolutions and talking with your friends and family about them over the next few days.

I thought I might challenge you to add a category this year. In addition to your personal, professional, family, and spiritual resolutions, think about a resolution to improve your leadership. Envision yourself becoming the leader you want to be in the future.

Leadership

Here are 10 ideas to get your thinking started on what you could resolve to do or not do in 2022 when it comes to your leadership.  I pulled this list from some of our more popular blog posts we have done over the years.

1. Reflect on being a great leader and what is keeping you from being great.  Who among us doesn’t want to be seen as a great leader? And yet, so many of us have some barrier that we just don’t want to see or do anything about. 

2. Work on your values before your vision.

3. Spend less time working and more time thinking. This idea runs counter culture to our “doing” mentality. Perhaps you need to work less and think more to enhance your ability to lead. 

4. If you were a brand (like Kleenex or Toyota), what would your value proposition be?

5. Who in your organization do you need to network with. 

6. What piece of FeedForward advice do you need to seek out? In our organizations we are so good at feedback. We just love telling people what we observed them doing.  Why not start a culture of FeedForward? Perhaps we could all get a little better at offering some solutions in addition to what we see in others that we don’t like. 

7. What cycle of negative thinking will you break this year?

8. How are you resting in the middle of your work day? Studies are showing how important rest is for leaders to maintain their effectiveness. How are you cycling your work to maximize your performance?

9. Take your emotional intelligence temperature. Are you able to choose how you react or are you “slave” to your knee jerk reactions?

10. Whatever change you make, put a plan in place to sustain it and get some coaching to keep you accountable.

I am looking forward to being with you on your leadership journey. If there are subjects you would like tackled on these pages just drop me a line. i am happy to do the research and write about what interests you.

My prayer for you is that you have a productive and effective leadership year.

Blessings to you and your families.

PS. If you know someone who might be interested in growing as a leader, why not forward them this blog and have them sign up? It’s free and easy and we guarantee they will gets tons of value.

Do You Share These Observations Regarding Leadership Momentum?

There are not many folks from about mid-December through mid-January who are wanting to engage in new coaching or training opportunities, so each year I use those weeks for reflection and planning. 

In addition to the clients I am currently working with, I am regularly adding new coaching clients into my practice throughout the year. With that in mind, an important area to reflect on as one year ends and a new one begins is the future of my coaching practice. How many new clients will I engage with this year? Who will they be? What will my coaching practice look like in the coming months? It is important to thoughtfully reflect on these questions in order to determine how I can proactively plan for a successful year for both myself and my clients.

Another area of my professional life that I reflect on is the work my clients have asked me to do with them. I begin by looking at my calendar to observe all the work I did in the past 12 months. I look at all the times I spent teaching, training, facilitating, coaching, creating content, etc. Then, I ask myself a really hard question: Is the work I am doing still relevant? Is it meaningful for those who call on me to work with leaders in their organization?

Finally, I spend time in personal reflection and journaling. Perhaps most importantly, reflecting on how I spend my time, then comparing this data with what I really enjoy doing in my work life.

Momentum

One way to look at whether or not I am relevant is by using the idea of momentum. This is a concept that I borrow from the world of personal investing and finance.

One of the personal-finance newsletters I read on a very regular basis is called Sound Mind Investing. (You can learn more about them at www.soundmindinvesting.com.)

In the January 2019 newsletter, Matt Bell wrote about the concept of momentum. According to Matt:

“A fundamental mistake many investors make is to move too quickly in choosing investments. They read about a hot stock or this year’s best-performing mutual fund and jump in. It’s all very ad hoc and reactive.”

Matt goes on to write that:

“Momentum is the idea that the recent past performance tends to persist-that is, it tends to continue, at least into the near term future.”

This means that what has happened in the recent past is likely to continue into the near future. It is what we know to be true from the world of physics; that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, while an object at rest stays at rest.

Momentum in the financial world becomes an objective measure of what is going on in the marketplace so that the investor can build a strategy based on real data and not just turn on the TV and be moved to buy a stock by some talking head at the moment.

Momentum Analysis

As I analyzed my journaling from the past years, here are 4 things I noticed:

1. Emotional Intelligence remains an important leadership construct. This is true for both the training work I do as well as the coaching. Most of the time when leaders hire me there is some growth desired in this area. I think Dan Goleman got it right when he wrote, “What really matters for success, character, happiness, and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills - your EQ - not just purely cognitive abilities…” Organizations put so much emphasis on how smart and skillful people are that they often miss this other very important dynamic of the “how” they work with others.

2. Relational empathy. I don’t know if this is a symptom of our political climate or not, but people have become so polar. They have an idea or a framework for how the world should be and they stick to it no matter how silly it makes them look. Maybe this is a natural outcome of divisions of labor, where those trained in finance wear finance glasses and only see the world through finance. Or, how those who are trained and educated in marketing only see the world through a marketing lens.  As leaders we seem to have lost the skill of trying to understand where the other person is coming from, and, even more important, what it is like to be them. We are so concerned with our own selfish ambition and desires that we have lost sight of the perspective of other ways of seeing and doing.

3. Being flexible in ambiguous times. I was on a call with a potential client toward the end of the year whose organization has been turned upside down. Half of the people have either been laid off or reassigned new roles. There is a tremendous amount of ambiguity about what certain jobs actually are and what people are supposed to do everyday. I was asked to talk with the team about the impact of emotions during times of tension and what to watch for as leaders when working with others. I was interrupted with a question in the middle of my presentation when one well meaning soul said, “Dr. Livingston, enough already about helping people process the loss they have experienced, can you just help us get to a place where things are normal and we can all just get back to work?” My response? “This is your new normal. Learning to be emotionally flexible and helping people deal with where they are in the moment is a new calling for leaders.”

4. Connecting with talent. The December stock market slide, not withstanding the economic outlook and, more specifically, the jobs outlook, is really robust. Senior leaders need to make sure they are connecting with talent, because my sense is that talent is itching for new opportunities. I think senior leaders need to get much better at proactively scheduling time to connect and care about the talent in the organization. Take them for coffee. Schedule a lunch. Learn what is on their mind. You do not need to do another ROI calculation on some process. What you really need to do is ensure you have the talent on your team to turn the future you are planning for into a reality.

How about you? Do you agree with these 4 observations? Leave a comment or send an email. I would love to connect with you to talk about these observations, or your unique observations regarding your organization.

Best hopes for the coming year,

Scott

Think Differently as You Set Goals for Next Year

I’d like to share a story about an inexperienced leader named Charlie. He shows up to work early and stays late. He’s motivated to move from an individual contributor into his first front-line leader role, but he’s not sure how to make that happen. He’s getting grief from his wife for working weekends, and his heavy workload doesn’t ever seem to ease up. How can he move into a leadership role if he’s buried in his current role?

Charlie’s organization is offering a course on Leading with Emotional Intelligence and his boss is encouraging him to attend the class. Charlie feels conflicted. According to his research, if Charlie puts this training in the form of a goal that has a useful future orientation, he is more likely to get the results he is looking for, rather than to put the goal in some prevention connotation.

Research published in the Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies (Sadler, T., Gibson, S., Reysen, S. (2017), reports the effect of a leadership training program on consideration of future consequences. (Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies, 10(4), 35-42.)

To operationalize this a bit, let’s say that you have a team of leaders who are all functional experts; Human Resources, Engineering, Information Technology, Sales, Manufacturing, Marketing, Finance and so on. This team, in the past, while getting along personally, has conformed to operating in silos. Each person does a great job of representing their own function to the face of the organization, but as a team, they struggle to get the synergy that will propel them to the next level.

The sales leader was always trying to maximize sales and didn’t understand why Marketing couldn’t supply the customer segmentation data fast enough. And why did it take Engineering so long to get the prototype built and delivered to the client? Engineering, on the other hand, was frustrated with Supply Chain who just couldn’t get realistic estimates on how much materials were actually going to cost.

The president of the organization, realizing the leaders were all doing a great job of representing their individual role, needed to function better as a team. She was encouraged by a colleague to explore the idea of a training program that would focus on team building.

But would it be successful? Would the organization get synergy from the team development so that the return on the investment would be positive for shareholders?

A good question. A fair question.

Turns out the data is a little mixed on what should be expected.

A Little Background

It is no secret that organizations spend billions of dollars every year on training people in their organizations. Everything from skill-based training, like how to weld two pieces of metal together, or how to write computer code. Then, from more leadership-oriented topics like Leading with Emotional Intelligence or Writing Your Own Leadership Story, to team building events.

Whether the training is skill-based or cultivating leadership in our organizations, the question always surfaces as to what is the return on investment.  There is research that can help us determine if leadership type training is effective in helping leaders meet their goals. But it depends…

Goal Type

It turns out that when it comes to goals, leaders pursue attainment using one of two strategies:

1. Promotion: concentrating the efforts of achievement on positive proactive and productive results.

2. Prevention: targeting efforts on avoiding negative outcomes.

Let’s revisit our friend, Charlie. If his orientation is more to prevent something bad from happening or toward thwarting a negative future response, then his success in the training and as a future leader is in question.

How can Charlie (or his boss) orientate the training as to get a more successful outcome for him as a leader? If Charlie says to himself, “I want to take this leadership training because it will help me be a better coach and mentor to others in the organization someday,” then the aspect to his goal attainment has shifted.

Charlie is moving from individual contributor to organizational leader, and that is what is going to help him get what he wants.

How are you orienting the goals of folks in your organization?  Are you creating a positive, futuristic orientation of hope for the future, or are you trying to prevent failure?

The orientation of our thinking matters!

Oh, Those One-On-One Meetings….

Recently, I have been rereading CS Lewis’s autobiography, “Surprised by Joy.” If you have not tackled this one, I highly recommend spending some time with it. Lewis has a unique way of really opening my eyes to some fascinating ideas and contrasts. One that struck me was his approach to European poetry. For a long time, there was an order that the greats were to be read, like the Iliad and Sohrab (in that order). Lewis approached the reading of these classics and made this observation:

“It does not matter at what point you first break into the system of European poetry. Only keep your ears open and your mouth shut and everything will lead you to everything else in the end.”

I thought, what a powerful message for leaders. Keep your ears open, have some empathy, keep your mouth shut, display some impulse control, and everything will work out for you in the end. 

How many times do we not do that? We get mad, spout off, stop listening, have no impulse control, and then make bad decisions and are filled with regret. 

Sometimes leadership is about patience, humility, and relationships. Maybe MOST of the time leadership is about these things. 

Linking Lewis to Leadership

As I was reading the above section in Lewis’s autobiography, I was wondering where leaders could work to apply the lesson of “keeping your ears open and your mouth shut”. I had even done some journaling around this and nothing was coming to me.

Then I had a call with one of my coaching clients, who wanted to discuss his approach to one-on-one meetings with people on his team. 

When I probed him about the genesis of his question, he lamented that he and his direct reports just didn’t have that much to discuss. Especially to warrant an hour every week or two.  He felt up-to-date on their progress by the emails he received. And he felt the meetings were a bit forced and awkward.

As we continued our discussion, it became apparent to me that this leader was focused very much on the tactical outcome of his one-on-ones. This is the “what” conversation is all about. In this part of the conversation, the person on the team focuses specifically on the tasks they are working on, “what” they are doing.

What I noticed might be missing in the conversation were some of the weightier opportunities for “how” his leaders were acting, “how” they were making choices, and “how” they were motivating and inspiring the teams that report to them. Then second after “how” is “why” they were doing what they were doing. “Why” did they make a certain decision, and “why” did they think a particular action was motivational or inspirational?

These more strategic elements of a conversation take some curiosity on the part of the leader. If the leader has a good question around “what” the associate is doing, then they can implement Lewis’s idea of opening your ears and shutting your mouth. 

One on One Philosophies

After we finished this discussion on having productive one-on-one conversations he asked if I had any philosophies on the one-on-one meeting. 

 I do indeed have some philosophies on one-on-ones. Every good philosophy should have a pillar or two on which it is built. So let me offer this as the anchor to my take on the one-on-one meeting.

Philosophical Pillar: People need to feel connected to their supervisors.

The one-on-one meeting is the opportunity for you to connect the associate to yourself and the organization. This is where you build your relational trust. So your focus and undivided attention are necessary for the associate to feel heard and understood. 

Rules of Engagement

I think to build trust, you need to have some rules or boundaries. These need to be communicated to the associate. 

You can set your own rules, just keep in mind the philosophical pillar and ensure the rules you set along with your philosophy.

Here are my 4 rules for engagement in one-on-one meetings:

• Associate sets the agenda. If the supervisor has a need they should set up a separate meeting.

• If the subordinate has nothing to update, then they cancel the meeting. The supervisor never cancels the meeting, they can only reschedule and it has to be within 1 working day. Too many canceled meetings mean that I am not building the kind of trust I need to be effective as a leader.

• For the subordinate, I suggest 4 types of one-on-one meetings. Alternating between these types helps to prevent the meetings from being monotonous. 

• I like a weekly meeting cadence, alternating between the 4 types. 

4 Types of one-on-one meetings

1. Project updates- Usually occur biweekly

2. Professional Development- Occurs monthly or every other month

3. People update- Occurs monthly or every other month

4. Strategic Vision-Quarterly

So it might look something like this as it is implemented:

Week 1- Project update

Week 2- People update

Week 3-Professional Development

Week 4- Strategic Vision

Week 5-Project update

Week 6-People update

Week 7-Professional Development

Week 8-Project Update

Week 9-People Update

Week 10-Professional Development

Week 11-Project Update

Week 12-Strategic Vision

The Leader sets the expectation

I think the most important thing to remember is that you as a leader need to set the expectation for what these meetings need to look like. Then turn the implementation of the meeting over to your associate. If you give them the big picture and the framework, you then have the capacity to open your ears and really listen to the associate. Helping them feel valued and heard is a big part of what your leadership is all about.

Three Ways to Improve Communication in a Hybrid Work World

Omicron.

Like it or not we are all either learning the Greek alphabet for the first time or being reminded of a time when we first tried to master the 24 letters.

Whether Omicron wreaks havoc on society or fizzles out as fast as it came, our virtual work world seems to be here to stay. One thing the Coronavirus pandemic has caused organizations to rethink is how work is done. What people do has remained pretty consistent, but how they get it done has made some seismic shifts, causing in part what some are calling a “talent migration.” 

From my vantage point, an overwhelming part of the great talent migration has to do with workplace flexibility. I also think that this movement is away from what we all knew as a traditional flex model to hybrid work. In the traditional flex model, an employee could work (wink, wink) a day or so from home when needed. Some organizations even went as far as to declare a specified ‘work from home’ day. The shift that employees are asking for, or perhaps even requiring, is that they want to work from home indefinitely, or want to only come into an office only when absolutely necessary.

This shift is only in its infancy as workers reprioritize what is important in their lives. Organizations need to brace themselves for new levels of competition and not having as much talent around to compete. 

At the end of the day, what will win this tug of war is the culture of the organization. Those organizations with great cultures will have much less migration than those that merely think they have a great culture. 

There will always be a story of a person who leaves and triples his/her salary. I think we all tip our hat to them and say “good for you.” However, as leaders, let's not be fooled into thinking that people always leave for money. 

Employees want to be fairly compensated for what they do. The leadership and cultural battle is going to be waged not on what the associate is asked to do, but on how they can do it.

I think the call for us as leaders is to engage strategic thinking around flexible, hybrid work. In leadership, the future belongs to the curious and flexible. Those who can engage a growth mindset, be curious about what the talent is looking for, and be agile with the changing business landscape will evolve and win. 

Those with a fixed mindset may get their way. The question is for how long. 

Like it or not, hybrid work is here to stay, in some form or fashion. Even long after all the Greek SARs viruses have mutated away or herd immunity is achieved, some mix of working from home for knowledge workers is a new reality.

Like many of you, I have had to learn to adapt to this new business reality. Everything from virtual doctor appointments, to picking out tile for a remodeled bathroom, to individual and group coaching sessions have gone from face-to-face interactions to a virtual environment. I am realizing that no matter how much I want work to go back to the way it was before COVID, it will not.

Since I am imploring leaders to have a growth mindset around hybrid work, I have been challenging myself to see what encouragement I could offer to enhance the skills of leaders to retain talent. This has led me to observe how people are interacting virtually. 

Most of us have gotten past some of the initial communication disruptions like dogs barking in the background, or cats climbing on keyboards, or people walking in the background of a video chat. The struggle has become about being more effective with people when you are not in the same room.

Three Ways to Improve Communication in a Hybrid Work World

1. Focus on Energy. Judith Glaser in her book "Conversational Intelligence" encourages leaders to make communication about the exchange of energy and not information. She calls this Transformational Communication and it is a Share-Discover model versus an Ask-Tell dynamic. When you focus on the energy in the conversation, you create space by exploring others' perspectives, innovating, and creating. As a leader, you move from listening to the other person to protect yourself and your idea to instead listening to ensure you connect with the other person and they feel heard. The skill to develop here as a leader is for you to ask questions you don’t have answers to and to help the other person feel heard.
   

2. Principle of Physicality. This is a term I coined some years ago when working with sales professionals who had to be ready at a moment's notice to communicate with a customer. Pay attention to your physical environment. Get some good feedback from others on what your physical environment looks like on a video call.

   1. What is your background? It doesn’t have to be perfect; it should be professional.

   2. How is your camera positioned; are you looking at it or is it pointing down at the top of your head? 

   3. What kind of lighting do you have? If you are not well lit, people can't see you and it is hard to develop the energy needed.

   4. How are you connecting with audio? Can you maintain a consistent audio connection for an entire call?
      

3. Give Trust. Many of us, with a new hybrid model, are going to have to rethink what trust means to us. The employment agreement we have had with folks has always been built on trust. The difference is we thought as long as we were coming into an office and could see them that they were working. With the knowledge workers of today, leaders need to learn to set clear expectations for what and how work is to be approached and then trust that people are doing it. If there is a problem or a gap, then create psychological safety to address the gap. Don’t fall into the trap that the performance gap is the hybrid work model. You don’t know this gap would not have existed if the person was coming into an office every day. Remember, the employment agreement is still built on trust. As leaders, we may need to spend some time thinking about what this means for us. If assumptions in how people work are changing, what do we need to change to accommodate?

Flexibility is a significant part of a leader's emotional intelligence. Understanding and being flexible with how you feel about things prevents you from developing a fixed mindset. Stay open. Stay curious. If people are migrating away from your organization, work hard to find the real reason why.

Vacationing Well & Returning Better

I hope you enjoyed your time away over the Thanksgiving holiday!

Please enjoy this rerun from a couple of years ago when I intended to take a vacation, but instead worked the entire time. Maybe some of you can relate…

If there is one thing I am known for as an executive coach, it is ensuring my clients hear this clear message: when you are on vacation, you are resting.

There has been a lot of work done to show that we are actually able to perform better when we are practicing good self-care. Part of good self-care is that we learn how to rest.

I really love how Parker Palmer puts it, “Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

OUCH.  That one hurts me personally. So much so that I think I need to apologize to all of you who trust me as a coach and in the work of developing the leaders in your organization.

Why?

Because I just had a “vacation” and instead of resting, I worked.

Usually, when I am on vacation I will catch up on a lot of reading, reflecting, and journaling. Mostly how I rest is that I will have fun with my wife and my friends and family, we play golf, go out for dinner, and play games.

This last vacation I took, I did the second thing; spent time with friends and family playing golf and board games.

What I did not do was spend any time reflecting or reading or journaling.

Instead, I had client calls, and planning meetings, and workshop preparation. 

DANG! Why did I do that?

In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero calls this out as the importance of silence and solitude. He found in his own leadership journey how important this was, not only when taking chunks of time out, like a vacation, but integrating silence and solitude as part of his daily routine. Scazzero writes that he slowed the pace of his life down from working six days a week (about 70 hours) to five days and 40 hours. Over the years, this slowing down has given him time for solitude and reflection.  

The counter-intuitive aspect of this is not always obvious - that this slowing down is actually something that can help us go faster. It can clear our minds. It can refresh us. 

The parallel for me is sleep. When I get a good night’s sleep of 8 hours, I am ready to take on my day. If for some reason I only sleep 4 hours, I am groggy and sluggish the rest of the day. 

While that is an example of a 24-hour cycle; when we put our weeks and months together the logic is the same. 

Rest And Emotional Regulation

By now most of you know the story of the part of our brain called the amygdala. It is the sight of emotional learning and emotional memory. It is the part of the brain’s fear circuit and can trigger things like anger and aggression. When you do not rest enough, or well, this part of your brain doesn’t get the reset it needs from all the day’s activity.

Research has shown that sleep-deprived people show a 60 percent greater activation of the amygdala during waking hours than those who are not sleep-deprived. In his book, Successful Aging, Daniel Levitin writes that “when your mom told you that you were crabby when you didn’t get enough sleep, she was probably right.” (As a side note, Levitin states that sleep deprivation is strongly associated with Alzheimer’s disease.)

The same kind of rest we need every night is needed in more of a yearly pattern as well. As leaders, we need to be able to disengage, to be silent, to think, to become distracted. There is energy in this when we reengage. It is like waking up from a good night’s rest and having your Mom say, “Wow! Look at you! You sure on in a good mood. You must have had a good night’s sleep!”

Remedy

Edgar Schein, in his book Humble Inqury, makes a most salient point in this area when it comes to the real problem. All of this busyness affects our ability to regulate emotion and gets us into a state of mindless hurrying. Schein writes, “If I hurry I do not pay enough attention to what is going on, and that makes mistakes more likely.”

DANG!

Why didn’t I just take my vacation and disengage so I could be in a frame to reduce mistakes? It all seems so simple.

More importantly, perhaps, then not paying attention is that I may miss new opportunities that are right in front of me. Because I am not rested, I mindlessly hurry by them.

For me, I agree with Schein in that learning how to run faster is not where I need to be in my life, but that I need to slow down in order to make sure I have my full thinking and observational mind available to me and can take “full stock of reality.”

My next vacation is scheduled over the Christmas holiday. Please know I will not be available. But also know that when I come back in January, you will get a better version of me. 

Beyond Thanks-Giving

A few weeks ago my wife and I decided to watch A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood on Amazon Prime Video. I don’t have a lot of specific childhood memories about watching the show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, that the movie is based on. I find this sort of strange because I watched a significant amount of television as a youngster. I just don’t have the memories of the show like I do when watching, say, Ferguson Jenkins throw the first pitch for the Chicago Cubs at 1:05 pm on a specific day. I probably should have some impactful memories because Mr. Rogers Neighborhood launched nationally in the US in 1968, and I was 7 years old, but I do not. 

My wife, on the other hand, has very vivid memories of the show. She loved the puppet characters Fred developed in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and the messages delivered to kids on how to be kind, how to respect others, and how to be grateful. 

So, when we watched Tom Hanks portray Mr. Rogers in the movie, I was captivated by Fred Rogers' kindness. If I did have a memory of Fred Rogers before that, if I am honest, I would have said he was weak. 

I was so wrong.

There is a scene in the movie where the filming of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood is being produced. After the shot, Fred walks backstage to see the video. “That's good,” he says. And then he thanks everyone for their work. It just struck me that these folks were all just doing their jobs and yet he took the time to thank them and I got the sense he meant it to the point that they felt valued. In another scene, he thanks a guy who has a different perspective than his. He does not argue with the guy, does not try to convince him to see it his way, but he just thanks him for sharing his perspective.  

As someone who works with leaders on emotional intelligence, this was riveting theater!

Put this genuine kindness (which is displayed throughout the entire movie) Fred exudes, with this scene in a diner where Fred is having lunch with a guy who has lots of problems. The guy describes himself as “broken.”

The guy says to Fred, “You love people like me.”

Fred: “What are people like you? I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life?”

Guy: “Broken people.”

Fred: “I don’t think you are broken. I know you are a man of conviction. A man who knows the difference between what is wrong and what is right….”

What strikes me about all of this is that, at least as Tom Hanks portrays him, Fred Rogers had this genuine empathic perspective for people. For individual people. It seems to me his goal was not to be right, or to be powerful, or to be famous. It seems that Fred Rogers just wanted to understand where others were coming from.

What I noticed as I watched this movie was that Fred Rogers was more than just thankful. Instead, he had a spirit of gratitude. While we often use these words interchangeably in our lexicon, I have started to see them differently. Very much like I am understanding there to be a difference between happiness and joy. 

Happiness is contextual and can change moment by moment. Joy is an attitude, a state of mind. 

Shawn Taylor, in his chapter in the book titled The Gratitude Project summed up quite well how I am coming to see the difference between thankfulness and gratitude:

“A ‘thanks’ is about courtesy. It is acknowledging that someone has done something for you. I also feel like thankfulness is outwardly focused. I experience it as being transactional. On the other hand, gratitude is simultaneously inwardly and outwardly focused. You appreciate what’s been done to or for you, you appreciate the person or thing for providing you with the assistance or experience, and you recognize how they have made your life better, even if it is just for a moment.”

Giving thanks is contextual and transactional. Gratitude is an attitude of the heart and a state of mind. 

You can give thanks and not be grateful. If you are grateful, you are always finding ways to give thanks. Perhaps this is something to reflect on for the Thanksgiving tradition this year?

Around our Thanksgiving tables this year, what if rather than focusing on what we feel is right, or what we believe, we instead tried to understand where others were coming from? Don’t defend yourself. Don’t argue. Resist being proud or smart or right. Just try to understand the other person and be grateful they are in the room with you. 

For many of us, me included, this takes a change in what we think AND how we act.

As I reflect on this I am reminded of what C.S. Lewis writes,

“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird. It would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”

The choice for us as leaders is to grow or go bad. Trying to fly as an egg or hatch into a bird seems to be the choice Lewis is saying we have.

Richard Rohr writes,

"You do not think yourself into a new way of living as much as you live yourself into a new way of thinking.” As leaders, if we want to learn to have a heart of gratitude we must start living that way. You can think, and plan, and strategize all you want. It will do you no earthly good in going from an egg to a bird. Nor will it help you grow wings on your shell. You have to crack open the shell and fly.”

Are you curious about how to do this - how to act so you learn how to think?

I might suggest a model for you to consider. What about Fred Rogers? Why not make watching A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood part of your Thanksgiving tradition? I know you will be blessed. I also guarantee it will motivate you to have a heart of gratitude. 

If anything, it has to do more for your development as a human than watching the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day. 

4 Proven Ways to Get Out of a Rut

As a professional coach, I have been on the receiving end of many questions throughout the years. One that I’ve heard over, and over, and over, sounds something like this: “Scott, I am in such a rut right now. Any ideas on how to get out?"

The idea of being in a rut is an interesting one.

Wagon-Stuck-Road-Bad

What is a rut?

The phrase "stuck in a rut" is said to have originated in the early 1800’s as settlers in America were moving west. The wooden wheels of the wagons they were pulling would get caught in holes or very deep grooves that were carved in the common path being traveled. If your wagon got stuck in a rut, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to pull out and continue the journey.

Today the phrase “stuck in a rut” has a different meaning but similar feeling to it. The feeling of being buried, bored, not motivated, stagnant, or even monotony.  I would estimate that 25% of the coaching I do is with clients who feel like they are in this deep pit and cannot seem to find a way out.

How Do Leaders get Out of a Rut?

Here are four strategies you can use to get out of a rut. I would recommend picking one and see if it works for you. As with all the recommendations we make, there are no guarantees. If something is not working for you try a different approach or a new strategy.

Rest

It is possible for us to feel like we are in a rut when really what we are is tired. In our 24/7 world, where things are constantly coming at us, it is very easy to feel paralyzed and not know which direction to turn. It is like you have eight ropes tied around you and each one is pulling you a different direction. They all have the same amount of tension on them, so you cannot move. You are stuck and what really needs to happen is to release the tension.

Here are three things you can do to rest and relieve the tension so you can move again:

• Serious Play. Often times we think of play as being for children. However, research has shown that play for adults stimulates higher-order thinking. Play, in this sense, is a voluntary activity involving physical engagement of some type that is pleasurable for its own sake. Take a day and just go play. Do something you get a lot of pleasure out of. Resist feeling guilty or childish and just enjoy it. Reflect at the end of the day on how good you really feel. I find the feeling freeing, and a great way to release the tension.

• Sleep. You may flat out not be getting enough. Turn off the TV, iPad, or phone, and get 7 to 8 hours of sleep. If you are in a rut, track the amount of sleep you are getting. If you find you are not getting enough, take a nap. Close your door, schedule a meeting with yourself, and close your eyes for 20 or 30 minutes. It can be refreshing.

• Nature Walk. The walking part is relaxing in itself, and doing it in the woods, on a mountain, or on a beach can be an excellent way to relax. This practice will also help to use pent up energy and help you to sleep better at night.

Reflection

• Get Clear. Make a list of your priorities. Put them in order and start crossing them off. The physical aspect of seeing things crossed off will give you the sense that you are making progress out of the rut.

• Find a Friend. Support them. Focus on them. Don’t focus on yourself and your problem. I find that focusing on others and their problems, then trying to help them solve their issues, often helps me. Being an entrepreneur can at times be scary. Then I go serve a community meal at our local Care Center for people who literally don’t know where their next meal is coming from, and I realize that I really have nothing to fear.

• Start journaling. Then buy Shery Russ’s book The Journaling Life. Seriously, journaling is one of the single best things that leaders can do to keep themselves headed in the right direction. I would encourage you to not only journal what you think, and facts that have happened to you, but also to journal your feelings. Getting emotion out on the table is critical for releasing the stuck feeling.

Retreat

The idea of a retreat comes from an old French word meaning "a step backward."  The word took on a military connotation in the 14th century as an act of withdrawing from action. The reason for withdrawal was to regroup so you can re-engage the enemy again more powerfully than before. Many people I run into see retreat as weakness. Retreat is actually a way for the leader to regain their thoughts and engage their work again more powerfully.

• Personal Leadership Retreat. This idea is for you to get away by yourself for 2 to 4 hours to just think about where you have been, where you are now, and where you are heading in the future. I took a Personal Leadership Retreat in the past, and created a video chronicle of my experience and what I learned. You can view it here. If you don't know how to do a retreat this video will give you some ideas on how you could do your own Leadership Retreat.

• Read Your Bible. One way to retreat when you don't have time to get away for four hours is to take a 20- minute retreat with an inspiring book. The book I turn to most often for inspiration is the Bible. The Bible is, year in and year out, the best-selling book in the world. However, most people just do not spend enough time gleaning inspiration from this masterpiece. One of the verses I turn to most often is Colossians 3:23.

• Try Fiction. Reading or watching a TV series can be a great way to step back, relax, and prepare to re-engage. My wife and I like to take a retreat of sorts. In the evenings, we watch the series Alias on Netflix. The show stars Jennifer Garner and has a spy theme with interesting twists and turns. We call it "mindless", but it helps sometimes to just relax and be mindless so that the next day I am more prepared to engage my world.

Reprogram

You got into this rut by a certain path. If you are going to get out, you may need to do something different that will reposition your perspective. This reframing can be difficult for a couple of reasons: First, leaders may believe that the path they were traveling is right, ergo the rut is on the right path. Second, even when leaders acknowledge they are on the wrong path, being in the rut feels safer than any change they may need to make to get on the right path.

Here are three things you can do to reprogram yourself out of the rut:

• Get on a new path. Start innovating. Don’t worry about success or failure. Develop an attitude to let go of the outcome and just focus on the quality of the input.

• Stick your hand up. Let others help pull you out. Start collaborating. Collaboration is an intentional sharing of ideas, which requires give and take, and at times some real humility. Just talking about what path you want to be on can be of great value and begin to extract you from the hole. Walter Isaacson, in his excellent chronicle of how the digital age came to be, made this observation, “Brilliant individuals who could not collaborate tend to fail." Don’t fail. You are smart enough! Reach out, collaborate, and do it with some intentional frequency.

• Take a risk. Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith is famous for saying “fail forward fast." I am really enjoying a book right now titled Fail Fast, Fail Often. In it the authors provide some very practical advice on how to break free from habitual behaviors that may have you in a rut, and to trust your enthusiasm for a new venture. I know I have said it before, but I do think it is worth repeating: as leaders, we need to let go of outcomes and focus on quality inputs.

Homework: Get out of your rut by trying one of the suggested methods of Rest, Reflection, Retreat, or Reprogram.  Let us know which one you try this week in the comments below.

What To Do When Your Business Vision Is Stuck

Years ago, I worked with a business leader who had an incredible vision for his organization. He was a passionate leader with excellent communication skills and energy for his mission. He was intellectually and morally solid and cared deeply for the people in his organization.

But he was stuck.

His organization just couldn’t grow the business past a certain industry-standard metric. However, the stagnation issue became evident as we looked over some feedback provided by his peers. One of the interview questions I ask the peers of my clients (as a routine part of my data gathering) was, "What is the vision this leader has for the organization?" After several interviews, the collective response was, “The vision is very clear, but we have no idea what steps we need to take to get started. It is like he has been dreaming of this his entire life and we are catching it for the first time."

As I presented this feedback to the leader and we processed the data together, his knee-jerk reaction was “We don’t have time to wait for them to process this. The time is now! They need to get on board or get out of the way. We are going to miss our opportunity. The timing is just right!"

So I asked,“Is it their lack of urgency, or could it be something else?”

After processing with him for a while, we discovered there was not a lack of urgency on the part of the organization. There was, however, a lack of emotional connection between the leader and his team. The urgency that the leader was feeling for vision implementation and change was being offset by his lack of emotional connection competency of patience. People in the organization need the time to absorb, process, and own the vision themselves.

Patience is devoting the appropriate time and attention to others in ways that enhance meaningful interaction.

Patience is suspending your personal need for satisfaction and action.

Patience seeks to slow down those fast-paced exchanges with others in order to facilitate better decision-making.

Patience is not racing ahead in thought process while missing information that others are endeavoring to share.

Patience is not wasting the opportunities to encourage, inspire, and motivate others.

In leader development, it is always important to keep perspective on a leader who is not connecting emotionally with his team. Without this emotional connection, it is virtually impossible to have the social intelligence needed to achieve organizational effectiveness.

There are a number of reasons a follower may choose to align with a leader. Fully committing to the vision of the leader is a quintessential desire that followers have. What they receive in return for committing to the vision of the leader is an emotional connection with that leader.

In our case study above, the leader has a choice. He can either move forward with his urgency and risk losing his entire vision. Or he can proactively slow down and take the time to encourage, inspire, and motivate his people. By embracing patience and connecting emotionally with his team, he can catapult the vision to the next level with everyone on board.

How are you connecting emotionally with your team? I’d love to hear your comments.

How Does Risk Affect Your Team’s Performance?

Do you think risk and reward go together? Or is the reward is an outcome of risk, not a partner in the dynamic interplay of teams? Let's say someone on your team is driven by risk and we suppose they are carefree. Someone else on the team is risk-averse and we categorize them as wary. Now the team has to make a decision on a product or how to put a presentation together. The carefree person wants to go for it. The wary person wants to hold back. Depending on team dynamics, the team may find themselves out of balance or even stuck. As a result, emotions rise, people stop understanding each other and often begin looking for blame.

The stuck feeling the team is experiencing has nothing to do with talent or skill. The team is not performing in the moment because they all have a different tolerance for risk. Risk brings with it, as change does, a certain emotional tone and tenor. We each have a tolerance for risk. As that tolerance becomes challenged, our emotion, anxiety, and fear can all increase. The we feel the less risky something is to us.

There are 8 different types of risk profiles. As a leader, understanding these risk types will help you navigate team dynamics and maximize the risk profiles of each member on your team.

8 RISK TYPES

Excitable

At the root of this is impulsivity and an attraction to risk, combined with distress and regret if things go wrong. This type tends to be passionate and fluctuates between excited-enthusiasm and pessimistic-negativity. Such people are both frightened and excited by their impulsiveness. They are likely to respond emotionally to events and react strongly to disappointment or unexpected moments.

Intense

Those who fall into this dimension tend to be anxious and worrisome. People in this risk type expect the worst, they are high-strung and alert to any risk or threat to their wellbeing. They are emotionally invested in their decisions and commitments and take it personally when things don’t work out. They tend to be very passionate about things, but their mood can swing drastically from day to day.

Wary

Characterized by a combination of self-discipline and concern about risk, these are cautious, organized people who highly prioritize security. They are likely to be alert to the risk aspect of any investment opportunity before pressing into any potential benefits. These people have a strong desire to know exactly what to expect, and, as a result, may find it difficult to make decisions.

Prudent

Those in the prudent risk type have a high-level of self-control. This type is organized, systematic, and conforming. Conservative and conventional in their approach, such people prefer continuity to variety and are most comfortable operating within established and familiar procedures. They are generally very cautious and suspicious of any new ventures and may find reassurance in sticking with what they know.

Deliberate

These individuals have high-levels of calm self-confidence combined with caution. This type tends to be unusually low-key, even in situations where most people would panic. At times, they seem almost too accepting of risk and uncertainty. However, they are often well balanced by a desire to do things in a planned and systematic way. Because they are highly organized, compliant, and like to be fully informed about what is going on, they are unlikely to walk into anything unprepared.

Composed

This type is cool-headed, calm, and unemotional, but at the extreme may seem almost oblivious to risk. Their outlook will always be optimistic. These people take everything in stride and appear to manage stress very well. They are not particularly impulsive but are also not overly organized or systematic.

Adventurous

At the root of this risk type is a combination of impulsiveness and fearlessness. Extreme examples of this type are people who have a disregard for custom, tradition, or convention. They are seemingly oblivious to risk. Their decision-making is likely to be influenced by both their lack of anxiety and their impulsiveness.

Carefree

Those in this category dislike repetitive routine and do not like being told what to do. Such people may seem excitement-seeking and, in extreme cases, reckless. Lack of attention to detail and preparation may cause their intentions and objectives to seem vague. Their impatience, impulsivity, and distractibility sometimes leave them exposed to hasty decisions.

These risk types all come from an assessment that is published by Multi-Health Systems called Compass Risk Type. The tool is designed to assess the individual risk type of each person on a team and then give the team a picture as a whole. As we design workshops around this Compass Risk Type Indicator it is always interesting for a team to look at a current issue they face, and each other’s Risk Type, and work through possible solutions.

There is potential for risk in almost everything we do, and there are many different factors that influence a person’s readiness to take a risk at any particular moment. As leaders, we must be aware of the way those on our team interpret and respond to risk, beginning with ourselves.

The next time your team is stuck in making a decision, look at the list of risk-types and ask if the source of the stall could be attributed to a different approach to risk.

Leaders, Avoid These 5 Coaching Mistakes

As an executive coach, a common question I have to work through at the beginning of a new coaching engagement is

“Am I working with the right person?”

There are two reasons I find myself asking this question:

1. The person I am working with seems to be just as talented as their supervisor.

2. The people I coach are really good at what they do. They are technical experts in their field.

It doesn’t take me long to answer my own question. Yes, I am working with the right person. The higher you go in organizations, everyone is talented (for the most part) and the people are experts in their field. However, this does not mean they are experts in leadership.

Most of my coaching is helping to groom people for higher levels of leadership. Often there is some tactical, behavioral development that needs to occur.

It is the idea that Marshall Goldsmith writes about in his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.

I have had over 750 hours of coaching experience in the last 3 years and I have noticed something very interesting.

We all make mistakes.

Not a revelation, I know, but to me it is an interesting observation. Why? Because I wonder where organizations might be if not for the common mistakes I see them making in regard to coaching their leaders.

• Would turnover decrease?

• Would we unleash talent?

• Would customers have more delight?

• Would we ensure a solid foundation for future generations?

Enough Philosophy

Here are 5 coaching mistakes I observe. As you reflect on these mistakes, ask yourself what traps you might be falling into.

1. Confusing your needs with the needs of the person being coached
   
   Depending on your level of leadership, you are responsible for coaching your team to make one or more of the following connections:
   

   1. The mission of the organization to the vision

   2. The purpose of the organization to the mission

   3. The values you aspire to the purpose

   4. The guiding principles to the values

   5. The strategy to the guiding principles

   6. The tactics to the strategy

   7. Individual behaviors that implement tactics
      

   Let’s be honest, most of our coaching focuses on the last one. We are so in the weeds trying to control others that we often lose sight of what the person really needs.
   
   Rather than focusing always on whether or not they are “doing” things exactly as you want them, perhaps you need to go back and connect them to something that has more depth and meaning.
   
   I believe that most people get up in the morning and really want to do a good job for the company. Too many of us as leaders can not get out of our own way. We feel if we are not “doing,” we are not working.
   
   Before you coach someone, step back and ask yourself “What is really going on here? What does this person need from me today?"
   

2. You say it (or yell it) and they produce
   
   I wrote about this one in my book a few years back 7 Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent Coach.
   
   We live in such a fast paced world that we lose our sense of time. We have instant access to so many things today that 10 or 20 years ago might have taken weeks or months. I no longer have to go through an administrative assistant or send a letter to see if someone can meet with me. I knock out an email or send a text and have a response, often 5 minutes after I sent it.
   
   I heard best selling author, John Townsend, (author of Boundaries, and other great books) give a great analogy the other day. He said it is like standing in front of an apple tree and yelling at the fruit to grow faster; all because the leader wants bigger or more fruit.
   
   Some things just don’t work this way. Some things take time to grow, develop, and mature, no matter how fast you want them.
   
   I recommend you spend some time doing what psychologists call “attuning” with your folks. The idea is to bring into harmony; to tune. The skill required is to connect with others at a deeper and more vulnerable level. This goes beyond being nice or friendly to really be able to listen well and understand the emotions and motivations that are the foundations for behavior.
   
   People will do amazing things for leaders they feel connected with.
   

3. This is their personality so they will always behave this way
   
   I have just about had it with personality profiling. All of them. From Myers-Briggs, to Insights, to the Enneagram, PDI, Horoscopes.
   
   What we are learning about human personality is that it is contextual. No one person is one way all the time.
   
   Those of you who love personality tests, especially those who are certified on them, will say that your model talks about how we need to be flexible and that this is an important aspect.
   
   Right. And if we need to flex, then we are not one way all the time.
   
   The problem is, as leaders, we put people in boxes. We create implicit biases around what people can and can not do based upon their level of introversion or extroversion. We judge, we label, we categorize, and way too often, we are dead wrong.

   
   According to Adam Grant, a leader in the psychology field out of the University of Pennsylvania, the statistical reliability and validity data around these assessments are just not strong enough to do with them the kinds of things organizations do.
   
   As coaches, we need to stop making judgments on personality and understand the context the person is. None of us is always a certain way. Let’s get in and coach people to understand more of what is at the root of what they are doing, not doing, or more likely doing, just not the way you want them too.
   

4. The person being coached is a robot
   
   Just because you run 24/7/365 and are always on, doesn’t mean everyone else is or that it is healthy. We have to start thinking more about corporate health, or better yet, the health of the people who work for us.
   
   How are you coaching your team to take better care of themselves?
   
   How are you modeling this behavior?
   
   If you give someone who already has a full place more to do, how are you helping them prioritize the work? They can not begin to know what is in your mind regarding how they should plan to deliver without your coaching and insights.
   
   Let’s remember that the people we are working with are just that: people.
   
   They have families and other communities outside of work. They have spouses, parents, and kids. They have all kinds of relationships they care about and care for. So, if someone on your team has a family member pass away, they are going to need time to mourn this loss. Just because they are back at work in 3 days (which is a travesty) doesn’t mean they are all the way back. If someone just got a diagnosis of liver cancer, for crying out loud, they are really not thinking about when they will have that report on your desk.
   
   Sure, you have a job to do. I get it. A lot of people are depending on you to drive results. But really, come on…just have a heart.
   

5. Your way is always the best way
   
   This one is a real mindset shift. It takes:
   

   1. Self-Awareness - Realize you don’t know what you don’t know. You might be really far removed from reality.

   2. Self-Regulation - Allow yourself the ability to think and not emotionally react.

   3. Humility - You don’t know everything so how can you get curious with others and develop a learn as we go frame of mind.

   4. Trust - Let them experiment with new and different ways and approaches.
      

   This really is about how you can create a learning organization, one that inspires people to creativity and innovation. At the very least, if there is a prescriptive way for them to work, be open to hearing other ideas on how the work could be done. People they will be more engaged if they know you want to hear their ideas.

As I reflect on this list, I realize it is very relationally focused.

That is because most of the time we hire smart, talented, skilled people who want to do a good job.

Therefore, it is the relationship with the leader that inhibits performance.

Humble thought.